Coaching Books

I read this book trying to understand some of the reasons I have so much fear in certain situations and, hopefully to overcome it. Did it work? Well, yes and no.

I read something profound in this book that told me I was the producer of anxiety. That it wasn't an illness that came and attacked me as a virus does, but that I generate it with my thoughts, which in turns produces imbalanced chemistry within my system. This clicked with me on so many levels and just knowing that helped me. It gave me encouragement.

There were some other really great insights in this book also. It's very well written and gives the reader a lot of hope that better days will come if you try hard enough. And I believe Dr. Luciani when he says it.

However, I am uncertain that there is a true "heart" to this book. If I had to summarize the main point of this book it would be this: You have the power to talk yourself and motivate yourself out of anxiety with the right thought patterns. Is the advice deep enough for a real meaningful change? I think it has the potential to be. Automatic negative thoughts are a huge problem for those of insecurity an low self-confidence, so the advice really is effective here.

Is this book helpful to those who are struggling with anxiety and depression? I would say emphatically "yes" and you should really read it. There is only good to be gotten from it. Will it be the ultimate solution to abolishing your severe anxiety/depression? I doubt it. But it could a great stepping stone to doing so.

I would give this book three and a half stars if I could - but since it only lets me use whole stars, I will tip the scale over to four. My summation of the book is this: It really is a worthwhile read with some effective advice.

I suffered from Generalized Anxiety Disorder ("the worry disease") with underlying depression which fuels the worry because i was convinced that I couldn't handle life if something bad happened. Everyone has an internal dialogue going on in their head all day long and the reason why people are anxious or depressed is they have thoughts about something scary or sad all day long. This book shows what fuels those thoughts (insecurity and eroded self-trust) and how to change your child-reflex (how you react to situations that make you anxious and depressed) and this isn't written by someone who just got out of college. Dr. Luciani has had years of experience and knows what he is talking about. And if you don't understand something he is more than happy to answer your questions personally in his "Ask Dr. Joe" forum on his website www.self-coaching.net

Suffering from severe depression is immobilizing, and only you can tell what you really need. The important thing is to get help and address it - just hoping for it to get better is a dangerous game. For me the thinking with this book was that it wouldn't hurt to try. I find the book's emphasis on the present versus what happened long ago helpful, but others may want to work through some old things. It has a definite focus on now, getting through the day, and living through some rough and debilitating emotional strongholds. Personally I prefer the down to earth and occasionally in your face tone to some of the "softer" depression books I've read. Having very practical and well-outlined tools to confront my depression/anxiety has been beneficial to me - and I also like the way the author reframes emotion based on context (anger, wanting to control, etc) to help the reader understand the roots of the negative feelings. Overall, really great book - main improvement would be having spiritual and Biblical helps as well.

I am not sure of how I came across this book, though I think it was an Amazon recommendation. It is indeed fascinating and I think a worthwhile read for anyone. It is premised upon the author's contention that ". . . anxiety and depression are merely habits--and all habits can be broken". In fact, Joseph J. Luciani's suggestions and program could be effectively applied to any life situation from anxiety and depression to improving your golf swing.

While Luciani's approach, at first blush, seems to have a lot in common with Albert Ellis's "cognitive therapy", it is significiantly different. Luciani is really much more oriented toward self-delivered life coaching through what he dubs "self-talk".

On its face, the approach is logical and, in fact, what most of us do normally when we feel in control of the situation. Luciani's point is that it is in those situations where we don't feel in control that self-talk is most important - and, frankly, he seems to have a point.

Luciani is certainly devoted to what he believes. He maintains a web site in support of the book where he freely dispenses advice (with appropriate disclaimers), but without trying to sell anything. Quite a guy and a very different approach to self-promotion.

Depressed, anxious or not, this is a very interesting book and worthy of your attention.

Jerry

I have social phobia and I've been on a hunt for the past few years for a natural treatment. I've tried herbs and supplements and nothing has worked. The last straw came when the supposed miracle supplement for anxiety-sufferers (magnesium) did nothing for me. Having read this book once before and not thinking anything of it, I decided I had no choice so I reread the book. I've learned that although the ideas in this book are great aids, they just won't work for someone in my position.

