Death Care Books

Tiffany Christensen lives with cystic fibrosis and has had to endure two lung transplants. She is a fearless survivor and an inspiration to anyone who has to face the challenge of illness.

The subtitle of her book is "Lessons and Ponderings Along the Road to Acceptance" and Tiffany's work delivers on both promises. The book provides important information about navigating the medical system and hospitalization but it also contains personal experiences and reflections, giving it a depth rarely seen in books that discuss the health care system.

Tiffany shares her feelings, frustrations and especially her triumphs. Her accounts are honest and open and obviously based on decades of regular interaction with the system. This book is valuable not only to patients and their loved ones, but to doctors, nurses and hospital administrators. Health professionals will benefit to read about hospitalization and illness from the patient's perspective -
especially in such a real and moving chronicle.

You will enjoy this book and will reach the end with a new perspective on
life and serious illness. The book is unbelievably hopeful and an amazing gift to all of us.

This contains the essence of life. Tiffany has shared her insight into living with all the wonderful, pain filled, and caring experiences that happen when life moves toward and away from the end of what we understand.
This is a must for any one who cares for people nearing the end of this life and the transition to what is beyond. The most comforting part of the book is her lessons in how to live our lives with compassion and understanding for everyone around us. GREAT BOOK!

This was really a good book. Whether you are a person with an illness, a parent of someone who is ill, or a health care professional, this book offers valuable insights. As a nurse and also a parent of a small child with cystic fibrosis, this book was especially poignant. Also, having just been through two hospitalizations with two different children, I understand how important it is to advocate for yourself/child. I was very impressed with the authors insights.

K.

living with cystic fibrosis can be a very hard thing to deal with, believe me i know. everyone should read this book because its filled with very important life lessons you can only learn by having something like CF. this book is nothing less then amazing, though everything she's been put through in life this book is a good reminder to stay positive and to remember how wonderful every day really is. i will never be able to describe how remarkable this book is, best read in a VERY long time.

Tiffany tells her story and gives wonderful advice to patients and medics alike. I found myself highlighting so many insightful passages. So many people feel hopeless when they have trouble with their transplant. (I'm one of them.) Tiffany's endurance is an inspiration.

no matter the side you take in the persistent vegetative state, this book exposes you to the intricate details of life and death matters. William Colby is not only an outstanding lawyer but a great author. the book is detailed with facts and carries you into a world that we dont normally think about or decide to ignore: the world of legal matters concerning death and what happens if this is a personal matter. you'll learn a lot from this book aside from it being an interesting and engaging read!!!!!!!!!

I really am enjoying this book. Although I am reading it as an assignment, I believe I would have read it regardless.

Long Goodbye: The Deaths Of Nancy Cruzan by William H. Colby is the in-depth and true story of a judicial trial concerning Nancy Cruzan, a woman who was thrown from her vehicle and suffered horrific injuries. Since that tragic accident, Nancy has remained in a coma for five years, until her family abandoned hope for her revival and requested the removal of Nancy's feeding tube so her life could end peacefully. But the state intervened and denied the family's wishes. Thus began a extended legal battle began over who had the authority and the right to authorize the end of medical intervention with respect to a patient like Nancy. Long Goodbye is a profoundly emotional story of striving to do what one hopes is the right thing, in accordance with the wishes of those who cannot speak for themselves -- and the role of government to intrude into family and medical issues. This is a profoundly important issue that plays out in our hospitals and nursing homes every day. At the crux of the matter is the right to life, the right to die, and who has the final authority over a loved one caught up in a plight similar to Nancy Cruzan and her family.

Despite this book being written by the lawyer who represented the parents of Nancy Cruzan who wanted feeding apparatus to be withdrawn and thus to have Nancy die, this book presents the issues and the struggle fairly and even-handedly. This is shown in a way since after reading it I conclude the U.S Supreme Court's decision was right--in the circumstances shown the family could without monetary loss have permitted their child to not be starved to death. The account of the trial and of the appellate history of the case is absorbing and shows the author is an able lawyer, admirable in representing his clients. I have no hesitancy in saying if it had been my child I would not have gone to the efforts which Nancy's father went to in order to have his child die. But psychologically Nancy's parents wanted the living death to end and their lawyer was right to seek the relief his clients desired. An extraordinary book.

