Death Care Books

Dying is not a problem: it is the process of dying that can be terrible> Dr. Stanley A. Terman's "The Best Way To Say Goodbye" is as good as anythig I read in being able to make better choices for the transition.

The content of this reference provides everything you need to know about voluntary refusal of food and fluid. I encourage readers to purchase a copy for themselves as well as family and friends because it is the most comprehensive of its kind! Dr. Terman's approach is solidified in knowledge of the subject matter and personal experience. I commend him on his ability to address such a sensitive and important topic in ways that help his audience feel at ease and at times entertained as they explore a legal peaceful way to say goodbye.
Stephanie Mason, MA, PsyD Candidate

This is an important and useful book, but it is not "The Best Way to Say Goodbye for Dummies." That doesn't mean it is not entertaining, which is surprising, given the subject matter. Yet for me, the best parts of the book were the excellent memoirs that made me feel spurred on to action. They motivated me to learn how to avoid using a distasteful plastic bag, for example, if someone like a suffering grandparent asked me how to hasten his or her dying. Clearly there is a more aesthetic and peaceful way to die.

I enjoyed the jokes; for instance, the one about the man who could not remember if the woman answered "Yes," or "No," to his marriage proposal. And the jokes were relevant to the author's message. Yet the average reader needs to remember that this is a "book-within-a-book," that many portions can be skipped by paying attention to the symbols, and that the reader need not worry about the references or glossary, unless interested. I understand Dr. Terman wanted to provide the comprehensive basis for Voluntary Refusal of Food and Fluid so that readers could bring the "text" to their physician, attorney, or psychologist -- who can check the original references.

Actually, the entire book should be required reading for any professional who deals with patients or relatives of patients who must cope with planning for how they want their lives to end.

Yet the book is so well organized that, if someone had a specific issue they needed information about, they could find it easily and pursue it in as much depth as they wish.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has anyone in this world that they love and care about, so that these loved ones are not left wondering what end-of-life decisions were wanted. This book is also for any person who wants to have control over their lives, not only when they live, but until their dying moment.

After my Grandpa's massive stroke he could not speak. Some family members argued he'd want 'to join' his recently deceased wife of 70 years and would not want to live so inactive. Yet others interpreted statements in his Living Will as wanting to live. I dreaded that a conflict was about to begin. We'd never go to court, like Terri Schiavo's family, but old feelings and different perspectives on what it means to provide care and reduce suffering could have divided our family. A crisis was impending. Then, we all read a story in this book, A Time To Be Sure, and discussed using its series of questions. On three occasions, Grandpa was consistent as he shook or nodded his head to indicate what he wanted: To my surprise, he wanted to continue tube feeding. All of us felt relief. We could be sure that we knew what he wanted, and we were all united to provide that. My Grandfather passed in August of 2007. This time he looked at his caregiver and she told him its okay to go if he is ready and he died then. Peacefully and the way he wanted. This is an amazing book that helps us when making decisions about death. I recommend everyone read it!

The Best Way to Say Goodbye: a Legal Peaceful Choice at the End of Life has some excellent information. However, the book is so redundant that its information is not useful. As a counselor and a professional geriatric care manager, it is not a book I would recommend.

Basically the book is an extensive exhortation to use starving and dehydrating as a way of ending your life. The author, a psychiatrist, actually tried the method himself for 4 days. Oddly, he was not bothered by hunger pangs or thirst. He spends most of the 450 pages justifying this method of dying, which he calls Voluntary Refusal of Food and Fluid. Whenever this method is mentioned in the book, it is typed in bold face, which gets annoying.

Refusing food and fluids may not be experienced as an easy death by patients to whom taste is a primary source of pleasure, other pleasures having been removed by the effects of their disease. The initial deprivation before onset of a coma could be psychologically painful. The author neglects to mention that Azotemia, a normal and comfortable biological reaction to lack of food and water, is well known by hospice workers for the sedating side effect on dying persons.

The book is poorly organized. The same topics come up in almost every chapter, and the author says the same thing over and over again. It would be more useful if there were 1/10 of the words and a comprehensive index, plus addendums on thirst-reducing aids, medications that can be taken other than with fluid, and possible legal complications. A short chapter on the various religious views would be helpful.

The book needs statistical data to support the statement that "Medicare will most likely be bankrupt years before Social Security." In today's political climate, that sort of absolute statement cries for explanation.

