Loss Books

For anyone who has experienced the loss of their mother at a young age -- a very important reminder that grief is not always a bad thing...

This book is a touching collection of poetry and personal stories that will move any reader. Through these women's specific stories, we get to our own personal feelings; the feelings are universal. Although my mother lived till she was 96, I can relate to the depth of emotion expressed by the writers, the poignancy of their observations, the sweetness or anger or loneliness of their images. A non-Catholic, I am deeply moved by Ann Murphy O'Fallon's essay, "Lilacs." She tells how it was when she was nine and the priest came to give her mother Extreme Unction, and they had to dress up for him. Her 13-year-old sister tells her, "It's because she is dying, don't you know anything?" Joanne Kelley ends her poem, "Missing," with the lines, "Imagine a winter so hard that no birds survive and nothing moves in the ice." Cindy Washabaugh writes in her poem, "For Pam, Who Can't Remember," "Grandma stood at the stove crying in the same small voice she laughed in, making Campbell's soup for everyone at 8:45 in the morning because, she said, soup makes you feel better."

Such a brave and often amazing collection--in these never sentimental, always eloquent poems and essays, daughters tell it like it is to have lost the most important person in your young life. And I'm grateful that before each writer speaks, the editors tell me in what way and how old the daughter was when her mother died. In a perfect world, a mother should live long enough to be a comfort and then a vexation and ultimately the wise (or unwise) woman she always was. These women had to make that journey all by themselves. It is a privilege to hear how they did it.

I have vastly enjoyed this book of writings and poems by those who have
lost their mother. It moved me to tears and then to an urgent sense that
I must share this book. We need more beautiful places to grieve our
losses. Becoming whole is a life's work, and grieving fully and sharing
stories that break the spell is part of the process. "Kiss Me Goodnight"
gives one a haven to do so and serves this sacred process."
Marilyn Zimmerman, Associate Professor, Dept. of Art and Art History,
Wayne State University, photography/installation/performance artist
and curator

Get out a new hanky or get the tissue box ready. You'll need it!

In Kiss Me Good Night the editors compiled stories from 47 women who recall their mother's death (if they remember) or how they feel now.

The women, through prose or poetry, tell about their mothers and how certain sounds, smells, tastes and things like seeing a purse (like their mother had) trigger strong emotions of loss and longing--and remembrance.

This unique sisterhood opened their hearts and souls to us, and make us appreciate our mom more--if she's alive, or relieved we were not a young child when she left this earth.

Many women are from an era when people did not talk about death or dying to children, and that left them confused. Many times when the mother died, young children were dispersed to relatives, raised apart, because the father could not work and cope with raising children alone.

Who do you talk to? How do you understand?

Missing their mothers as mom and role model and feeling the loss of her nurturing, these women found that talking to others, even all these years later, was therapeutic. And writing allowed them to help many others.

My most lasting word image is one woman looking through a photo album of a mom she vaguely remembers and seeing a "Kodachrome vitality." Maybe that's a reminder to us to keep family pictures updated to capture our own vitality.

Armchair Interviews says: Powerful, powerful words and the emotions they bring. Kiss Me Goodnight is for those women who have already lost their mother--and those who cannot even bear to think about that happening to them.

My husband and I also lost a son - 13 months ago. I have read dozens of books on grief over the last year. Dennis Apple's book is possibly the best one I've read. It is uncanny how closely his feelings mirror mine and my husband's. While nothing takes away the pain of losing a beloved child, there is something comforting in knowing you aren't the only one to have ever hurt this badly or had these feelings. Mr. Apple offers a Christian perspective and one of hope & redemption but not in a "God is so good and praise him regardless" kind of way. He acknowledges his anger and disappointment toward God which makes him more credible in my eyes. This is an excellent book for grieving parents or those who are trying to help them.

Our son just recently passed away (jeremyearnshaw.com) and I have tried to find a book to help. This book my son's fiancee picked up by accident at the Christian book store. Once you start reading the book you can't put it down. When tragedy happens you look for something or someone to relate to...certainly there must be someone out there. This book for us on the tragic loss of our tender hearted son at 23 has been a great help. Our son like his was so loving and kind and wouldn't think twice about walking with his arm over his parents shoulders in a mall. Anyway, a great help and encouragement through the grieving process. Highly recommended.

