Death Care Books

I lost my wife suddenly four months ago. The funeral home that handled everything for me has been really great, and one of the things they are doing is sending me this series of booklets at the recommended intervals. So far I have only received the first two books, but they have been extremely helpful. Manning writes well and clearly. His advice isn't complicated or difficult to understand. In fact, it can be down right repetitive. But the fact is that people grieving need to hear what he has to say over and over again.

If I had to boil his advice down to a few words it would be this: "Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. Live it, embrace it, and don't be ashamed of how you feel."

Not everyone will be as fortunate as I am to have great friends who will let me talk, nor will everyone have a funeral home caring enough to send them this series. This series would be a great gift to anyone grieving.

We received this series of books from the funeral director the year following the death of our 16 year old son. They are well written and concisely discuss issues bereaved individuals may experience during the first year. Doug Manning's writing style really is conversatonal and like talking to an old friend. Not all family members are avid readers, but these are easy to pick up and absorb. I think the series is also a really great way to show that you continue to care about those who have had a loss.

I lost my mother this past november and a friend started sending me these books. i am only through the second book but they have helped me put my grief in perspective and spoke to my heart when i needed it most. i wish i could buy 100 copies and have them on hand to send out to others that i know are hurting through this process.

dr. bongar's work is especially helpful for mental health professionals to help them understand and appreciate the experience through which the prospectively suicidal patient finds him or herself. like most books published by the apa, it is fairly exhaustive on research (although this review is written 4 years after publication and i acknowledge that a current revision would be welcome in a couple years), perhaps a bit theoretical, and does not provide succinctly written summaries for a busy professionals. it outlines clinical considerations and potential courses or action. it examines legal issues relevant to clinical intervention and failed intervention. the recommendations dr. bongar makes are excellent. this is not, in my opinion, a book for families or patients. i highly recommend this book for academicians and clinicians who wish to better understand and want to more effectively manage potentially suicidal situations. at $33, i think that the information i learned more than justified the purchase.

Dr. Bongar gives a practicing psychotherapist the information she or he needs to decrease the risk of suicide by a patient and effectively intervene with the suicidal patient.

Essential reading.

The Suicidal Patient by Bruce Bongar provides a much-needed manual for all practicing clinicians. Why do I say all? Well, if you are a clinician the odds are that at some point in your career you will encounter a suicidal patient. In fact, according to Bongar, even "student therapists have a one in three chance of experiencing a patient suicide or suicide attempt during their training years."

By taking a few simple precautions you can greatly minimize your chance of being sued. But, I believe, even more importantly, Bongar champions the idea that if you provide high quality care the odds of you being able to prevent a suicide dramatically increase. According to Bongar, high quality care happens when you have a real understanding of both clinical and legal issues and you apply this knowledge and tailor your approach to each individual.

Obviously you're a therapist, and not a fortuneteller, and so mistakes will happen. Why not learn the basics ahead of time so that you don't make stupid mistakes?

If you effectively deal with a suicidal patient, and he or she improves, then you may have just helped someone save his or her own life. I can't think of a better feeling than that, which is why Bongar provides you with a manual to effectively deal with the suicidal patient. Take responsibility for your practice and prepare for the worst because by doing so you may achieve the best outcome of all.

With that said, I want to be clear about the format of this book. It is written for clinicians. If you are looking for a self-help book this is definitely not for you. Bongar is a therapy researcher and so like much therapy research the book is somewhat dry. This is to be expected since the list of citations alone span thirty-eight pages. The fact that all this voluminous literature has been synthesized into one book is impressive indeed and one only need consider how dry it would be to read all the primary sources to realize the service that this book provides.

Specifically the book provides:
1. A history of suicide research and current theories and research in the field.
2. A comprehensive section on the legal issues involved in treating suicidal patients.
3. Many methods to assess patient risk including assessment protocols and case histories.
4. Best practices for treatment in both inpatient and outpatient settings
5. A section on risk management that includes suggestions for unfortunate event that the patient carries out a suicidal act.

With Healing Wings is pleasing to the eye with a beautiful cover and images of doves flying throughout the pages of the book. It is only 80 pages long.

Each page of the book contains a prayer from one of three categories: Prayers for Healing, Prayers for Thanksgiving (for those people and things which assist during illness), and Prayers of Caregivers. The prayers are written in reverent yet simple everyday language. Every prayer is followed by related passages of scripture.

The prayers in this book are heartfelt and helpful. I recommend the book to be given as a gift to those who are hospitalized, those who are bedridden, those in chronic pain, and those who love and care for the sick and elderly.

