Abuse Books

This book is extremely well written and I would highly recommend it. As a former Jehovah's Witness, I was able to identify with so much of the story - not the sexual abuse (although I learned of some sexual abuse that occurred and was covered up by the elders) but I have seen so many mothers who were like the author's mother. One of the reasons I first began to question the Watchtower religion was because of the way the children were treated - or mis-treated would be a better description. Kids spanked who were noisy during the lengthy adult services, pinched when they fell asleep at late night meetings on school nights, etc. etc. But that is mild compared to what the author endured. I enjoyed this book very much.

This book was a bit like therapy. It was helpfull to hear a story so much like my own. She is a powerful writer, and honestly portrays what can go wrong in the JW cult.

Joy's memoir is a stark reminder that abuse in all of its various forms is devastating to individuals and relationships. Because it is her story and she was raised by parents who were Jehovah's Witnesses, it includes much of that lifestyle, religious doctrine, and terminology. Joy does a fair job at explaining some of the little understood doctrines when they appear in her story.

If you are looking for a diatribe or poison pen against Jehovah's Witnesses or the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society you may be disappointed. She neither attacks nor excuses them. She more often reflects on the confused contradictions she experienced trying to make sense of the wide gap between what was taught and how it was lived.

Having studied the Witnesses and their organization for more than two years I was familiar with many of the ways they apply scripture to their lives and Joy's descriptions are fair. The fact Joy's parents and step-father clearly took some of them to the extreme only confirms they were unbalanced people. I have some close personal relationships with a few Witnesses but probably could not get them to read this book as they would likely view it as apostate writing.

The book serves to remind us how men and women in any religious following who fail to use the good minds God gave them to discern good from evil but instead faithfully, but blindly follow a religious organization as proof of loyalty to God, can find themselves quite quickly in horrible circumstances.

Joy's book also gives hope to those who seek a relationship with God rather than an organization.

I felt that the book was very well written and engrossing. Having suffered through a very similar situation in my youth with this particular religion it was a comfort to me to know that during those lonely years that I truly wasn't alone: Other people were going through the same confusion and frustration that I had been through. Mrs. Castro did a great job of explaining the JW thought process and the total lack of respect they have for women. They are very willing to place uneducated men to call the shots in their congregations. They allow these men to make decisions that they have had no training, no experience and no business in. The mere fact that they are men is the only qualification many of them need. I felt Mrs. Castro also did a great job of showing how manipulative the JW's are. The "truth" is not what they are interested in at all. Preservation of their beliefs, right or wrong is what fuels them. The book must have been difficult for her to write but I would think cathartic also.

I could not put this book down. The mental and physical abuse that Ms Castro and her brother received is unbelievable. As we move through her incredible life it is inspiring that she was able to rise above her circumstances and find peace within herself and create a loving enviroment for her son. I have no history with JW, but would recommend this book to anyone. Beautifully written. Can't wait for the next book by Joy Castro.

this book was amazing.Because"claudia and the terrible truth"is about when claudia is baby-sitting Nate and Joey Nicholls and she found out that Mr.Nicholls has been abusing them.This book touched really my heart and I recommend it to all of you out there!

I really liked CLAUIDA AND THE TERRIBLE TRUTH. I felt really sorry for Nate and Joey because they get abused by their father. It is a very good book so defenetely read it! I gave it 5 stars because it dealt with a very big issue in the world and not many books do that.
Keep up the good work Ann and you will have even more readers in the UK!!!

Hi! My name is Sadira Jewelsten! I�ve read BSC books since I was eight until I was seventeen. I really enjoyed �Claudia and the Terrible Truth�. It brought about a very sensitive subject in a way that kids and teens alike would be able to understand it.

It all begins when the BSC receives a new client who isn�t all he seems.
Claudia finds this out when she is assigned to baby-sit Joey and Nate and discovers a horrible secret about their home life-Nate and Joey are being abused by their father.
The boys first lie to Claudia about where they�ve gotten some of the bruises that Claudia is able to see, but later, Claudia-unseen by the father-witnesses it from a hiding place on the stairs. She doesn�t� know what to do at first, but then she does the right thing and tells her mother.
Ann m. Martin definitely has a way of bringing her readers into the story. I felt like I was right there with Claudia, feeling exactly as nervous and confused as she stood on the stairs and heard the loud slap of the boys being hit. That�s how powerful it was.
For anyone who is looking for a book that brings up a the subject of abusie in a way that really opens your eyes to it, I highly recommend �Claudia and the Terrible Truth�.

When Claudia baby sits for the new clients, Nate and Joey are nice, well behaved boys but Mr. Nicholls yells at his two childrens and also yells at Mr. Nicholls. Then later, Mr. Nicholls will tell a story to why he's been like that it's so sad!