This book is of the charts when it comes to honestly documenting the effects of grief on a parent who had lost a child. After we lost a son and grandson I searched for several years for someone who could relate to my feelings, emotions and reactions to what I was going through. The fact that Dennis was open, honest and forthcoming about all of his thoughts and feelings made my journey so much easier. Like Dennis, I was also a pastor when my son died. I only wish I could have met Dennis and talked with him several years ago. I have searched and researched for almost ten years and you will not find a better resource for helping you cope with grief. If anyone reading this has lost a loved one, especially a child, you need to get this book.
Norm Standfield
Founder, Grief Fellowship Ministries

As a mom who has buried two children, a stillborn daughter and a 16 year old son, and having a ministry with bereaved mothers, I have read many books on grief and the loss of a child. Yet, I've never read a book that hit the raw emotions and the grief journey I have walked with such open honesty, as this book. Though I read this book in 24 hours, it could not be read in one sitting, as my tear blurred eyes had to recover from the emotions and pains I similarily went through (and still am).

Dennis Apple, the author, and also a pastor, shares with little hesitation,his journey of grief, questioning God, loneliness and despair as he tried to find normalcy. He shares not only his pain but not understanding his wife's depression and his searchings to console her. Sharing excerpts from his journal, Mr. Apple writes of the roller coaster of grief, the unexpected attacks of grief, even many years later. Even with his wonderings at times where God was, he shares how he can see God never left him, and gives hope and understanding to those walking this road now.

This book is not just for bereaved parents, but should be read by pastors, grief counselors, extended family of the bereaved or anyone who wants or should understand the pain after the loss of a child. I invite you to read this book to understand and care for others. Though you will most likely have a tear streaked book when you are finished, it will give you hope and understanding.

This is the first "real" book that I have read about the grief process that was right on the money. Dennis Apple gives a very honest, strightforward truth about what really happens to those suffering from a tragic loss of a child. He helps the reader know that what they are experiencing is normal and that there is hope. Being a mother who has also experienced the loss of a child, I found this book to be very uplifting and very encouraging. My hope is that others will read it and feel the same. I also think this is a great book for those who feel led to be grief counselors. It will give them an honest look at how to approach and not approach those in grief. A very awesome book!

Living With Loss was given to me after I lost my husband to cancer. I passed it on to another and have since purchased many more to give to others. I read an entry each day and found connections beyond belief. Along with prayers,family, friends, and a wonderful support group, this book was a great savior.

A comforting companion as widows live through the first 365 days following the loss of their spouse. This book reflected the same feelings that I was experiencing. The words supported my thoughts and helped me travel through the valley of loneliness and grief. A gift that should be given to any woman faced with the overwhelming burden of loss.

When my mother was widowed in her 40's, this book was a godsend for her. I in turn purchased it for a friend of mine, recently widowed in her 40's as well. She said it was the best gift she received and it helped her immensely during the grieving process. I now want to purchase it for another widowed friend and am dismayed to hear it is not in print. I am hopeful it will continue to be printed as its format and easy, brief daily insights, make it comfortable and manageable to read one thought a day to get through the initial shock of being alone.

This book was incalculably helpful to me as I walked numbly through the first year after my husband's death. I received many books from well-intentioned friends, but couldn't find much enthusiasm for reading much at a sitting. This book is in a "daily meditation" format, presenting one idea per day, on one page. This was not too much for my grief-stunned attention span, and dealt with real issues in direct language. I appreciated it so much. Now, 6 years later, I want to purchase it for a friend, and am shocked and dismayed to find it's out of print! I sincerely hope that whoever is responsible for that will reconsider.... I heartily recommend this book for all widows who want to remember, and to gently help themselves heal.

It has been a while since I have felt compelled to express my joy at a worthwhile, and actually helpful commodity. On the mostly rare occasions, when I find a product that I feel can improve the quality of life, I do feel bound to promote or inform about my find. Two years ago, I offered a review of a health DVD by this author, and so, recently, when I saw that Andy Troy published a book, well, it had to be explored.