I also highly recommend the book for our own use. We can pray these meaningful prayers when we are ill, when we visit those who are, when we aren't able to visit the sick, when we are trying to encourage caregivers, etc. We can even pray them over the phone with others or write phrases into letters and notes to others--giving the author credit, of course.

It isn't always easy to find the right words to convey our feelings when we are in difficult situations. I know God hears our groaning and the Holy Spirit interprets for us, and that is all that we need when we are praying privately. It is not terribly effective when we are trying to pray for others aloud when they are with us. This book can make those more public prayers easier, and the book is small enough and light enough to fit into most women's purses.

The book is extremely useful.

Perhaps With Healing Wings can help you and those you love improve your communication with God during those times of health crises. I find it very valuable.

With Healing Wings: Prayers For Those Who Hurt And Those Who Care by inspirational speaker and writer Marsha Maurer is an inspired and inspiring collection of intimate and quotable mantras and prayers for those in the midst of a dispute with friends, family, God, or the adverse circumstances in their personal lives. Providing readers with an outstanding collection of personal and enveloping wisdom and knowledgeable prayer, With Healing Wings is an excellent compendium of the most helpful and enlightening Biblical quotes and proverbs. With Healing Wings is very highly recommended as an ideal and considerate gift for anyone who is distressed, as well as a superb reference for proper and helpful prayers in times when prayer is most needed.

If you are like me, in times of crisis, it is often difficult to formulate the right words with which to approach God for help. Often, we are not ourselves sure of what is the desired outcome or how to articulate our needs, wants and desires to the Almighty. This is particularly true when the crisis involves our own or a loved one's health crisis. These eloquent prayers by Marsha Maurer will help you beseech God for guidance and acceptance whether it is the strength to endure medical tests or the courage to face a terminal illness.
There are also prayers of thanksgiving, the most overlooked of all prayers, and prayers for those giving comfort and care to the ill. Appropriate scriptures supplement each prayer providing additional succor and guidance.
You may initially buy this for yourself but it is the perfect gift and more enduring than flowers for anyone who faces an illness or is caring for the ill whether they are a family member or health care professional.

So far every book I have seen by Earl Grollman is wonderful and this one is no exception. Having lost my mother to cancer when I was a teenager and now, as an adult, working with children who have experienced the death of a family member, this book is a great guide. It has everything from explaining death to children to spiritual and cultural differences of death. If you're a parent of a grieving child or a professional helping children, this is a perfect book.

Book: I Highly recommend this book for understanding grieving children. It helped me cope with what I was feeling, and with what I thought our boys might be going through, when my father in law died.

The book is good for parents, teachers, scout leaders and youth workers.

It contains over a dozen essays from religious, and medical specialists who deal with death and grief and children. Many religious and social concerns and perspectives are introduced. It is good for youth leaders because not everyone comes from your particular background and it helps you to understand where they might be coming from. It is written for an average parent or teacher to read. You don't have to be a Pastor or a Psychologist to get enormous value from it. Warning, however, it made me cry. That was part of the process too.

If I can summarize the whole book in one short snippet-

Every child is different, Expect some to be completely quiet and expect others to burst out laughing. Watch for the change. Don't dismiss their feelings, it will take time to listen-- a LOT of time-- it can't be solved in a 15 minute talk, but should be addressed at the child's schedule.

Although the book is published by Beacon Press, which falls under the Unitarian Universalist Church, each of the chapter-essays are written from a different person of a different religious or social perspective. There is a chapter each on the Protestants, Catholics, Jewish, Native American, Inner City, etc. perspectives. Grollman was the editor of all the essays. Each essay is easy enough to read as a stand-alone guide.

As a physician i have found Dr. Buckinghams book an invaulable resource. His compassion and understanding of this traumatic life event is beyond reproach.

Dr. Buckingham has wriiten the best book on the care of the dying child.

J Metts MD

Dr. buckingham has written the most wonderful and poignant book in the care of the dying child.

Every family and health care provider should read this book. Some of his case histories will touch your heart and bring tears to your eyes. This book is very informative and well researched.

This book will touch your heart and mind.

A Caregiver's Challenge should be on every caregiver's bookshelf.
It is an indispensable guide. The author uses her own very moving experience caring for her sick husband to help other caregivers. She offers advice, exercises, and helpful resources. Her professional experience and knowledge as a therapist make her a voice that readers trust. I would recommend this book to all caregivers, family members, and patients.