During my training as a chaplain at Baylor University Medical Center, it was considered part of the "dues" of training that one would take lots of being on-call at the hospital for handling of emergencies. To that end, there was a "call room" where a chaplain could catch a little sleep, while waiting. On one of those sleepless nights in the call room, I viewed a Frontline special on the story of Nancy Beth Cruzan. She was a young woman, fully alive, who, as a result of a terrible accident, would become a test case for end-of-life matters for years to come. After seeing that special, I was deeply touched by the need to convey what our wishes were for the ends of our lives.

The Nancy Beth Cruzan case took the better part of ten years before resolution. The lawyer who fought for her right to be disconnected from the feeding tube was William Colby, the author of this outstanding book. Those of us on the front lines of trying to help families prepare for the issues they will face at the end of life will find insight into the ramifications of that case, as well as grist for the mill of the work that we are doing.

Colby is a highly readable author (at times, I felt like I was reading a Grisham novel), the Cruzan's case is deeply compelling, the story is truly tragic, and readers will come away with an appreciation of the law and concepts that are involved in pursuing these matters. There are several important story lines running throughout this volume: There are the lawyers, one who pulls an unexpected punch; the politicians, aiming for re-election; the Cruzans, especially Nancy's father, Joe, a salt-of-the-earth laborer, broken to the core over the loss of his little girl; a common sense probate judge, just trying to do the right thing; and the right-to-life movement (with whom we generally have sympathy, but not in this case). Indeed, under the skillful telling of Mr. Colby, law itself becomes a character, fickle at times, inflexible at others, and, at the last, compassionate.

ElderHope heartily recommends this excellent book.

Dr. Attig's book is an important part of a paradigm shift in our thinking about grief. He has thrown open a door to new thinking about how we can continue to be in relationship to loved ones who are no longer alive. This book is eloguently written with the ring of truth from the lives of real people. An excellent addition to our knowlege and understanding of grief.

This is such an important book that it is required reading in my Introduction to Death and Dying course. It has valuable information, yet it is verty readable. It is presented as a very human book.

Dr. Thomas Attig's book, "The Heart of Grief: Death and the Search for Lasting Love," is an exceptional follow-up to his first book about grieving, "How We Grieve: Relearning the World." Each chapter of "Heart of Grief" begins with a real life situation involving the death of a person and the consequences of that death on those who are still living. His premise is that people who have passed away can still be an important and essential part of one's life. You don't have to get on with your life without them; you can get on with your life with them. Although there is an element of `advice' giving in "Heart of Grief," the book is much more story-telling. It's like a good novel-you can read it for the dramatization of some essential human truths. I recommend it highly.

I'm willing to bet that whoever wrote the editorial review for Publisher's Weekly (above) has never known the crushing agony of losing someone to death that s/he truly loved; or suffered the kind of pain that still drops you to your knees, years, even decades later, begging for mercy. The kind of anguish where you'd gladly give your own life just to make it stop. The kind you bear when you know they are never coming back and there is nothing you can do. I'm very happy for that reviewer. I hope he or she will never know it. But Heart of Grief must be read by those who understand all too well the overwhelming tidal wave of hopelessness that accompanies the loss of a loved one. Where Publisher's Weekly found this book simplistic, I found beauty in its quiet simplicity.

Being of a metaphysical sort, I've read just about all the reincarnation / life after death / love never dies / hypnotic regression / soul mates for eternity / communicating with the dead / type books. I've been spellbound by all of them and will probably continue to read them as they are published because it's a fascinating subject. Besides helping us to understand the process of dying and what comes after, these books pledge that we will someday be reunited. They all assure us that the deceased are still very much alive and well and with us daily, so there is no need to grieve. But they also often come with the stipulation that we must let go so that our loved ones can move forward, and because we want what is best for those we love, we attempt to suppress our grief, no matter how much it hurts us. While the theory seems reasonable, by trying to ignore our suffering, we compound it. We cannot stop the hurt just because we want to. It's not an electrical switch. It's not a water faucet. And it's just not that easy. Grief is complex, binding us with ropes so twisted we cannot seem to find the end that will untangle us.

Heart of Grief shows us that we do not have to let go, and in fact, encourages us not to. With compassion and a comforting voice, Thomas Attig sets forth practical ways to keep and strengthen the bonds of love with those who have died. I found it to be a very spiritually healing and uplifting book that has made a dent in my grief and a difference in my life.

