Etiquette Books

by Judy Bart Kancigor, author of Cooking Jewish: 532 Great Recipes from the Rabinowitz Family

from The Orange County Register
March 8, 2007

It's a simple idea. You read a good book and you just have to share. Some credit Oprah with starting the phenomenon, but, according to Rachel Jacobsohn, author of "The Reading Group Handbook," there are approximately 500,000 book clubs in the United States, double the number since 1994. And those that combine great books with great dining come away doubly nourished by sharing ideas as they break bread together.

Enter The Book Club Cookbook (Penguin), which pairs 100 popular book club selections with the recipes they inspire. Authors Judy Gelman and Vicki Levy Krupp sent thousands of surveys to book clubs across the nation to find out what they are reading and how they dine, and the response was overwhelming.

"When we started hearing the same book titles over and over from many different clubs, we knew those titles would make our list," said Krupp. "We also tried to balance the list by genre. We included fiction, non-fiction, history, memoir, even short stories. We included books highly recommended by African-American book clubs not found on other lists. Some L.A. Asian professionals read only books with Asian themes. Women of the West in Boulder, Colorado, read only books with an American Western woman protagonist or author."

The books are arranged alphabetically, and each section includes a brief synopsis - just enough to whet your appetite but not give away the story - a profile of a book club reading that book, and a recipe to pair with the selection: Tandoori Shrimp for "Life of Pi," Death by Chocolate for "The Da Vinci Code," Honey Cake for "The Secret Life of Bees." In many cases the book's author contributes a recipe or comment.

"The most elaborate and elegant dinner we heard about was served by The Dallas Gourmet Book Club for their discussion of `Personal History' by Katherine Graham," noted Gelman. "It included champagne, wine, Caviar Pie, Sausage Pinwheels, Shrimp Curry, Saffron Rice, Green Bean Bundles and Chocolate Raspberry Tarts. The group even printed a menu to look like headline news in The Washington Post."

The oldest club Gelman and Krupp found, the Wednesday Club of Fort Smith, Arkansas, has been meeting for 106 years! "It started as a literary society dedicated to self-improvement of the members," said Krupp. "Just recently the women decided to stop referring to each other as `Mrs.' and to start using first names. They read only nonfiction and serve dessert and coffee or tea with silver and linen napkins."

The cookbook's web site (www.bookclubcookbook.com) is an invaluable resource for readers. Want to speak personally to an author with those burning questions that only the author could answer? The "Invite an Author" page enables you to contact such luminaries as Chris Bohjalian, Jackie Mitchard and Kathryn Harrison for a phone discussion during your meeting. And sign up for their newsletter "Book Bytes" for reading suggestions and coordinating menu ideas.

Fullerton's own Taal Restaurant (on Nutwood across from Cal State 714-871-7846), my favorite for Indian cuisine, contributed a recipe for Chicken Biryani to pair with a discussion of "A Fine Balance" by the local Second Wednesday Dinner Book Club.

TAAL RESTAURANT'S CHICKEN BIRYANI
From "The Book Club Cookbook" by Judy Gelman and Vicki Levy Krupp

2 tablespoons + 1 teaspoon corn oil
2 large onions, chopped
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
2 teaspoons minced garlic (about 4 cloves)
2 large tomatoes, seeded and diced, or 2 (15-ounce) cans diced tomatoes, drained
2 teaspoons garam masala* (This Indian spice mixture can be found in Indian markets.)
2 teaspoons ground coriander
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 to 4 teaspoons red chili powder
2 teaspoons kosher (coarse) salt (divided use)
1 1/2 pounds skinned, boned chicken breast, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 teaspoons cumin seeds
4 bay leaves
2 cups basmati rice

1. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet. Sauté onions until beginning to soften. Add ginger, garlic and tomatoes; cook 2 minutes. Stir in spices and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt. Add chicken and cook, stirring occasionally, until done but tender, 15 to 20 minutes.
2. Bring 3½ cups water to a boil in a medium-size saucepan. Add cumin seeds, bay leaves, 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1 teaspoon oil. Stir in rice. Simmer, covered, until rice is tender and liquid absorbed, 15 to 20 minutes.
3. Combine chicken and rice (discard the bay leaves) in large serving bowl; toss to mix. Garnish with raisins, cilantro, and mint.

