Addictions Books

Rick Singer has outdone himself! If you thought his first book, "Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds of the Past and Present," was wonderful, you haven't read anything yet. Singer has taken the word "mindfulness" to a new level and shows us how to apply it to every moment of our lives. A Japanese Proverb says, "Beginning is easy, continuing is hard." However, they obviously hadn't read Singer's new book, " Eastern Wisdom for Your Soul: 111 Meditations for Everyday Enlightenment" -- Rick has made it easy to begin and continue. -- Sue Vogan, author/radio show host

Richard Singer's book "Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds of the Past and Present" will definitely change the way you look at life and become the person you were sent down here to be.
What can you look forward to when you get this book? The book is broken down into daily assignments...you read a quote from one of the great minds, then a short paragraph to guide you on your day along with a mind searching question which you answer. This short daily time enables you to gradually change your mindset and I have found that I think about my daily question and answer all day. I have a small notebook I take along with me and have all my short daily thoughts written down...which helps me keep the concepts I have learned so far fresh in my mind.
Another good thing is that Richard gives you a monthly reading assignment...a book written by a great mind, past and present. Having the whole month to read the assignment enables you to absorb the information.
I am gradually changing the way I look at my life and people around me have started noticing a change...more positive, more hopeful, more grateful to the abundance that I do have in my life...even if right now it's not the monetary abundance...but I am now hopeful and positive that that too will change very soon.
Thank you Richard...you have written a book that everyone can handle gradually...so even those who say "I have no time to read" can do this and will gradually want to read more.

Reviewed by Lisa Kisner for Reader Views (11/06)

If you have every wondered how to start finding peace within yourself, look no further than this book. Mr. Singer's book gives you the tools to change your life and be inspired to live each day to its' fullest. Day by day this book expands on wisdom imparted by a surprisingly diverse group of people, from well known spiritual leaders such as Gandhi to Jackie Collins, popular author. Mr. Singer provides you with a daily meditation based on the thought of the day. Questions for thought and personal journaling, as well as affirmations to carry through out the day, round off each day's mediations and help you find answers to your life questions. Also provided each month is a suggested reading that enhances the daily enlightenment exercises.

Mr. Singer walks the reader through his strategies for transformation. These include:

Modeling - gaining insight from the quotes and the people who said them,
Bibiotherapy - reading to gain knowledge and insight,
Mindfulness - applying the daily guidance throughout the day,
Journaling - express your thoughts and feelings in a personal notebook,
Visualizations- visualizing your transformation each day will help you achieve the results you want, and
Affirmations - internalizing and applying these truths throughout the day.

I found this book very easy to read. Every day's meditation can be completed in a few minutes. Subject and author indexes are provided should you have need for a specific topic of meditation on any given day. The suggested monthly readings fit well with the meditations and feature some of my favorite inspirational books. Each day's meditations, journaling exercise and affirmations related to some aspect of my life and challenged me to look inside myself and find my purpose. Every message was inspirational and left me wanting more. I found it impossible to read only one day at a time, even on my busiest days. I read the entire book in less than a week. Now, I look forward to each morning's message and journaling. Already I can say that I am further down the road to inner peace than before picking up this wonderful book, "Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds."

Richard Singer is a genius at adapting a profound quote from a well known thinker of the past into a challenge, an inspiration, a motivation, and a source for contemporary personal application. Arranged as a program for daily reading, each meditation allows the reader the opportunity to gain knowledge, insight and understanding to change.

Richard than provides thought provoking questions for reflection, contemplation, and action. These questions become the basis for a personal journal that will enable the reader to assimilate and internalize these principles, to consider a higher calling to live life with an intense constancy of purpose and a sense of fulfillment.

An example of quotes found in the book is one by Richard Singer himself:
"There are three gifts you can give on a daily basis that will eventually transform all of creation; they are love, compassion, and kindness."

Richard had provided a book of the month suggestion. I plan to incorporate these books as must reading for the year ahead. I personally was challenged to live in the present moment, with a combination of determination, persistence, and patience.

This is more than a self help, motivational or inspirational book. It is a program for a changed life. I highly recommend it for anyone wants to move beyond mediocrity and to experience a more fulfilling, meaningful, and purposeful life.