On September 11, 2001, many sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters died. I lost my own son 10 years ago and since that time I have wondered what can really be of help to parents, or other grievers in learning to live with such loss. Now, more than ever, life seems so fragile in this world and the need for understanding grief as important as ever. It is so hard when grief is so great. Our fears of our own mortality spring to the front stage of our emotins nakedly exposed to others. I recently found Tom Attig's The Heart of Grief and it met me right where I was. Using his personal experiences of grieving people, Attig describes a process of learning to love in a new way. He recounts the stories of people's losses and provides a myriad of ways that grievers have found to continue loving the ones they have lost.
Of course, we do not stop loving or forget our loved one. Death does not end our relationshipwith the deceased, but it is different. They are forever gone from this life. Attig suggests that sometimes people fear that when they accept the loss it means they have stopped loving the deceased person. Many people, who are unable to let themselves feel the full impact of their loss, find themselves stuck in wishing for the past and the return of a loved one. Consequently, there can be no real acceptance of the loss. Attig emphaasizes the need to BE SAD because what has happened IS SO SAD. Feeling intense sadness scares many people, so Attig encourages us to find someone to accompany us on this journey, a spouse, a friend, or a professional.
Most importantly, Attig writes that if we do not fully accept and greive our loss, we may have difficulty ever loving again. It is only through acceptance of our losses that we can continue to love those who have died in a new way and to love those who are still with us and love us. The use of real peoples' stories of loss are inspirational and give hope. Attig provides numerous examples and possiblities of ways to learn to love anew. Whether you are grieving a loss yourself or know someone who is, this book is very readable, relateable, informative and comforting. We all will be grievers some day. I highly recommend this book. I has a permenant place of importance on my bookshelf.

One family's fight to reform the medical system is documented in this excellent, but gut-wrenching book. The author, Dorothy Cancilla, a bright and feisty woman, who learned the hard way how callous and incompetent some medical providers can be. Death by HMO documents her daughter Jennifer's eight years of painful illness that eventually led to a premature and avoidable death. Jennifer died four days before her 30th birthday.

I'm amazed at how much information and detail is compiled into this 132-page book. The reader gets an education on the human body, and the tragic errors made by doctors at every turn become very clear.

Jennifer's problems began with frequent abdominal pain and vomiting. While doctors debated about the cause of her suffering, she trusted her doctor who literally butchered her by removing her pancreas, instead of her gallbladder. Jennifer, who was somebody's mother, wife, daughter and sister, tried to live a normal life around many hospital stays and surgeries. Cancilla portrays her youngest daughter as heroic. Anyone reading this book will fall in love with Jennifer, but what pulls at my heart is Cancilla's loss--a mother's loss--that never goes away. She honors her daughter and family by writing this book.

People need to know what can happen to any of us once we put ourselves in someone else's hands. We must advocate for ourselves and our loved ones. We cannot assume that the doctor is always right. We have to keep in mind that the only body we have has to last us a lifetime. We are the ones who are affected by wrong decisions. Ultimately we must consider the medical professionals as part of our team. They are expert consultants and sometimes gifted surgeons. But even the most dedicated doctors are imperfect, not God-like. Even decent medical people may be cajoled into betraying their patients by the HMO who pays their salary.

Death by HMO will surprise and dismay you. But you will be inspired by the courage of Dorothy Cancilla and her family. This story has all the elements for a great movie.

> This is a very well written and documented story of a family trying to get professional medical care for their daughter (Jenny) at Kaiser Hospital...

> Jenny's family took it for granted that all Hospitals were "100% Dedicated at Maintaining a Very High Standard and keeping all of their patients in Excellent Health"...

> Without going into detail their daughter who was in her early 20's had a medical condition that seemed to be getting worse...

> This family was in for a Rude Awakening when they took Jenny to Kaiser Hospital to be diagnosed and treated...

> What they found out is that Kaiser Hospital did not want acknowledge or admit anything was wrong with "Jenny" and Refused to provide the Correct Diagnostic Tests that "would or would not" verify that she had medical condition that needed treated ASAP...

> Jenny's family spent the next "8" years trying to have their daughter Correctly Diagnosed and Treated at Kaiser Hospital with the end result being that the only thing "this hospital" had to offer them were Lies, Deception and Denial by repeatedly telling them that their daughter "did not" have any medical problems at all...

> What was found out later in Court by Professional Medical Experts and Doctors was that Jenny was provided with "100% Extreme Sub-Standard Medical Care" at "this HMO" starting with her very first visit...

> To put it simply: This young lady could have been Diagnosed - Treated and Cured by the Lowest 10% of the Graduates fresh out of Medical School because as it turned out Jenny had an Elementary Medical Condition that could have been Easily Diagnosed and Cured with Proper Professional Treatment...