Despite its failings, the book does contain some excellent information that might be beneficial to families of patients with a terminal diagnosis. Dr Terman mentions the financial repercussions to families and the financial burden on Medicaid of keeping patients alive in a vegetative state for the years that it is medically possible. He notes that there is no good way to die, especially not from a progressive disease such as Alzheimer's or ALS. The legal difficulties with euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide are described, and the value of being as explicit as possible in your directive to physiciansis emphasized. There are helpful discussions on comfort care and the downside of tube feeding.

Dr. Terman shamelessly uses the text of this book to promote his novel on the same subject.

A Good Death by Chuck Meyer is a far better choice on this topic.

As a physician who trained at Maimonides Hospital in Brooklyn, I found this book enjoyable....but I knew many of the physicians mentioned and it was a mini-reunion. It is amazing that the actual names are used! It gave me a keen insight into the inner workings of hospital politics and the boardroom battles that I have never witnessed. To non-physicians, the book would be somewhat boring. I am glad that I read it, but it will not be too memorable. (Dr. Warshawsky's review was very favorable (5 stars), but he is a very kind person. I am more realistic/critical!)

I am the President & CEO of a PointOne Systems, a start-up healthcare IT company ([...]), and I found Julie Salamon's book Hospital a unique and interesting peak under the hospital sheets which are either tucked so tightly you can't see it or so chaotic you can't make sense of it. However, Ms. Salamon approached the subject of diversity, economics, healthcare and human nature into an easy to read but insightful glimpse at some of our most important American issues. I included a brief review and my own perspective on my executive blog ([...]/). I highly recommend this book.

Hospital is a true story: Julie Salomon spent a year being a pest around the hospital, talking to everybody and everyone, no restrictions besides not revealing patient names. She did a good job, but to anyone that has been working at hospitals, no big news: HMOs are really a pain, red tape increases and increases, physicians take home money is decreasing, personalities clash and some egos can't go inside the hospital, because they are bigger than the biggest door...Some hospitals are losing patients, patients are admited for less and less time and this is not always in their best interests. This is a good book to read if you are a hospital administrator or a young physician, still full of ideals. Mostly of those ideals will perish after fellowship anyway...

Takes what might have been a dry sociological study of a large Jewish-American metropolitan hospital and infuses it with life through well drawn vignettes of interns, executives, patients, physicians, nurses, hangers-on etc. A very moving and compelling document!

Goes on and on with background details of an endless parade of characters - I really don't know what useful point is served by the book, other than I would hate to work anywhere with a confusing multitude of languages and cultures.

Silent Grief by Clara Hinton

When the subject of miscarriage, or child loss of any type comes up; why do people just try and avoid talking about what happened? Doctors, friends, and even family that are supposed to be there through everything to support you can even seem to turn you away, only saying two words that break your heart, "I'm Sorry." When you need comfort and consoling more now than ever, it seems like you're left all alone to grieve by yourself.

Just looking to find a way to help mothers, fathers, or anyone who has suffered from child loss; Clara Hinton writes about her own experiences. Going from the pain of miscarriages to still birth and beyond, Ms. Hilton explains how to turn to God as he will always be there to comfort you when no one else seems to care.

I needed tissues while reading this book. I have also had a miscarriage and it tore me apart. I constantly blamed myself for not being able to carry the child and felt that I had let my husband down. It is just a part of the grieving period and now that I have read Silent Grief, I feel a little more at peace knowing that there have been people in the same situation. Blaming yourself and silently cursing God for the death of your child is natural actually, but if you continue to have faith in Him then your life will turn out as it should be.

Anyone man or woman, should read this book if you've suffered through child loss of any kind. It is written with hands of experience and love that can help you through one of the toughest times in your life. I honestly wish I had this book through my "dark time" as I call it because it would have helped me so much.
This book will remain on my keeper shelf and I will gladly recommend it to anyone that could use a friend in their time of need. Ms. Hinton gets 5 hearts and huge hugs from me!

I read this book because it was recommended by a well-respected family organization. This is the absolute worst book to read if you are in recovery from miscarriage. It goes way too much into graphic details of miscarriages themselves and after you get through all the "darkness" of the book - there is very little hope or encouragement offered or given. It did more to cause me to have to relive the pain again than heal the grief. I was so upset by this book I wrote the organization that recommended the book and requested the local bookstore I purchased it from take it off the shelf in fear of the damage it might do to someone else. It was obviously written by someone who had not yet healed from her own grief. There are much better books out there that will get you through miscarriages or loss of a child - the one that probably helped me the most was a book called Losing You Too Soon.

This book talks about all types of loss, from miscarriages to the death of a child. It is a very good book if you are looking for a general book on grief and loss. If you are looking for a book which main focus is about miscarriage, I would not recommend this book. Also at times the author does discuss faith and using faith to find your way through the darkness which is not for everyone.