I enjoyed Claudia and the Terrible Truth. She starts sitting for new clients, the Nicholls. Nate and Joey are nice, well behaved boys, but they seem too jumpy and nervous. Claudia doesn't like the way Mr. Nicholls yell at the boys and his wife. He seems to have harsh rules like no talking at the dinnertable and no stuffed animals and bedtime stories. He says stuffed animals are childish and the boys are 8 and 5. Nate admitted to Claudia that their father threw away their stuffed animals given by their mother! He even threw a huge fit over a peanut butter jar left by Claudia on the counter. BIG DEAL! It's nothing to make war about, it's not like Claudia and the boys trashed the kitchen. Claudia notices that he verbally abuses Nate, Joey, and Mrs. Nicholls. The boys got all nervous about grass stains and paint stains at a parade meeting. I mean, they're kids and they deserve to play. Your childhood is short and that's what washing machines are for! The boys even got severly punished because Joey touched his father's briefcase! He didn't break it or mess up the stuff in it. Even though Nate didn't do anything, he was punished along with Joey and they had to scrub down the house while Claudia supervised and were banned from the parade meeting, tv, snack, and friends. Then Claudia heard Mr. Nicholls holler about his paper being in the recycle bin and smacked Joey hard. She decided to tell her mom about it and the boys and mother were removed from the house and went to live with relatives. At least they were safe from that evil jerk. I disagree with the reader from Maryland. Claudia never mentioned about never being smacked by her parents. She mentioned that she and her sister were never raised hell at by their parents like Mr. Nicholls did with his boys. It's okay to be firm with your kids and discipline them when they do something wrong, but abuse is not okay. Mr. Nicholls was very dominating and abusive. He reminded me of a Nazi. He took inventory of every crumb of food in the house and wanted everything obsessively neat and perfect in the house. Only robots could be perfectly neat.Anyways, I give this book a 10.

For 18 years I was at a loss of what to do, if there was anything I could do to help my husband with his Alcoholism. Three months ago in despiration, bitterness, worry and anger,I called the local treatment facility and they recommended I read this book. At almost the first page, I had a sense of direction and HOPE!!! The book is wonderful. We thank the Jays immensely for their work and encouragement.
ReNae

This book gives great insite into the problem of dealing with alchol.
It helped me a great deal.Hazelden is known to be one of the best resorces on the subject

This good book of course stresses love. And if it were an ideal world, we would all just love the afflicted alcoholic/addict -- but in this imperfect world, we are all just human. And us family members get so angry when we are so chronically made to feel crazy by them. They are under the influence, but we go through their stuff, stark raving sober. I got that phrase from the book that has given me and my patients literally hundreds of ways to cope on a daily basis----and get better---- when we live with their addiction, whether or not we are in a position to accomplish an intervention. That book, "Getting Them Sober", is endorsed by Dear Abby and Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and Melody Beattie (who says it is "the best book for the still-drinking alcoholic". It has changed my patients' lives overnight.Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)

The subject of alcoholism was approached so lovingly in this book that it brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful way to encourage the alcoholic to seek treatment. I could relate to so many instances when I had tried to get my partner, who I love dearly, into rehab, without success. I would highly recommend this book to anyone seeking information and answers on this very misunderstood disease.

This book really opened my eyes to drug and alcohol addiction. With great care the authors help the reader understand what addiction truly is, and then arm the reader with pertinent information and tools to help the reader rethink how to approach a loved one who has an addiction. Great book.

Supreme Love: A Battered Woman's True Story
This is a story that was very compelling from the beginning to the end. Kelly was very honest and open in writing her story, and it is clear that she learned a lot of hard lessons along the way, while making a better life for herself and her children. This is an on-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of story that shows how happiness for a family can turn ugly with abuse. However, her cloud does have a silver lining when she finds the love of God. Given the fact that Kelly did the book without an outside publisher/editor, it does have several grammatical flaws, but the story is so very intriguing that these can easily be overlooked. Overall, the story was a great read, which I would recommend.

Kelly has done a phenomenal job writing this book! With her bravery of telling the truths of her story, no matter how personal or emotional it may have been, she brought out the reality of what goes on behind closed doors.

-It opens the eyes of people who are blind to what kind of pain a battered woman goes through.

-It gives the survivors of domestic violence strength to know that they too can get through the pain of the past and go on to have a much happier and fulfilled lives.

- And it reaches out to the women who are still in a battered relationship, giving them hope (knowing they are not alone).

Which is why I just purchased another copy to send to a dear friend. I know this book will reach out and inspire her as well!

-Destiny

This is an excellent book. A book that will open eyes and raise awareness of what goes on in a home filled with domestic abuse, and how a victim copes, and how an abuser operates. This should be in the hands of every community official who can make a difference in fighting domestic abuse in their area. It should be in the hands of every victim of domestic abuse. If possible, it would be excellent to force every abuser to read, but most would never read it because they would not want to see themselves starring back from the pages of the book and confront their own demons. I am praying that this author will be able to start the ministry to victims of domestic abuse that she has the vision for!