A Caregiver's Challenge: Living, Loving, Letting Go by psychotherapist Maryann Schact chronicles her own experience caring for her terminally ill husband and candidly exploring how terminal illness affects personal relationships. The onset of serious illness can throw relationships into shock, making it difficult to stay open and loving in spite of fear, and confronting people with the terror of things they never wanted to talk about. Simple steps and exercises to manage pain, consolodate one's emotional as well as physical resources, and stay true to one's bonds despite the perilous journey ahead, as well as advice concerning hard decisions and the medical power of attorney, dealing with money matters, alternative therapies to complement modern medicine, and much more. A highly recommended primer, written especially for caregivers but filled with crucial wisdom for anyone confronting the protracted loss of a loved one.

Reviewed by Lisa Heidle for RebeccasReads (1/08)

In the book "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction: Creative and Cognitive Approaches," therapists, social workers, parents and educators come together to discuss the approaches and affects of Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR) as well as other inventive therapeutic methods.

"TIR addresses traumatic experiences to relieve any traumatic stress the client is carrying from that experience, bringing about a full resolution of the trauma, and often insights as well," explains Marian Volkman, the book's editor, in the introduction. Repetitive verbal reproduction of the traumatic event is used to help the patient address the experience, allowing them to reach a resolution, or end point, to the trauma.

Many contributors to the book have combined Traumatic Incident Reduction, or TIR, with Art Therapy and have experienced positive results. Therapist Anna Foley uses drawing to help the client express the incident that has caused the trauma. "Each piece of paper is a different scene. So that might take 30 pieces of paper, it might take 40 or 50, or as few as 10. But whatever it is, it's right; it can't be wrong. Whatever they have drawn, we map that out so one piece of paper reflects each memory."

Using objects like clay or magnetic sculptures allow the patient to feel comfort and grounded when delving into past events. Patricia Furze addresses the Western cultural approach, "...that contributes to children's avoidance of unpleasant feelings and sensations is our instruction to children to use distraction to move their attention away from whatever upsets them. This works well in the short term. Repression pushes the sensations and feelings out of conscious awareness. They lie dormant, yet in a position to continue to affect the choices the child makes." Because of this, many children are better able to handle future TIR, or imagined future events that resemble the original traumatic event. The benefits of this technique are the child feels empowered and becomes more resilient.

Protecting children from physical and mental injury is something we would all like to do, but the world in which we live can be damaging to everyone. It can be exceptionally devastating to children who have less power and control in the occurrences in their own lives. Although there are many differing opinions on the best method to use when helping a traumatized child, the majority of experts agree that early intervention is key. Parents, therapists, and educational institutions, along with all others who work with children, can benefit from "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction: Creative and Cognitive Approaches."

Reviewed by Lisa Bullert for Reader Views (4/07)

It is a universal belief that one type of therapy will not work for every patient. "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction" is a phenomenal array of tried-and-true therapies for Traumatic Incident Reduction for children. This book is a great tool for parents and professionals alike. "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction" is necessary to have for any therapist or professional who works with children. Marian Volkman has done a magnificent job of collecting and assembling all of the information encased in this easy-to-read and understand book.

The case studies included are creative and innovative. Also in the book are interviews with professionals who work directly with the traumatic incident reduction techniques. Discussions include "TIR and Child Survivors of Domestic Abuse," and "Anecdotal TIR Experiences with Children." There are also detailed figures and sessions for the therapies. Case studies include "Full Head and Empty Head," "TIR and Art Therapy," "Future TIR," and many more. There are techniques used for infant trauma, "empowering the child to get their control back," and "Touch and Let Go" therapy. So much useful and thoroughly researched information packed into this priceless volume in the "TIR Application Series."

There are also chapters for parents including the subjects of "Parents Working with Their Children," and "Parents Success with TIR." This is a good book for parents to read because s/he may take away an understanding of the many different therapy strategies available to them and their children. The parent may find a way to ask questions about their own child and TIR and find ways to prepare them for the part a parent plays in the child's' healing process, if any. Traumatic experiences for young children are often difficult for entire families and "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction" could help parents empower themselves to seek different kinds of therapy, and know there are several ways a therapist could approach the problem. Please note that this is NOT a "How-to-heal-your-Child-on-your-own" book, more of a tool to use in discussion with a therapist.

Finally there are wonderful chapters filled with memory lists and information on how to get training on TIR, There is so much useful information in "Children and Traumatic Incident Reduction" that this reviewer deems it a must have for parents and professionals alike.

