Attachment Parenting Books

This book has changed my whole outlook on what it means to adopt or foster a child. It's given me concrete, very real scenarios to work with. I might not be able to react like the therapeutic mum in the book, but she certainly gives me specific ideas on how to respond to attachment disorder and why. If, like me, you're looking to adopt or foster an older child, I can't recommend it enough. Wish I'd started with this a long time ago!

For two years, and with the help of so many people -- therapists, teachers, football coaches, friends, neighbors, my family -- slowly we have stumbled our way toward creating a safe, cheerful and responsible home.

Then I saw Dr. Hughes speak, and then I read this book. Dr. Hughes gives voice to the intensity, the chaos, the confusion and the beauty of loving and healing a child who must learn to accept and give love to a parent.

As a foster parent, I agree with the reviewer who said that very few of foster parents will be fortunate enough to have a therapist with the knowledge and skills of Allison, the therapist in this book. I say that even though I have had the privilige to work with four therapists that I hold in extremely high regard; still, if any of these beautiful amazing people had a backgrond like Allison's, we all would have all gained.

The one part of the story that didn't ring true was how hard it is to deal with the courts, the lawyers, the birth family, the child welfare system -- all of this can be much, much more complex and intense. It can be almost as painful as the work with the child.

In spite of that, this book shows what is possible, Jackie and her daughter deal with the pain, with courage, good humour and resiliance.

Thanks Dr. Hughes. You're one of the good guys.

This book does an outstanding job of presenting how a child's experiences of early maltreatment can cause significant difficulties and how these can be effectively treatment using a gentle and evidence-based approach; Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy.

Assessing Children with Complex Trauma & Attachment Disorders
Principles of Attachment Parenting
Creating Capacity for Attachment: Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy in the Treatment of Trauma-Attachment Disorders
Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children
Attachment-focused Family Therapy

This is a great book for anyone who is adopting or recently adopted a RAD kid. Great information and real life scenarios. You follow a child's journey and learn what makes them do the things that they do. It is a day-to-day parenting guide, with some of the best techniques, logic and insight you will find any where! Easy to read, and not a lot of technical jargon.

This book was very helpful and gave much insight from the childs point of view as well as the CYFD worker, therapist and therapeutic foster mothers point of view. Very helpful for anyone working with RAD diagnoses children. Highly recommended!!!!!

Such a wonderfully detailed book with a narrative that propels you forward through the history of how Attachment Theory came to be. The richness of the chronicling, the details of the lives of the therapists who created and performed the studies, and the depth with which the author explains all of the intricacies of Attachment Theory itself makes this a must-read for anyone who has an interest in thoroughly understanding what influences, molds, and creates our capacity to be in relationship with others. 5 Stars!

a pure joy to read. Everything gets clear, and the history of the attachment theory is a fascinating read and shows how much confusion "science" can make when they go in and overturn common sense.

I happen to love books about psychology, so for me reading about countless studies and academic rivalries was generally part of the enjoyment. But since not all parents have the time and energy to go into that level of detail, I'd love to see a shorter, more user-friendly version geared to expecting and new parents, both natural and adoptive. I have a friend who's adopting right now and while I'd love for her to read this, I know she wno't slog through it, so it would be great if there was a more a la carte version for parents like her.

That said, I have to agree with the rave reviews of the other reviewers who gave this book 5 stars. I would have loved this book even before I had my first baby; now that I'm a mom, virtually every sentence seems written just for me! It is so amazing to uncover the theories that help to explain how we bond with our children and they with us, and how we can help to promote secure attachment.

However, I can see how some who favor a hands-off, workaholic, "fight your own battles, kid!" parenting style might be threatened by some of the conclusions drawn in this book. Still, let's not avoid information that makes us uncomfortable. I very nearly returned to more than full-time employment when my daughter was 4 months old, but instead decided to scale back and work just 6 hours per week. Later, when I read this book and also Penelope Leach's Your Baby & Child, as well as Magda Gerber's Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Childªs Natural Abilities -- From the Very Start, I felt beyond relieved that I had done what felt right instead of what was financially smart!