I love this book! It provides so much insight into the life of a woman, and her family, and what they dealt with for so long while living with an abusive man. And brings to light how devastating emotional and mental abuse truly is, as well as physical. Kelly Cyr also does a wonderful job providing her readers with details of the surrounding countryside, as well has historical data. I am enthralled with this book, and suggest it to anyone who is now, or has lived with domestic violence, in any of it's forms, as well as anyone who would like more insight on the actual life of a survivor! KUDOS KELLY!!!

I just finished your book yesterday. I must admit that when I bought it from you at the fair I wasn't sure I'd ever even read it. When I finally started it a week ago I truly was unable to put it down. I haven't got much done this week.

I was really disappointed when I ran into you a few years ago and you said you wouldn't return to nursing. It seemed like a loss to our profession. After reading your book I have changed my mind. I think you need to write. Keep it up.

The book was just tragic. I had no idea you were in such trouble. I wish I could have been there for you, Kelly! Maybe if I had actually come to one of the parties you invited me to I could have seen it. Sorry. You know if you ever need anything again, please call. I know we didn't work together long and haven't kept in touch, but there are only a few people that I consider friends and you have always been one of them.

Love you,
Nancy

Posted for Nancy Elmer, Great Falls, Montana

I found this book to be very enjoyable and think it should be but on the screen. From the beginning until the end it kept me interested. Can't wait to read Foolish Heart.

Like others have stated this book was great from the beginning to end. I had the pleasure in meeting Ms. Davis-Pack, which made reading this book a joy. I hope she can find time in the future to bless us with another great book.

This book was well worth the money. The characters were very human and the story brought out many different emotions. I recommend this to anyone who wants a good read that will not waste their time.

This is a book that gets better with each line you read. I really liked it and highly recommend it.

I know these people in "foolish Things". Everyone does! The people are real and the story is true to life. I liked it and would tell other sisters to buy it!

This book should be read by every parent who has pre-teen/teen kids and should be made a mandatory book in every high school. It is a true eye opener and very insperational.

I bought this book for myself and my 18 year old son to read before he left for college this fall. I read it first and then let him read it. The Volkmann family did a great job of communicating to the reader the dangers of teenage drinking. My son went to numerous parties during high school where alcohol was present. Our son told us about the drinking going on at these parties and I began to realize what a serious problem exists concerning teenage drinking. I hope that many parents will read this book and realize that teenage drinking is not something to be taken lightly. Many parents do not realize what can happen to their teens who take part in this dangerous activity. I encourage any parents of a teen to read this book and then make their teen read it as well and then discuss the book with your child.

I found this to be extremly informative , seeing both sides of bing drinking and the perceptions of the family as well as the Alcoholic. I read this while my son (who also asked for help) was in rehab for his 21st birthday. He is now reading my copy. I found I could identfy with alot of the thoughts/situations as well as the codependent/alcoholic behaviors. As I work on my codependence and my son works on his sobriety I strongly encourage anyone with a teen/young adult afflicted with this disease to read this book.

As a high school counselor and child of an alcoholic I found this to be a great resource both personally and professionally. Your candid account of your journey for information and for recovery has already given me insights to help my students and their parents.
Thank you both,

This book was very educational and informative. A MUST READ for anybody struggling with alcoholism or who has a loved one struggling with the disease. Very realistic and honest.

It's been a long time since a book for teens has touched me as powerfully as Bad Girls Club, Judy Gregerson's emotionally-raw debut novel for young adults. In it, the author, a childhood victim of abuse and neglect herself, explores the devastating impact of a parent's mental illness. As her mother descends into madness, teenaged Destiny becomes caregiver to both her Mom and her little sister, and fights to keep her family intact. It's a gripping tale, written with the authenticity of experience.

With mental health issues being so prevelant in society I was very intrigued by the premise of this book. Let me tell you that as hard as it was I read it in one sitting - it grabbed hold and would not let go.

All Destiny wants is to get a job and try to have a semblance of a normal life. Instead she is burdened with the responsibilty of taking care of her mentally ill mother and trying to protect her younger sister Cassidy from the violent rages and outbursts that have become more common than not. Destiny's life has never been anything but that of a constant caregiver and mediator...especially since the incident at Crater Lake. She loves her mother, and even though she knows that this is not a normal family life she is willing to do what her father asks and help keep her mother in their home, for better or worse.