Living Young: 32 Habits of Ageless People, turns out to be an informative and practical book of advice about maintaining health into old age. Mr. Troy, CSCS, has written an organized, concise, and user friendly guide to taking care of yourself, once and for all! He takes you through a daily regiment that sometimes requires a little time and planning, yet each step is manageable, with some thought. Although I believe that I do, and have, taken basic care of myself, this book empowers and enables me to clearly prioritize my activities for greatest impact. The book allows me to re-think my habits in a clear fashion so I can make decisions on how to improve and maximize my day to day routines which do impact my health. His suggestions are very worthwhile, and those not in my present repertoire will be slowly and thoughtfully included, down to his recipes and suggestions for dining!

This is a good and quick read with long term benefits for everyone. I strongly and highly recommend this book for all!

The genius of this book is that it packs lots of extremely valuable information into a relatively short 288 pages. The writing is perfectly straightforward and to-the-point. If you are looking for a practical book packed with workable advice which will enable you to live better and longer, this is it.

Shakespeare's immortal line: "To Thine Own Self Be True", is exemplified by Andy Troy, in his recently published book: "Living Young - 32 Habits of Ageless People".

Troy, a nationally-certified fitness and health expert, writes candidly and honestly about the reality that we mortals must all face: the accumulation of birthdays, and the challenges that the body, mind and spirit must face as we move through the stages of the life cycle. However, his is not a tome advocating acceptance and complacency in aging. He outlines, clearly delineates and supportively encourages the reader to take up arms (and legs, and stomach, and torsos, etc...) in the fight against the decline that many persons erroneously accept as the natural process of getting older.

This superior book, which is the best I've read in the last decade on health and well-being, does not deny that aging occurs. Instead, what it does brilliantly is provide the reader with transcendent insights, techniques and tools to make a difference. Troy eloquently provides the information that every man and woman needs to get much more out of life as they grow older, and to stop the decline of health and fitness if it has begun.

Troy's book takes a "holistic" path in addressing the human body, mind and spirit. And while he outlines his expertly developed exercises and workout routines to strengthen, restore and rejuvenate the body, he does not stop at the corporeal. Sections include avenues for optimal meditation, posture and breathing to rejuvenate consciousness. His eclectic approach includes sections on hydration, aromatherapy, vitamins, the delights when you "learn something new", the therapeutics of music, and even the panache provided by a "revised" wardrobe.

This informative book even contains recipes for a healthier life, including "Sue's Grilled Chicken & Broccoli in red sauce", a savory dish which I have already made a staple of my culinary repertoire.

Troy, who epitomizes the concept of "do as I do, AND as I say", is a wonderful guide through the myriad challenges faced by an individual who wants to feel better and happier. His narrative is supportive but uncompromising. He understands that if you are reading this book, you want to do something; you don't just want a pat on the back, you want a firm hand up, a plan that can help you live a better, healthier life.

I've read the book several times, and continue to glean new and inspired ways to improve my condition. This book has helped me recommit to exercise, a better diet, and a more rewarding approach to my daily challenges.

But all work and no play makes for a dull existence, and Andy encourages us to enjoy the delicacies and decadences around us. And while he points out the health benefits of one or two glasses of wine, he also gives a nod to the Socrates principal of "moderation".

Troy's book is a revelation, with so many fine recommendations and lessons, and even more insights and delights. "Living Young - 32 Habits of Ageless People" is a cornucopia of useful information and practical and practicable exercises. And that is just one part of this great book. As the Bard had Hamlet say, "There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy".

Andy Troy's book, of which I am a proud owner, is guaranteed to change your philosophy about health, exercise, well-being, and aging.


Alex Maurice, Adjunct Professor CUNY

Finally---an anti-aging book that really gets down to what we need to know and follow. The 32 habit solution explains the "what" and "why" things are happening to us as we age. How we look and feel is not just about genetics, but more importantly how we care for ourselves day to day. The book provides a clear chapter by chapter road map on simple ways to a better life through a better life style. My thanks to Andy Troy (the author)for writing such a great book. I look forward to your next book!
Eric

The fountain of eternal youth has been a recurring theme in our culture since it's inception. Now, we have a book that gives us ways by which we can slow or even reverse the processs.

The author has done a great job solving the riddle of what happens when we age. You can probably extend your lifespan very significantly, and live longer with the wisdom and techniques described in this book.