I hope that rather than making working moms feel guilty and stressed, this book and others like it can empower moms who are able to to choose to work less the first one, two, or ideally three years of life. (If you want to read a book that will break your heart and convince nearly any new mom to stay at home rather than put her baby in daycare, read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.) Kudos to Karen for an immensely readable, enjoyable, and deeply thought-provoking work!

This book is perfectly written, gives a reading pleasure, a very good historical review of attachment theory. But if you want something more technical this may be not suitable for you. I'll advise this book as a good start for anyone who wants to get familiar with attachment.

This is an amazing book which was recommended to me by a friend who works in Child Protection - the parents of the children have mental health issues which range from learning disabilities to more extreme personality disorders. She sees babies and toddlers who have been abused through neglect; absence of communication; verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The children suffer a range of disorders from the physical to mental, emotional and social as a result, yet all have degrees of attachment to their abusers, ambivalent attachment and codependency and the patterns of how they are likely to develop are easy to see manifesting in the child that will become the adult if there is no early intervention, if the relationships were to continue between child and parent and if there is a lack of awareness or ability as a growing adult to consciously make efforts to change habitual patterns. This book covers all of these themes. Moreover in the seemingly relatively normal upbringing of a child and then the adult who looks retrospectively at their own childhood and their present relationship with their own children similar issues arise which affect their ability or capacity to love or show an ability to love. This book causes one to self-reflect, analyse and ponder quite deeply how we love because of how we were loved or what we understood or perceived love to be.

Well written easy read. Nice resource book to have in your library when it comes to baby care

This is a great book for new parents--especially when you need to learn quickly. My husband and I got the call that we had been picked by the birth mom of a little boy who was already 2 days old. We had to pack up and head to the hospital and I needed information about being a parent.

Since we had experienced a few years of infertility treatment, I wasn't too optimistic about our chances of becoming parents anytime soon. Therefore, I had not been reading up on parenting/what to expect. I bought this book at my local book store (for more $ than Amazon, unfortunately)and found it very helpful. Information is easy to find--we referred to it frequently in the first few weeks of being parents and then here and there when things came up. I gave it to my sister now that she has had a baby---she has found it very helpful, too.

I've purchased two of these books...for two of my granddaughters...both first-time parents. They love the book and have used it a lot. I'd say that's a pretty good recommendation.

I can't imagine any topic in the first year that isn't covered in this big, fat book. I love that it is direct and to the point. I don't have to wade though lots of chatter to get what I need. If my baby has a fever it explains how to handle it without going into the history of fevers!

Common issues are all covered as well as more unusual things, such as car seat crying, taking your baby to a restaurant, traveling with your baby, and dealing with unwanted advice. No matter your style, this book gives good information and is very, very easy to use with an ABC arrangement. Highly recommended!

This book covers a lot of topics, but usually just gives general info that I could've found by typing the topic into any search engine. I have a few other books that I use much more often (what to expect the first year and baby's first year week by week).

I absolutely love this book. It is my new favorite in my child/parenting collection. I was astounded to see the amount of research that has been done which validates the principles of attachment parenting and provides valuable information about allergens. The material about dairy is priceless - it's made me decide to go dairy free, especially since I am currently nursing. I'll be getting a copy of this book for any friends and family who get pregnant! I can't recommend it enough. I wish every single parent in the country had a copy.

This book is great, I find it to be a very very useful addition to my baby "how-to-parent" library.

I read an interview with the author in Mothering Magazine that I really enjoyed and decided to look for the book. I was especially hoping for some more information about starting solid foods and using formula until 18 months in children weaned before then that the author spoke about in the interview. However, I found this book to be more of an academic explanation of attachment parenting. It actually seemed more geared towards medical professionals (ironic considering the title, I know) than parents. Well written and from the attachment parenting perspective I sought--just a bit too hefty for me.