If you are a seeker of truth and knowledge, "Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds of the Past and Present" is a must read. The author created a masterpiece juxtaposition of both classical and contemporary thinkers most thought provoking works presented in a wonderful format which encourages the reader to record their own thoughts brought out by the myriad of masterminds presented so artfully in this work. The author definitely did his homework. An enthralling, mesmerising book, that no one's library is complete without. Do yourself a big favor; buy this book!

This is a great book! Everybody should read this to really connect with God in a big way. It's also a great tool to use with a small class. Thanks

Great Book!!!
I Would recommend it to anyone who deals with sexual addiction!
Read it with your spouse and get more out of it and revitalize your marriage.
If u want to overcome sexual addiction this is the book!
I've read it 3x's,its an awesome book!!

A great book that gets right to the issues at hand. I would recommend it to anyone I know, even if they are not directly affected by sexual addiction.

This book brings incredible perspective and hope to those that struggle with sexual sin. It has completely opened my eyes to new ways of looking at addiction. Breaking Free does not simply tell you how to stop, it teaches you why the problem exists in the first place. I would not recommend this however to atheists or those who find it uncomfortable to put their faith in God. For Christians however, this book is an amazing tool for those who are sexually broken and those who are married to men struggling with sexual addiction.

There are a lot of other books out there chopping down the weeds but Willingham gets a shovel and digs out the roots. This book nails it!

This book is a must read for those in recovery but I think it would help almost anyone. I got it from someone who bought 10 copies and gave them to everyone close to her. Now I want to buy 10 copies and give it to those I care about. The twelve steps are presented to you in a way that allows you to appreciate the journey. Trudging the road to happy destiny, I couldn't put the book down! I'm starting to read it again and have formed a group w/several other women, we will meet monthly and go through each chapter so we can continue to grow together -- one day at a time. Bless you Tyler and Bob...and Edward Bear wherever you are!

I thought the flow of conversation in this book made for interesting reading and discussion. A good read for anyone in recovery. Do you need a sponsor? This book answers the question clearly. Yes. A poignant look at how we are all in this together and here to help those who remind us of how we used to be.

I started this book not sure if I am an alcoholic, not sure of anything. The help and hope and LIFE giving forces that come tumbling out of these pages have less to do with alcohol than you may think. As Tyler says, "alcohol is a neutral substance - it is like Pepsi, Gatorade...." It isn't about the drink. It is about the soul.
I have read it 5 times. I have bought 4 copies and given them to the people in my life that I really do love. I will re-read this book countless times for the rest of my life and along with my Thanks be to God, will be Thanks be to Tyler.

I was doing my weekly service committment answering phones at the Santa Cruz County, CA., Central Office, and in walks this dynamite, enthusiastic lady with 14 months sober. I've got eight years and have been hitting my second bottom. Agony! We talk and she tells me about this book, which I proceed to order - and IT'S about second bottoms! A perfect book for me. I've seen stuff in it that puts things in the right light - like a passage from the Tao that reads: "The Proverb has it that/The way of light often looks dark./The way that goes forward appears to go backward./The flat path looks hilly./The power that is lofty looks like an abyss./The power that stands firm looks flimsy./What is in its pure state looks faded./Great talents ripen late./Great sound is silent./Great form is shapeless./The Tao is hidden and nameless./ Yet it alone knows how to render help and fulfill." Well, I tell ya, folks. That really made sense to me. It's about giving up the struggle and letting God, because this AA Higher Power is just like that, and always kind.
I'll finish this review with a little plug for the people at Evanco who took my order and sent this used book to me in very good shape and in very good time. Great people!

Keep Coming Back!
Thomas

I just ordered my 9th or 10th copy of this book. I've lost count. I keep giving it away because it is the most helpful book on recovery I have ever read. I seriously want Tyler to be my sponsor but I guess he's pretty busy. P.S. The Deadly Fears and Needs books are also excellent (in fact I just re-ordered those too!!!) I'm beginning to think I should buy these books by the gross. If you are at all interested in improving your spiritual life and wondering what its all about, this is the book for you. You don't have to be a recovering alcoholic to get it but if you know a recovering alcholic this is the perfect present. You might also want to pick up the Velveteen Rabbit. Thank you Edward Bear.