Have you ever wondered how to serve a suitable meal for a book discussion at your local book club? Whether you can serve a meal which is thematically related to the book being discussed? If the answers to both are yes, then the perfect solution is acquiring a copy of Judy Gelman's and Vicki Levy Krupp's "The Book Club Cook Book". The authors contacted members from over one hundred book clubs within the United States, soliciting comments not only the books themselves, but also on the meals served at these discussions (For the record, I am an outgoing coordinator of a book club, and am quoted in several entries.).

Each book listed is accompanied by a brief summary, including comments from book club members, and a recipe for an appropriate dish (For example, for Frank McCourt's "Angela's Ashes", is a recipe for Irish Soda Bread.). There is also an in-depth profile of a book club. So if you are wondering what to serve for a discussion of Yann Martel's novel "Life of Pi", then a suitable dish might be the Tandoori Shrimp featured for this entry.

This is a fun, highly informative book which will interest long-time book club members and those who are just joining. To their credit, the authors also provide some excellent tips on how to organize your own book club. Without question, "The Book Club Cook Book" may become the essential reference guide to serving meals at book club meetings.

This book is exceptionally interesting - combining details about the books, recipies that relate to (or are included in)the books and details about book clubs all over the country...This is my second copy - I bought this one as a birthday gift for a friend!

This book is great for starting up a book club and trying to think of recipes that co-inside with the book. Some of them were very imaginative. I enjoyed the reviews of the books, and how they decided on the recipes for the stories they were reading.

I am sorry I really didn't try many of the recipes.

This book gives you some great suggestions for book clubs. I bought two copies to give as gifts...something I never do. Haven't tried the recipes--I just loved hearing how other bookclubs from all over the U.S. handle their meetings, their menus and their choice of books. Very readable,

This book is one of my all time favorites! I've read it to pre-schoolers on up and it's just perfect for how to act at a resteraunt and to incorporate those actions at home or at a family members house. it's basic manners with a rhyming twist! kids love it!

This charming book is a great tool to use when trying to teach manners to young children. It's told in rhyme and explains why people (children) should say please and thank you. The illustrations that accompany the text are fun and engaging for youngsters. The middle of the book even has a section that explains, in a very simple way, the proper set up of silverware and what each utensil should be used for, such as the far left fork for salads. The end of the book has a set of 10 Rules children should follow when eating out. My sister read this book to the children she works with at preschool and they loved it. Some of the kids even started using the dinner set illustrations when they played house.

He loves looking at the pictures and laughing. We have not had it long enough to see if it will help him.
ETA: He is a joker- and mimics the things to do wrong just to be funny- fortunately mostly just at home. He likes to put his napkin on his head the most.

I needed to buy this book from Amazon because there were none in the stores and I wanted to give them as a gift. My daughter,Cheryl Bernstein did the illustrations for the book. I also thought it was a cute story.

This is a great book for parents wanting to teach their kids manners before going out to eat. If only all kids behaved this well!

Very useful if you want to go there and understand the real Morocco. Well written, too.

It is all very well, but the main vehicle of culture is the language. This book is helpful in highlighting cultural features but a good section on the language would also be a good idea.

I have spent 3 summers in Morocco and 5 years with my husband who is Moroccan and this book clarified a lot aspects of Moroccan life for me. No matter how objective one may be about cultural differences, it helps to have a neutral party explain what is happening in a given interaction. I didn't even realize how much I suffered from culture shock until I read "Culture Shock!" Particually helpful were the author's comments on the difference in Western and Eastern concepts of personal space, public space and privacy.

In anticipation of accompanying my close Moroccon friend to his homeland on a business trip with another American, I read this book in one sitting and read it twice more before leaving for Morocco. It proved to be an invaluable tool to better understanding my Moroccan friend here in the states and it provided knowledge, information and tips that proved priceless during my recent stay in Morocco. I have no doubt that had I not read this book, I would have had a very different experience. This book enabled me to have the most incredible travel experience of my life despite the fact that I don't speak arabic or french. At the very least I had an understanding of this wonderfully rich culture steeped in tradition. I recommend this book to anyone interested in Morocco whether for travelling or simply interested in the country, their people and customs. While this book is ideal for someone relocating, I found it to be more useful than any of the other travel companions I purchased for my trip. Any future travel plans of mine will start with a purchase of "Culture Shock..." for that country.