Self-coaching is simple. You've lived for years with negative thoughts that cause your anxiety. All you have to do is change them. First, you must seperate your thoughts into fact or fiction. Most often, you'll find that your anxious thoughts are silly. Then you must change your thoughts into something positive. This will change your mood completely. People with anxiety problems live in their mind rather than living in the moment. They process and think and process and think until their anxiety becomes hellish.

Self-coaching will and does work. Some may find it hard to believe but if you truly think about it, your anxiety is all in your mind. If you're having an anxious thought and you put on some music and sing along, you eventually lose that anxious thought because you're living in the moment. People with general anxiety will find the ideas in this book to be helpful.

Unfortunately, for someone like me who gets anxious "in the moment", self-coaching will not work. I get extremely anxious around other people. Whereas self-coaching may help when you're walking through a busy mall or anticipating a public speech, it doesn't work when, say, someone comes up to you and begins talking to you. Self-coaching does help when you're anticipating something anxious but it certainly doesn't work when something anxiety-worthy comes out of the blue.

I will use self-coaching in addition to medication. I do think this book is well written, motivating, and easy to understand but, unfortunately, it won't work for everyone.

Each page tries to squeeze in so much that you don't have room to write a whole lot of detail for a particular component. Looking back at how I've used it, it's convenient for scribbling down a quick recap of my workouts ie "5 mile run, tired towards the end", or a quick note on nutrition, "had lots of carbs before the run" or in the mind-body section "foul mood today but much better after my run". As others stated, there's not a whole lot of room for tracking your strength training. One thing to note that I happened to overlook when I ordered this log is that it is only good for 6 months and appears to be designed for reaching specifically laid out goals that are time/date achievement oriented. I probably won't repurchase but was still happy with it for the 6 months I've used it.

For someone who is a list maker and loves to check things off when they're completed, this book is for them! I am a list maker and I needed this to help get me motivated and to see in writing what I"ve done. Yes, you can do this yourself on an Excell spreadsheet or something but who has the time? I decided to just chuck up the money and get this and I'm glad I did...plenty of helpful tips too!

This book is just what I needed to keep me on track with my workouts. I like that I get to put more than just my exercise information. How I feel affects how I work out and it's nice to track that.

I ordered 3 of these and I've just finished with the third one. It worked pretty well for me at first, but eventually I started to run out of room in the strength training section. I could have done without all the extras. Each page has a paragraph at the top (Research Report, Quick Quiz, Training Trivia, Nutrition Nugget, etc.), which I never bothered to read. Also there are areas at the bottom of each page for "Mind-Body Notes", "Nutrition Notes" and "Daily Wrap Up". The "Nutrition Notes" section is so small that is really of no use for logging meals. I never entered anything in any of these sections. I would have preferred that all these extras were taken out and more lines were added in the strength training section. There isn't a place to write the actual date on each page either. I used the "Morning Info" box to write in my weight, but I never figured out what it or the "Daily Rating" boxes were actually for. Maybe I should have read the pages at the beginning of the book? I tore them out and tossed them right away to make the book lighter. I'm going to try the Body Minder log this time.

I like the idea of a workout log, but I guess I need more of a blank notebook. The pages in here are WAY TOO divvied up into sections that I don't think most people would use, myself included (see a look inside the book to see what I mean). I also don't like that the book is broken up into weeks and then each day because I don't work out everyday. I do like the little facts and pieces of info on the top of some pages.