Easy read...good clean story line, the characters pray to god, but its not the heavy religous stuff, more realistic, when one stops and says a quick prayer. Enjoy the fact that sex is left out of the story but that the author builds a relationship between the characters. The story line keeps you picking up the book.

When Darcy the spy meets Cougar the Navy SEAL, the chemistry is unquestionable. The romance builds through stolen moments sprinkled within the thickening suspense that follows the terrorist attacks of 9/11. This novel has a strong plot that is examined from the viewpoints of both the military and the CIA. There is intense action as well as thought-provoking intelligence. This is one of Dee Henderson's finest projects!

Yes, that about says it. Dee Henderson uses good syntax and an interesting plot to give you an all around good book.

I could not put this book down. The first book took me over one week to read. Just couldn't get into the characters. But the last two I could not put this book down.

I love strong women characters the kind that do not need to be saved. You got that from this book she could ultimately take care of herself but it's better to work as a team to catch the bad guy.

I enjoy reading but believe there are too many good Christian writers out there to read much of the secular trash today. I used to think it was safe to go to my church library to get good reading material--WRONG!! They are interested in getting best sellers, etc. I enjoy a good novel that keeps my interest without the foul language, the sleeping around, etc. Don't get me wrong-- sometimes there is a purpose to these topics in the book-- like observing how the Christians around them have witnessed to bring them out of their sinful lives. Think you know what I mean. Dee Henderson is one of those authors that I can count on for a good clean story--exciting and clean. True Honor was no exception. It is a wonderful love story and both main characters happen to be Chrisitans. Throughout the entire book both Darcy and Sam look to the Lord for guidance and strength throughout trials. If is evident from the first moment they meet that there are "sparks" between the two of them. Do they act on those sparks by hopping in and out of bed? No! This is a thrilling story of espionage, danger, murder, terrorism, friendship, relationships, families and patriotism. It is also current-- as Ms Henderson's story begins just prior to that day in history we recently lived thru--9-11. An easy read that you won't put down until you are finished.

Think of all the good things you wish for your children -- health, happiness, safety and love must surely be on the list -- and then realize, if you are an alcoholic, what you may in truth pass on: fear, grief, rage, an inability to love or be loved, and the terminal disease of alcoholism itself. Mr. Erdmann explores his heritage of alcoholism, passed down from his grandfather to his father to him, and the legacy he gave his children. Burdens too big and confusing for their small trembling shoulders, fear, confusion -- so so sad, and so so common. If you are or think you are an alcoholic, do yourself and the people you love a favor and read this. And even if you don't want to quit drinking, find an AA meeting, shut your mouth and open your ears; give your children a chance, even if you never got one.

Alcoholism is not an emotional disorder per se, but it does sometimes have emotional triggers. When my dad started drinking in beer joints, he was in his thirties and had buried two wives and five children. I suffered inconsqentially as a result of his stopping at the nearest joint from our house on the way back for Saturday movies on the town, and I would have to hide in the backseat of the car. Since we had to traverse many curves for the few miles to get home, I remember praying all the way there for God to let us live.

You can tell the children whose dad drinks alcohol, because he carries a load of guilt and pain, thinking he caused the abuse he would later reap by, looking at families who walk by and look at the young ones' faces. It is devastating.

This town has a long history going back to bootlegger days before prohibition of brewing their own 'spirits' openly and for a long time on the main street of town (which they do again in this modern, accepting age), and the men are proud to be drinkers. They look down on those who are not addicted to alcohol. They are the dummies. One local writer told me recently, "You think I am just a drunk." I replied, "If I did that, why would I ask you to show me how to drink?" which he refused to do as I have liver disease. He was his usual 'confused' self and asked "Why did you choose me?" My honest answer, "I trust you because I know you won't touch me" and I thought he might feel enough responsibility to not let any of the other drunks take advantage if I started acting silly. But he told me that he can't control his own drinking, so he ended up not even offering me a drink of water. Ever! Now, I know water is not going to cause this hemangioma to burst, but it seems that something else did. Probably the pain pills I have taken for a chronic nerve pain I have had since 1994. Feeling sorry for me yet, Arthur Hardaway.