After reading this book, now I'm all the more excited to go to Morocco. Hargraves paints such a vivid picture of the people, the culture. It is a complicated society, very foreign to my understanding and experience. And yet, as I read through it, so many times, page after page, I realize that the culture is so familiar, so like my experience. Most of all, I now understand that it will take a lifetime to learn to adapt to Moroccan culture. I am eager to see how the words lift off the pages and into reality.

Almost every page has nuggets and key points to learn and understand, and my copy is mostly yellow from highlighting. One aspect that I wish were different, though- Hargraves appears too often to accept the stratification in Moroccan culture, and the mistreatment of the lower classes, as par the course, and something Moroccans accept, and therefore something that we should accept, and something culturally neutral. There is so much good in Moroccan society, but, just as in any society, some that is not as good as well.

But that's only one small detraction in an otherwise great text. Particularly interesting is the quiz at the end of the book, where you test one's knowledge gained through reading. I've never seen this in any other culture or travel book, and it should really be more common! Hargraves doesn't just repeat information here either- rather, he asks the reader to intuit the answers not yet given, from the information that he's previously provided- and then of course, he provides all the possible correct answers.

I want to learn how to live and eat and talk and think, Moroccan. I want to see what it means to be a Moroccan who is so adept at adaptation to so many different cultural situations. I want to learn to engage in real Arab relationship, and to learn how to politely refuse a request, and how to be a good guest, and a good host. I want to learn how to serve the Moroccan peoples. If you're interested in this as well, then this is a book you need to get.

My fiance and I (the Engaged Groom) are planning our wedding, and have less time than you'd normally have to make all our arrangements. We are also trying to be budget concious and not go overboard. So far there is nothing a-typical about our wedding. The Engaged Groom has been so very helpful of providing a good overview of what needs to be done, when, and how. I thought I had all the answers until I read this book. I feel better prepared now and have a much better grasp on where we can cut corners, and the do's and don'ts of the wedding world....but primarily the message is, make sure you have the wedding YOU want, and not the wedding everyone TELLS YOU you need.....thanks Doug Gordon, your book is a life-saver.

This book has a lot of good practical advice, like when to get a marriage license. For someone getting married out of state, this was very helpful. I also thought some of the money-saving tips were unique and not your standard fare. There was a part on dealing with problem guests that has been very helpful since we've had to deal with a lot of these types of people and as the groom I usually have to smoothe over a few egos and play peacemaker. To top it off, there's a great section about bachelor parties goes beyond other books and talks about how people really feel about strip clubs, both men and women.

To keep it interesting Gordon puts in a lot of funny stuff, like lists of songs that are inappropriate to play at a wedding and an answer to the question of whether or not throwing rice at a wedding is harmul to birds. (It's not, but his explanation is really amusing and well written.)

I got this as a gift and thought it was really helpful, one source for all of my questions. Four months to go before my wedding and there's still a lot I learned.

All of the other books for grooms are condescending, treat the groom like he's an idiot, or warn him about his "bridezilla". This one's the antithesis of all of that, and actually provides good information for the groom with a question about any part of the wedding. It doesn't need to be read cover-to-cover, and provides a positive spin on handling tough situations.

I gave this to my future son-in-law so he wouldn't feel so left out, but more importantly, so his mother would realize it's my daughter's wedding not hers. Worked both ways. I haven't read it, but so far, so good.

My bride gave me this even though I didn't think I'd help out too much. But I had a few questions and this really helped. It was funny, which helped, since any book that takes things too seriously wouldn't work for me. I had questions about the budget, since I was paying for somethings and trying to figure out who would pay for the rest, and I also had questions about invitations, who to invite, etc. This worked for me. I will pass it on to friends when they get married.

