Abuse Books

Rae, Nancy. A Matter of Time. Bloomington, Indiana: AuthorHouse. 2007.

This book is unique in that it is the story of a male victim of child sexual abuse written by a woman. It is unique in that we seldom hear much about the struggles men face who suffered the type of abuse many women face. To me this story was valuable because of the insight it offered to our male counterparts and also because it brought home, once again, the fact that there is no cure for PTSD but that we can live a meaningful life and that our symptoms can lesson, especially when we have and accept the support of our friends, peers and family.

Nancy Rae chronicles the fictional story of David who was victimized as a child and as an adult and his long struggle to accept himself, to understand himself and to understand he was not to blame for what he suffered. It also clearly portrays the importance of accepting love and support from those who want to reach out to us, the hurt when those we do love are not able to understand us, and the damage done when those we trust to help us, namely therapists, end up abusing our vulnerability and trust to their own ends.

Although this is a fictional story, one can see that the author is acquainted with those who have lived this struggle, and that she has done research on the subject of sexual abuse of males, a subject often overlooked because men are taught they have to be strong and that it is weak to ask for help.

I found this book touching and informative and I feel it is a story that needs to be told. I also feel this book would be a valuable addition to the libraries and a research tool for those interested in this subject. If you know a man who has suffered abuse, this book would make a great gift as a tool for reaching out to someone who may not open up in a face to face conversation.

Patricia Brown

This book addresses a subject most people would rather avoid. Even those who advocate for sexual assault victims.

The issue, sexual assault on males, has been a hands-off topic for many years because its hard to see men and boys as victims. When it HAS been discussed, its usually glossed over or very unsympathetic - much like sexual assault against women and girls was handled 50-odd years ago. Men in particular are stigmatized because, of course, men aren't supposed to be victims, or even talk about their pain. "A Matter of Time" attempts to remedy this, and does so admirably.

The author takes us on a compelling, dark journey of a man who has been dealing rather badly with the pain of a childhood rape. He does what most other men in this country do in this situation; block it out or drown it out. David pays a deep price for this refusal to properly cope repeatedly before deciding to take control of his life and successfully turning it around.

Sadly, this is a common story, easily rendered to cliche'. Ms. Rae soars above such triteness by getting into the emotion, the pain, David feels. Her writing brings us closer than we've ever been to what a man has to suffer through while coping with sexual trauma, and does so with a taut writing style that grabs you by the throat and demands to be read.

Some might say that a woman can't possibly know the emotional price a male victim pays for being victimized so imtimately. Perhaps that's right. Ms. Rae does the next best thing. For such a touchy issue, it's a great result. The book also happens to be a great read as well, and worthy of the hours you won't be able to avoid giving to it.

It's not the kind of book that I would normally read, but once I started it, I couldn't put it down. I was really into all the characters, and had to keep reading to see what would happen next.

"A Matter of Time" by Nancy Rae is a powerful fictional account of how a man struggles to overcome the devastating psychological trauma of childhood rape and adult victimization. This book details the many twists and turns David takes as he learns to face his demons, shame, guilt, anger, and finally the road to becoming a mentally stable adult. David does not take this journey alone, he takes many people with him, including the reader, all wonders if he will ever find peace of mind. Whether he does is not revealed until the very end of the book. In the mean time hold on because you're in for the ride of your life!

wcdancer appears to be under the impression that Audrey Kishline is somehow associated with this book. In fact, though, her book was a completely separate one and she is not one of the authors of this book at all. Potential readers should weigh wcdancer's opinions accordingly. :-)

This book presents common-sense methods for changing your life, essentially by beginning to live the life you want to live eventually. It's not the single best thing I ever read, but it's a breath of fresh air compared to the dreary old advice to abase yourself, label yourself defective and diseased, and turn your entire life over to "God as we understood Him."

If you're a devoted 12-stepper, this may anger or even frighten you. If you're looking for a more positive approach which doesn't condemn you to obsessing over alcohol for the rest of your life, you might like this. It's certainly worth a read.