Jack Daniels' Whiskey from right here in Tennessee is internationally known and sought after; people come from all over the United States looking for Lynchburg, Tennessee, as if they were seeking the Holy Grail. I heard a bigoted preacher get all emotional about the difference in immersion vs. sprinkling. He said that sprinkling is like scattering a little dirt on top of a dead person instead of burying him in a grave. Since I am a Methodist, I told him that he 'hit below the belt.' He also proclaimed that only immersed Baptists will enter Heaven. For years, I thought it was Seventh Day Adventists who preached that. My sister Evelyn belonged to that group for awhile until they betrayed her.

Jack Erdmann has written othre books because I have reviewed one or more. He was the son of a jazz musician and an ex-chorus dancer in St. Louis. His reminiscing starts in 1934 when, as an altar boy, he drank the communion wine. Then, like this local writer, he drank because of loneliness. He even thinks his son should be allowed to buy beer when he is old enough to 'serve his country' in war but not yet old enough to vote. How dumb can you be!

Co-writer Larry Kearney, a poet who settled in San Francisco (where Jack lives), was born in Brooklyn in 1943. Both are recovering alcoholics.

An unusal accounting of a whole bunch of ingested liquor. Happily with a happy ending. Sadly, though, a between-the-lines documentary of a beat poet who coulda been a contendah. Then again, he's still here now, and b.p. can be thought of as re-manifest in such pubs as McSweeney's where Mr. Erdmann (via Mr. Kearney) might consider submitting manuscript.

Whiskey's Children is a great book, period. While it chronicled the casual horrors and quiet heartbreak of a family damaged by alcohol better than any book I've read, it also tells a universal story of human frailty and persistance. It is shocking, depressing...and funny. Read it for any reason, and then read 'A Bar on Every Corner' by the same author.

Jack Erdmann's story of his long struggle back from the strangling grip that alcoholism held on his life, as well as over members of his family for four generations, is a tour de force. This book is not just for alcoholics, or for drinkers who feel that they "don't have a problem," it is for everyone who is willing to accompany Erdmann on a harrowing journey.

For those readers with alcoholics in the family, they--we--find ourselves nodding with recognition, and ultimately uplifted by the knowledge that there's a way up from the bottom. They will find assistance from now-sober alcoholics "with kind eyes, offering hot cups of bad coffee," in the words of Anne Lamott, a recovering alcoholic herself, who wrote the foreword.

You want an "easy, feel-good" book--well, there are plenty of THOSE. You want one that will change your life, or that of someone whom you love, or that will give breathtaking insights into the lives of the alcoholics you know, "Whiskey's Children" is the best effort I've found. There are pathos, self-degradation, guilt, self-loathing, and even a quiet humor in these pages.

If Amazon offered more than five stars, Erdmann and his co-author Larry Kearney would have earned them many times over. Not just for writing, but from their phoenix-life resurrection from the ashes of an alcoholic life.

This is a wonderful book.

When my counselor recommended this book I was not at all sure that the material applied to me. Boy, was I wrong! This book has proven to be insightful and helpful in identifying patterns in my life that came from a dysfunctional family of orgin. To do all of the work that the book suggests will require a significant time investment and I think to really get the most out of it at least one insightful and trained person to guide you through. I am just at the point where I am putting my action plan into writing and practice so I can't claim lifechanging events yet. It has, however, given me the insight and the tools to move forward. And I feel the first seeds of hopefulness sprouting in my life.

I am very thankful for this book, I learned things about myself that I couldn't quite figure out. This is the best thing I have seen about identifying these betrayal bonds. The problem I had with the book was it wasn't very helpful about where to go next and how to get better. I wish I would have had this years ago, and it was incredibly helpful in helping me identify things I never knew where they were coming from, and that is very helpful.

I read the book again and changed my review.

I felt this book identified the problem extremely well. I could see how a relationship I've been in fits the description of a betrayal bond nearly perfectly. However, I was disappointed in that I did not think the solution was very clearly explained. In fact, p. 35 says that trauma bonds "can be formed almost instantaneously, but they can last forever," leaving me to wonder if there is any hope. p. 165 identifies the dimensions of recovery as healthy bonds, boundary development, role development, trauma resolution, systems change, sense of self, key metaphors, and a recovery plan. However, I did not feel that these dimensions (except perhaps the recovery plan) were adequately explained in the book. One final criticism is that the suggestion to develop healthy bonds seems to focus only on developing healthy bonds with a therapist and support groups. Not everyone is going to feel the need for therapy and support groups, if they have adequate support from significant people in their life. Why doesn't the author address the importance of forming healthy bonds with family and friends? I would think a trauma survivor would be better off with healthy, supportive relationships in their life in the form of family and friends, than to become dependent on a therapist and support group. I am not much of a believer in psychotherapy, so I did not find this particular book very useful. I would have liked concrete suggestions for how to detach from the person who I have this unhealthy bond with.