This was required reading for a class I took. I was deeply moved by it. She shared her intermost feelings telling about her own grief and her own loss. She was also a guest speaker at this class. Clara Hinton is such a warm and caring person. Even if you haven't suffered the loss of a child this book can help you to help those that did. It made me cry, I truly had felt her loss. She really needs to go on the Oprah show.

It has been more than a year since my husband and I suffered a miscarriage after struggling with infertility. I was fortunate to have found the silent grief website and this book soon after this devastating experience. Those who have suffered an early pregnancy loss know that very few people begin to understand the pain, let alone, are able to comfort us. This book was the only one on the subject that healed my spirit. As someone who knows, first hand, the pain of pregnancy loss, Clara Hinton articulates so well all the feelings a mother experiences. Most importantly, this book will help you understand why others don't seem to share your pain, why your spouse will express grief differently, and how to cope through it all. If you have lost a child, this book is a must read. The author is a strong Christian woman; therefore, the book makes a lot of references to Scripture (a warning for those who don't share the Christian faith).

This is an essential primer for those who question the powers that be. It clearly shows the bad intentions of the present corrupt regime that is in power and the unbounded evil that underlies it residing in "science", "industry", "religion" and "education".A wide view of the picture, and very factual.

I recommend this book only with these caveats. Regardless of Horowitz's qualifications and meticulous references, this is still conspiracy lit, backed up by a mixture of conspiracy and mainstream sources. The reader can glean a lot of truth from this book about the man-made health hazards out there, but to swallow it all as true would not be smart. Unless Horowitz takes critical thinking more seriously, he'll never reach a wider audience. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. One example: the chapter on Bible code numerology. That kind of flakiness is what keeps conspiracy theory on the fringes.

The author is a Harvard grad, not a lunatic and his references are complete and real. This book is extremely researched and documented, both necessary to be credible considering what is discussed. The material presented is not what we are used to but cannot be denied. Things made more sense to me after reading this book, such as chemtrails, the fly sprayings in CA and the way the current government is manipulating the U.S. media following 9/11. After reading this book, I joined the NRA! America, stop having your head burried in the sand and wake up to what your government is REALLY up to before you loose your freedom to the "New World Order"

How many have a feeling that something is wrong? Something that you just can't put your finger on, but you know something is wrong.

Your sick, your spouse is sick, your kids have behavioral problems or they are sick, a close relative or friend is sick. Everyone knows someone with cancer and if your over 40 you cannot remember knowing anyone sick or having cancer when you were a kid.

What if someone was to offer proof that there is something wrong and there is a reason why we are all sick?

This book will stop you in your tracks and (if your not careful) make you think. Finally an explanation, so interesting and compelling I couldn't put it down. Didn't (and still don't) want to believe that something this sinister is occurring.

With the tenacity of a trained researcher, Dr. Horowitz has carefully constructed a framework of evidence, which, if only taken half seriously, provides plausible reasons surrounding the state of our world and health.

Writers who posit conspiracy theories are always fighting an
uphill battle, because at least in the US most people are satisfied
with their lives and don't really want to know the truth. After all,
it might make them question their reality, it might knock them a bit
out of their comfort zones. You can hear them saying, "why, that can't
be possible, these kinds of crimes couldn't be covered up." Thus
conspiracy researchers have to present an enormous amount of documentation
to be given any credibility at all. Yet once again, Dr.Horowitz is more
than up to this challenge.

Dr. Horowitz has contended for years that the main agenda of the
globalists, the New World Order crowd, is to reduce the population of
the planet by as much as 50%, and make money off of it at the same time.
Referring to fellow conspiracy researcher David Icke, Horowitz discusses
the NWO agenda in terms of the Hegelian dialectic, which is the
thesis/anti-thesis/synthesis accounting for history's evolution. In
today's world this is better termed "problem-reaction-solution." That is,
the people in power create a problem, which causes the public to demand
action, at which point the NWO rolls out their already conceived
"solution."

The sub-title of "Death In The Air" provides a good foundation
to summarize this long, but highly readable, incredibly well-documented
book: "Globalism, Terrorism, & Toxic Warfare." The globalists are of
course the money masters - Dr. Horowitz focuses on the Rockefellers,
who have clearly wielded enormous power, owning many of the largest
oil companies, but also either serving in government themselves, or
putting cronies like Henry Kissinger into the seats of power in both
government and business.