As this book unfolds you watch this family go on such a downward spiral that my heart was literally breaking. As much as I hated to turn to the next page for fear of what was going to happen next, I was compelled to do so in hopes that a ray of light would be found and something positive would happen to change some of the bad to good. At first I was unsure if this could really happen - how could both parents let their children go through this living hell? I then thought of my own life, and the lengths I may go to keep my family in tact. Love is a very powerful emotion, and nothing is more powerful than the love between a parent and their children. As Ms. Gregerson points out in her Author's Note, children that come from abusive families are even more loyal to their parents than children who don't. They seem to constantly be searching for a way to gain acceptance and love from the parent(s) who neglects or abuses them.

This book is a true eye opener, although it is fiction we can't turn a blind eye to the fact that there are families like this in every town in America. I am hopeful that this book will give some of these families the strength they need to get the help so desperately needed before it is too late and the children are damaged to a point of no return. It will hopefully also make people think closely about some people they know and maybe will give them the strength to intervene in situations they know are not healthy for the family involved. The author has done a true service by writing about an issue that should not be ignored.

Questions for the author:

What made you decide to write the story from the perspective of the oldest daughter?

Well, it was personal really. I was a parentified child, meaning that I was one of those kids who took care of my mother and my older sister when my family was spiraling out of control. I was the one who felt responsible to hold everything together because no one else would. And I believed that multitudes of people all around the world experience that same thing -- they become the savior of their families because no one else will. I wanted to shine a spotlight on that problem and what it does to a kid. And on another level, this is a cautionary tale: beware what you do to your children. When 5 children a day die in this country because their mother, a family member, or someone who knows their parent kills them, we're in deep trouble. We are allowing the ruin of our children and then we wonder why these kids can't learn in school or why they turn to crime, or why they're depressed. This book tells why, in some cases, our children are lost.

What was your inspiration for the story?

There were several things that inspired me. And in some sense, it was reaching critical mass and feeling that I had to say something about this problem. I tell everyone the story about meeting a man whose mother set their house on fire after locking him and his little brother in. There was Susan Smith and Andrea Yates. I thought they were anomalies, but I found out that they aren't. I started studying this issue and realized that 500 mothers a year kill their children. I started wondering what it would be like to live in a family like that. What if every day, your little sister's life was on the line and you couldn't do anything except be the one who stood between her and your mother? What if you knew your life was on the line and you had to live with one eye open so you could survive? These are the things I thought about, they're the questions that horrified me, as I wrote this book.

Do you have any books currently in the works?

I currently have one book in the works about a girl whose mother deserts her at the local grocery store, leaving the girl with her eccentric extended family and the question, "Why did she leave me?" I'm about a third through that and may get back to it soon. I also have another book finished about a girl in a trailer park who's the underdog and can't seem to find her way.

What hobbies do you enjoy?

Oh, I'm an odd one. I love to research. That is really relaxing to me. I pick a topic and then I search it out. I travel a little. We have a summer place on a beautiful glacier fed lake and I love going there. I hang with my daughters who are almost 18 and 21. They're my greatest joy. I read some, mostly nonfiction. I have a few favorite TV shows like CSI and Ugly Betty. Other than that, I just hang and try to find things to laugh at. The absurdity of life amuses me.

[...]

From the opening pages where Destiny's father tells her that her job is to help her mother, June, to the final pages where Destiny must make a tough decision about her family, we see a girl torn between love for her mother and facing the reality of her mother's illness.

As her mother sinks deeper and deeper into her world of darkness, Destiny attempts to hold the family together. She remembers earlier times, when her mother was kind and gentle and showed her how to paint. But those days have long passed, and now Destiny is the only protector of her younger sister, Cassidy, who has imaginary friends and bruises and bald spots where she's pulled out her hair, and who talks to no one except Destiny. Their dad, Bob, lives in his own world of denial, defending his wife, saying she'll get better. Destiny wants to believe him, so she does.

In bits and pieces throughout the story, Ms. Gregerson reveals what happened that awful day at Crater Lake, the day their mother changed their lives forever. The only person Destiny can confide in is her best friend, Chloe, who urges Destiny to come stay with her family. But Destiny cannot leave: Her mother needs her, Cassidy needs her, even her father needs her. Finally, Destiny's grandmother recognizes the hopelessness of the situation and gives Father an ultimatum: Put June in the hospital or the girls go home with her.

Bad Girls Club portrays a realistic look at a family in crisis and what happens when the truth is denied. Have a box of tissues handy. You may need it.

Listen to the Ghost
Secrets I Have Kept

Like any teen, Destiny just wants a normal life. She'd love to get a summer job, hang out with her best friend, Chloe, and her boyfriend, but she can't. Instead her life is spent caring for her younger sister, Cassidy, and insane mother. The father uses guilt and fear to manipulate Destiny, mentally keeping her a prisoner.