This is a must read for anyone working with children or teens. Especially good for social workers, psychologists, youth leaders, and any family that has dealt with or is dealing with sexual or physical abuse of a loved one. I cannot give this book a high enough rating. Our daughter was sexually abused as a minor by a (used to be) good friend that we had known for 15 years. She had a very hard time getting out of the situation even as an adult. People do not understand the manipulation, brain washing, lying etc. that goes on in such a situation. If only we had known the signs to look for. Thanks you Patrick Carnes for your insight and for trying to open the eyes of the ignorant.

This is a sensitive but straight forward book on the roles that are played out in relationships between the addict and those involved with them. Dr. Carnes also runs a rehabilative center, "Gentle Path" for those who recognize that they are addicted to sex. This is recommended reading for anyone who is willing to give addiction a honest look and what role the non-addict plays in their lives. It is powerful and worth following to find sanity, answers, and peace.

This is a great supplement to the big book, especiall if you are a group leader or if you just want to improve you understanding of the 12 Steps.

The item I ordered arrived very quickly and in terrific condition. I will gladly utilize this seller again

Re: Mike McF. I don't think AA is for you, but I can assure you that AA does work for some people. Live and let live one day at a time easy does it.

This is a Hazelden book specifically written as a study aid to The Big Book. It helps to clarify and illuminate the 12 step process and is often used by sponsors as they guide their sponsees through the steps. It is a tool which, if used in addition to (and not in replacement of)the basic program literature, may add a layer of depth and understanding to the step process. This book is also used as the basis of step-study groups in some areas. It appears to have been used to a much greater extent in the past than it is now and it deserves a second look for what it may have to offer.

Useful and worthy book for anyone wanting to practice the 12 steps in their life.

Leopold is a tough guy to like. He is a drug addict, a thief, and incredibly self-loathing. He is also a chronic complainer, believing that life has dealt him a terrible hand. Even when things in his life are going well, he manages to sabotage everything around him, almost losing his wife and career. Leopold's instability and ongoing war with himself make for incredibly entertaining stories.

I liked News Junkie a lot. The writing style give the reader a sense of time and place. You feel as if you are in the newsroom with Leopold.

Jason Leopold is complex and a contradition. You like him and root for him, yet cringe at some of his actions. You wish the unfinished chapters of his life will bring happiness.

You don't have to read the paper or even watch the news to appreciate this well written book. Sure, it centers around a fantastic journalistic story. It is also a story of addiction/sobriety, overcoming child abuse and a love story. It is a dark and gritty book that is hard to put down.

News Junkie is the engaging memoir and personally revealing story of Jason Leopold and his willingness to risk an unhealthy and destructive life in exchange as an investigative reporter. An incredible autobiography of a genuinely hazardous career that came to involve selling drugs and stolen goods, News Junkie carries readers through the riveting true-life tale of a reporter's daily job dedicated to exposing corporate-crooks and politician, facing his own illegal behavior brought about by his own felonious behavior, his pressing need for regaining personal sobriety, and the impact upon his emotional well being of what he had been continuously confronted with while in the pursuit of his profession. With its superbly presented candor, News Junkie is very highly recommended reading both as a memoir offering unique insights into the mind and life of an investigative journalist, and as a "slice of life" window into the stories and personalities behind headline stories of corruption and crime.

This is a scary book. Jason Leopold was not a nice guy. He was a creep who would screw over anyone for drugs first, then news "scoops" later.

This is a story of a guy whose misdirected intelligence and passion totally screw him up for a number of years. Finally, he starts to get on a path where he's doing some good, but he's still stuck with some very nasty habits that get him in trouble and keep him sabotaging himself, in spite of becoming a serial award winning reporter.