As for terrorism, Dr. Horowitz provides numerous examples of
intentional testing of chemical and biological substances on peoples
throughout the world. He always names names, and provides precise
dates and locations. For example, on p. 81 he discusses how the
CIA-funded Evergreen Helicopters sprayed millions of gallons of
chemicals both in the US and abroad. This form of government-sponsored
terrorism is often directed at minorities, and many Native Americans
in Arizona became seriously ill due to these intrusuions.

Another example of terrorism (and toxic warfare) thoroughly
documented in "Death In The Air" are the two infamous CIA mind-control
projects, MKULTRA and MKNAOMI. It is widely known that former Nazis were
brought to the US, having received no punishment for their heinous crimes,
to teach US intelligence officials the techniques they learned from their
torturings.

By far the bulk of "Death In The Air" is devoted to exposing the
NWO's toxic warfare campaign, ironically often termed "non-lethal"
only because that term actually means that "only" a smaller percentage
of death than "lethal" warfare occurs! Never mind the harm done. And
what Dr. Horowitz does better than any researcher I have ever read is
that he presents the best evidence of all when trying to prove that
viruses and diseases like AIDS are no accident at all: he prints the
actual contracts and other documents in black and white (you might need
some reading glasses though!), which show as clearly as possible
that companies have been paid to create diseases! While some might
claim that these contracts are only circumstantial evidence, it is
impossible, at least for me, to believe that contracts which precede
the outbreaks of diseases are just "accidents." As well Dr. Horowitz
often provides excellent links between documentation and the actual
onset of medical disasters.

I am only scratching the surface of the vast wealth of topics
discussed in "Death In The Air." Others worth mentioning are HAARP
and other electromagetic devices, Tesla technologies, West Nile Virus,
vaccinations, and DNA as a frequency generator itself. I do not totally
agree with Dr. Horowitz's tying the NWO to the Biblical apocalypse, but
I must admit that his discussion of vaccinations, Kissinger, and 666,
is credible.

I more than highly recommend this very clear, well-written,
amazing compilation!

As a nurse, I have some understanding of this nurse's concerns and tribulations because I share them. To someone who is not a nurse, or who doesn't work with critically ill patients, this book may have a lot of informational value - however, being familiar with the setting, I found it more repetitive than anything else. I think I was hoping to gain more positive insights and to be introduced to some kind of unique perspective. For me, the book fell short.

If you want to know what it's like to be a nurse in the ICU, this book is a MUST read!! As an RN in the States with 23 years experience in the ICU, this could have been my story too! I always imagined writing a book about my experience, now I don't have to! Thank You Tilda!! You are my Hero!

Shalof has a great writing style that keeps the reader engaged in even the smallest details.

I bought this for my sister, who will be graduating nursing school this year, as an addtional book to the one she actually wanted. This thought this was fabulous and thinks everyone who is going into nursing should read it. I will going into the nursing program next year so she lent it to me after she read it in one day.

I'm 7mo into my nursing career in a Pediatric Cardiac ICU. I'm at the point where the "honeymoon" is over. The charge nurse is giving me more difficult assignments and the senior nurses are expecting more from me. Most days its great, its nice knowing that the senior staff has the confidence in you to assign challenging pts. Other days... well its nice to read a book reminding you that this is our profession and even with the bad days, its wonderful. I loved this book, couldn't put it down. Several times when reading I just had to laugh out loud and say, "I've done that." or "I've felt that way."
After reading it, I bought six more copies and gave them away as gifts to some co-workers. Do yourself the favor and read this book...

This book is a gteat guide to structure conversation with loved ones about how THEY want us to be prepared for their death. I am starting to use the guidelines and forms to help ME figure out what I want. Many of my forty something friends are buying this book for their spouses AND their parents.

This is an extemely helpful as well as inspiring book. The writer has effectively combined the practical, ie. the necessary forms and tasks which I should complete now, as well as the inspiration to get me to do it. It also provides answers to many questions about how to go about doing those tasks no one wants to talk about. I found it highly readable. A few of the personal stories weren't so helpful, but overall I liked the wide range of personal experiences presented. The book is like a road map which presents many alternative routes and makes the fact of our dying a speakable subject.

My husband and I received this book from Pat Cochrane who had asked permission to use one of his poems called "Conections" in her book. He asked for a copy of her book in return for using the poem. It came at a most appropriate time: Phil has Parkinson's Disease and we have been discussing the end of life. Pat has clearly, matter-of- factly, intelligently set out the steps one needs to take to ensure that one's affairs are in order before your time is come - complete with all the necessary forms to fill out right in the book, including your epitaph and your obituary. An invaluable asset for all who wish to save their family unnecessary anguish.