Nurse-clinician and attorney, author Barbara Coombs Lee presents case histories of terminally ill patients, in an unblinking, sympathetic and uplifting way. She also tells the story of Oregon's remarkable law, first in the U.S. to permit physician aid-in-dying. The book provides a breath of air in a society stifled with violent media overload and morbid curiosity about death, but little support in handling the actuality. It should reassure Americans that taking control of life's ending is not only possible and practical, but life-enhancing for the individual concerned, the family, and the community. John Ashcroft doesn't get it, but this approach actually prevents impulsive, desperation suicide and prolongs meangingful life for many, because they have compassionate medical support.

This is a marvelous book, beautifully written, thoughtful and sensitive. The various stories by and about people helped by Compassion are wonderfully told and very moving. The introductory chapter, "A Death of One's Own" is one of the best statements I've ever read on this subject. The book is a very valuable contribution to the literature and to the public debate on end of life choices.

Assisted physician suicide is a good example of a forest vs. trees debate. Those who focus on the broad religious and societal interests in preserving life at all costs tend to conclude that the forest (society) is more important than individual patients (the trees), while those who support patient choice at the end of life tend to focus upon the trees. Timothy Quill is a forest ranger who is focused on the trees.

Quill's book is almost totally devoid of the philosophical arguments which permutate the end of life debate. Instead his book is a pragmatic discussion of real cases, real people and real solutions. His sympathies are with the patient who is dying, not the physician who views death as a defeat to be delayed, at any cost, for as long as technology will permit. Quill is less interested in the patient's soul and much more interested in the patient's dignity. Fighting for life at any cost is an acceptable alternative, so long as it too is the result of an informed decision making process in which the patient is not only involved but is the ultimate decision maker.

Quill's goal is to change the rules but so far he has been unsuccessful. What Quill demonstrates "between the lines" of his book, however, is that if a patient knows the rules, is willing to bend the rules, and chooses sympatric caregivers who play by the patient's rules, the patient can exercise great control over his or her end of life choices. Bending the rules may not work all the time, but knowing the rules substantially changes the odds in the patient's favor. Even Quill, however, makes a distinction between a competent, terminally ill patient who retains enough strength to be the final actor and one who is too ill to sct alone. The former, in Quill's view, is entitled to the physician's assistance; the latter is not. One unintended consequence of this distinction is that it may force some people to resort to a premature unassisted suicide rather than take the risk of slipping into the later category. On the other hand, the patient who waits too long to learn the rules will often find that he or she has lost control to doctors whose interest is more in medical technology than the emotional and psychological well being of their patient.

In the final analysis, the debate over end of life choices is less a debate over philosophy and religion than it is over process. The gulf between those who fear allowing people to choose death is a slippery slope and those who believe the wishes of the patient are paramount often disappears when presented with the facts of a particular case. The big distinction is often whether assistance should be given openly or covertly. Even those who believe that governmental neutrality on physician assisted suicide is the first step toward a de-humanization of society will have to deal with their own death and that of their love ones. They too may benefit from Quill's pragmatic approach and want to adopt, in their own case, some of his suggestions, even if they are afraid to permit "everyman" to do the same.

A careful and compassionate exploration of the difficult issues that are best addressed before the realization of one's mortality. I hope to have a doctor like Dr. Quill when my time comes.

'Death in Childbirth: An International Study of Maternal Care and Maternal Mortality 1800-1950' is a researched and detailed account of the risks of childbirth over the past two hundred years. It documents the changes which have taken place over that period of time and the reasons for the improvement in maternity care.

What I have learned from the book is that the teaching I received in midwifery was, from its criterion, very good but I wish that I had the knowledge derived from 'Death in Childbirth' while I was still actively engaged in obstetrics and teaching general practice.

Much of the medical profession is reasonably well-versed nowadays on the subject of midwifery but some misconceptions heard by me have been rectified by the information given.

I would recommend that 'Death in Childbirth' be required reading by medical students, doctors interested in obstetrics, and by ministers of health.

This is an utterly stunning work that should be required reading for all midwives, obstetrician-gynecologists, feminists of all persuasions--anybody involved in the health care of women. Not only does it take the wind out of the sails of those who believe childbirth is without consequences (part of the natural history of natural childbirth is maternal death), but it demonstrates how the industrialized world dropped its maternal mortality ratios nearly 100-fold in a century. This has important policy implications for international health work--providing that the international community can persuade developing countries to take women's health care needs seriously. Highly recommended.