As a writer I found Jason's book very inspiring. Not the nasty stuff-- but Jason describes the creative and energetic ways he went after stories. I've written for national magazines, with my own share of cover stories, and I've done some investigative leg and phone work. But Jason's descriptions of his efforts have already inspired me to go the extra distance to dig further into articles. The first article I applied this to rose to the top five articles of the month on my website, where we've published at least 400 articles so far this month.

Jason writes about how he was tough on his reporters, as an editor. insisting that they go out on the street, covering their beat, not waiting for news to come to them. That's inspired me to take a similar approach in my own writing.

If you're a reporter, this book is different than any I've seen. It's wild and wooly and while a bit apologetic, brutally honest.


Recently, post the writing of this book, Jason reported that Karl Rove was about to be indicted by Patrick Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor investigating the Plame CIA case. It didn't happen. Rove was never indicted. Now you could just write Jason off as an incompetent. But you could also wonder whether Rove got to Fitzgerald, or, that someone fed Jason bad info that was designed to set him up, because he was getting too close to the truth. I don't know what the answer is. Frankly, having published his report, I was embarassed by the article being wrong. When I got the word, I headlined the article. It didn't feel very good. But maybe that's what was supposed to happen-- what was intended by the people who set him up. I'm not apologizing for him. But I'm keeping my mind open to the possibility that the people who brought us the threat of WMDs in Iraq, who pulled one over on Colin Powell, the majority of the senate and most of the US could have also pulled one over on this news junkie.

I see Jason as a man who can make a difference. I'm glad he's working for the progressive cause now. The right wing fights very, very dirty. They lie, cheat, and since they run the mainstream media, they propagandize, cover up and gloss over news that should be covered that isn't.

We need more Jason Leopolds who are willing to do what it takes to dig up the truth. And we should expect that when he uses his enormous cojones to take on incredibly powerful, influential and wealthy players, he will occasionally be set up,occasionally stabbed in the back by editors, occasionally made to look bad, so his good work is questioned.

Bottom line, this gritty autobiography tells a tale of a man who becomes a drug addicted, dealing, thieving criminal who quits abusing, cleans up his act and really achieves some significant successes in his life, not leaving all his flaws behind, but steadily making progress.

It's a great read.

About the inspiring part-- one must be selective about what one is inspired by. I chose to be inspired by his creative, energetic approach to digging up stories. [...].

I find it interesting and extremely unusual that there are, at the writing of this review, a dozen reviews, most of the positive. All the positive, four or five star reviews have been rated as unhelpful by two to one. My guess is that some of the right wingers who have been attacking the author in the blogoverse have decided to "tar" the positive reviews. I expect the same will happen to this one. The fact is, I doubt that these review commenters have read the book, or care to. It is dishonest to take this approach.

This book is very well laid out and answers many qestions based both on past experiences and present. It also provide a excellent strategy to survive in a "real " world.Great book for the person looking for insight into a "healthy relationship"

RW

When I am dealing with a married ACOA client, I follow giving as homework the basic ACOA text the author wrote with this volume to help him/her understand how their lack of intimacy skills may have thwarted their reaching the deeper level of attachment with the spouse that they desired. It has always proven helpful to my clients as they move into a healthier spousal relationship.

The book I have read over and over. I slip back into my old patterns very easily and this keeps me on track.

I love and recommend Janet's "Adult children of Alcoholics" to my counseling clients...but I must say, I love this book too! And I love the John Bradshaw's "Healing the shame that binds you" book.Healing the Shame that Binds You: Recovery Classics Edition (Recovery Classics) ...... and the "Getting Them Sober, you CAN help" book by Toby Rice Drews (this book is a real lifesaver--- my counseling clients tell me that Toby must have had a crystal ball in their living rooms! And that they read it and read it again, and sleep with it under their pillows, it helps so much.) Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)

I didn't grow up in the typical alcoholic household Janet constantly portrays in her books, so I didn't have all of the ACOA myths as expected - which she stated you may not have all of them. I did see a few lines that I connected strongly with (the actual "Myths" did not ring true, but rather her detailed description fit better). For example, not knowing how to get angry or what is appropriate enough to get angry. I see this in my relationship, and it wasn't until others who cared for me would say "Why are you putting up with that crap? I would never let that fly!" Alot of things seemed to roll of my back. It's not because I'm easy going and forgiving (well maybe!), but I didn't know when it was appropriate to be angry, or how, or what good getting angry would even do! The scenario about the security guard who turned off the lights and one person was angered and the other was not really hit home. Good starter book, you may not fit every myth, but it's an informative read nevertheless. If anything I understand my own parents even better as they are ACOC too.