> After Eight Years of "Extreme Sub-Standard Medical Care" at Kaiser Hospital and combined with Six Un-Needed Operations: Jenny Died a Horrible Death at the young age of "29 Years Old"...

***** THE FOLLOWING IS WHAT "YOU WILL LEARN FROM THIS EXCELLENT BOOK":

#1 The Red Flags that will tell You to change Doctors or Staff and get an Outside Second Opinion...

#2 To be able to Locate the "Many Great Doctors" that are available at Kaiser Hospital...

#3 To Understand the Fact that you have Zero-Support from some HMO's...

#4 I know that it is a "Known Fact" that there are some "Doctors and Staff" at "This Hospital" who Do Not care at all if you Die or Severely Damaged by their Major or Minor Medical Malpractice Mistakes and they will do nothing at all to save you - Rather than admit they made a Serious
Mistake and Save You - They will keep this a Complete Secret...

#5 Also Keep in Mind that there are "Many Great Doctors and Staff" at Kaiser who have Perfomed Miracles and saved patients who had almost no chance at all of Surviving and / or perfomed Incredibly Complicated Operations or Treatments with Fantastic Results...

#6 It is a "Known Fact" that some very "Unqualified Doctors or Staff" at Kaiser who will: Lie, Destroy and / or Lose Critical Medical Records, XRAYS, Radiology Reports, Dr's & Nurse's Notes, and any Info. that would Show or Prove they Commited a Major or Minor Malpractice Mistake that Killed or Severely Injured You...

#7 You may think so but you WILL NOT get any Support from "Some" Outside Medical "Watchdog" groups that you are told watches out for Sub-Standard Medical Care - This gives some people a Job to get Paid to Do Nothing and they are paid by you the tax-payer...

#8 The Exception to #7 is MEDICARE - "They do an EXCEPTIONAL JOB" at making sure you are OK... >>> BUT YOU HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR THE RED FLAGS
YOURSELF BEFORE IT IS TO LATE...

#9 Before it is to late this HMO will have to Re-Evaluate their Game-Plan and put their Members & Patients in Priority Position #1... Income and Profits should be Priority Position #2... And #3 Should be to Weed-Out Any and All Unqualified Employees and Staff and hire Only Qualified and Professional Employee's who Desire to be the "Best of th Best" in the Kaiser Hospital System...

#10 If I had to make an Evaluation of the Kaiser Hospital HMO at this time after reading this excellent book and also being a past member of this this HMO - The Words that Clearly come to Mind Are:
***** THIS HAS TO BE THE MEDICAL SCAM of the CENTURY *****...

If Denzel Washington Touched Your Heart in The New Movie "John Q" Than read.....Jennifer's Story...DEATH BY HMO...A Real Life Tragedy.

This book is much much more than one which relays the horrible medical treatment that Jennifer received "While In The Hands of Kaiser" which resulted in her death.

This book is also about an organization that is more concerned about profit and image than the lives of any of it's patients. They will lie, they will trick, they will deny care in any manner possible until it is too late to save the patient if a patient is no longer profitable to them in the long run.

President Nixon when he was considering allowing the creation of the HMO Act was advised by Mr. John D. Ehrlichman who had received information on how Kaiser is run from the then CEO of Kaiser - Edgar Kaiser. Mr. Erlichman stated "...the less care they give them, the more money they make" and that just about sums up everything about this company.

Jennifer was tortured and abused by this corporation and like countless others she and her family found the inconceivable taking place right before their eyes. Medical personnel were not performing their prescribed duties in a professional nor competent manner. The medical staff with their conduct appeared to be a bunch of bumbling fools.

The Kaiser system is intentionally set up so that the patient and their family will choose to believe that a series of errors or incomptent events is taking place. These are really premeditated actions by a corporation that has put in place a system intentionlly fraught with systemic problems to delay treatment until the patient goes away one way or another.

For anyone that would question that statement how else can you explain how a doctor that goes to school for a decade to learn to be a physician and then passes a test to get a license could be so clueless over and over again.

It simply costs Kaiser less to settle an arbitration than it would to provide proper medical care in the long run.

Jennifer's family should be praised. They had the courage, the fortitude and the belief in themselves to put aside their pain and to focus their thoughts so that the public would have the opportunity to learn and avoid the never ending nightmare that they were all forced to endure by Kaiser and the for profit Permanente Medical Group.

This book is must reading for all people. If you must do business with Kaiser then at least be aware of what their business practices are so you can avoid the eternal suffering that Jennifers family must go through.