The darkness of this mental illness was so strong in the story that it manifested itself. At first, Destiny thought she was imagining things until the shadows started to follow her mother around, fueling her madness. When she finds her sister taking to an imaginary friend with black wings who flies and plans to cut their mother up into pieces, she realizes this madness is spreading like a disease. Slowly, this darkness tries to take her away too.

As the story unfolds, I begin to wonder why their mother isn't in a mental health facility and then memories of Andrea Yates hit. Do you know that the American Anthropological Association stated in 2005 more than 200 women kill their children in the US every year? These are the cases where a death has occurred and therefore is news worthy. What about those children who aren't killed and have to live through this mess? "Bad Girls Club" is a work of fiction, but it's definitely not a far fetched story.

Kudos to Judy Gregerson for bringing a story like this to the surface where it can be discussed.

Review by J. Kaye at http://j-kaye-book-blog.blogspot.com/

The Bad Girls Club is a riveting look at a family ravished by mental illness. The first chapter pulls you into Destiny's crazy world and won't let you go. Gregerson uses flashbacks to the mysterious Crater Lake incident, revealing bits and pieces, and making us ask ourselves--do I really want to know what happened? And when we finally do learn the truth, we don't think it can possibly get any worse. But we're wrong. A heart-wrenching, eye-opening story that you will never forget.

The book is a compilation of short stories about the most influential children that he has worked with over the years, and once I started it I couldn't put it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone (I personally think this would be a great book for expecting parents to read). You will learn so much about the developing brain and about how early childhood trauma can drastically shape the course of the rest of someone's life.

My Professor, Nina Mogar, is a friend of Dr. Bruce Perry. For her class she suggested we buy the book, because she incorporates it into her curriculum. Everything we know about children, will change when reading this book. This book delves into the neurobiology of children, rather than just studying behaviorism. Dr. Bruce Perry's stories from his own experience, helps us understand children. I also suggest that you visit this link: http://www.visualrecord.com/wishspace/education/childvideos375.html There you will find lectures from Nina Mogar, an extraordinary teacher who has fought for children for over 30 years. She is an amazing woman, and she said she will never retire until she gets the message out of helping children. But how do we define helping children? Both Dr. Bruce Perry and Nina Mogar shape that understanding, and know, what some may even say radical, ways to help children. They have challenged common ideas that we believe are okay to use with children such as: time-out, the idea that teaching children earlier is better, testing, teaching a child to share, recess being shortened, etc... things that many elementary schools are using in their teaching environment. This book will help you to help.

This book is a brilliant summary of the essential information for anyone working with children and families. I thank the authors.

The book lives up to its fascinating title. Perry has worked for years with traumatized and neglected children and his take on dealing with them is based on research showing how the brain develops and the impact of neglect and abuse on it. In other words, if a child is abused or neglected in the first year of life (approximately), physical changes take place in the brain or rather, neurological connections that should be made, are not. (This is a vast simplification.) So as a child gets older and begins exhibiting antisocial behaviors that land him or her in special classes or even mental hospitals, it is not because he or she prefers to act this way but because the child's brain is unable to function in a way that enables him or her to become socialized. Perry, having done a great deal of research on this subject himself, spits in the eye of a lot of "accepted" practices when it comes to children's mental health. I'm always interested to read views that oppose the generally accepted norms. My daughter loaned me this book which she is reading as part of her Ph.D. program in pre- and postnatal psychology. It certainly fits right in with her assertion that we need to pay much more attention to what is happening in the first year of life (and before), not only because the child's personality is being formed, but because his brain is as well (and perhaps this is the same thing). The stories in this book are heart wrenching, but Perry does show that there are ways to help or at the very least, understand.

Assisted by a talented science writer, child psychiatrist Bruce Perry presents a series of heartbreaking stories of children severely damaged by trauma. But that's only one side of this remarkable book. The other side is how many of these profoundly damaged children were assisted to heal.

Perry explains his "neurosequential" approach that sequentially targets brain regions left undeveloped by abuse or neglect. He presents compelling cases to illustrate how the child's age at the time of the abuse or neglect will determine the gaps in neurological development and how his interventions sequentially target those developmental gaps. For children whose brains were stalled out in infancy, for example, therapy may start with healing touch or rhythm before moving on to higher brain activities.

The focus, always, is on the child's humanity. Perry explains the importance of listening and letting the child set the pace. He warns of the damage caused by well-intentioned but poorly trained therapists who push children to open up, or who administer punitive interventions in the guise of treatment. Healing is not about a specific technique administered in cookbook fashion but, rather, about love, and restoring shattered human connections.

This is an enlightening and heartening book and a real page-turner to boot. The neurological underpinnings of the trauma theory are presented in clear English accessible to anyone who can read. If you're a mental health professional, psychologist, or psychiatrist, you'll love this book. If you're a parent or a teacher, it's also for you. Whoever you are, it's for you. I guarantee you will be engaged and inspired.