This book is an excellent resource for those seeking a well established alternative to the pathology/deficit/disease focus of traditional 12-Step programs. I believe the reviewer who rated this book with 1 star was confused on its origns. Audrey Kishline is the founder of Moderation Management while Insoo Kim Berg (a contributor) & Steve de Shazer (both out of Milwaukee) are the founders of the Brief Solution Focus Method of Therapy. MM was founded as self-help group. BSF was developed by educated and trained therapists with practical experience. The Brief Solution Focus Method serves as the foundation for this book. A couple of it's main points are: there is hope for the future and there is no "one size fits all program." It is an excellent read whether or not you accept its premise.

I read this book after pretty much exhausting every other possibility for recovery from alcoholic drinking. Berg and Kim present an approach that is radically different from any other I've encountered. Their main thesis seems to be, "Start acting as you expect to act when you're sober, but do it NOW." The idea is that by incorporating healthy habits into your life immediately, you can actually begin to learn how to be sober before hitting bottom. The book is very clearly and forcefully written, with helpful case studies to illustrate the main ideas. I was able to make substantial progress on my own behavior through the methods described here. I highly recommend it!

I have bought several copies of this book to hand to clients. This is a program that works for those who are not interested, for whatever reason, in attending 12-Step meetings. I have had the privelege of attending workshops on this subject by both authors, and feel that the book completly and concisely presents their point of view on the subject of stopping unproductive behaviors of any kind. A "must have" in the library of any therapist dealing with addictions and of any person trying to control their unproductive drinking habits.

I have the first 4 of the White Dove Romance series and I absolutely LOVE them! My mom got them for me for my 15th birthday last year and I totally got hooked on them. I love this one called Mirror of Dreams because it is sooo awesome. Christian girls? READ THIS SERIES!!!!!

This book was the best book I read out of the first three of teh books. It is a very good book that every Christian kid should read

I have three of the five books that are out. The next two look really great. This is one of those series that teenage girls can relate too. I am only 14 and those books have really helped me even though the characters are older.

This series is FANTASTIC! I got the first book but I wasn'tquite sure I would like it. I was pleasantly surprised!! This is agreat series with some brand new character development and some unique plots. My only criticism of the series would be the conclusion of this book, The ending seemed to be suddenly thrust in to "get the book done." But don't let that deter you from buying this one--they're all GREAT! (Although "Swept Away" is best.)

This is a great book,I really enjoyed reading it. It gave me permission as a Women to feel my anger and also gave me an understanding that my anger will also pass, all I have to do was to stay present to it. Thank you John for your insight..and my new understanding that anger is a feeling to be respected and that I dont have to feel bad because I feel it, That life is a journey of all my emotions and expressions.
And I can now let go of that belief if I am angry...its not that I am not working in my recovery..its actually that I am honouring myself on my journey by feeling it.

This book was excellent. Not only does it relate the connection between addiction and anger but it helps anyone reading it understand where anger comes from. Additionally, this book helped me recognize the important difference between anger and rage and the necessity of feeling and expresing ones anger in a healthy way. This book is a must have for anyone in the mental health field as well as anyone looking for a better understanding of addiction.

I have followed John Lee's work for 22 years; he amazes me. And this book tops them all...

John exudes humility. His depth of writing is so heart-driven, I sometimes wonder if he even has a head!

This great book -- interest and easy enough for a one-session reading -- is for EVERYONE... Not just "Alcoholics, Addicts and Those Who Love Them! I encourage everyone to tap into its pearls...

Don't be fooled by the title, this book applies to EVERYONE! The honesty and truth in what John Lee describes and way he captures and words these truths is heart-opening, validating, healing and a huge relief. It is like he is describing the places we all know in ourselves but never talk about or want to own. I thought it would be too basic but honestly it is fresh and has really useful information that is easy to practice and apply to daily life. The realness and humility in John Lee's books always hit deep places in me and I am so grateful for his willingness to go before us and shine the light of his awarenesses for us as we try to find our own way.