This has become my parenting bible. When nothing worked to cure my baby of his colic and his reduced nursing, pulling at the breast and coming off constantly while screaming and crying, this book helped me get to the ROOT of the problem and not just cover up the symptoms. It CURED his colic! My doctor once told me if I gave her the cure for colic, she'd be a millionaire and if I had a million dollars, I would have given it up for the information contained in this book!

Not only did it contain information that I had never read in any of the other great AP books that I have, but it pointed me in the direction of other under-recognized topics and a glossary of AMAZING books that opened my eyes to the world.

I actually purchased a bunch of these books out of my own pocket, and I'm on social assistance, and gave them away to women whom I saw had children with colic and other symptoms of food allergies. I also gave some away to parents who were letting their newborns cry their poor little hearts out in strollers and car seats while shopping at the mall.

I know this book will help anyone who has enough sense to read it!

Before I ever had a baby, I wondered why the US has such an abysmal infant mortality rate. According to the CIA factbook, the US ranked 42 worldwide in 2008, with a rate three times higher than the lowest countries. The US also has some of the highest rates of adult psychological disorders like sleep problems, ADHD, depression and PTSD.

This book reviews the vast amount of research suggesting that much of the problem is attributable to "unnatural" infant care practices promoted by US pediatricians in the 20th century. These include formula feeding, scheduled feeding, placing the infant prone in a crib in a separate room at night, removing infants from their mothers shortly after birth, and many more.

I almost never recommend a book without any reservations, and in this case I have to say that I think she overstates the case slightly in a few places. That is to say, although I agree with 98% of her conclusions, only 90% of them are actually proved by the studies she discusses. Nevertheless, if read with a tiny grain of salt, there is no other book that gives the argument so well, so I am comfortable rating it five stars.

Despite the quote on the cover, this not a book about Attachment Parenting but rather (we might say) "Natural Parenting". There is a lot of overlap in the two philosophies, but attachment is just one aspect of Natural Parenting.

The practical message of the book is that it is almost always best for your baby (and you) to follow your instincts and thousands of years of history, and care for your baby the way nature intended.

The 1998 edition of this book is little changed from the later version (2003), and that is unfortunate, because both teach an extremely authoritarian and controlling parenting method that most experts would say is inappropriate for all children. The child is expected to stay within an arm's length at all times.

Worst of all, the author recommends a form of coercive prone restraint for children that is considered dangerous. The author tells readers to put a child face down into a pillow or jacket. An illustration shows one adult lying over a boy's chest, with another sitting on the boy's legs. This, according to JCAHO would put the child at risk of suffocation. More so, because the author advises the parents not to look at the child's face.

My opinion is that this distressing and obviously painful restraint is designed to terrify a child into submission. The author writes:

"It is to be hoped that, as the child calms down, he or she will be very insecure, crying, and in need of emotional support and nurturing. Keeping a child in a more infantile state after a hold will serve as a starting point for moving toward appropriate attachment to the parent. Many children who act out have often missed the stage of immaturity in which they are completely deferential to the parents."

I can't imagine that brutalizing a child like this is going to make him receptive to a loving relationship with his parents. Quite the opposite.
The author's statement also assumes that developmental stages can be redone. That is not a claim that has any valid research to back it up.

This book had a rather intriguing title, and we were at the ends of our rope with our two Adpoted Russian Children from one of those "Summer Camp Programs" which we would never do again. We were totally lost and Dr. Federici's book gave us the strength and new direction to not disrupt our adoption. All the traditional medications, therapy, RAD stuff was tried to no avail. This book helped us take apart the problem and put the pieces back together. Strongly recommended for families like us who were ready to quit. All these other books we read were "very nice and polite", but did not touch on the institutional issues.