Bottom line: A blank journal might be better for customization

Hard Work Pays Off

The story Junction Boys by Jim Dent is a book about a group of Aggies who need a new coach so they can get back to there winning ways. Texas A&M found the right man for the job. They hired the legendary coach Paul "Bear" Bryant. Bryant was in consecutive winning seasons with Kentucky before he decided to make the switch to A&M. When "Bear" arrived he was there for one reason and that was to win a championship. He figured the only way he could was to take the team to a town called Junction. On there way the team noticed that the ground was getting dryer and dryer. At the camp Bryant was in no mood for messing around. He was running the team more than ever. All the players were getting dehydrated, cramping, and even worse, quitting. The Bear didn't care that half the team was quitting as long as he could get a championship. After the dreading camp the team wasn't doing any better during the regular season. The first season the team only won one game. But the next two were the seasons to remember. "A terrific football book"- Tom Landry, former Dallas Cowboys football coach. Junction Boys was a great book about a very hard working team. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes the game of football. And if you're looking for any good book to read this would be a great choice. This book has it all, comedy and serious. This terrific book is the perfect book for a perfect football fan. There is also a movie about the Junction Boys starring Tom Beringer. The movie is a little different but is also a great football story. I recommend this book to anyone who loves the great game of football.

Read about the greatest football Coach of all times. Great read.

When Gene,"Bebes" Stallings was asked if he ever got tired of
talking about Junction,he said,"It's like an old fish story:The
more you tell it,the worse it gets." "The Junction Boys" could be
summed up as someone's idea of having a bad time at training camp.
The story starts with Bear Bryant's arrival in College Station in 1954,and concludes with his passing in 1983.In between,the Aggies go from the bottom of the ash heap,to the top of the
mountain.The individual stories of the boys,along with the
rich history of Texas A&M,make this a book for the ages.It's
the best sports book that I've read.

Excellent account of what playing football for Paul Bryant was like when he was possibly at his meanest. Frustrations from dealing with The University Of Kentucky's lack of support for their winning football program (which Bryant was responsible for) and the job of turning Texas A&M around at that time would have made ANYBODY a little edgy I think!! If you love football you will love this book!!!

"The Junction Boys" is about Texas A&M's 1954 summer football camp, run by the incoming coach (who eventually became a legend) Paul "Bear" Bryant.

While another reviewer mentioned that the Junction story is such an oft-told tale that nobody could shine any new light on it, I will mention that I did not grow up in the Deep South or in Texas and football was not religion in my household - so this story was rather new to me. What I discovered was that it still makes for an interesting tale, one in which a demanding new head coach runs his previously pampered charges ragged and forges a champion. It's the kind of tale that people love, but it isn't just that simple.

When Bryant gets hired to coach A&M's football program, he already has built a reputation for success as coach at Kentucky, so it's not as though he just dropped out of the blue. It is mentioned that Bryant often felt unappreciated at Kentucky, being overshadowed by Adolph Rupp and his basketball-playing Wildcats.

The Texas A&M football team in 1954 is something of a joke. Rich alumni manage to secure roster spots for their sons, whether they're decent football players or not, and the fact that A&M at the time was very nearly a military academy in the vein of the Citadel meant that most high school stars would rather play at other schools where the atmosphere was more conducive to fun and games.

Bryant changed all this when he brought his players to Junction, a small East Texas town in the middle of nowhere. Although it is summer, and undoubtedly hot, Junction's typical summer weather isn't blast-furnace dry. Unfortunately for the players, Junction has been in a drought and the landscape is barren, dusty, cactus-grown, and unbelievably hot. Still - Bryant (admittedly surprised at the poor locale for his training camp)decides to run his players to the point of exhaustion, nearly killing one of them (who never really recovers his health). While this certainly runs off the weak-willed and those who thought they would live the life of a pampered scholarship athlete, it also runs off a lot of the team's truly talented players as well. The 34 survivors tend to be those that simply couldn't afford the alternative. Seriously undermanned (even in that era of one-platoon football) A&M proceeds to lose all but one of their games. However, they are a gritty and resourceful bunch, and are competitive in most of their losses.

Two years later, Bryant's A&M team is the undefeated Southwest Conference champion. Only 8 players are left from the 34 who survived Junction, but they all share that common bond and the legacy formed from that hellish summer camp.

This book is one of my favorites. It seems to have been written with a big heart, in-depth knowledge of NBA basketball and good understanding of human behavior. The book shows how the writer has gotten over many challenges in his own life and I bet he will excel in whatever he puts his heart in. He has brought the world of practical spirituality into sports and dared to break boundaries of conventionality.
A great book!