Excellent book. I felt so alone and didn't know where to turn. This book helped me see that others are stuggling with the same behaviors that I am. Behaviors that may have endagered my life, but that I am at least able to stop now. Hopefully I'll live through this and become a better person. The person that I believe God wants me to be.

Key strategy- work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (projects,relationships) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than they can finish leads to a comfortable CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflicts not resolved/ PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST/ TO STOP the addictions. In childhood they (addict) needed something didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together? A since of normalcy (what they would feel in life in a committed relationship. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) THEY HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. THIER NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN AROUND THEM. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust / focus on issues. Give the outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you. They never were! You are safe with your thoughts; they are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy = shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together = common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship so you will know it will be even better in the future.

Easily, I could say that Patrick Carne's books on sexual addiction has saved my marriage and my husband's life and maybe my own as well. My first read was "Out of the Shadows" and it softened my angry heart after hearing my husbands confession of being with around 100 women over the past 5 years of our 17 year marriage and all sexual encounters were UNPROTECTED sex. I found out the hard way. How could all these powerful, crippling emotions that I was feeling be tamed?? How could I ever forgive this scrum of the earth!! READ this book and you can do the impossible!!
It answers my questions without having to continually confront my husband with the aweful thoughts of how he could be such a hypocrite all our married years!! What was he doing? Is he comparing me to his many different women when we had sex? Will he do it again? Will he always lie?? Is he really a good person deep down?? etc. All the questions have been answered and then some and I saw my own behaviors make the situation even worse without my knowing. I was a coaddict and codependent at different times. In only 4 months of my recovery and 18 months of his recovery we are happier than I ever thought possible!! This book takes you step by step as to what you can expect with building a healthy relationship with a recovering sex addict!! It is very detailed and gives advice from recovering addicts! It speaks in easy to understand language. It recognizes problems that can arise and gives you answers as to what to do if they happen to you!!
This was my fifth book on looking for answers to sexual addiction..Out of the Shadows was first, Secret Wars..second..Love, Sex and Infidelity, His Needs/Her Needs, and finally, with MUCH relief to my quest..DON'T CALL IT LOVE!! AFter reading this book I don't feel the need to read anymore on the subject of sexual addiction. I have more hope than I ever thought possible. The communication, Openess and honesty are first and foremost in reestablishing our relationship that was always crippled from the start of our marriage because he thought getting married would fix his problem!! It doesn't! It affects everyone around you and even the children!
If you are a sex addict or spouse, family member, friend, etc. of a sex addict..READ this book!! You will not be disappointed at all!! No book has done such a good job at laying it all out there and still keep it in healthy context for anyone to read! I saw my whole marriage and all the frustration of it take shape and form and how it brought out the worst in each of us..Now it is bringing out the very best in us with the 12 step program and this book!! Patience and understanding is most helpful and if you don't have it now you will get it from this book!! Good Luck to you and God Bless!!

I had already read Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes but Don't Call it Love was even more a amazing. It was painful to read trying to understand the sex addicts torment as well as the co-addicts. But on the other hand it was also refreshing to know that there is life after sex addiction and recovery is not only possible but necessary. I would recommend this book to anyone in recovery, it has helped me immensely.

Carnes can be readily credited for leading the way in developing a sound understanding of sex addiction and importantly, the treatment of this. By presenting sexually destructive behaviour within the paradigm of "addiction", Carnes has succesfully created a "problem to solution" model which offers a way out of sexually addictive behaviour. In "Don't Call it Love" Carnes offers a plan for living and a route out of this powerfully compelling condition. He manages to present a readable and coherent guide, outlining the multiple dimensions of both sex addiction and recovery from this. In his usual realisitic and compassionate style, this book makes it clear that the process of abstinence and recovery is concerned with helping "Good people get well" rather than helping "Bad people be good". Fundamentally, this book offers a clear message of hope to any person affected by sex addiction that recovery is indeed possible and importantly - enjoyable !!