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Faux Pas on CoverReview Date: 2008-10-17
Popular Fiction Writer Anne Perry recommends this ballad.Review Date: 2007-04-22
"This is the story of the English King Alfred's desperate stand against invading Danes in 878. England is conquered, and Alfred is a fugitive when he sees a vision of the Virgin Mary that bids him call together the remnants of his people for a final battle. "The Ballad of the White Horse" is an epic poem of courage, passion and unsurpassable beauty."
If you'd like to read other tales and poems by Chesterton, you might want to get "The Ballad of the White Horse" as part of a collection of his poetry that I edited for not much more money. It's called G. K. Chesterton's Early Poetry and has "The Ballad of the White Horse," along with two other books of Chesterton poetry under one cover. That means you'll also get his best humorous poetry, "Greybeards at Play." No less a writer than George Orwell ranked Chesterton as one of the three best writers of funny poetry in twentieth century England. The poems are a riot of the ridiculous and are accompanied with equally funny sketches he did.
And although Anne Perry and I have the same last name, as far as I know we're not related. Her's is a pen name. Mine is a real name. I guess I'm not creative enough to invent a name for myself.
G. K. Chesterton's Early Poetry: Greybeards At Play, The Wild Knight And Other Poems, The Ballad Of The White Horse
An epic poem of phenomenal powerReview Date: 2007-01-14
One of the greatest books I have ever readReview Date: 2007-08-21
I have never read any author who could make the English language sing the way Chesterton does in this poem -- for over a hundred pages. In contrast to contemporary "poets" whose "poems" consist of a bunch of strange words scattered apparently at random on a page, whose meaning, if there is one, is far beyond obscurity, Chesterton had apparently unlimited ability to create rhyme and alliteration, and then he bound it all tightly in the sing-song ballad style that carries it all swiftly along. The words of this poem are glorious to hear, and really, this book should be read aloud, so that one might hear the music of the words.
And few have ever been able to match the way Chesterton paints pictures with words. I will quote one passage, and hope it is not to long, to illustrate this. The scene here is Alfred's army making one final charge against the Danish camp:
Then bursting all and blasting
Came Christendom like death,
Kicked of such catapults of will,
The staves shiver, the barrels spill,
The waggons waver and crash and kill
The waggoners beneath.
Barriers go backward, banners rend,
Great shields groan like a gong,
Horses like horns of nightmare
Neigh horribly and long.
Horses ramp and rock and boil
And break their golden reins,
And slide on carnage clamorously,
Down where the bitter blood doth lie,
Where Ogier went on foot to die
In the old way of the Danes.
It would be hard to imagine anyone anyone describing such a violent scene in so few words any better than Chesterton does in that passage. And this passage is but one of dozens of glorious word-pictures that Chesterton's poetry paints in this book.
Beyond its magnificent use of the English language, this book also contains much philosophical insight -- insight that, although first published in 1911, is directly and clearly applicable today. Chesterton expresses very clearly the way that Christianity has formed the heart of Western culture over the ages, and the way that Christian faith -- which seems all about self-denial and thus sadness -- leads to unconquerable joy.
The book, of course, is not perfect; no work of literature can be. There are places where it gets a bit too preachy for my taste. But the book's flaws are few and minor, while its good points are many and glorious.
How good is this book? I have read it at least 50 times in my life, and I still enjoy reading it. In my opinion it is one of the truly greatest works written in the English language. It is one of the few books I have read that truly deserves five stars.
Simply amazingReview Date: 2006-02-19
Overall grade: A+

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Lots of bassin infoReview Date: 2007-11-25
The one thing that is a bit off-putting about the book are the "testimonials" included between chapters. We're already convinced that Grigsby is a good guy--the gushing endorsements from third parties seem excessive and not in very good taste.
not your typical fishing bookReview Date: 2006-09-06
shaw is greatReview Date: 2006-01-30
Shaw's a straight shooter...Review Date: 2004-01-29
Small but PowerfulReview Date: 2003-02-12
When I first purchased the book it seemed a bit small, would it be worth it? It was.
In short chapters it discusses how to improve your fishing, tournament ethics, and family fishing. That's a lot of ground.