If you are reading this review, you have been sucked in by the title, probably because you somehow relate. If so, then the topic is of huge significance to you. The book is solid, and the content reflects the title.

Regardless of your background, if you have a Christian faith and desire to live out that faith with your children, then bring your highlighter and keep notes as you read.

Not everyone comes into parenting with great childhood experiences to draw from. Even if you did have a safe upbringing, ALL parents are forging a new way for their children. We are all "pioneers". This book is a wealth of information, and challenges you to re-evaluate how and why you do what you do and believe what you believe. Mary DeMuth shares her personal journey of overcoming her painful past. She offers great hope & encouragement to all parents. You will glean from her writing, no matter what your story is.

Building The Christian Family You Never Had is a must read for every couple contemplating having children, every parent who has children, and every adult who found life with their parents difficult or confusing. Not have the right role model can be frustrating--even confusing. But thanks to DeMuth's great advice we can learn to let go of the past, foster positive parenting skills, and shield our children from the negative influences others have left on our lives and continue to drill into our psyche.

Mary's book is a MUST READ; not only for every parent, but also for everyone who has ever had a parent. Her insights into family dynamics are revealing and instructive. Her words bring healing and resolution. Mary's skill as a writer makes her Guide for Pioneer Parents an enjoyable, fast-moving read. But watch out - one time through will NOT be enough! You will want to keep this Guide around to read over and over.

Of the three excellent books of Mary's I have been priviledged to read, this is the one that has had me most riveted to each nugget of truth. I am a quick reader, and usually don't read a book twice in a year but this one has me dipping into it almost daily. I have read and re-read the chapters, blinking in the freshness as I absorbed and processed each life altering concept. It has revolutionised my way of life, the sense of who I am, how fragile we are and how Great is Our God. It has given me a glimpse of the Father heart of God and my husband and I have turned our mistaken foundation of parenting back to the example in the Word, thanks to reading this book. I am also peeling away the 'onion layers' of my own childhood.

Mary is a highly proficient messenger of the truth. Her words fly directly from the heart of the healer in my belief and I am honoured to have walked through the pages of her journey and find my own healing in that experience.

Get this book. Even if you have the most Christian upbringing possible. Especially then.

After reading "Suitable for classroom study. No graphic content." on the back of the book, I wondered how the author could portray such an experience without getting into the details. If the book is about the sexual abuse of a young girl, then how could the story be believable without the graphic content?

Instead of detailing the violations upon Ashley Asher, Fehlbaum focuses more on the emotional side of abuse. Readers do get a clear, believable picture of what has happened. But like many victims, Ashley's mind has protected her by blocking out some of the tragic events with her step-father. She remembers the beginning and the effects of the end, but isn't able to recall the middle details.

This story isn't just about Ashley, but also her biological father, David Asher, his new family, and the guilt that he carries. Fehlbaum leaves no stone unturned by getting the reader up close and personal with all who are affected.

Although sexual abuse is a major part of the story, the book touches on other problems. With a colorful cast of small town characters, Fehlbaum exposes areas such as racism, censorship, peer pressure, and other problems teens face.

Kudos to Beth Fehlbaum for such realism in COURAGE IN PATIENCE and for showing us some remarkable characters who are flawed, letting us know it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to love as well as be loved - in spite of our past.

This is a book I'd recommend everyone to read. It's contents stayed with me days after the book was finished.

COURAGE IN PATIENCE
BETH FEHLBAUM
YA contemporary

Rating: 4.5 Enchantments

After six years of abuse from her stepfather, Ashley Asher finally has the courage to tell her mother. Instead of supporting her, she accuses Ashley of lying. Ashley ends up confiding in a teacher, who calls Ashley's birthfather David, who had abandoned her as a baby.

David is no longer the angry person of the past. He's ashamed of abandoning Ashley and vows to make it up to her. No longer will anyone hurt her.

Ashley finds herself in a family where for the first time she doesn't have to live in fear. But the journey to healing is rocky.

Her stepmother teaches a summer English class using Chris Crutcher's book Ironman. This brings to head other emotions in the small town of Patience, Texas. Emotions that deal with racism, bullying, intolerance, and fear.

Will Ashley be strong enough to face her demons and realize that she is a person worthy of love? Will she and the others in her stepmother's class be able to use Bo Brester's examples from Ironman to gain strength to confront their own struggles?

I really enjoyed this edgy story that shows not only the ugliness of abuse but the process of healing and forgiveness. Fehlbaum does a great job of showing the conflict and struggle that Ashley goes through when dealing with not only the abuse but the reactions from those around her. But one thing that really sticks out on this book is the message of hope to those who've also been abused. Readers will cheer Ashley on as she grows and confronts those who have betrayed her.