Jennifer's death was not in vain. She has lived on in this book to tell the story of what happened and to light the way for those that will listen.

This is a very disturbing indictment of modern health care. Dorothy Cancilla exhibits an extraordinary amount of restraint in recalling the preventable death of her daughter at the hands of inept doctors and an unforgiving system.

It's ironic that a organization whose charter is to maintain people's health can actually compromise their lives when the bottom line might be in jeopardy.

Kudos to Mrs. Cancilla for having the courage to face her demons by sharing them with others.

This is a must read. A fascinating, gripping story filled with life lessons. The Nakatanis are honoring their children with their display of brutal honesty and courage!
As a parent of a gay child, as someone who also grew up in Hawaii, the emotions of the Nakatanis are not unlike emotions that many parents in small town America might feel when their children disclose their sexual orientation. Although the American public's awareness of the diversity of sexuality is increasing rapidly, unfortunately, that knowledge is not widespread.

Can anyone describe this book in just one word? I know I definitely can't! I'm a psychology student and we used Honor Thy Children in the human sexuality class as a secondary text. Reading it was one of the most difficult yet most rewarding experiences in my life. It is as wonderful as Tuesdays With Morrie, another book of the same genre, incredibly touching and had me laughing uncontrollably at some moments and crying with wrenching sobs the next. This book is incredible and reaches to everyone who has ever lived through a death of a loved one, familial problems or questions about sexual orientation. I feel honoured to have the opportunity to meet the Nakatani's in the next few weeks and share our thoughts.

This story hit home for me. We like to believe we are so accepting in this society and that we always do what is best for our children. This story takes place in very recent history. The familiarity of the setting was profound for me.I graduated the same year as Guy Nakatani and went to the neighboring high school. A lot of my friends say they knew him. I didn't . Even in 1986, in San Jose, it was not acceptable to be gay. Most of us didn't discuss it, if we did we made fun of people. Looking back, I can see that a lot of mistakes were made out of ignorance. As a new parent myself, my heart will always be with Jane and Al. I was so proud of this family for sharing their story with all of us who needed to hear it. And an extra thanks to Molly Fumia for bringing it to us.

I first picked up this book almost by accident at a bargin bookstore in the mall one day

I read the cover and was curious why it said honor thy children and what were the stories behind the people on the cover

ThenI sat down and read it , and I was moved to tears!!

It gives a moving yet brutal picture about a family's stuggles. I can even imagine how devastating it would be to loose all 3 children

What makes this book so interesting is that is is told from the point of veiw of the parents that last surviving child guy and the author and all 3 points of view sucks you into their world their joys and thier pain.

It also eduacated me about AIds, and aids prevention not only in practices but in mindset

As a young woman who is in the era of the Aids epidemic this book as shown me the importance of holding your own life scared and to protect oneself from this disease by becoming informed

I am apart of my colleges gay straight alliance and my first instinct from reading this book is that I have to donate it to the library because is wass too sad for me personally to read again , but if someone else could get what I got from this book then that would be great

The book also gives a look about the 2 gay son's different views on being gay men, and how that realization changes thier lives forever

I suggest that you read this book because this is a true life real glimps of am american family and what they go thorugh as human beings, it will move the unmovable , inform us about other people, and touch us

It's been said: "There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back."

Al and Jane Nakatani have turned their hearts inside out for the world to see...and Molly Fumia, as their story's conduit, treats those hearts with the tenderest, utmost respect. I find it difficult to convey how deeply moved I am by the infinite losses this family has suffered, and by the love and blessings that they have chosen to offer the world out of their broken-open hearts. *Please* read this book, and follow its most courageous lead: Honour your children, whoever they may be!

We live in a life-care community. I shall try to give this book to our health care center activities person, and to anyone I know who is having difficulties with dementia in a loved one, as well as to the active clergy of our acquaintance. The point Hill makes--requesting equal rights for the demented dying as for those who are in full possession of their mental faculties--is one that had never occurred to me before I read this book. I kept thinking (naturally) of my own mother, who for at least six months, and perhaps longer, didn't know anyone, and who seemed not to have anything at all to "get off her chest." Hill's entertaining (yes, it is) story of her wonderfully eccentric and charming parent made it clear that no matter what is happening, the person it's happening to is still somehow the same as in years past, at least enough so that it is cruel to ignore his or her need for expression. Whether there are old wounds to heal or bridges to mend is really secondary. Read this lovely essay and learn!

This is the most moving memoir I have ever read. The intimacy Sheridan Hill shares with her readers and close attention to details is breath taking. I could not put it down. Astonishing and simply beautiful.