This book deserves five stars because it includes lots of information. It isn't as easy or funny as the lessons, but it's still really good

This book contains social and behaviorial material that that is needed by every young person today. Proper behavior is not just a nicety; it is a necessity for success in our socially interactive world. Barbara Hinkel presents a concise, easy to read primer for basic etiquette. And, just as important--it is readable and interesting to the target audience. As every parent knows, it is one thing to lecture "good manners" to one's children. Lord knows, I've tried. But to get a young person genuinely interested in exploring that which constitutes proper behavior is a golden opportunity that must not be missed. Barbara Hinkel provides that opportunity! I know because I've had my pre-teen come to me with questions/observations after having reviewed this or that section (or situation) from the book. And I have seen this young person profit from Barbara's guidance in subsequent social situations. In short, the book works! Parents, get them to read it; you (and they) won't be disappointed.

This book contains social and behaviorial material that that is needed by every young person today. Proper behavior is not just a nicety; it is a necessity for success in our socially interactive world. Barbara Hinkel presents a concise, easy to read primer for basic etiquette. And, just as important--it is readable and interesting to the target audience. As every parent knows, it is one thing to lecture "good manners" to one's children. Lord knows, I've tried. But to get a young person genuinely interested in exploring that which constitutes proper behavior is a golden opportunity that must not be missed. Barbara Hinkel provides that opportunity! I know because I've had my pre-teen come to me with questions/observations after having reviewed this or that section (or situation) from the book. And I have seen this young person profit from Barbara's guidance in subsequent social situations. In short, the book works! Parents, get them to read it; you (and they) won't be disappointed.

Reviewed by ATH, age 12: I thought that the book was excellent! It explained many hard-to-understand topics pertaining to etiquette rules. After reading this book, you will have no more questions about manners and will never feel uncomfortable at parties. This easy-to-read and understand book tells you everything you need to know about etiquette and more!(Tips on dressing, dancing, manners, etc.) It is a good value for the money since you can keep it and refer to it whenever you have a question. I highly recommend this book to anyone over the age of 11.

My daughter received a copy of this book as part of a cotillion class. She has reviewed various sections of the book as different social situations have presented themselves. The book is written with a young person in mind; it is concise, funny when appropriate, and answers a lot of questions the kids might not even know they have yet. As a mom, I found it very helpful not only in teaching my child the rudimentaries of etiquette, but in providing me with a refresher course for both business and personal situations. I have also found it extremely helpful for the dance steps; the combination of the written instruction and the ubiquitous feet make it easy to learn a new dance.

This book is fabulous! I am a wedding planner and was amazed at how well organized the information is. So many planning books are full of fluff and little substance. This book has all the tools you need to plan your big day without wasting a minute. I still wouldn't advise doing it all in 6 weekends. However, if it can be done, you'll need this book.

I am a local Boston Wedding Planner, (well between Boston and Providence)and I cannot believe all the information this book covers!It's great for wedding planners as well as do it your selfers! It leaves nothing uncovered with lots of great ideas! I have read many books on wedding planning and this one "takes the cake"--Bravo!!

I am a local Boston Wedding Planner, (well between Boston and Providence)and I cannot believe all the information this book covers!It's great for wedding planners as well as do it your selfers! It leaves nothing uncovered with lots of great ideas! I have read many books on wedding planning and this one "takes the cake"--Bravo!!

This wedding book is the only book you will need when planning your wedding. I received 3 wedding planning books for my engagement and this was the one I kept. It was the only one that did not overwhelm me with a must have or must do concept. It explained all the elements I needed to make my wedding complete and it did it in words I could relate to and understand. This book helped me plan my wedding without feeling like I was ready to elope!

I am a local Boston Wedding Planner, (well between Boston and Providence)and I cannot believe all the information this book covers!It's great for wedding planners as well as do it your selfers! It leaves nothing uncovered with lots of great ideas! I have read many books on wedding planning and this one "takes the cake"--Bravo!!

My three year old really identifies with this book. He asked me to read it to him so often that we had to replace our first paper back copy with a new hardcover.

At first I was a little turned off by the art (collage effect with some cartoon drawings and some more realistic ones.) But now I too love it and don't mind reading it... yet again.

I think I even like it better than they do at this point-(my oldest will be 4 in a few months.) Anyway, it is so fun to read! "You try my patience Child. I do not like it when you are wild." Who hasn't been there before???
What a fun book!!!