My doctor had the book in her waiting room, and I liked it so much that I wanted to order one for myself. The fact that it is short is the best part--it doesn't have any fluff in it. It's "to the point," so you can read it in an hour, and it has everything you need to know to lose weight. It has a meal plan, helpful graphics (only two, wish there were more), and an easy to understand explanation of why we gain weight around the middle.

I really liked this book. It was concise, so it was quick to read and easy to understand. The principles that Ms. Gregory talks about are easy to implement, and I've noticed so much change already.

I really recommend this book. If you want to understand the hormonal changes in your body, and the reason why you have belly fat, "Lose the Belly Fat" is indispensable.

Lose The Belly Fat is a simple, informative and straight forward book. It has a clear explanation of the hormonal changes that occur during peri-menopause and menopause.

The food plan(s) and ideas are practical and realistic. Marcy Gregory, M.S. gives advice with kindness,yet a clearness that people will easily respond to in order to have success in their belly/weight loss endeavors. Anyone using this wonderful self directed book will find it invaluable and easily adaptable to their own lifestyle following Marcy's guidance.

Nancy Cohen-Knee,R.D. Nutritionist

I thoroughly enjoyed Marcy Gregory's book. Her suggestions are rooted in her knowledge of nutrition, exercise, and human behavior. The book is sprinkled with interesting tips and anecdotes that made for a great read. Best of all, the book is compact enough to slip into your purse and consult on a meal by meal basis.

My girlfriend made me read Gregory's book due to my fondness for real Coke in the hopes that I would "downsize." Well, page 33 really set me straight -- and everything else made sense, too. I'm still enjoying a real soda, but in the extra small can. Good book -- this beats consuming diet foods anyday! (And my girlfriend is really happy with me!)

It just makes sense. The most delicious food is the most healthful. A few years ago it dawned on me that all my favorite cuisines were either from the Mediterranean or Asian regions. I daydreamed about a "MediterrAsian" restaurant, thinking what a catchy name I had cleverly invented. Surely no one else would ever join such different styles of food together. Or would they? I plunked "mediterrasian" into a search engine and was transported to a place even better than my imaginary restaurant.

Ric and Trudy's website was like an oasis to me. All my life I had never had to worry about my weight, but that changed when I became pregnant at age 29. By the time I found their website, number two was on the way and my metabolism wasn't keeping up. Dieting was completely foreign to me, and being a foodie who loved cooking, I dreaded the idea of having to give up fats like cheese, olives and avocados, or carbs like pasta, potatoes, and fresh fruits. All the popular diet programs either consisted of calorie counting (i.e. small portions of reduced fat or non-fat foods) or of eliminating carbs and eating lots of protein. My dream diet was more along the lines of French Women Don't Get Fat meets Yan Can Cook, but I didn't know how to translate that to every day life, or if it would even be healthy. Joining a gym sounded about as appealing as going to the dentist. Formal exercise and sports were not this bookworm's cup of tea.

So when the Mediterrasian Way presented that third, balanced option, it simply felt right...and had the scientific basis to back it up--not just from recent times, but going back centuries. As I explored the extensive website, it was like coming home--from a nutritional and culinary perspective, it all resonated with my knowledge and experience, gleaned from both my own education and being raised by a health-conscious ethnically diverse cooking-oriented family. Not only did the theory make sense, but the authors had translated it into practical menus and recipes for every day living.

The emphasis on natural movement was something I had always intuited, so it was refreshing to see that validated by the longevity reported in studies of Mediterranean and Asian cultures based on an active (and simultaneously restful) lifestyle combined with healthful cooking. Granted, I couldn't achieve that level of movement with my nose in a book or up against a computer screen all day, but as a mother of little ones and a homemaker in a house with stairs, my once somewhat sedentary existence has been exchanged for a life made up of fairly rigorous hands-on tasks.

I was tempted to print out the whole website, but instead I emailed the authors, thanking them for creating such an amazing resource and suggesting they turn it into a book. Well, I wasn't the only one, so it came as no surprise when about a year later, Ric informed me they were doing just that. I was quite willing to pay to hold a printed and bound version of their website in my hands, but the book is actually much more than that. It's a chronological journey and explanation of The MediterrAsian Way, as well as a treasury of creative meal planning ideas and recipes with pages of mouthwatering full color photographs.