Tired of all those birds nests in your spinning reel? Why not follow Shaw's advice and cast and tug your line gently. No more snarls. Shaw doesn't use the word ethics but that's what he's talking about for tournaments. Read it, and you'll fish differently with your buddies. As for family, Shaw's kind remarks about his wife, kids and dad are special.
I didn't realize it until now but this is a great kid's book also. It works on different levels. Hope the review helps.

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Fantastic Overview!Review Date: 2004-01-15
There are two extra-special features to
all the photos: 1) he uses a basic, neutral, color palate for _everyone_ so you can see how the same beautiful and natural
shades can be used on everyone. For eyes he uses flesh, beige, gold, taupe, dark taupe, mahogany, golden brown, dark brown,
burgundy, and black.
2) As a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant, I love seeing so many National Sales Directors "before" and "after":
Arlene Lenarz, Gloria Mayfield-Banks, Sherril Steinman, Sonja Hunter Mason, Karen Piro, Pamela Waldrop Shaw, Jan Harris, Judie
McCoy, Lisa Madson, Kathy Helou (and her daughters!), Debi Moore.
A "must-have" for any Mary Kay consultant!
Nice, but.... enough of the trick photography!Review Date: 2003-08-23
Again, though, this is still an excellent book.
Beauty is SimpleReview Date: 2007-03-20
Reviewer: Tracy Lynn - See all my reviews
I actually bought the DVD and the book. Although they are pretty much 1 in the same. The DVD is perfect for "Hands On" learning. However, the book is completely wonderful. The first statement in the book is worth the buy alone. "Embrace your own personal beauty --- love who you are today and everyday". I have been a licenced Cosmetologist, Medical Aesthetician, & Make-Up Artist for over 13 years working in a Plastic Surgeons office in Michigan. I am a forever student of beauty. Robert Jones has wonderful insight to beauty -- Natural is always best. The idea to be who you are, not what is expected by society. I would love to meet Robert Jones to absorb more of his talent. He truely is an artist with the correct mentality. EVERY women is beautiful she just needs to see herself that way. Even flaws can be beautiful.
Tracy Lynn
Beauté Made SimpleReview Date: 2004-11-14
He has made it very easy to follow.
I have always had problems to wear eye shadow and after taking his course (7 hours) I am now able to wear eye shadow and feel & look great. He was funny,exciting to learn from. I have in the past have taken a course from another professional artist they were good but Robert Jones is amazing!
I am a Mary Kay Consultant & now I can better service my customers.
His book & DVD is so easy to follow, anyone can look great & feel comfident.
Enjoy! the book it is worth it! It is a must have!
EXCELLENT HOW-TO BOOK..A MUST!!Review Date: 2004-01-19

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A stellar book on heavenly birdsReview Date: 2008-04-13
Matthiessen's accounts of his globe-spanning travels in search of cranes incorporate extensive historical, cultural, and scientific background information (from Confucius, Chaucer, and Marco Polo to Bertolt Brecht and Aldo Leopold), providing a deeper context for the stories of these majestic birds and their struggles to survive in an increasingly hostile world. Particularly important are his insights into how the future of cranes is increasingly tied to human politics and economics.
Bateman's masterful paintings and drawings capture the grace and noble bearing that earned cranes a place in the mythology of many cultures and the hearts of millions of nature lovers. I only wish there had been more illustrations scattered throughout the book.
Mainstream readers may be somewhat put off by the many endnotes (some of which might have been incorporated into the main text), but the additional detail makes it well worth the trouble of flipping back and forth. Digressions on crane evolution and taxonomy and international politics can be a bit dry but provide valuable insights into the epic and often tragic history of cranes.
A wonderful book for everyone who loves the outdoorsReview Date: 2007-01-10
Heaven is a Matthiessen bookReview Date: 2005-02-09
Gorgeous illustrations; interesting textReview Date: 2003-05-30
Fantastic, well-illustrated book on all things crane Review Date: 2005-01-31
Matthiessen did an excellent job of covering the biology of cranes in general and of each species individually. The crane family (Gruidae) we learn is found on every continent except South America and Antarctica and is comprised of three genera, _Grus_ (to which all but five of the living species belong to and a group primarily found in Eurasia), _Anthropoides_ (which includes the demoiselle crane as well as the blue crane of South Africa, which may be descended from it; Matthiessen discussed many theories of crane evolution), and _Balearica_ (which includes two African species, the black crowned and gray crowned). Though sometimes called herons in some parts of the world (or more often herons are referred to as cranes), cranes differ from herons in that cranes fly with neck outstretched rather than curved back over the shoulder (they differ from storks in that storks display broad tails, which the cranes lack).