The illustrations in this book are some of the best I've seen. There are so many small details included. For example, the animals she talks about are vividly depicted in the room, but they are also seen in childish drawings on the walls and as stuffed toys.

We checked this book out of the library several months ago, read it to our two year old daughter (by her request) several times a day for two weeks. We bought the book before we returned it to the library because our daughter was so enthralled with it.

Not only is this fun to read, with lines like, "I'm precocious and polite," but it teaches children to apologize. After reading this with my daughter, we talked about time out and why kids go to time out. Thanks to the example of this cute little girl, she always apologizes after time outs.

I'm a huge fan of this book.

This book must have been written about my daughter and I, and countless other mothers and their daughters! VERY CUTE STORY and GREAT ILLUSTRATIONS! My daughter is 7 and she loves to read this book to me at least once a week. Buy it, you will be glad you did.

I love this book. It expresses so much of the little girl's personality and her sassiness! The illustrations are wonderful and compliment well a beautifully written story.

Lord Chesterfield's writings are by far the best guidelines for an up-and-coming, savvy gentleman to learn the ways of the society. Stanhope's many gems of advice are learned painfully by most through experience, or sometimes not at all. This book is truly a classic and one I will insist my future sons read before making their way in the world.

Lord Chesterfield is the 18th-century English father I never had. In these letters to his son, he gives stern but fair lessons in how to conduct oneself as a gentleman in society. Chesterfield, with his classical learning and lifelong service to the monarchy, is superbly qualified to give such social advice. His dry wit, strong-mindedness, and discerning eye make him entertaining to read, and, though repetitive ("the graces, boy, remember the graces!"), much of his advice is still very apt today. Taking us through the prime of his career to the twilight of his life, these letters show Chesterfield as the ultimate politician--keenly aware of humanity's selfishness, and always ready to use that selfishness to his own benefit. There is something endearing in this open devilishness.

"All you learn, and all you can read, will be of little use, if you don't think and reason upon it yourself". This is merely one of the advices Lord Chesterfield gave to his natural son, Philip, in the many letters he wrote to him from 1737 onwards, and that this book compiles.

Chesterfield was an important stateman, who wrote these letters only for the eyes of his son, not for the general public, so he did express in stark terms what he truly thought about many controversial themes. It is, in my opinion, very interesting to read what he considered to be general truths, and to get to know his conception of life, society and politics. Whether you agree or not with his opinions, you cannot remain indifferent to this controversial book.

Lord Chesterfield places great value on appearances. He tells Philip that "If your air and address are vulgar, awkward, and gauche, you may be esteemed indeed, if you have great intrinsic merit; but you will never please; and without pleasing you will rise but heavily". The author is, evidently, a cynic who doesn't believe that the world can be improved. He points out that "The world is taken by the outside of things, and we must take the world as it is". Chesterfields profession is fairly evident at all times, for example when he advises his son "...to be upon your own guard, and yet, by a seeming natural openness, to put people off theirs".

"Lord Chesterfield's Letters" has been considered a noteworthy classic by many, but it has also been strongly criticized. For example, Samuel Johnson said that it taught "the morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing-master". I really don't agree with Johnson: I happen to like this book, and a lot. It is not only very easy to read, but also informative. The reader feels as if he were talking with an old but very experienced person, who played an active part in an enormous number of significant events, and who wants to transmit his knowledge not only on diplomatic affairs, but also about life and education. He often displays great insight, for example when he says that "You must look into people, as well as at them. Almost all people are born with all the passions, to a certain degree; but almost every man has a prevailing one, to which the others are subordinate".

All in all, I strongly recommend this book. It includes a high number of subjects, and I think you are highly likely to find it very appealing. If more is needed to convince you, I'll just leave you with one of the phrases written by the author, and I'll let its excellence to speak for itself: "Mind, not only what people say, but how they say it; and, if you have any sagacity, you may discover more truth by your eyes than by your ears. People can say what they will, but they cannot look just as they will; and their looks frequently discover, what their words are calculated to conceal". What else can I say?... Enjoy this book!.

Belen Alcat

The following, and my favorite, quote will no doubt provide a quick and definitive answer to the ageless question: are you upper class?