Like the way of life it outlines, the book is light enough to read in a day, but so rich in content that I keep returning to it to absorb the principles and implement the techniques. Because no foods are excluded, this style of cooking and eating lends itself to very versatile and flexible menus.

In a literary sense, it reads more like a guidebook than a textbook, perfect for the armchair traveler, but also meaningful to those of us who've been overseas and are delighted to revisit the flavors and lifestyle we tasted while abroad. Thanks to Ric and Trudy's excellent direction, I have found my MediterrAsian restaurant--right in my own kitchen.

I used to visit their website, and all the recipes I tried were just fantastic: healthy, but packed in flavour!. Therefore, I wanted to buy one for my Mom. A few months later, I bought another one for my sister-in-law, and now I just bought one more for my daughter!.

If you are looking for a cookbook that you will want to use all the time, this is the one!.

The book is beautiful from the very cover and is not just a collection of recipes. The first part explains the Mediterrasian philosophy, backed up with medical facts and history, and an actual plan to follow a Mediterrasian way of life for 14 days. (As someone currently living in Italy, I can say living like this for far more than 14 days is anything but a pain!) The second part is a catalog of delicious recipes showcased with beautiful pictures that, by a historical coincidence, happen to be great for your health.

Not only a cookbook with great, fairly simple recipes but it also offers a unique 14 day menu/lifestyle plan a la mediterraean. I especially love the suggestions for menu/activity/lifestyle based on certain occasions such as a romantic evening, hectic weekend, airplane travel and several others. Great suggestions for living a more balanced, relaxed life and eating healthier as well. Highly recommended for those looking for something beyond the standard cookbook. Beautiful color pics as well of many of the recipes featured.

This is not a diet plan. This is some rather helpful information that may lead to healthy lifestyle adjustments. The recipes are delicious. I found one error in the book as far as a page number but that is all. I am a cheese lover, but so far I have adapted more of an Asian approach to eating and I must say that I really don't miss dairy as much as I thought I would.

I hope that Ric And Trudi take it to the next level and provide some nutritional information on the various accompaniments that can be consumed with foods. I'm sure that there is some benefits to the various pickles, relishes, and non-alcoholic beverages I have enjoyed since my youth other than the taste they provide. There has not been much written on the subject but I'm sure a better understanding will add more dimension and enjoyment to eating food.

I had heard before that a person's family of origin had an impact, sometimes a big impact, on how long it took and how difficult it could be to recover from abuse. This book does a great job at explaining why and how this is true. It was written for professionals but wasn't too difficult to read and follow. If this is an idea you hadn't considered before or just wanted more information about it, this book will probably be very helpful. It was for me.

This book is really for professionals; I wouldn't recommend my clients read it. I appreciate the perspective it brings to an often too politicized field. In addition, Dr. Gold does an excellent job of *not* blaming but rather using the available literature and the experience at his clinic to endorse ways to help our clients *move on* from their traumatic situations & contexts into a healthier and happier life.

I think there is an unfortunate tendency among some therapists even today to focus primarily on child sexual abuse (and perhaps to a lesser extent, child physical abuse) as the source of the client's problems. The treatment approach that ensues all too often involves one of two things: focusing exclusively on the damaging effects of the traumas, which in the 80's and early 90's often promoted deterioration rather than increased functioning, or, in reaction to this, avoiding the subject altogether and focusing on the biological basis of mental illness and an often superficial examination of present-day problems.

This book provides another approach. As other reviewers have stated, it emphasizes the essential fact that many child abuse survivors grow up alone. If not physically alone, then emotionally abandoned in many cases. This points out the difficulties of living with insecure attachment, a subject that is getting more attention among therapists these days.

However, Dr. Gold does not stop with a conclusion that adding attachment theory to trauma theory will relieve the client's problems. He also says that many clients are missing essential life skills (and I mean basic skills, such as regulating emotions to avoid suicidal crises and be able to function; paying bills; keeping the house clean; maintaining a healthy weight, and establishing a stable attendance record at a job, among others). These skills are so obvious to many people that some therapists (along with the general public) expect child abuse survivors to know them. However, they all too often don't and are blamed when they can't function well (or even at all) in life. This book shows how to remedy these problems.