The several species of crane have subtly different breeding habitat and food preferences; for instance in the Amur Basin the white-naped crane probes for tubers while the red crowned crane hunts small animals and picks at vegetation. Not all cranes are restricted to wetlands; while for example all three of the rare white cranes are found only in marshes, the more widespread and abundant demoiselle, Eurasian, and sandhill cranes are generalized feeders able to succeed in a variety of terrains, with the demoiselle primarily an upland feeder.
Some cranes have rather unusual adaptations. Several species are "diggers" - feeding primarily on mud-buried tubers - and these species (the white-naped, sarus, brolga, Siberian, and wattled cranes) have naked, non-feathered skin on their head down to the bill, which is an adaptation analogous to the naked head and neck of vultures. The brolga crane, which is more often found in salt marshes than other species, has evolved specialized salt glands near the eyes through which it can secrete concentrated salts. Feather painting is also covered; some species daub their feathers with wet vegetation or mud during nesting season for camouflage.
The role of cranes in myth and history is also discussed. The word crane comes from the old German word "Cranuh," which like the genus name _Grus_ is a rendition of the bird's cry. The Yakuts people of Siberia revered the Siberian crane as a symbol of their various clans, a uniting symbol for their people. The sarus crane of India (at nearly six feet tall the tallest flying bird on earth) has been for centuries revered as a holy messenger of Vishnu, a Hindu deity, a reverence that has protected this crane from hunting (similarly a Buddhist reverence for life in general and often cranes in particular has helped kept cranes safe in such places as Bhutan). The red-crowned crane (or in Japanese "tancho;" the heaviest flying bird on earth) was revered as a messenger of death and symbol of eternal life to the Ainu and portrayed in Japanese robes, wedding kimonos, screens, scrolls, and other items for centuries. Revered also in Korea as "turumi," a companion to sages, scholars, and musicians, in both nations it was also regrettably hunted and eaten. More recently the peace symbol of the 1960s was originally a Hopi Indian sign derived from the footprint of a crane.
One thing that surprised me was that some crane discoveries were made fairly recently. The whooping crane's breeding ground was found after nine years of searching in 1954. A large, breeding, unknown (though known to Aborigines) population of sarus cranes was discovered in 1961 in Australia. A non-migratory population of red-crowned cranes on Hokkaido wasn't confirmed until 1972. The breeding ground of the central Siberian population of the Siberian crane wasn't found until 1978. The black-necked or Tibetan crane was as late as 1987 thought to be rapidly vanishing, the second most endangered crane on earth, but surveys in the early 1990s in Tibet and Bhutan pegged the species at a much healthier count of 5,500 birds, showing that early estimates were way off.
Issues of crane conservation are well covered, with Matthiessen chronicling the dire straits faced by many of the species, the heroic efforts made by some to save them, and even their role as "umbrella species;" that when their habitats are preserved many other plants and animals benefit. The Amur Basin of Russia for instance - a vital crane habitat - is being threatened by massive deforestation, agricultural runoff, pollution from mining, and proposed dams. Attempts by such agencies as the International Crane Foundation to broker deals between those nations that share the Amur and its products - Russia, South Korea, China, and Japan - has been stymied by mutual mistrust (extending to ridiculous extremes; Chinese officials refusing for instance to refer to the red-crowned crane as the Japanese or Manchurian crane, both frequently used common names). Some successes exist; the Keoladeo Ghana Bird Reserve near Bharatpur, India, established to preserve wintering Siberian cranes is now also home to 364 bird species as well as pythons, nilgai antelope, and sambar deer (though the park is still threatened by the crush of humanity in crowded India).