After years of all sorts of therapies ranging from medication, play, family, attachment and you name it, we FINALLY found something that has worked in the long term for our two Russian adopted children. We were told by the agency that "time will heal", and by all the therapists that it is "RAD/ODD/ADHD" which we later found out is the "classic combination" that all these therapists diagnosis. Dr. Federici's book gave us hope and a solid "treatment plan" which was missing after all these years. It was a tough one, but so were our kids as we adopted them older (told they were "healthy and fine"). We put everything into effect and even consulted with him and he added to our hope and gave even more guidelines. After six months, we feel we have our family back in order but will continue to work the program outlined. This book is a "must buy" for the struggling family needing direction. It looked tough at first, almost beyond our ability, then turned out to be very practical and systematic.

This was the most common sense and practical book a person could buy who has felt totally overwhelmed by two very troubled children adopted form eastern Europe. No "sugar-coating" here, as Dr. Federici get right down to the cold, hard facts that helped put our family back together. All the other books played around with "RAD", "ADHD", and other catchy terms but never got to the right way to treat damaged children. We hope there are more books coming from this author.

This book is an indispensable source for those who have adopted children from orphanages. I wish I'd had it when I got home from Russia 7 years ago. My child can't be found in the Dr. Spock books, but he's all over the pages of this one. Thank you for confirming some things we've already discovered and given us a guide for where to go next.

Attached at the Heart is a fantastic read -- a true guide for parents in learning how to raise their children to be confident, yet compassionate, adults without using many of the techniques so common in our society, such as letting a child cry herself to sleep, or using timeouts or spanking. Many people would refer to this approach as Attachment Parenting, but to me, it's just parenting...at least what real, healthy, loving parenting should be. This book teaches parents how to develop and maintain close emotional relationships with their children without losing the ability to teach our children boundaries. Yes, we can love -- and respect -- our children without spoiling them!

This book is an easy read with great tips for parents practicing attachment parenting. I felt it was most appropriate for infants vs toddlers.

I've believed in, practiced and promoted the principles described in "Attached at the Heart" for almost 30 years, but still have been fascinated by the new things I've been learning while reading this book. (I haven't read it all yet, but couldn't wait to tell the world how wonderful this book is!)...Mainstream American parents and professionals have been practicing for decades what I call the "Teach 'em to be independent from the day they're born!" approach, an approach that clearly has not been meeting the emotional and other needs of infants and young children. Depriving our infants and young children of the complement of emotional "nutrients" they need has contributed to many of our serious social problems, such as corporate sociopaths, violence, and addictions of all kinds: to alcohol, gambling, drugs, food, nicotine, dysfunctional relationships, work, thrills, etc. Research from various fields, including neurobiology, anthropology, psychology and primatology, has confirmed what the hearts of many parents have told them: that what a baby needs is an abundance of nurturing touch and consistent empathetic care, primarily from someone who is emotionally invested in the baby and with whom the baby feels safe and content. This book does an excellent job of presenting the art and science of attuned, respectful and responsive parenting and explaining how the principles help produce emotionally healthy, empathetic, joyful and productive members of society. "Attached at the Heart" is full of interesting and relevant quotes from parents and professionals, and at the end of each chapter one finds a wealth of recommended reading and research highlights. If I could give only one book to parents or professionals who work with families, this would be it! I recommend that you buy at least three copies to begin with: one for yourself, one to lend, and one to give to your public library or a professional you know. Let's get the revolution going! Maureen McCarthy (infant advocate, parent educator)

What a treasure house of helpful information! This book not only gives you practical tips but it inspires you to want to be a better parent. I could feel the compassion and empathy coming at me across the pages! Rather than judgments and criticisms, I felt understanding for the struggle and hard work it takes to make a home a haven for your family. I know these principles work as I've tried them on my own kids, and although they are all grown (ages 26-29) they all three live close by and check in/with/on me regularly. Thank you Barbara and Lysa for writing this wonderful book so that other parents can benefit from these "tried and true" suggestions!