This is a must read book especially for those who like books that deal in a realistic way with a sensitive subject matter.

Beth Fehlbaum drew on her experience working with abused children as an English teacher while writing Courage in Patience. She is an English teacher with a M.Ed. and lives in East Texas. Check out more on her website at http://www.bethfehlbaum.com

Kim
Enchanting Reviews
September 2008

Courage in Patience
By

Beth Fehlbaum

A review












Courage in Patience. Not wanting to think about sexual abuse -- let alone another child suffering through rape -- I stalled by focusing on the title. How clever it had been for the author to

set most of the action in a town called Patience. At least read the rest of this summary, I thought. It quickly became clear that although the book is a novel, Beth Fehlbaum did not write it from the perspective of a person standing outside looking in. [....]. That is her holding out a flag that says in large, bold letters, You are not a victim, you are you. No one is more valuable. Fear and anger must not be allowed to consume you. There is a rainbow at the end of the long, storm-prone road to recovery, and that road leads to a smoother one.



Knowing all this did not keep me from stalling again. Child abuse -- particularly sexual abuse -- is not academic to me. The very idea makes scars that Time has not healed throb. I became a writer in the hope that shedding light will eventually dry the sludge poisoning my psyche enough that some will blow away. What doesn't can be channeled to some far-off sea, where it will immediately sink to the bottom, never to surface again. Pouring hurt onto paper has helped Ink fades, after all. You can burn paper if you have to. But no matter what you do, a certain amount of residue is going to cling. What you need to do is season it with love and understanding, then make a healing poultice of the mixture and spread it around. I am so glad I quite stalling. Because Courage in Patience does just that.



Beth Fehlbaum has written a story that I guarantee will stay with you. Her characters are fully developed, not Joan of Arcs and Darth Vaders. She was so smart not to make a goodie-goodie of the girl who is the target of the abuse. Not only do you empathize, you end up aching for her to find a way out of

the dark! The man who abuses her acts despicably, but he is human. Only a stone would not hurt when reading about the rapes, but what stabbed me the deepest was the mother's betrayal. It brought memories to the surface that I do my best to keep in the graves I worked hard and long to dig and fill. The only time I unearth them is when I am writing. When I write about them, it is in the hope of killing them. (Know I can't, but it would be dishonest to pretend I don't try.) Like Beth Fehlbaum, I harbor the hope that my ordeal will ring enough bells to ease others' pain and and make at least a few abusers seek help.



One reservation that I had in the beginning was that the novel was really two, and should

be split. I was wrong. The book is not "about sexual abuse." It is not "about racial discrimination." It is about accepting who we are. It is about accepting each other. It is about faith. It is about gut-level courage and dogged patience and the value -- no, the absolute necessity -- of a free, well-rounded, genuinely enlightened education. It is about the worst in us and the best in us. I love to read books that somehow manage to entertain while teaching important lessons. That teach without teaching down! Courage in Patience is all this and more. Were there medals for fortitude and compassion, she would surely qualify.



I am convinced that one of the mega-publishers will pick up the novel. I am hoping that the editions they print will be in standard, single-spaced format. Double-spacing makes the book look longer than it is. This is a very minor drawback. I only mention it because I would like to see Courage in Patience reach millions. If you haven't read it, you are missing out.



Author/Editor Phyllis Jean D. Green

http://www.authorphyllisjeangreen.com

http://www.phyllisjeangreen.info






Must read for teenagers or parents of teenagers. Fiction but very real.



Marcia


http://www.angelsthatcare.org
Angels That Care

Courage in Patience by Beth Fehlbaum is about the courage of a group of teenagers in Patience, a small town in East Texas. Ashley Asher, Roxanne Blake, Dub White, Z.Z. Freeman, Junior Alvarez, T.W. Griffin, and Kevin Cooper are classmates in the summer session of English II under Beverly Asher. Each teen is facing a truly life-altering challenge that requires them to say NO to fear.

The main character of Courage in Patience is fifteen-year-old Ashley. Most of the novel is in her voice. When the narrative shifts its focus to one of the other characters, a third person point of view is taken, but I did not find these shifts jarring. For six years Ashley was sexually abused by her stepfather Charlie Baker. When she finally has the courage to tell her mother, Cheryl Baker, about the abuse, her mother does not believe her. Child Protection Services then places Ashley in the care of her father David Asher and stepmother Beverly Asher. Living with her father, stepmother, and stepbrother Ben in Patience; starting therapy with Dr. Scott Matthews; and English II class help Ashley start to heal.

At the beginning of the novel, Ashley takes us through her six years in hell. But the novel does not focus on the abuse Ashley endured. In truth, I wish the novel had focused a bit more on the abuse, because I wanted to understand deeply the terror Ashley went through. The novel's focus is on the emotional effects of abuse and the road to recovery. Courage in Patience is an eye-opening read. Ashley suffers from post traumatic stress disorder and her pain, confusion, insecurities, and anger are very REAL. After reading Courage in Patience, I feel I have a much better understanding of what victims of sexual abuse feel and think and the healing process they must go through.