Phil Jackson's depiction of his journey from childhood to professional basketball will be a delight even to the casual sports fan. Centered on his philosophy of unselfishness, Jackson successfully offers insight into the mindset of high stakes coaching enabling one to understand the progression of thought behind many of the tough decisions he made while winning Championships. Sacred Hoops will offer as a special bonus some insight into Michael Jordan's world from a perspective not offered by mainstream media.

I recommend this book to any casual sports fan and in particular to all basketball fans.

I am a big fan of Phil Jackson and his approach to the game of basketball. Sports for kids, is an introduction to life, and I really appreciate what Phil has to say. I have read this book numerous times and just now bought the audio book. If you are a coach of any sport, do yourself a favor and read this book!

Is this book a slam-dunk? It could be. I'm having a hard time rating this book 4 stars when it should have had 4.5 stars. This book could be rated more like Scottie Pippen than Michael Jordan to keep up with this book's terms.

The story about Phil Jackson and the Chicago Bulls is amazing. Any story written about it has the potential to reach Jordan heights. The story described by Phil Jackson makes it even more compelling.

Getting to know the insights about Jackson's training also gives insight about the man and his beliefs as Zen is unmistakenly connected to him. This is the only flaw within the book. Although he used it on his pupils and it worked on them, it does not always guarantee succes outside sports. Business is a different league.

If you're a sports lover just grab a copy of the book and read it. If you like to step up your own game DO try this at home, although success cannot be guaranteed.

Phil Jackson's philosophy on teamwork and leadership is based upon Native American and Buddhist principles. From his book these principles and spiritual lessons are brought to life and explained in a manner only a man like himself could do. He is trying to let people know lessons are taken from the lessons he has learned throughout his life as a basketball player and coach, but these lessons not only pertain to basketball, they can be used for anyone in order to increase the potential of the human spirit. Phil Jackson is a world-renowned player and coach of the NBA. He is now the coach of the Los Angeles Lakers and has won three NBA championships with them; however, he is most famous for leading the Chicago Bulls to 6 NBA championships with legendary players, such as, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, John Paxson, and many others. He has adopted the teachings of Eastern philosophies, like Buddhism, and received the nickname the "Zen Master" because of it. Phil Jackson has not only written Sacred Hoops, but several other virtuous books. Other books include Maverick, Take It All, More Than a Game, and The Last Season: a Team in Search for Its Soul. Jackson's inspirational messages are powerful and thought provoking and make the reader experience a sense that they are able to incorporate these teachings into their everyday lives, even if they do not play or watch the game of basketball. The methods he uses, for example, meditation, mindfulness, and visualization, and also quotes used from Zen Buddhism to Native American teachings help provide a new or improved outlook on their lives and help make them, as well as other people around them, better people. As Phil Jackson says, "Being aware is more important than being smart." Whether or not you are an athlete, student or just someone looking for inspirational insight this book is a terrific read.

THis book was very insightful, informative and interactive. The author's have made an amazing contribution to the world of coaching. The shipment service was excellent!

I am getting started in coaching, and this book was very helpful to me. I was impressed by the organized methodology, which was easy to follow and use. The methods used to guide thinking, taking action, and engaging in coaching conversations were supported by useful tools. Co-Active coaching techniques were highly useable .

If you are interested in learning more about coaching someone on how to have a fuller live and/or achieve their goals this is a great book for you. I also strongly recommend taking the Co-Active Coaching classes offered by the Coaches Training Institute. During each level of the classes I felt I had learned so much about coaching, myself and all of the wonderful folks in my classes that even if I wasn't studying to become a coach, this program was so well worth it.

The CD of the forms is a great help. Book came quickly and is just as the seller described.

Co-Active Coaching, 2nd Edition: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and, Life is an excellent resource and is being used as a text book in the class I am taking at Career Coach Academy. I highly recommend this book for the serious student of career coaching...

This book is full of motivational speeches and brand promotions, but light on actual training advice. As a former competitive swimmer, I noticed that some of the advice in that area was actually wrong, so I started wondering whether biking and running sections have errors too.