This is an amazing book written by the founders of an international parenting organization dedicated to raising children in respectful and loving environments. It's not a how-to book. It's a review of how recent parenting practices came about and have interfered with parents' ability to trust themselves and listen to their hearts and instincts when raising their children. The background information on techniques such as time-out and harsh physical punishment is extraordinary and eye-opening, as is the research on other cultures in which children are raised as equal human beings. A definite must-read for parents looking to find their way, to find true happiness in this greatest role of them all.

This is my first book review ever, because this book is so good I wanted other new parents to take advantage of it. If you are a data-driven person who wants to understand WHY and HOW you should parent, this book is it.

After reading it, I feel I have a strong theoretical framework that I can apply to my parenting, instead of blindly following rules of thumb. By offering real life and clinical examples of what can go wrong and what "right" should look like, Newton really is able to teach through this book. I also appreciated the easy reference sidebars that address specific issues (typical behavior and ideas for what I can do w/ baby) for each age group.

Two other notable sets of content: the book includes 1) good discussions on Dads and how they contribute to parenting, and 2) the last chapter on childcare. Although the chapter mainly says that there are a lot of open questions on the impact of different types of childcare on children's development, the fact that Newton addressed this question with the data available to date is super helpful and eye-opening.

I borrowed this book from the library first and have since bought a copy myself, as I can see myself referring to it from now (age 9 weeks) throughout toddlerhood. If you are a new parent, you know you get a ton of advice from every direction, this book is going to help you stay sane, centered, and confident about your actions and the choices you make.

This is the best parent's book I have read, by far. Great real life examples that illustrate attached/secure child behavior vs traumatized/troubled. Excellent attention given the the why's behind creating a secure attachment with your child.

The book really opened my eyes to the importance of attachment, it seems like a given, but the author really digs into the psychological effect of failing to have that secure attachment. I've been doing a lot of therapy work and learning how addiction/self esteem issues/codependency can come out of failing to feel secure/loved/attached/worthwhile/valued. This book will help you create that secure attachment every child needs.

Some chapters are broken out by age pre-baby, newborn, 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years and has suggested games to play with your little one, a section on milestones & brain development.

Loved this book, I am going to give it to my friend's who are expecting. There is a great section on father/mother relationships and pregnancy, going back to work and the psychological impact that all of these things can have on your child.

I didn't realize when I bought this book that it is so focused on toddlers (I have a 7-yr old in my life). That said, this seems to be a good book on mostly non-verbal bonding with toddlers. I ended up keeping "Connection Parenting" instead because it had lots of sample dialogs appropriate for older children.

As a practicing counselor for over 20 years I find this book presents relevant data and practical suggestions every parent and therapist should consider. Written in style that is simply honest.

Dr. Newton's book is beautifully written to enable a layperson to move quickly from the basic theory of attachment to the intricacies of how different skill levels of care-taking and attachment building can affect a child's brain development and emotional regulation skills over a lifetime.

Part of Dr. Newton's research has taken place at one of the largest homeless shelters in CA, whose population includes close to 200 children and their families. She has developed a wide array of observational and interactive tools to assess attachment between parent and child, and to create parenting classes, dyadic therapy, and many other interventions when she and her skilled team determine that attachment has not developed positively and the child is struggling along a spectrum of dysregulated behaviors.

Dr. Newton's book shows that she is a brilliant and creative theorist as well as a professional who is keenly empathic toward children and their primary caretakers.

Not only have I found this book to be the best but the therapists of my adopted Children all have this sitting on their desks. The recommended I get this book and now I but it for anyone I know who adopts a child. It is very difficult to even get a therapist who is trained in attachment. The therapist at Institute for Children and Families in Lancaster PA all use this book!!!!

The book Healing Parents is a great resource for parents of a RAD child. The book is aimed at children between 5-12 yrs old although it has some useful tips for younger children too. This is the first book I have found that has some very real, practical guidelines for dealing with attachment disorders in children. The author provides an accurate description of the problem, especially important since many fathers do not witness the troubling behavior which is aimed at the mother. My husband & I have found the book to be incredibly helpful and contains some wonderful ideas for parenting and helping to heal a RAD child.