In addition to being an excellent book on the history and natural history of cranes it is also a wonderful travel book, the author doing a great job of describing what it is like to travel in such exotic places as Bhutan and Mongolia.

Everyman: a Ratnose wannabeReview Date: 2005-11-29
Like two previous reviewers, I was struck by the Huck Finn parallels, or anti-parallels. I actually wrote a paper for a high school English class detailing how I felt Jones had used Huck Finn as a starting point, then turned certain aspects of Twain's allegory on end. It was a public high school, so my insights -- indeed my entire topic selection! -- were poorly received. It's just as well that I resisted my initial urge to drag James Dickey's novel/screenplay 'Deliverance,' another allegorical mid-'70s river voyage, into the analysis.
'Blood Sport' is a brutally honest but infallibly entertaining depiction of [male] human nature and the human condition, and it's the last word on what guys are all about. Metrosexuals won't like 'Blood Sport' at all.
Exploring the Hassayampa headwaters is about more than just growing up; indeed, growing up is about more than just growing up! The thematic linchpin of Blood Sport is exposed during Ratnose's discussion of the second law of thermodynamics: Life itself is rebellion, he argues, against the second law, which dictates that energy in a high state tends to become energy in a lower state, all the way down to the inert ...
Smart Mind CandyReview Date: 2003-04-18
GrizzledReview Date: 2001-01-25
Where's the sequel, Jones?
Tree Huggers BewareReview Date: 2004-06-12
Ratnose Returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Review Date: 2000-11-22
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Great follow-up to ChickenhawkReview Date: 2007-09-14
excellent sequelReview Date: 2002-01-06
Why isn't this book in print?Review Date: 2006-09-07
What I want to know is why this book has been out of print for so long?
Truely MovingReview Date: 2002-07-19
The book is vivid in it's descriptions and extremely well written. I have read the book twice and both times have been moved by the ending. If you enjoy reading about flying, the Vietnam conflict, and people, this book is for you.
ChickenhawkReview Date: 2002-05-03
Bob Mason's transformation from eager pilot trainee to jaded combat veteran/burnout, while probably not anymore remarkable a story than any other pilot's is well written and that is what makes it great! After reading the book I felt as though I know Bob Mason. Not a bad thing.
When Mason describes the deck inside the chopper,covered in blood you can almost smell it.
Serious life and death stuff with some of the funniest stories of human screw ups wrapped up in a truly memorable account of one
helluva chopper pilots' experience in Vietnam.
It's like I say:" 'Chickenhawk' is the best damn war movie they never made!"

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common sense forestryReview Date: 2008-11-11
Very good bookReview Date: 2008-07-18
The Tree That Made My CopyReview Date: 2007-05-06
This is the most important book on my shelves as I "manage" my 75 Virginia woodland acres.
I like Morsbach's maverick approach to forestry, in particular the emphasis he places on aesthetic and environmental considerations. Once again, the committed, thoughtful individual trumps a whole barrel full of clipboard-carrying "experts."
The book contains multiple grammatical errors that are slightly distracting to me, a former editor, but otherwise entirely trivial.
Common Sense ForestryReview Date: 2007-03-09
Highly readable - a pleasure to readReview Date: 2006-03-27
It's a pleasure to read, even for someone who will never grow a forest.

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Crime Back When it Took Talent to Commit ItReview Date: 2008-09-11
One, entitled "The Big Clock", is about the highly sophisticated and competitive world of big city publishing and involves a murder committed by it's top executive who is losing his ability to cope; a uniquely arranged set of chapters detailing the thoughts and actions of each player through their own individual eyes and each written in the "first person" which adds another layer of intrigue and dimension to it. An innocent man, fearing he will be the prime suspect, becomes enmeshed in an incredibly intricate plot trying to keep himself out of it, wading in deeper and deeper even though he has had nothing to do with the actual murder, but definitely has knowledge of certain of the events that will bring his family - that means his wife - into it which must be avoided at all costs.