Courage in Patience is a story of hope for those who have endured abuse - and not just sexual abuse. Ashley and her English II classmates have experienced different kinds of abuse, ranging from emotional abuse and physical abuse to heartbreaking parental neglect and shocking racism. To make matters even worse, religious fundamentalists try to ban the novel they are discussing (and loving!) in English class: Ironman by Chris Crutcher. These conservative extremists are also trying to have their English teacher fired for assigning Ironman to the class. The way these amazing teen characters finally stand up to abuse and social injustice is inspiring.

It has been a while since I've read a novel as serious and important as Courage in Patience. (It is also enjoyable and very readable!) I am honestly grateful for Courage in Patience. I want to read it again because Beth Fehlbaum was able to successfully weave so many big themes into one thought-provoking story. Courage in Patience is an authentic exploration of emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, parental neglect, racism, censorship, and religious fundamentalism. More importantly, Courage in Patience is a necessary reminder that there is HOPE as long as we are not afraid to stand up for what is right.

It is apparent author Beth Fehlbaum knows her subject matter - sexual and emotional abuse - beyond study in a textbook (her bio at end of the book confirms this). I applaud her, and applaud her again, for her own courage in tackling such a difficult and painful topic. But it must be tackled. It must. Because abuse such as this is a constant in our society, and it is becoming ever more prevalent. Blame the Internet with all that it makes so readily available (and I am referring to adults here, far more than children, although the latter will someday become those same addicted adults). Blame a society that seems to steadily be veering away from family-based values (e.g. careers and materialism being given higher priority than raising our children, and a general trend toward pleasure-seeking and narcissism). Blame a trend in contemporary society of increasingly objectifying women and girls. Blame ageism and its counterpart of youth-obsession that forces children to be sexualized. Blame an attitude of head-in-the-sand avoidance to domestic abuse in general. Blame what you will, but this problem is not going away. Children are being abused, and domestic violence (and I include emotional abuse in this category) is on the rise at an alarming pace.

"Courage in Patience" raises the issue of child abuse to the forefront. In the character of Ashley Asher, a girl who suffers the most brutal treatment at the hands of her mother's new husband, Charlie, over a period of six years (age 9 to 15), Fehlbaum explores the inner workings of an abuse victim. With excruciating accuracy, the reader becomes witness to what begins as a water pistol spray to a child's t-shirt, to a rape so violent that it leaves the 15-year old child a ravaged and bloody mess.

We witness Ashley's emotional shutdown. Ashley withdraws into herself. She blames herself. She tries harder and harder to please and appease her abuser. She goes deep into denial, compartmentalizing her emotions and behavior. Until she breaks. In a moment of courage, despite her stepfather's threats, she tells her mother. Unfortunately, as is all too common, her mother minimalizes her daughter's confession, even worries that her daughter may be stealing her man's attention away from her. Surely it is not as bad as all that... surely, Ashley can forgive her stepfather for a few inappropriate touches... and Ashley withers in despair as someone she loves and trusts - her mother - betrays her with her emotional abandonment as cruelly as the rapist.

As the abuse escalates, beside the mother's denial (and the author quite reasonably later brings up the possibility that the mother, too, may well have been abused in her childhood, thus perpetuating the cycle with her own denial), Ashley confides in a girlfriend who will not remain quiet. When the truth begins to surface at last, we move through the frustrating process of legalities, of a crippling law enforcement system that has its own denial issues, of child protective services that threaten to worsen the problem rather than assist the victim. Ashley's savior turns out to be her long-lost father, David, and even more, his sympathetic wife, Bev. Reunited with her father, we at last begin to see the slow and difficult process of recovery.

In part, here begins the one fault line of the novel. Along with the story of Ashley's recovery, a new story emerges of Bev's classroom life as a teacher who takes on controversial books. While the additional topics of censorship and book banning, religious fervor that becomes a gateway to racism, homophobia, teen sexuality, and other issues are inarguably worthy of discussion, it is regrettable that these side issues take up so much space in a book that should have remained on one worthy topic alone. One would have hoped the author would save these other subjects for future novels. As it stands, interesting as they may be, these issues mostly detract and distract from the one of child abuse.

That aside, this is a book that one might hope would be passed out in women's shelters, in family protective services, in churches, in schools, and other places and venues where it might reach out and comfort and give courage to others faced with the same nightmare. No one feels more alone than the one who is so victimized. Abuse of any kind is a very isolating experience. "Courage in Patience" can serve well to extend a hand to those who would read it and know that recovery is possible.