This is a must read for the hospice community and the families they serve.

I could not put this book down, so real, taking us to that uncharted territory, the death of our mother. How do we stay present, how do we understand our relationship, how do we face death and find life?
Sheridan Hill tells her story with such detail and honesty. I am no longer afraid of death, for my parents or myself after reading this book.

Refreshing for the heart -- as eternal family values wait til the end of one's life to come to light. I want my siblings to read this. How I wish I had had time with my own mother before her passing!

I'm one of the "baby boom" generation, we who once shouted "never trust anyone over twenty-five!" And now we are in our forties, fifties, and sixties, often facing alone the crisis of the death of a parent or loved one. Our culture has ill prepared us for this passage, a society that dwells on youth and so carefully hides away death. I lost both of my parents several years back and only wish I had first read Ms. Hill's book, it would have served as a guide, and reaffirmed as well the rightness of decisions I made for the sake of my mother and father. It is not a book about death, it is a book about living and sharing to the fullest one's final journey with a parent.

I will freely admit I wept repeatedly as I read Ms. Hill's beautifully crafted tome which honors and celebrates her mother's final months. Reading it made me realize that so much of what I experienced was valid, that I was not alone in my feelings and gave me new and hopeful insights into my own life and the spiritual journey of my mother and father.

If you just read these reviews and do not buy the book, please heed her advice from this reviewer. Listen to your parents now, talk with them, share and recall all the moments, good and bad, and fight with all your passion to insure their time of passage is a time that is respectful of their dignity. Though I do hope you purchase this work even though the subject might be the last one on your mind at this moment. For someday it will occupy your life front and center and Ms. Hill is a guide you can turn to and trust.

Marie de Hennezel sits on the beds of hospice patients, holds their hands, touches the painful places, and even rocks them while they have their bandages changed or cry from grief. This hospice psychologist is as comfortable with touch as with silence. She doesn't shy away from murmuring endearments. She seems to know the most helpful and comforting words to say.

I loved each story, including de Hennezel's struggle with her 86-year old father's suicide and her friendship with French president Francois Mitterand, who visited her palliative care unit to see the peaceful ways in which people can die when given proper pain control and compassionate psychological support. When Mitterand was diagnosed with cancer, he asked for her. So would I!

This 1997 book is heartfelt and informative. It is almost as good as the new book From the Start Consider the Finish: A Guide to Excellent End of Life Care, written by a mother-daughter hospice team Susan Dolan and Audrey Vizzard. This little gem contains practical information, engaging stories, and unexpected humor.

Both books show that a good death is not necessarily a quick one with as little suffering or consciousness as possible. The dying process can involve immense personal growth, precious transformation, and deep spiritual peace.

Marie de Hennezel was born in the same year I was, 1946. I would love to meet this extraordinary death doula before I die.

Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., author of Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully - A Journey with Cancer and Beyond

An essential book for anyone involved in caring for a person who is terminally ill. Enormously human, helpful, inspiring.

The subtitle "how the dying teach us how to live",
had a unusually specific meaning for me.

As I watched my emotional response and empathy to the conversations
between Hennezel and terminally ill patients, I began to notice how many
patients wanted to die earlier, not later, until, that is, their
conversation with Hennezel. And, in each case, the patient was glad to
have lived another few days or weeks because, during the conversation,
they had resolved some outstanding issues about their lives. As Hennezel
helped them attend to unfinished business, I realized how much unfinished
business I have myself. Or, put another way, I see the backlog of
things-I-had-hoped-to-do (manifested in stuffed filing cabinets, cluttered
workshop and storage areas, relationships, shelves of dusty books,
financial legal issues, ... and all forms of hoarding) as well as
relationships from the past that need attention through the lens
of "unfinished business."

My life expectancy is a decade or two but this small volume, Intimate
Death, awakened me to the potential value of attending to the backlog of
all the agendas that had been postponed before retirement. In practice,
this means that I demand that most of my time be spent in stuff I had
been postponing for years and, like Hennezel's patients, I feel
so much better, even moments of serenity, when I attend to "my stuff."

I can open the volume to any pages and within minutes I'm teary eyed.
It's the depth of my emotional responses to the moving conversations that
keeps me on my new track. I dare not read the whole book in one setting
-- perhaps 10 pages/week keeps me moving on this new path.

I keep wanting to buy a crate of these books and hand them out on the
street corner but I realize that issues surrounding death is not for everyone.