This book is pack full of information. I enjoyed it very much. It explains alot of the behaviors and helps to not take anything personally. Overall it is very long but worth the read and to keep for reference. I highly recommend it.

Many thanks to Dr. Levy and Dr. Orlans for producing an outstanding user-friendly book. This is an essential tool for anyone who is a foster or adoptive parent and for professionals working with children and families involved in the Child Welfare system. The book begins by describing the core concepts of child development and attachment, the three pillars of assessment, attachment patterns, and traits and symptoms of a compromised attachment. The book then goes on to describe how parents can become "healing parents" by getting to know themselves in order to create a healing environment where wounded children can learn to trust. The book provides the basic practices of Corrective Attachment Parenting and how the practical skills and strategies caregivers use can lead to positive change in your child and family. I highly recommend this book to the families I am working with.

Written by therapists, teachers, consultants and researchers Michael Orlans and Terry M. Levy, Healing Parents: Helping Wounded Children Learn to Trust & Love is a guide written to give parents and caregivers the information, tools, support, and positive outlook they need to help emotionally wounded children heal and improve themselves behaviorally, socially, and morally. Chapters discuss the core phenomena of attachment - the deep connection that children and parents or caregivers establish early in life - the importance of knowing both one's child and oneself, basic principles of corrective attachment parenting, attachment issues in an adoptive or foster care family, and much more. "You cannot change others - not your spouse, children, parents, other family members, friends, coworkers or employer. You can influence others and create opportunities for others to change, via your attitudes, actions, and reactions. By creating a healing environment you can have a positive impact on your child, resulting in learning, growth, and motivation to succeed." Highly recommended especially for parents or caretakers of any type raising a child who has suffered trauma or deprivation.

It's about time! In all the years I've been dealing with children, I have never found a book that explains childrens' behavior in such a clear and understanding way.
The book takes you through a number of chapters, each dealing with a different aspect of behavior. Bilmes does a wonderful job illustrating these in a clear manner while providing the reader with charts and tables.
My favorite part is that she is understandable. She doesn't try confusing the reader with "big words." She gets to the point and the point gets to you. You don't need to read and reread sentences to decode them, which I found very helpful.
I could not be happier to have purchased this book. It is a lifesaver in the classroom.
Stephanie Anderson- California

I am beginning my first year teaching this fall, and I will have a kindergarten classroom. When I got this book I was so excited because it aligns very closely to my philosophies on behavior management. It addresses a wide range of issues that may arise and gives detailed, systematic information on dealing with those issues from a social/emotional standpoint. Besides that, the book is so easy to read and packed with valuable information--not a lot of filler material and redundancy. I literally completed this book in one sitting, because as soon as I began to read, I couldn't put it down! Since then, I have re-read several pieces from the text and appendices. I plan to use this as the cornerstone of my management system this fall.

I have found this book to be very insightful in reading the behaviours of children and young people. I am a high school teacher and it is very obvious when students don't have a chance to develop these six life skills. The ideas for activities to promote the skills were fun and easy to implement and made a lot of common sense. I feel inclined to send this book to all the local small people schools. Very easy reading too. Some generalisations were made however at the end of each chapter were lists that made it easy to research further if you need to.
Definitely a great find

This book is amazing! I have been looking for a book like this to guide me in teaching children the social/emotional skills they need to thrive in my classroom and in life. It is packed full of information, sample scripts, and activities that will help you successfully implement its ideas and principles in your classroom. Although it was skillfully written for use in the classroom, parents could also learn a lot from it. It is a must read for all preschool/kindergarten teachers. Read This Book!