I really like this book. It is full of good stuff and the training is mapped out for fitness levels so well. This book proves that training for a triathlon doesn't require endless hours of strenous exercise or months of prep.

This book was more like a motivational speech rather than a how-to for training for a first triathlon. There are some helpful tips, such as a very general outline for weekly workouts, equipment you need to bring to the event, and an introduction to some triathlon training terminology. Other than that, it was mostly motivational fluff. A nice light read, this book is good for someone contemplating signing up for a race. However, if you've already signed up for, or completed, your first race, you're already beyond this book. I would look elsewhere to actually prepare for competition.

I used this for my first tri. Harr used a unique approach and asked about 40 questions to categorize your time availability and your current level of fitness. Then he had a program designed specifically to increase your stamina in each discipline. This book was great for learning the basics and understanding about building a 'base' and strengthening yourself. It was helpful for eating habits but should be supplemented with another source. It was recommended to me and I recommend it to my friends.

unfortunately, the magical transformation of the author into a competitive athlete is a unique event, not one that readers will replicate easily (or ever!), especially following the plans inside.

the author ignores the base building necessary to race the events. athletes need to train their musculoskeletal structure to take the abuse of workouts as much as they need to get their hearts up to speed. this is best done slowly and incrementally. i think if you have been a regular athlete for at least a year before using the plan in this book, you may be fine.

if you are beginning in any of the three sports, i'd advise another book to show the real process of developing the appropriate base needed to compete without injury. Look up the titles by Joe Friel for more complete information on how to structure a training plan.

This book was specifically recommended to me by a lifecoach I've been working with. Like many people I frequently get in my own way. I related to the idea of "Taming your Gremlin", believing that the gremlin is that part of my brain or habit that tells me what to do and what I had better not do all the time. The lifecoach calls it the Saboteur. This book explores the problem of our powerful and deeply internalized voices that tell us what we can and cannot do,what we do and don't deserve to have in our lives. This author is clear,direct and amusing in his approach. The book describes common situations and scenarios, offering advice and guided exercises. Illustrations, imagery and anecdotes are used to connect readers to concepts that might otherwise be somewhat abstract. I haven't completed the book or gone through all of the exercises yet but I plan to keep using it for a while. It is handy to pick up when you are anxious, stressed, feeling stuck or stymied by your own fears. It can definitely be helpful to increase awareness and offer simple and effective strategies to deal with these deeply ingrained thoughts and habits.

The voice that keeps you awake or wakes you up at 2am is that gremlin described. I have started using the taming technicques and wish I had learned how to notice, decide and choice options years ago.

I have read the book several times and keep going over the chapter on awareness. It is the most helpful information in the book and very practical. Mr. Carson presents the "gremlin" as a means to convey these ideas, so take it with a grain of salt.

In truth this book has led me to search for others on the same subject and as such has been tremendously valuable.

This is a great book for readers who are willing to engage in some potentially serious self exploration with a real sense of humor. In the end there is no right or wrong way to "do" self exploration. The important thing is that we do it.

Carson offers some excellent strategies, insights and suggestions for raising awareness around the self talk (Gremlin) that holds us back from achieving our full potential. I particularly enjoy and appreciate the reminders to simply observe our own process -- to remain mindful and in the current moment context.

Fun illustrations engage our childlike (and sometimes childish) desires to bring the Gremlin to life, encouraging curiosity, imagination and play while downgrading the potential power of the Gremlin itself.

This is definitely not for everyone, but as a coach the question I would ask is: what is it you are resisting and why? The information is solid and has the potential to be life changing. Sometimes that which we resist has the most to offer. And sometimes it just isn't a good match. Open the book and see what happens for you.

Rick Carson does a great job of providing a practical approach to managing one of the most common challenges for people of all ages and stations. If you are looking for detailed clinical case studies you will be disappointed with this book. On the other hand if you have a sense of humor, or did at one time, this book will entertain as well as inform you. When you apply the concepts to your own life you will be even more pleased.