My sister and I are caring for her husband at home. He has only a few more days to live. The hospice people are great, but they could not tell us what this book has told us about what to expect now at the end of his life. It has been tremendously helpful for both of us to read this book. I will be buying copies for many people and organizations in the coming years.

a gift from zoey's teacher who became my friend, this book is a strange comfort. subtitled "how the dying teach us how to live", i contemplate the daily journey and choice of work for Marie de Hennezel, the author. She accompanies the dying through setting up palliative care units in France. She accompanies the president and the poor. She tells tender stories of sitting by the side of the dying, offering them a trained stranger's comfort for the truth telling that seems too hard to bear by loved ones. She tells a cutting truth--not devoid of emotion, but certainly not overly emotional. Her life of accompaniment is a series of acts of fact. She recounts them. In her final sentence, she tells her community of readers of her longing to share her discovery of final intimacies as a revelatory exercise in celebrating humanity. It is a moving tribute to herself and those she had accompanied--this book of simple truth telling. She is unabashed as she recounts her involvement in the dying of strangers who become blessed friends. She mentions her children once or twice, her husband only in passing, and it is clear there is either a profound separation between her private life and her work, or that, more likely, her work, the sole subject of this book, is also overshadowing and compelling, perhaps to the detriment of her motherhood and marriage. what a wretched thing to suppose? me, a supposed feminist, reading between the lines to note the intimacy with strangers and the neglect of her family? how dare i? and yet, i am left with that feeling: she is good at her work, but what about her life?

it took me some time to get through this book--and i guess that's the thing about grief. it matters not that other people die, until there is room to see past the death of one's own loved one. and then, there is the invitation to the wider human condition. of course everyone dies. of course many die unaccompanied. of course many, who attend to the deaths of others, cannot, somehow, face the death of their own loved ones. of course. of course. the egoistic centrality of one's own pain makes it difficult to make room for anyone else's. and yet, when i did wade deeper into the water of this book, i was called closer to the moments of "real life" that marie accompanies. like the author, my future work choices may invite a deeper contemplation of what i could and couldn't do for my own father as he faced his final moments. like every poet, i am somewhat fascinated by what it all comes down to, what it means and where we go. like every playwright, i am interested in the untold stories of others and how marie reveals to her readers, that those she accompanies are often unable to go on, until they tell that story to someone else.

for her story, i am grateful to marie de hennezel. for her work, countless others have been moved, touched & inspired.

This book is great as a resource for anyone who helps victims of abuse. It should be a resource in every church. This book is also a valuable tool for any sufferer of abuse seeking help.

This book is helpful for healing abuse victims of any age, but also is helpful in preventing abuse. Verbal abuse is addressed as well as physical abuse. It describes warning signs of potential abusers and has sample forms to screen future employees that will be around children.

This book is an outstanding resource for understanding what abuse is and the steps required to overcome abuse through faith and forgiveness. I purchased the Mending the Soul Workbook that goes along with this book from the Mending the Soul website.

This book has been and will continue to be, a very helpful resource for me to use on my own road to healing.

I highly recommend this book.

I am a Christian survivor of incest. I have read many books on dealing with and healing incest issues. This is the first book I have read that presents material for Christians, and it has had a profound effect on the issues I have faced. Not only does it address the nature of abuse, it also addresses the aftereffects of abuse: shame and powerlessness. In my opinion, the most important section of the book is The Healing Path. It gave me hope and explained the steps needed for the survivor to know God can indeed heal the soul.Other books address the mental and emotional aftereffects of incest. This book addresses the most important part of abuse: the damage it does to the soul. As a believer in God, it gave me a path to follow to heal my soul. For anyone raised in a church and felt abandoned by God because of incest, this is a must read.

This book really helped me to view forgiveness & reconcilliation from a true biblical perspective. Joe in the previous review states it so clearly & logically, especially in the last paragraph of his review. I think we can unintentionally draw people towards us that continue this cycle of emotional abuse. By abandonment, betrayal, lies or avoidance which can be the most difficult to overcome. With any abuse or negative issue in life, our self-esteem can take quite a hit,it also makes us feel if we are not forgiven or loved by someone & how can God love or forgive us? that's why the recovery is such a challenge & this book deals with this healing process, moving forward & growing in Godly love.A very insightful encouraging positive biblicaly based book that deals directly with many of lifes challenges, especially the very common emotional abuse so many of us have experienced.I highly recommend this book.