Another benefit of this book is the inclusion of experiences of male survivors, who were until recently often neglected in the child abuse literature.

I am using the word "survivor" in this view for lack of a better term, but Dr. Gold points out the limitation of this term; that it does not account for the non-abuse related aspects of the person.

Dr. Gold points out that clients usually don't enter therapy with the goal of talking about child abuse experiences. They want to know why they can't make their lives work. In his approach, some processing of the trauma may be necessary, but it is put in context of the overall life of the person.

This book makes the reader conceptualize child abuse and its sequelae in a totally different way and I strongly recommend it. As another reviewer pointed out, it is well-written and free from the jargon and highly technical language of most professional mental health books. My only caveat is that no one book, including this one, can be viewed as the Bible for explaining an individual's life. In therapy, the individual's experience is more important than any book. But I think the author would agree with this. His approach is highly instructive and compassionate.

I had the pleasure to meet Dr. Gold at a conference in New York City for male survivors of CSA and was blown away by the presentation he gave. I was even more impressed by the brief discussions we had after his presentation. Dr. Gold is a therapist of rare insight, patience, dedication, and intellect (all essential traits in anyone who works with suriviors).

Not Trauma Alone is a standout work in the field of working with clients who have experience prolonged periods of childhood abuse. (And it's a tragically rare book in this area as well).

His work shows the limitations of viewing us through the lens of trauma alone. Though it's easy to grasp onto the horror of the experience of sexual abuse and see that as the lynchpin of the problems that adult survivors face, the truth is that these attacks often happen in a much broader context of a childhood marked by neglect, abandonment, fear, and powerlessness. This experience can often leave a child marked and vulnerable to the manipulations of abusers, but more importantly this kind of upbringing leaves the adult who survives struggling to adapt and feel comfortable living in a complex world.

This book is essential reading for any therapist who has clients who have suffered from significant childhood abuse, and for any survivor who is looking to gain a greater understanding of why they feel the way they do.

Excellent viewpoints from different angles. I read it from a 'victim in recovery' view. I identified with the entire book. It does not cover the more unusual aspect of the victim living in fear of losing his life at the hands of his mother as in my case; but does cover very fully the more usual traumas in the family context of PCB (Prolonged Child Abuse). I read it all through, then started all over again - slowly - with my yellow highlighter. It gave me confirmation and great respect of Steven Gold's immense research and practical experience in this area. One can see 'Dissociation' in action from the social family viewpoint. Definitely a good study/read for those dealing with trauma victims as survivors or those in recovery. This is reality. (We are not alone!)

Jonathon Dobrer has an irreverent method of cutting to the heart of common and frequent misconceptions and misleading information. His way of playing devil's advocate while imparting knowledge to the reader is unique. He asks questions (most of us would like to ask but are too shy) and provides "dumb" answers--exactly what the average person gets when dealing with companies and their policies. This book is funny and thought provoking at the same time. I couldn't wait to read the next chapter and am looking forward to his next sojourn into the literary forest.

serious; funny; --> seriously funny.
so funny, i couldn't put it down.
seriously.

Jon Dobrer is an eminently sane and insightful writer. His wide-ranging, free-wheeling style reminds me of the funny, yet serious
non-fiction of Anne La Mott. He's an original thinker (so rare
these days) who doesnt shy away from the tough call, and whose
irreverance more than once made me wince in painful delight.

Like M*A*S*H* this book finds humor and laughter even in the tragic. And every laugh serves a serious purpose.

Jonathan Dobrer's newest collection of essays showcases his gift for extremely engaging, often humerous and always thought-provoking writing. Who can resist delving into an essay that seems to be a confession of a crime "I just got back from making a drug run to Mexico."? It's not a confession nor a crime--but I leave it to the next lucky reader to discover the truth! His essays explore and address seemingly insurmountable social concern; separation of church and state, Sept. 11, the situation in the middle east, corporate fraud, immigration, racism, and national security. And whether or not you may agree with his observations, these essays will make you think and rethink your own observations. These are essays born to spark lively group discussion. The essays here also show Jonathan Dobrer's strong ability to write deeply moving essays such as the one on the death of Daniel Pearl, delightful whimsical pieces such as "Murder Most Vowel" and local interest pieces such as "Irony-Free in Anaheim" that address the issue of immigration in an intelligent, straight-forward manner done so well it could apply to any community in the U.S. This book is a delight to read, talk about, and read again. I look forward to Jonathan Dobrer's next collection!