The seller described the book accurately except for the smell. Someone at some point in time had marked out something on the inside cover with one of those industrial-strength black permanent markers (the ones that are one step above a Sharpie). It stank to high heaven. I had to get a razor blade and cut a rectangle of the paperback cover out because the smell was so bad. But otherwise the book was in fine condition.

A friend at work recommended this book and I have already learned so much from it. It is just a terrific resource from a novice to a more advanced runner. highly recommended, an easy read.

Great stuff - a workable, practical guide that will suit beginners and seasoned runners alike. A really worthwhile purchase and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to improve their running experience and remain injury-free.

Love Jeff Galloway's approach to training injury free. This book is great for all levels of running. I refer to it often.

I was very disappointed with this book. The information was outdated and the section on women's running was inaccurate.

This book is completely transforming my management force. My managers are more employee focused and the results are naturally falling in line. I highly reccommend it.

Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment should be the first stop on your path to better management of employees. The concepts presented in this book are prerequisites for manager training and I highly recommend all managers and supervisors to buy it and study it. Don't be put off by the fairy tale story line. It does a great job of teaching basic skills that most other books and programs fail to provide.

Not the issue I thought when ordered but still useful for general message of the ZAPP theroy

I used this in training sessions with my managers. Great book and worth reviewing/re-reading from time to time.

The reason I like this book is that it breaks many management and supervisory roles into very simple actions that create perfect coaching goals. As a Leadership Coach I am able to use samples of this book to assist in drawing a picture of the behaviours that we want our managers and supervisors to perform; (Much more fun than our current list of competencies.) The book is not quite as strong when discussing organizational change but it does demonstrate that all organizational change must start at the base of the organization with support from the Top. A simple read with great messages.

Unlike Steven Stosny's other book, Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One, which seemed to encourage victim mentality thinking, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It is very positive, and contains genuinely new insights that make you think. This book helps both man and woman understand the other better, and makes it possible for ordinary couples to find their way through difficult issues in their marriage in clever, pain-free ways. It explains why talking is such torture for so many husbands, and it also explains how many husbands inadvertently make their wife feel scared, etc. A really fascinating, very human book with a lot of good ideas and information that can help in the real world. See also Michele Weiner-Davis's Getting Through to the Man You Love: The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide for Women.

This product arrived in great condition and in a very timely manner. I'm excited to get started reading.

Just wanted to thank the author for sharing all the insights, concepts, and examples/situational cases included in the book. I have found a lot of wisdom and restored faith and hope in wanting to have a close relationship. I'm not married, nor in a relationship, but wanted to learn what it takes to have a happy, lasting marriage before I got myself into any significant relationship.

I have found the following things particularly helpful for me:

#. The title itself : there are more than a dozen books advocating that "communication" is most important in maintaining a good relationship, but contrary to this widespread notion, the author argues and proposes that it's "connection" that is most important. I agree with the author on this point because I think that although the broad meaning of communication includes non-verbal elements, mostly, it emphasizes language and verbal communication. Connection, on the other hand, can be demonstrated by small acts - and less likely to be misinterpreted by the other person. I don't know if this would apply to those who grew up with parents throwing things at each other; they may want to believe words are more important. I however come from a set of parents who every time trying to work out their conflicts with words, ended up in the deeper end, instead of fixing their differences. So it's good to know that relationships CAN be improved by something other than words!

#. Shame & Fear : I've read some books on recovery, spirituality, relationships, emotions, toxic parenting, boundary setting, Jewish marriages - and I do believe that two of those emotions that are most difficult to manage are Shame & Fear. Anger and Rage come a close second for me, but the most toxicity-enducing ones that I keep seeing in my own culture (South Korea) around me, and all those melodramatic soap-operas which I refuse to watch tend to be rooted in those two feelings. I think those two emotions are what keeps a lot of people drinking, isolated, and numb. Well, not necessariy the emotions being bad, but not knowing how to cope with these emotions... keeps you disempowered, powerless, and stuck in life.

#. "If you want connection, forget "feelings," think motivation" : the author goes on to suggest ways to get over those emotions, and "There are only three basic motivations, APPROACH / AVOID / ATTACK." I'm still reading this chapter, but there's stuff about amygdala and so on which I need to get through; it will require some quiet reading though...