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Is there a perfect book about dying, moving on, living your eulogy, etc?? Of course not because for each of us the experience is uniquley painful, uniquely life altering, and uniquely ours!! While I do not buy into every word of every chapter of this book, it is apparent that the author does not expect me to. It is for everyone, it is all encompassing and non-threatening. The beauty of this piece is that it works for Christians like myself, but also Jews, Muslims, agnostics, atheists. It truly touches the heart of the HUMAN experience of death without prejudice to certain religions and beliefs. For the reader who thought death and "warm fuzzzies" do not mix, she is right!! This book however does not attempt this combination. Death and loss are best faced relaxed, prepared, and educated. The author does all of these things. Agree with her or not, you WILL be better prepared for loss having read it. What better way to educate yourself and the ones you love!! Buy this book now!!

Sometimes it takes a life-altering event to make you question your own mortality. Too often we think of ourselves as invincible, but we are merely biding time here on earth.

Being prepared for the inevitable end of our lives is very important, and author Pat Cochran addresses this subject in her book, "Last Rights: Taking Care With Your Final Journey." This book is designed to help with the process of broaching the subject of death, and making the necessary preparations so that the decisions concerning final arrangements are in place when the time comes, making the grieving process easier for your surviving family members. Following the advice found in "Last Rights" will also help insure that your wishes are honored in the way you want to be remembered upon your death.

Cochran takes a gentle, non-threatening approach to the subject of dying. This book offers practical advice on end-of-life issues, such as estate and funeral planning, writing an obituary and eulogy, and how to write advance medical directives. She also liberally uses personal stories from others who have faced death with dignity. From these touching stories comes real-life lessons on how to take the necessary steps to depart from this life with dignity and grace.

There are specific chapters on how to write a will, how to engage a healthcare spokesman, how to plan your own memorial service, and even how to preplan your own funeral. The final sixty-nine pages contain examples of some of the important forms that might be used when the end of life is near.

Sprinkled among the stories and advice are meaningful quotes and poems that might be used in eulogies or remembrances. I was particularly touched by the sage wisdom found in the "Ten Truths About Grief."

This is not a gruesome or sad book in any way, but an uplifting and practical guide to something we all must face one day. There is a certain comfort that can be gained from knowing just how you will be remembered when you've passed. With "Last Rights," Pat Cochran has just made the journey a little easier.

Sharon Galligar Chance, Times Record News, Wichita Falls, Tx.

This is an outstanding personal memoir of the experiences of a combat surgeon during World War II. It was originally published in 1989 under the title "The Other Side of Time." I hope that this rereleased version achieves even greater recognition and acclaim than the original edition.

Brendan Phibbs has not compiled an amusing series of ribald war stories. If you are looking for something on the order of "M*A*S*H," you will be disappointed. Phibbs writes well and earnestly about what he witnessed as the American army pressed its way across occupied Europe. Given the poorly designed equipment, including inferior tanks, supplied to the American forces, it seems a minor miracle that the Allies succeeded in beating back the Nazis.

The memoir clearly chronicles the barbarism and cruelty that the author saw. It was a bloody, brutal and poorly managed affair. Whatever acts of heroism took place were a credit to the infantry soldiers doing a difficult job under impossible circumstances.

This book should be on the reading list of any college student fulfilling a liberal arts area requirement for history. Some wars are necessary despite what the peace activists chant and nothing brought this home to me more directly than when Phibbs describes conditions at a liberated concentration camp.

The survivors were emaciated skeletons, many of whom were dying of typhus, a medieval disease long thought to be eradicated in environments where basic sanitation prevailed. Lacking proper food to nourish the weakened prisoners who needed to regain their strength before eating solid nourishment, Phibbs improvises by using units of plasma to make a blood soup which the inmates could digest before succumbing to starvation.

Phibbs, who became a heart specialist when he returned to the States, writes concisely and without undue sentiment. He must have a received a superb education because he possesses a keen sense of history dating back to antiquity. While the book has some philosophical observations made by the doctor some forty plus years after the Battle of the Ardennes, but I do not find his contemporary musings to be a distraction.

I am grateful that a friend saw fit to lend his copy of the book to me when it was first published in a limited edition. It deserves a wide audience.

I have known Dr Phibbs for decades; he was one of my mentors in medical school and in my residency. He continues to practice cardiovascular diseases full-time, despite being 85 years old.

Many years ago, when Brendan first told me he was publishing a war memoir, I rolled my eyes: I had heard so many veterans make similar claims that I didn't believe it. I was quite amazed when I found a copy of his (then new) book in a local bookstore. Reading it, I knew immediately that this was Brendan; word for unvarnished word and clearly not the product of ghostwriting or extensive editorial reworking.