In "Thieves Like Us", a gang of bank robbers is on the run through the Oklahoma countryside, living by their wits and for the day because tomorrow may never come; the doomed rampage is prolonged by the lack of law enforcement technology of the era. The visual image projected into the mind of the reader is vivid; of 1930's automobiles, dust and sweat, of desperate, reckless men who have nothing more to lose except their lives, which have never been good anyway - to them, for them or because of them. The old phrase of "Honor among the Thieves" becomes duly recognizable for a few chapters, as does the necessary bonding, and uneasy, false friendship that was tantamount to survival. This, due to it's very nature begins to unravel just when dependence upon one another is needed most; and the loser's urge to "do just one more job" to compensate for the money that seems to run through their fingers like sand through an hourglass overrides any thought process any of them may have had. It has it's anti-hero in one man who seems straight enough to maybe make it if he can just manage to split from his bad seed influences; but nothing can alter his headlong rush down the lonely path to perdition, taking the one lonely person who actually cares about him down with him. He has known nothing else; he has never been nurtured, never been taught the good lessons of life to offset the problems of it; he simply reacts to stimulus; the once child of clay has hardened to brittle nothingness.
Highly recommended for anyone enjoying mystery and suspense in it's finest form.
Six Degrees of NoirReview Date: 2008-05-11
Rather than recount each novel's plot and characters, I will only add that again, each of the representatives of the noir genre present in this edition illustrate a wide variety of settings and styles, places and characters. From what most of us probably consider classic noir represented by Cain's classic "The Postman Always Rings Twice" with its classic highway settings and passion, to the suave, biting, and sardonic wit of Fearing's "The Big Clock" reflecting the unusual structure of multiple first-person narration around a single, main protagonist in an urban, corporate setting, to the Oklahoman grit of a group study in gang crime via serial bankrobbers in Anderson's "Thieves Like Us", to the more explicitly horrifying, psychologically penetrating and depraved "Nightmare Alley" of Gresham, this edition is like a menu of various aspects and directions noir can and did take.
As other reviewers have stated, there is not a weak novel here. I found "The Big Clock" the most singular in structure, setting, and style and in certain aspects, it defies categorization as 'noir' except perhaps only in mood. In fact, it is the novel that for me most broadened the definition of the genre. I found "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" the most depressing because it appears to be the least fanciful, most truthful and thus the most devastating of the set. In this sense, "...Horses..." comes closest to rivalling truly great literature not so much for its details, but for its overall impact. In my opinion, Woolrich's "I Married a Dead Man" is the least successful because its exploration of mistaken identity (first mistaken, then deliberate) is somewhat banal and after finishing it, I wished Woolrich might have explored the contrast of genteel facade and grasping desperation a bit more explicitly. It is in many ways the most subtle and emotional of the set as well as the most modern (it is chronologically the last), but suffers a bit from the repetitive description of Helen/Patrice and the strain of her external and internal duality.
Several reviewers have found Anderson's "Thieves Like Us" the weakest of the set, but I disagree. The description of a gang is necessarily different and unlike the other novels, Anderson manages to accomplish what the other authors are unable to do (save perhaps McCoy): Describe the criminal as a legitimate, objective individual who deserves our sympathy and even our allegiance. Bowie, the central character, is described as taking a far more relaxed view of his own criminal activity and isn't portrayed in dark, tortured terms. In this light, Bowie has either the weakest conscience or the strongest depending upon how you choose to read him and in either sense, he and together with his cohorts provide and excellent example of the Anti-Hero.
"Nightmare Alley" is the longest and the most absorbing of the set. It is also the most violently and sexually explicit, has the largest cast of important and varied characters, and best succeeds in addressing the big questions concerning truth, faith, relationships, society, etc. Who are the real freaks -- carnival oddities and tricksters, or respectable society members seeking spirituality? Those with mere physical abnormalities or those who deliberately develop intentional differences? What is deception, particularly self-deception? "All the world's a carnival" might be a nihilistic worldview, but Gresham's portrait of an intelligent young carnival magician's development from a sensitive, impressionable boy into a full-blown 'spiritualist medium' whose only desire to trick the vulnerable out of their money (and who ultimately is tricked by one who lacks his ultimate weakness -- his conscience) is devastating. Although I predicted the ending, this truly nightmarish journey down Stanton Carlisle's alley is the point of the book. The true ending is, in fact, never reached and is a brilliant literary stroke.
I highly recommend this set of novels.