#. "Contrary to popular belief, the most important of all attachment emotions is not love, it's compassion." This is what the author believes, and goes on to explain why this is so. I heartily agree with this statement, because I believe that often times, Love is a non-word for me. It's become too elusive, an umbrella-term for a lot of goodness, but then again, also often the word that has been used to keep people in denial about their own needs and self-care. It't just too loaded with baggage now. The meaning is no longer clear and specific to solve conflicts. It's become that fuzzy non-word.

I may have more to say, or perhaps disagree with, once I'm done with reading the entire text, but so far, I believe the book has far more goods to improve my understanding of how to have lasting intimacy, than bads. There is a chapter on Sex, and some diagrams on how a person with high sex drive functions, and how a person with low sex drive functions; but I don't know enough about these to comment.

Thank you Dr. Stosny - I'm glad I bought this book, and I'll keep reading it. I love the example you've included about a wedding gift "goblet" that comes with the following message:

"True love always has ups and downs. How you manage this normal ebb and flow will determine the course of your relationship. This gift is designed to help you through the low times. If and when you find yourself at a distance, at an impasse, in a bad place - no matter who is right or wrong, fill the glass, remember the love you share today, offer it to your partner, and your connection will be restored. Love and blessings, Pat."

I deeply value your work. With gratitude.

There may be a few kernels of truth to be had, but the overall effect this book has is negative, in my opinion. The vast majority of the book focuses on what is going wrong with the relationship and little attention is given to what can be done to improve the relationship, despite the title's promise. I found the idea that the shame/fear dynamic is driving all that is negative in male/female relationships to be very simplistic. While there are legitimate differences between men and women, I felt a great deal of negativity toward women in this book. I am a big believer in gender equality. Our society already handicaps men by training them to turn off their emotions. This book just gives men more permission to be out of touch. Then it stereotypes women negatively and makes several comments that imply that it would be an unfortunate thing to be a woman. There are much more worthwhile books available that will genuinely help to improve marriages by consistently reinforcing positive behaviors and thought patterns versus the negative aspects of many relationships. For example, saying that trips and dates can be detrimental to a relationship when the book is touting connection is hypocritical. Instead this could be reframed it in a positive light showing couples how to make the most of trips and dates, while making sure that it is understood that special outings are not necessary for a couple to feel connected. The day to day connections matter far more! I think this was their point, but again, it was framed in the negative. To anyone considering buying this book to improve their marriage, I would recommend that they keep shopping.

"Words hurt. Words destroy. Words can kill a relationship." ~ pg. 66

"how to improve your marriage without talking about it" is not about a lack of communication, it is about more effective communication and an understanding of how fear and shame factor into a healthy relationship. From the minute I read the first page, this book started to make perfect sense. This book has many stories of couples in trouble and in each case the authors show how the problem is not about communication it is about disconnection.

Since men feel worse when discussing problems and women feel better, how can both partners feel satisfied? The authors show ways that women can reduce the triggering of shame in men and they show men how to reduce the triggering of fear in women.

To begin the discussion the authors show how marriage problems are actually a result of conditioning as a child. Boys are taught to suppress emotions while girls are rewarded for being emotional. In their discussions of how children are raised they give some good advice for parenting.

There is a revealing list of ways to shame a man that helps women to realize what they are doing wrong when they do talk to a man. There is also some good advice on dealing with anger and resentment. This book encourages you to take an honest look at your life to see if you can make more time for your relationship.

Instead of talking, have more sex. Could it be that easy? At the end of the book there is a secret formula to create more love in your relationship. Throughout this book there are many insights that will nurture your relationship. I tried quite a few ideas and they all worked in my own relationship.

So if you are tired of talking and you want to find ways to connect that are less verbal then this book may help. In the end, you still have to have good communication skills to make a marriage work, but giving a hug is a lot better than criticizing or making a partner feel fear or shame. According to this book, talking about your problems just makes things worse. Compassion, love and a deeper understanding of your partner's vulnerabilities can make things better.

~The Rebecca Review