Dear Boy,
Having mentioned laughing, I must particularly warn you against it: and I could heartily wish that you may often be seen to smile, but never heard to laugh while you live. ... A man's going to sit down, in the supposition that he has a chair behind him, and falling down upon his breech for want of one, sets a whole company a laughing, when all the wit in the world would not do it; a plain proof, in my mind, how low and unbecoming a thing laughing is: not to mention the disagreeable noise that it makes, and the shocking distortion of the face that it occasions. Laughter is easily restrained by a very little reflection; but as it is generally connected with the idea of gaiety, people do not enough attend to its absurdity. I am neither of a melancholy nor a cynical disposition, and am as willing and as apt to be pleased as anybody; but I am sure that since I have had the full use of my reason, nobody has ever heard me laugh.

Lord Chesterfield was an influential politician, diplomat and cabinet minister during the reigns of George I and II, and this book is a collection of letters of advice, counsel, and sometimes genuine wisdom, written by Chesterfield, over many years, to his son, Philip Stanhope, for whom Chesterfield had the highest hopes of success in the world. What you may get out of this book depends on who you are as a reader: casual readers would do better to stay with mysteries and thrillers; inebriate undergraduates would do better to skip it altogether; but ambitous men and women, actually working in the real world, will find so much here to consider and reflect upon, that it will take several close readings to absorb all that may apply to your career. That one's knowlege of the World must be learned by experience in the World, not in an ivory tower; that one's skills and virtues are of little practical value, unless carefully presented in a pleasing and artful Image; that multitasking destroys all hope of success; these are a few of the ideas which Chesterfield presents in elegant and polished prose. But Chesterfield's personal life, as it unfolds through his letters to its tragic and sorrowful conclusion, presents the most powerful lesson of all about ambition, life, and failure, for those readers who can read beyond what is merely written.

I recieved this book at an engagement gift and can honestly say it has been a time and money saver. Skip buying all those magazines for advice and ideas...almost every tip I torn out of a magazine I found in one place-this book. My fiance actually read throught the book before I did (tactfully noting the things I should read, mostly about gender differences.) There is GREAT advice about things you should do BEFORE the wedding so that you actually get your happily ever after, ei. what to look for in a pre-marital counselor and life-issues to discuss with your spouse to be. I will definately be giving this book to others as gifts.

I am a long time fan of this author and can confidently recommend any of her books. This one is fun and easy to read, hard to forget, and definately entertaining.

Know someone newly engaged? Ellie Kay's book The New Bride Guide is an excellent gift choice. Her personal experiences and practical advice are needed to, "walk the bride down the aisle" so to speak, with beforehand knowledge of what's to come. You just have to read this book to believe all the topics explored. Tips, tips and more tips. There's even a few sounds great recipes to try.

As a woman engaged to marry an Air Force fighter pilot, this book was extremely helpful. I'm actually beginning to believe that I'll survive the first year of marriage :-)

I haven't been to a wedding in over 15 years. So this book was
extremely helpful - who pays for what, the differences between two people, what to call the in-laws, how to save money.
Very insightful, very funny and practical. I bought one copy when my daughter got engaged and now am buying another one for
my son's fiancee. Well worth the price.

I received this book after I got engaged from my mother who ordered it from a Christian book catalog on a lark. I am forever grateful she did! Out of the dozen or so wedding planning books I bought/ received this first chapter of this book was more enlightening and applicable to planning my wedding! Secondly, it is not a book about wedding planning--she starts there and quickly moves on to what matters: the marriage your entering into as a new bride. She touches on dealing with family, merging households, ideas, finances, plans, etc. There is a Christian edge, but not to the point where I think it would dissuade anyone of any other faith or no faith from reading it and gaining insight. It's well-written and practical and definitely the very best bride book you could bestow upon any bride.

After hearing the Author on the radio, i decided to pick the book up.I found it most enjoyable,Hey maybe i will be a better customer now

we give this book out to our new employees,before they can work for us. It has grear stories,and it is a very good learning tool,for customers and anyone else in this industry

I heard the Author on the radio,i thought the book was great,i enjoyed the stories the best

I enjoyed this book very much. I felt like i could hear the Authors voic

I see myself going through the same things,it was like the Author was writing about me