I agree with the 5 star reviews that this is the best weight loss book now on the market. My reservation is that this is therapy. You must be prepared to be completely honest with yourself, to journal about your feelings, and your relationship to food, and how and why you got in the fix you're in. The book opened a real can of worms for me, and did so for my sister, and neither of us was prepared to go so deeply into the issues. I guess that's why previous diets have failed us! If one is truly ready to do the work, this book is the only tool you will ever need. The approach is encouraging and gentle, but the emotional baggage that comes up can be difficult. I think this book would be most safely used in a support group.

This is one of the best weight loss books I've ever read (and I've read them all). It is clear and well-written, non-gimmicky, with great tips for every situation. If you want to lose weight and you think you've tried everything, this book is for you.

This was the first weight/diet related book I ever read and it had quite an impact on me. This book offers useful information about how to eat and usefull tips on how to control impulses to overeat. I'm not saying that this book is the end-all to diet books but it has many helpfull tips and tidbits that can help anyone learn to eat a little healthier.

This is a wonderful book. It contains the most current research in the field of weight management in a format lay people can easily understand. Cathy, very courageously, does not offer a quick fix. She over and over demystifies the weight loss experience, and honors how difficult it is to change behavior and keep it changed. The overeating stories are an absolute hoot! I know I will recommend it to my clients and use it for myself.

How do you battle weight loss and maintenance? In her book "Outwit you Weight" Cathy Nonas provides 200 tools and tips to help you achieve and maintain a healthy weight.

If you, like many people are concerned with the way you look and feel, this book will provide you many answers. In addition to tools, Cathy breaks down danger zones and physical fitness using real live examples. Healthy recipes are also provided.

"Outwit your Weight" is easy to read, well organized and full of facts and tips. Reading this book is like having a weight loss program at your fingertips. Definitely recommend.

This book was one of the most interesting I've ever read. Penelope Lively created two of the most interesting, yet pathetic characters in modern fiction. Both siblings Helen and Edward were destined to lives of social isolation from birth because of their controlling mother Dorothy. The story is gripping from the onset.

Only an author of Penelope Lively's talent could present a story of two diffident, almost invisibly shy middle-aged people and make the reader not only care about them, but care deeply.

On the surface, nothing whatsoever happens in the very quiet country lives of Helen and Edward, a brother and sister caught in a time warp of old-fashioned Victorianism smack in the middle of the teeming 80s (when this book was written). Having lost their domineering old battle-axe of a mother as the book begins, both brother and sister are having trouble banishing her critical and strident voice from each of their minds.

As they go about their days--Helen as a part-time librarian, Edward as a schoolteacher--the reader senses that something horrific is about to happen. The very stillness of their lives portends something awful. It is the genius of the author that can portray that feeling without in any way discussing it or warning the reader...it's just there.

And when it happens, lives are shattered, and the reader simply must weep.

This is a tour de force. A brilliant piece of writing. And something that cannot be put down and forgotten.

Helen and Edward Glover have just buried their mother, Dorothy. Dorothy, the manipulative and domineering woman that she was, raised two meek children who did her bidding and one child, Suzanne who escaped her, but understood the life her siblings had led. Penelope Lively has once again written a wonderfully literate book of characters, showing their foibles, yet the allowing the mysteries of life to unfold in real drama.

Helen and Edward live in a small town near the edge of Cotswold. Helen is 52 and a part-time librarian. Edward is 49 and a teacher at a girl's school. It appears that both of them have not made much of their life, under the eye of their mother who had a need to keep them under her thumb, while allowing them to think they were not worthy of much.

They live in a large, unkempt home Greystones, and have a piece of land known as the Britches, which Edward keeps as an environmentally safe place. After their mother dies, she stays with them in picture and soul. It takes a while before either of them can talk about her. It is while Helen is cleaning her mother's room and then cleaning the entire house that she finds the "nasty" things her mother had done to keep her two children at home. In the meanwhile, Helen has blossomed and has become good friends their solicitor, Giles, She falls in love with this wily man and feels like a school girl again.