Splendid ReadReview Date: 2007-06-04
Thank God for the 1930's and 1940's/ Review Date: 2006-07-11
The Dark Underbelly of the American DreamReview Date: 2005-09-29
"Crime Novels: American Noir of the 1930's and 40's" is the American equivalent in prose of the influential and enduring genre. The grim and unforgiving tales of the dejected cast of mid 20th-Century American life are openly depicted ("The Postman Always Rings Twice"; "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?"; "Thieves Like Us"; "Nightmare Alley"); vicissitudes of fate ("The Big Clock"; "I Married a Dead Man"). Whether set in scenic California, the vast and open Midwest, or a high-rise office in Manhattan, these novels uniformly render a panorama of blighted dreams, twisted turns of fate, and the sad recurrence of misfortune in desperate individuals doomed to tragedy.
None too substantial in content but highly readable, this edition is the first of a handsome 2-Volume anthology on American Noir fiction published by the venerable Library of America. Edited by Robert Polito (Poet, writer, anthologist on Noir Lit. and author of a biography on Jim Thompson), these stories enduring relevance are seen in various forms of contemporary society: from the writings of James Ellroy, Brett Easton Ellis, Lawrence Block, and Robert Bloch; in films like "Scarface", "Pulp Fiction", "Fight Club"; and in everyday life.

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Disney TreasuresReview Date: 2006-11-02
wonderful collectibleReview Date: 2007-01-11
Nice book for the Disney FanReview Date: 2007-01-10
Disney Treasures and Keepsakes are a Must HaveReview Date: 2007-01-10
The Disney TreasuresReview Date: 2006-03-20

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Substantive and useful; not pop-psychologyReview Date: 2008-10-27
Live-changingReview Date: 2007-03-08
I'm not sure exactly what to do with the information. It seems you may need some pretty specific help with a therapist to undo the negative messages "stuck in your craw" but just the awareness of my problem has helped my relationship in very real ways.
textbook, not for lay persons, some topics relevant to DeidaReview Date: 2005-04-20
Fear of Intimacy
Robert Firestone & Joyce Catlett (both in So. Cal)
David Deida says, "We long for the same fullness of bliss that we never seem to have time to offer. We complain about our lives and blame others, until we realize that right now, we are making love-or we are refusing-right now."
Fear of Intimacy offers several insights that can be used as tools to move towards intimacy with the universe as Deida proposes.
The book has several headlines. One is "our defenses are the illness." The book describes how defenses are formed. Our primary defense [are formed] at a time when the child would be in great danger if he or she was abandoned by the parent. ...[The child] is afraid that if they react with emotional integrity, if they really cry out, if they really ask, if they really scream for help, that it won't come, and they will be in the same panicky, frightened state [forever]" (36). Rather then be frightened forever, the child is forced to go away from the pain of 3D reality and into a fantasy world of some kind. They go into a fiction, into a delusion, hug a teddy bear or puppy, numb out, obsess on substances, etc. "In this [way] people's defenses formed under painful circumstances, become the core of their neurosis..." (35). This is the clearest language I've seen for how unresolved traumas are "put into us" as kids.
The idea of "defenses are our illness" stimulated me to check to see if defendedness could be measured by muscle testing. Sure enuf, it can. As Spirit sees it, Defendedness appears to be on a scale of 1000. John-Roger (msia.org) is the least defended person I know and perhaps one of the least defended persons ever. He measures at zero by my checking. It's possible to measure your own Defendedness.
The book excels on "Why do we defend?" Then it shows how defenses impact relationships. Defenses play into relationships this way, "...people tend to select partners who are like people in their own early lives [because] their defenses are appropriate [to them]"(39) If wife is like birth mother, then "...it leaves a person's defense system intact" (39). Hence the phenomena of the man who marries a woman then complains, "You're just like my mother!" The authors propose that in the unexamined areas of our life, "we "feel relaxed [and familiar] when our defenses are appropriate" (69). People who carry a primarily negative self-image from childhood are a particular focus of the book.
The book makes a nice segue to Deida when it says things like, "Distortions of self, others and the world, inherent in being defended, are introduced into new relationships... Most people end up fighting ghosts [of the past] rather than struggling with [growth:] personal gratification and self-actualization" (63). The early part of the book lays out patterns of psychological defense so that readers can find their own dysfunction and dysfunctional family pattern, if they stumble across a shoe that fits.