Several years later, after I left the University of Arizona and was faculty at the University of Washington Medical School, I invited Brendan to give a lecture to the housestaff about electrocardiograms, that being a favorite topic of his and one on which he is an expert. To my surprise, Brendan closed the lecture with a short talk on the responsibility of physicians to humanity in general and their own patients, in particular. He showed some slides he took during the war, including those from Dachau, the liberation of which he describes in his book. The gasps were audible and the silence was palpable. It was an unforgetable moment.

Later, Brendan gave a lecture at a restaurant sponsored by a drug company. Brendan has a long and consistent record of refusing funds from these companies and did so this time, too. In contradistinction to every other such lecture I've attended, the luminaries of the UW cardiology faculty turned out for this talk en masse: a fitting tribute to a great man.

Anyhow, this is a fine book by a fine human being. It's worth reading and remembering.

If James Joyce had lived in a different time, and been a young soldier in WWII, this is the memoir he might have written.

The style takes some getting used to, but it is worth it. Dr. Phibbs reaches out with the style to grab your mind and show you some of the absurdity and horror and insanity that he saw. And yet, there is humor, irreverance, and even some reminders of the democracy of the men on the line. We, who were not there, cannot fully "get it", but Phibbs lays a bass line down that picks us in our soul-strings and makes us think that maybe we do understand. Perhapse on a genetic level, given our species old love of violence, but there none the less.

This is one of the best war memoirs I have ever read. Of any war. No matter what you think about war and volunteer vs. reluctant soldier, you should read this.

The beginning of the book is compelling. It starts with a large German woman spitting on the body of a dead American soldier. One of the medics chases after her with a rolled up stretcher. Germans peering out from windows laugh when he hits her in the bottom. I roared as I read that.

The author hates authority, though he is a major in the Medical Corps. He loathes the rear echelon brass. He heaps scorn upon General Patton in particular. He writes that General Truscott made Patton back down in meetings. How does the author know that? Was he a witness?

That is the weakness of the book. It is half memoir, half philosophy. Nevertheless, it is compelling reading.

It certainly seems like I'm in the minority on this one, but I did not like this book at all. In fact, I still have not finished it, and may not. Its called a "Memoir of Life...", but I'd call it "My Philosophical Meanderings".

I've read a number of personal accounts of the war from a rifleman's perspective and really looked forward to hearing how a doctor performed under the rigors of combat, making life and death decisions and treating the wounded. There was almost none of this, probably less than 5% of the book.

So if you are looking for a first hand account of the combat experiences of a front line doctor and how he performed his duties, this is not the book for you.

Christine Longackers book was the first bbok on deatha nd dying I read when I was looking for help to better care for my patients. It was clear, that she spoke from personal experience and the way she offered her means comes from compassion and love for those who dealt with death on both sides of the bed.
I am deeply thankful to her

A book on how one can deal with death, for all kinds of people

My sister just died of cancer and spent her last 2 months in hospice care. This book served as my guidebook through the process, taught me how to let my sister go with peace and love and left me in a better state of mind afterwards. It seemed that each time I picked it up, I was at the exact chapter I needed at the time. The chapter where she writes from the viewpoint of the dying person is worth the cost of the book alone! It gave me so much insight into what my sister must be going through and helped to frame all of the rest of my time with her. Longaker's Tibetan Buddhist writing can be heavy going, but she makes her concepts applicable to many different faiths and uses many examples from these faiths throughout the book. The chapter on bereavement is also excellent, offering practical suggestsions based on her own experience (interesting that she uses that term, based on its genesis from the word "bereft," instead of "mourning"). For anyone who has to deal with someone who has faced a long-term disease which erodes the body, her touching poem "You Can Grow Less Beautiful" is so meaningful. In addition to helping readers to deal with the practical aspects of dealing with a loved one's death, she also focuses on how each of us can prepare every day for our own deaths (through meditation and letting go); it will probably take another reading for me to be able to focus on this area, but I look forward to doing so.

Who are the people suffering the most? The dying. And you and I will die. Our loved ones will die. And as Christine so brillantly points out, we still have a connection after our loved one's death. My cousin Pat is a virtual saint. She works with people who are dying. She is both a research scientist and a nurse. She has learned to put up with what we pour out when we are dying. Remember a time when you lost something that you very much wanted? The anger? Well, imagine the atomic bomb of rage that goes off when someone is apparently losing everything? I know! The body just drops off and the soul lives on. But the delusion of dying IS the same as death. Do you see what I mean? Unless we obtain a very advanced degree of spiritual understanding, you and I will feel that we are dying. We could also define death as the dropping off of the body. But since we so incredibly identify with our bodies, to us, when the body is dying - we are dying.