Edward, in the meantime becomes more reserved and into himself. An incident occurs that rocks both of Helen's and Edward's lives. As it happens, Phil, their sister, Suzanne's son has moved in with them because he and his parents do not see eye to eye. Both Helen and Edward continue their daily life and seem to make a difference in Phil's life. Has Dorothy's death freed these two characters to pursue their own lives?

Both Helen and Edward appear to be accepting what has been lost in their lives because of their mother and moving on to a new and better life. Their next door neighbor wants their land and will use every wily trick he can muster. Are Helen and Edward smart enough to rebuff this man? What would new found money do to their life? Penelope Lively has introduced us to two characters that move our hearts and souls. She has been able to develop their personalities to such a degree that we can begin to understand how Dorothy, the mother has taken over their very thought and desires. How to break free of this tragic creature?
Can something be done, be retrieved of their lives. A poignant and personal look inside the minds and hearts of two people we come to care about. Penelope Lively has done it again! prisrob

Reading this book broke my heart. And yet, when I finished it I turned back to page one and began again. The characters in this book are so complex and compelling, it was as if they were people who inhabit my day to day life. I recommend this book to anyone wishing to be haunted by perfect fiction.

I realised about half way through this book that I had read it before (the first thing to really push my recognition buttons was a typically straw man attack on Creationists. I also remembered the technique she used of telling us early that one of her characters fiddled with their glasses when perplexed, and later just saying when they started fiddling). All the plot seems to happen in the last couple of chapters, whereas until that point we're just getting a picture of the main two characters. Our central character, Helen, is a 52 year old woman dealing with the death of her overbearing mother, who may have actually altered the whole course of her daughter's life by, for example, not handing on a potentially vital love letter Helen finds while sorting her mother's things. The issue for Helen is less whether things really would have been different if her mother hadn't have been involved than how much she is to blame for not taking a stand, for being too pliant.

Lively is good, you get to like and respect Helen. A major theme is linking nature to our lives: how do we deal with the fact that we really are just beasts with intelligence? (The conclusion manages to have some hope in this bleak outlook: 'They saw that there is nothing to be done, but that something can be retrieved.') This is the assumption - obviously I deal with it differently to Lively. And I suppose I put a minus after the A because I think her insight, while profound in some areas, doesn't extend to respecting anyone with alternate views. The novel is a bit preachy (in a relatively subtle way - it's not the only concern of the book), and does unapologetically reduce several characters to mere goodies and baddies (eg. Ron Plaget, Helen's mother, Giles Carnaby, Susan Wilmot). She also is pushing a pretty tough barrow: she wants us to feel sympathy for Helen's 49 year old brother, a repressed homosexual who gropes the neighbour's 14 year old, and to utterly condemn, in contrast, anyone in society opposed to homosexuality - including the father of the 14 year old (set up for a fall, of course, an utterly immoral opportunist). The way she tells the story, we are sympathetic, but it is such a contrived 'moral' that makes its point but undermines the universality of the story.

Plotwise, slow moving, sure, but a dynamite finish, with several things all happening at once, rather than conveniently pacing themselves throughout the drama. We reel with the characters with no time to wallow over major events as more major ones rudely jump in. The irony is thick as Helen's younger sister talks on about her daily crisis' assuming that her stick in the mud single older siblings will have had nothing to report - when actually they're going though much more that she probably will never give the chance to hear (shades of some conversations I've had with ' also reminds me of that ably presented scene in 'Pulp Fiction' where Bruce Willis' character, on the run from the mob, has to tread carefully around his girlfriend's potential tantrums about her nails or whatever).

Like I said, she's good - but she should read some Hornby and see it's possible to present characters that differ but are both respectable. It does surprise me when people like Lively or Adam Spencer (JJJ presenter/mathamatician) do just write off anyone who believes that the complexity and beauty of nature suggest there is a God. Not just disagree, but vehemently abuse. Surely somewhere they've come across someone they respect who holds to this idea? Maybe they have but can't put the two together. Christians with half a brain have known and made it clear for ages that some very intelligent people are atheists. How about some atheists with half a brain making it clear that some very intelligent people are theists?