This book has helped my wife and her sister ....their Mom has been in the hospital for over 4 months...with emphysema,
COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and a fungus in her lungs...this book helped us know that it is OK to let others help with her care..and for us not to be stressed out all the time. I love reading the stories of the aging..and how important it is to listen to them as well...but take care of yourself and your family too,so we all don't get burn out.

This book is a great resource for me as a first time caregiver. The author interviewed quite a number of seniors for this book to get their impressions and experience on care receiving and caregiving. I like the way Cheryl Kuba emphasizes that we need to respect our seniors and their wants and needs as much as possible. I would give this book to anyone who has no clue as to how to take care of an older declining senior.

Many books discuss caring for one's aging parents - but here's a twist: a discussion on the topic from the parents' perspective. Interviews with aging people discuss common care-giver mistakes, misinterpretations, and issues, explaining emotional and financial issues and myths. At the heart of discussions are the title's focus: NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY OF AGING PARENTS: WHAT CARE RECEIVERS WANT. It's a perspective all caregivers should consider.

Diane C. Donovan
California Bookwatch

Seems as tho Cheryl captured life experiences in research, in the families interviewed with real life stories of how these people just seemed to age suddenly, as their health was diminishing before their eyes. Her stories reflect the true style of living, aging, caring and where to seek help for the parents and caregivers as well. We all have to partake as caregivers during our lifetime, in one way or another. It is written...

If, 18 years ago, I had been able to find the practical, care receiver information Navigating the Journey of Aging Parents provides we could have enjoyed my mother's last years. Instead we battled. Cheryl Kuba presents not only the what but also the why and how of humane and loving caregiving.
The book is organized as the need for caregiving progresses. There is a beginnning and an end. The problems and fears are explained from the seniors' points of view. The caregiver responses, action items and solutions are practical and to the point. Her professional training shines through the definitions and terminology needed to communicate with seniors and with the government officials and facility administrators.
In each chapter she tells you what information you will find, gives you the information and laces it all with insights gained from her person-to-person interviews with real people caught in such a situation. The book is laid out to differentiate between the revelations from seniors and the practical information.
Ms. Kuba gently but firmly leads the reader through the agony of overcoming seniors' struggle to retain dignity and independence, caregiver's squeamishness in discussing bodily functions, finances, needs for safety and personal space. There are lists of what to do, where to seek help and information.
Above all, Navigating... is about coping. Ms. Kuba recognizes that love often gets lost in the stress of 24/7 caregiving. She provides strategies and resources for involving family, friends and community in pragmatic ways so the senior maintains contact and interaction with their real world.
My only regret for this book is that the extensive index does not distinguish between organizations/resources and subject matter.

The other reviewers will speak better to the great qualities of this book, so I'll echo the best of them - a wonderful read that personalizes a national story with such heartbreaking and informative reporting that truly illuminates the theme that we are a country founded on questions in search of answers. A must read for any student of our political system as well as an enlightening introduction into the culture of hospice care. One of the most important memoirs published this year.

I read excerpts of Eleanor Clift's "Two Weeks of Like" in Newsweek, where she's been a contributor for a number of years. Those selected well-written passages about a very sensitive event - the death from kidney cancer of her husband, Cleveland Plains Dealer Washington correspondent, Tom Brazaitis - made me seek out her book in hardcover. The work as a whole stands up to the strength of the Newsweek excerpts. The operative word in Clift's work is "juxtaposition" - the dignity with which Brazaitis spends his final days vs. how Terry Schiavo spends hers. Clift never comes out and editorializes about Schiavo's treatment, but by contrasting that experience vs. her huband's, she makes her point passively but no less passionately.

At the very least, anyone reading this book will surely react by wanting to have living wills and medical powers of attorney in proper legal order.

Eleanor Clift weaves personal revelations, interesting sidebars and her keen political insight from beginning to end in this engrossing memoir--it is a valuable tool for anyone dealing with the loss of a love.

Eleanor Clift has written a very thought-provoking book about her husband's death from cancer and its contrast with the very public controversy about Terri Schiavo's life and death at the same time. Questions about how we die and the right to choose that option in the face of terminal disease or being in a vegatative state are addressed. The courage shown by the terminally ill person and his or her spouse and loved ones is impressive. Eleanor Clift has always impressed me as a very caring and intelligent person and this book confirms that impression. A difficult subject treated very compassionately.

I wanted very much to like this book, and I did--but only somewhat.

The Terri Schiavo material began to seem like filler to me and made me lose interest in the rest of the book. I followed the Schiavo case rather closely when it was in the news, and I didn't buy this book expecting more re-hash of it--but that's what I got.