Readers are led early on to an insight that 99% of everyone-thruout human history-has, as a child, suffered physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional neglect or some combination of the three. This simply goes with growing up on a planet where the sins of the parents are visited on the children. On this, the book is refreshingly frank. "The ideal conditions favoring a secure attachment [to an early care giver] rarely exist [anywhere]. All children, to varying degrees, suffer emotional pain and anxiety that necessitate the building of defenses" (65). The damaged condition of therapists and clients-that's everyone pretty much- is simply a given, not a cause for blame or for victim pride.
Moving on thru much ground the book covers, the authors say something new to me. "Once a person is damaged, he or she formulates defenses that not only preclude getting hurt again but also ward off loving responses." "...The truth is that mature love-kindness, respect, sensitivity, and affectionate treatment-is not only difficult to find but is [also] difficult to tolerate or accept [if negative self-concepts are held on to]." (310). The idea that we build defenses is old. The idea that we sabotage unconditionally loving gestures directed at us, because it would require us to give up familiar negative self-images, is not a common insight and is one that is conspicuous by its absence in my reading of classic Transactional Analysis literature
The book emphasizes how in childhood we are handed a provisional personality that integrates us into the family system. John Bradshaw used to display a hanging mobile from the ceiling in his televised workshops to show his conception of the family system, how every part has its place, is moving and affects every other part one way or another.
The books says, to the degree our provisional family personality was negative, was accepted by us, and became familiar, to that extent we tend to defend it from loving gestures that would cause us to rethink our view of ourself. The book is highly cognizant of the wisdom of family systems that if we do not review, revise, update and upgrade the personality handed to us early in our life in our family of origin, then we will tend to replicate our family dynamic in relationships, coupling, and marriage.
Much of the rest of the book works in the area where couples transition from being in love and cherishing each other; and then, transition to distance, routinized behavior, loss of passion, complacency or even fighting and violence. The books is good about tracking how couples move out of initial positive bloom of love to a dysfunctional relationships. "In spite of their stated desire for self-affirmation, people seek confirmation for their negative provisional identity, developed in the context of the [early] family" (304).
The book gives a lot of case studies. It proposes a variation of voice dialogue to unearth and expose the negative self-talk and give lots of examples of how they do this. The book embraces the topic of voice dialogue and quotes Christopher Lasch, "The distinguishing character of selfhood...is not rationality; rather, the critical awareness of man's divided nature." The book's take on unearthing negative self talk is more talk-therapy than inner-child related. See TA, Voice Dialogue or the Three Selves for the more solution-oriented approaches to conversing with your inner "parts."
Addictions and dysfunctional fantasy life, including masturbatory behavior, come in for lots of discussion. Addiction is discussed as "...a fundamental choice away from relationships" (41) `The child (and adult) unconsciously rejects real gratification and gives up goal-directed activity to hold on to the safety of a fantasy world over which he or she has complete control."
The unexamined life tends to repeat and recreate early family dynamics, good or ill. Beyond this, the authors point to two existential issues that clearly block us from the kind of intimacy Deida encourages. A radio interview Joyce Catlett gave on KPFK put a better point on this than the book does. She said that two fears block us at the deepest level. One is the fear of being separated and isolated from the ones we love [the Beloved]. The other fear is being overwhelmed and swallowed whole [merged and] losing our identity in our loved one [or the Beloved]. "...being loved challenges core psychological defenses" (311)
I've been checking this out. It does indeed seem to be the case; fear breaks down into two categories, fear of separation-isolation; and, fear of dissolution and loss of identity in merging with the Beloved. Some classical associations arise here. Separation and pain associate with darkness. Converging with ecstasy associates with light and bliss. Acknowledging and backtracking thru these two fears has clarified for me where I got off track navigating towards the undefended loving Deida encourages. These topics, more commonly found in spiritual literature, can be applied productively to couples counseling and self-examination.
Most valuable read ever....Review Date: 2007-01-23
vulnerability not viewed as weaknessReview Date: 2006-07-26
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