So let's take an agnostic's viewpoint on death. I think that is fair. As an agnostic, we can ask, "Is there life after death?" And the answer for an agnostic must be "I don't know". If you have read or studied "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoch (Longaker's teacher) you will have covered your bases, so to speak. And that and this book will help you with the dying, the dead, and the people who have died a long time ago. So it's a very pragmatic thing to do. Study what we know about death before it springs on us. Let us cover the book briefly.

PART 1: THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING AND DYING

This is a basic run-down about death. Don't worry. It's easy reading and gives us our first glmpse of what is essential. First, a good life (that leaves out me!) Secondly, that the thought at death is very important.

PART 2: THE FOUR TASKS OF LIVING AND DYING This is the main part of the book. This is the deep existentential part of the book. As ET said, "Be Good." But it's better for ET to have said, "Be good, especially when you are dying." Longaker gives you a tour through the process (see "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" which goes through this more extensively).

PART 3: Advice for Caregivers, Parents, and Survivors

This part is especially good for the person who has just had a loved one pass away.

EPILOGUE

Just that.

Now someone may have a loved one who just died or who is dying. The question may arise, "What can I do?" Order this book and the one I referred to just recently. But I'll give you something now until your books arrive. Be natural. Be you. Don't playact. You might even tell the person (calmly) that you're pissed off because they are dying! Isn't that what you would want me to do? Just don't start yelling. Okay? After the person has left their body, pray for them. For most of us, the Bible is the best. Longaker might disagree with me. Whatever they were brought up with. Torah, Koran, whatever. If they are a firm athiest, read them Bertrand Russel. No. Still do the Bible because they will see some action soon. THE HEARING GOES THE LAST. So don't be an idiot and start blabbing how gooey they look. I do know that the most important thing is for them to pray after they get out of the body. Be a chum. But not because the are DYING. But imagine your friend going down a deep dark tunnel alone? Read the books. Or at least this one. It's not really not my cup of tea. BUY THE BOOK. I like whiskey and women. Good Luck.

This book both inspired me and annoyed me. Some of its contents brought tears to my eyes, partly due to realising that my input into a dear friend's final year was more valuable than I had believed at the time.

The best thing about this book is Christine Longaker's ability to tell her own and others' stories about the highs and lows of the journey toward death. It is very honest about the pitfalls of having unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others when faced with mortality. The book is a useful guide for people of any cultural or religious background, despite the author's Buddhist beliefs.

The aspect of the book that frustrated me was the too-frequent repetition of some of the concepts set out in the book. This may be a reflection of the author's Buddhist background, as repetition is often used in Buddhist teachings to reinforce important points. This is only a minor gripe, as I too have Buddhist beliefs and have bought the book anyway, after having read a library copy.

Overall this is a compassionate and realistic overview of a spiritual approach to death and dying that is well worth the outlay. May we all have the determination to live well so that we can create the conditions to die well, which is so important both for us and for those who love us!

I found and purchased this book for my daughter in desperation, and to help myself, and I purchased more for everyone around us so that we could refer to it to help ourselves understand what we were experiencing in the loss of her daughter, my granddaughter. How could she and I understand all the horrendous emotions we were enduring, what was happening to us, in the face of overwhelming grief that we were suffering, and this book was of great help to us, it guided us through our emotions, so that we could identify what we were feeling. How could anyone be negative about this book I will never understand! This book was our guide and companion in our desperation. We knew where we were in the journey of grief and what to expect for all the months to follow. This book was our friend and it made us feel that we were not alone. I am a forever brokenhearted grandmother who will forever mourn the loss of my cherished granddaughter and who mourns for my bereaved daughter who will truly never recover from the loss of her beautiful 10 year old daughter.

I lost my 19 year old son in a motorcycle accident eight months ago. Since then I have read many books on bereavement and this book continues to be one of my favorites. Catherine M. Sanders is a psychologist specializing in bereavement. She has also lost a son of her own. This book is very well written, easy to understand. It not only addresses the phases of grief, it talks about emotions such as guilt and anger and how to deal with and understand it. it also discusses many other aspects of grief such as how families grieve, the affect on marriage, different child losses and how it affects grief. Towards the end she introduces tips on beginning to live once more, and makes many references to a Higher Power and spirituality. I read the first part of this book soon after losing my son, then waited and read the last few chapters recently. I wasn't ready to read about living again right away, and the ending will probably help me more later on. I will read the entire book again and again, it has been very helpful. It's positive and very compassionate. And to repeat what another reader accurately wrote: An excellent source for giving hope that you can rebuild your life. Highly recommended.