This is the book I've been waiting for! It demonstrates such a wise and compassionate understanding of children and the root causes of their behavior, AND it gives loads of practical suggesions on how to actually work with kids in ways that are productive and respectful. I am a preschool director, and I bought a copy of this book for every one of my teaching staff. Jenna Bilmes goes way beyond stickers and charts and explains how teachers (or parents and other adults) can speak to children and frame activities to elicit very different responses and build social and emotional skills kids (and adults!) need to be successful and enjoy life. Thank you, Ms. Bilmes, for writing this book!

I just can't recommend this book highly enough for both parents and professionals working in the field of foster care and adoption. Michael Trout's intelligent, thoughtful and sensitive responses to this foster/adoptive mother's experiences are such an inspiration to read. I have repeatedly had both parents and professionals tell me that they could not put this book down! It is destined to become a classic among those who are making the courageous commitment to parent a deeply wounded child.

I have this book on tape. This family reminds me so much of our own. We are out the other end of the tunnel now as well with a very positive outcome.

Our son is 14 years old and came home at 4 from Romania. Diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder when he was 6, effective therapy started at 7, I sure wish I had had Lori's story then to read as we struggled to help our son.

A must read for all parents of children diagnosed with this serious childhood mental illness.

Nancy G.

With over 17 years of experience working with severely traumatized children in a residential treatment setting, this is one of the most helpful and enlightening books I have come across. It challenged me to look at the children and adolescents I work with in a different light and gave me new and innovative ideas to be able to work much more effectively with our children. The suggestions that Michael gave Lorie were strategies that I have used repeatedly and found effective.

I work with families who are struggling to find hope and healing for their children who have attachment issues. The Jonathon Letters provides a rich and meaningful story of the hopes, fears, struggles and triumphs of one family in their journey. I have already begun strongly recommending this book to the families with whom I work and have added it to my list of required reading for both the staff members and parents with whom I work. This book provides a wonderfully honest and realistic insight into the hopes and fears so many families face.

As someone who has read a lot about RAD (reactive attachment disorder), I found inspiration and hope in this account of one family's struggles and their connection to the therapist who encouraged them through the darkest days, helped them see hope in the midst of absolute chaos and put them in touch with the loving spirit hidden deep within one very scared, angry little boy.

I loved this book but I want to be clear about its limitations as well as its strengths. Each chapter is very straightforward and written for "regular" people, not professionals or therapists (one chapter is titled "How We Got into This Situation"). It is an honest account from both the perspective of the parents and the therapist. One chapter is devoted only to the therapist's viewpoint. It is not full of tips, ideas or all-purpose guidelines for dealing with RAD but is the very individualized experience of one family.

For those who find reading somewhat of a chore, they may find this book MUCH easier and more accessable than others, since it is written in a series of short letters. It does not necessarily have to be read straight through, although I tend to think it is most beneficial if read from start to finish because that shows most clearly the transition from meeting Jonathon to dealing with him, being baffled by him, etc.

A key chapter is the one in which the family decides to adopt Jonathon, noting that "there is a side of him that has a lot of love and sweetness and that side of him needs a chance to survive." It was far from an easy decision to make as Jonathon was a typical RAD child, with no definite signs of EVER being able to engage fully with this family- or any other. He had a history of past abuse and rejection and serious problems trusting anyone (understandably). My heart went out to him even as I wondered if he'd be able to find the resiliance to bond with his new family.

Those in the midst of their own struggles with an RAD child may find some solace and hope here. I want to reiterate that it is NOT a guidebook or "how to" manual for dealing with RAD. Rather, it is one family's story but within that story are the seeds of inspiration, allowing readers to feel that they are not alone in their own struggles. Along the way, there are some suggestions that might be useful to other parents, especially when it comes to handing out consequences but these are interspersed with anecdotes and daily accounts. The tips are NOT the heart of this book.

It was extremely fascinating to see how the therapeutic process helped smooth the transition from foster parenting to full adoption of Jonathon. Without the skilled intervention of this particular therapist, I'm not sure if the adoption would have worked.