I lost my 20 year old son my only child in June 2004. This book has been very helpful to me in starting this journey that no parent should have to make. The book has helped to calm me and comfort me. This book has helped me to feel I am not alone at this tragic time.

This book was most unhelpful in dealing with my grief over the loss of my precious four-year-old daughter--my only child. The author states repeatedly that the only way to heal is to let go of your child completely, as well as all the dreams, hopes and anything else connected to your child. Wrong! This is just plain wrong. What a terrible thing to say to a bereaved parent. Our children's spirits live on and there is no reason to discard everything about them. Also, the book spends way too much time discussing the phases of grief. Why? So we can all be cookie-cuttered into nice little niches? And it spends way too much time telling us of all the things we gain when our child dies, things such as more compassion, greater flexibility and a better appreciation of life. This section of the book is just plain insulting to parents who have just lost the best thing in their lives. A bereaved parent gains NOTHING with the death of their child. I do not recommend this book to anyone.

Six weeks ago My three year old daughter died unexpectedly.I am having feelings I've never experienced before. This book helped me see that I am not alone in what I am going through. The real life stories of average people who shared their loses to make this book helped me to see that I am one of a group of many who share this common bond. We know a heartache what we would hope no-one else ever as to endure. We know what it is like to have our dreams wiped out in a single moment. This book is helping me to determine what to do next.

I am pleased to admit that Jay Vick is actually my doctor, and the way he writes in the book is very much like the way he talks in person. He's a great doctor. I think his book could have used a better editor, but it is certainly heartfelt and I encourage you to buy it - you will be helping an extremely nice guy. If you use the hospital in Honolulu that he works in, you will recognise this as a very thinly disguised roman à clef, and it will be even funnier to you. If you work in health care elsewhere, you will love his rants about topics like JCAHO and Medicare.

Poisoned Medicine: Love, Chaos, And The Death Of Health Care is a novel by Jay Vick about the slow but serious internal disintegration of America's health care system, and with it, the impending death knell of the world's economy. Vick draws upon his own real world experiences a practitioner of Internal Medicine in Honolulu for 23 years as well as his involvement on a board of directions for a large clinic and hospital to craft his dark, gripping account of a downward spiral of catastrophe and fear. Poisoned Medicine is one of those exceptional novels which are so easy to pick up and so difficult to put down.

If you've ever been confused,irritated,or just plain angry about the condition of today's medical system, you must read this book. Vick's witty prose lays bare the medical industry's laws, regulations, and profit-oriented structure to reveal how today's physicians must bob and weave in order to provide patients with the care they need. But even the best of those docs are becoming increasingly flogged by the system, and, as a result, many feel they have no choice but to leave their chosen profession.

Vick's observations about "alternative medicine" scams and the overbearing influence of insurance companies is especially insightful.

All this serious fodder is woven into an entertaining story that will keep you riveted. And what could be bad about a book set in Hawaii? It's paradise, after all. Oh - except for those pesky problems with the medical system.

This is well worth the read.

Poisoned Medicine is an enjoyable, breathtaking, hair-raising, globe-trotting adventure that hooks you from page 1. I read 100 pages in the first sitting. You'll love the characters and this novel will leave you wanting more of the same. I average reading two or three books per month and this one is the best I've seen in a long time. Buy the book, fasten your seat belt and enjoy the ride!

In "Poisoned Medicine, Love, Chaos, and the Death of Health Care," Jay Vick, pseudonym for a well known Honolulu physician, has written a delightfully entertaining and intelligent satirical novel about the parlous state of 21st Century medical practice, medical delivery systems, and shocking insurance excesses.

Like 18th Century satirist Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels" and "A Modest Proposal", Vick manages to keep his readers chuckling with heavy doses of gifted prose, sarcasm, and witty satire, all set in gorgeous locations including Hawaii's Na Pili Coast, southeast Asia, and a man-made Shangri-La featuring on-demand scenery from Star Trek.

Included are sex, surfing, and international intrigues of epic scales, "...nudeness in the first degree," (p. 10) and startling revelations, such as, a "super conducting super collider in Texas," (p. 18) and a diabolical scheme that "has turned patients into agents of the government...agents who have a financial incentive to trigger an investigation of their doc," (p.226).

Vick undoubtedly took note of the Irish satirist's 1745 last will and testament in which Swift provided funding and to establish "somewhere around Dublin a hospital for ideots & lunaticks because No Nation wanted it so much."

This is satire at its best by an erudite, wickedly skillful writer. Don't miss "Poisoned Medicine."