Other great books by John Lee that I have personally found to be life-changing are "Facing the Fire" and "Growing Yourself Back Up".

Philip Jenkins did it again. His previous book, 'Intimate Enemies: Moral Panics in Contemporary Great Britain' talked about child-abuse hysteria that swept Britain some time ago. This new book is actually a history of the concept of child abuse and child abuser in USA in the twentieth century. The book talks in details how that concept looked like at the end of the last century and how it looks like now. I have never read before any book that is so accurate and detailed as this one. For anyone interested in the subject of how society viewed child abuse and child abusers and how is viewing it now, this book is must-have. And I am very happy that Jenkins decided to devote this book to the Joel Best who himself wrote similar book, "Threatened Children: Rhetoric and Concern about Child-Victims"

Contents:

1. Creating Facts, 2. Constructing Sex Crime, 1890-1934, 3. The Age of the Sex Psychopath, 1935-1957, 4. The Sex Psychopath Statutes, 5. The Liberal Era, 1958-1976, 6. The Child Abuse Revolution, 1976-1986, 7. Child Pornography and Pedophile Rings, 8. The Road to Hell: Ritual Abuse and Recovered Memory, 9. Full Circle: The Return of the Sexual Predator in the 1990s, 10. A Cycle of Panic.

The emergence of "the child molester" as Public Enemy Number One -- or, conversely, as an image for hip audiences to snicker over -- is the topic of this book, and it examines how American society has responded to pedophilia over the past century. The author sifts through an enormous volume of evidence, and his tone is as sober as a judge.

He suggests that concern with the sexual abuse of children has developed in waves over the past century or so. In each case, public awareness has gone through a kind of cycle -- from reluctant awareness of the problem, to increased public attention, then to a period of intense fascination and horror culminating in the demand that the government move in to act decisively.

Jenkins argues that we have, for some time now, been in the final stages of the cycle. The expression "moral panic," which gives the book its title, is a sociological term. Those who coined it define moral panic as a state in which public reaction to a problem "is out of all proportions to the actual threat offered, when 'experts' perceive the threat in all but identical terms ... [and] when the media representations universally stress 'sudden and dramatic' increases (in numbers involved or events) and 'novelty,' above and beyond that which a sober, realistic appraisal could sustain."

What makes Moral Panic absorbing is not so much Jenkins' diagnosis of the present situation as his careful reconstruction of how medical and legal institutions came to recognize and understand the existence of molestation. "In the opening years of the twentieth century," he writes, "social and medical investigators argued convincingly that American children were being molested and raped in numbers far higher than had been imagined ... By 1910, social investigators were confirming the worst speculations about the prevalence of child sexual molestation, and panic about sex killers and perverts became acute about 1915." A similar pattern of increased attention and growing anxiety ran from the late 1930s through the early 1950s.

Conceptions of the nature and extent of sexual abuse changed from decade to decade. Extensive documentation -- from social-scientific works, newspaper stories, and mass entertainment forms like crime novels and film -- undermines the impression that pedophilia was only recognized a short time ago. Particularly striking are the parallels between the early years of the century and the present day: "In a foretaste of the 1970s and 1980s," Jenkins writes of the Progressive era, "feminists allied with therapists, social workers, and moral reformers in order to defend children, and the new ideas were promulgated by a sensationalistic media." The wave of concern that peaked in the late 1940s brought with it demands -- also heard lately -- that sex offenders be turned over to more or less permanent psychiatric hospitalization.

Following earlier patterns, the cycle of attention, anxiety, and legislation that began in the late 1970s ought to have burnt itself out by now. Clearly it has not. And some of the bogus "data" afloat about the menace suggests that "panic" is just the right word. "Far from marking a new era of indifference," Jenkins writes, "the year 1995 was characterized by the furor over sex predator statutes and the fear of cyberstalkers. The cycle has been broken in the modern era, when child abuse has become part of our enduring cultural landscape, a metanarrative with the potential for explaining all social and personal ills."

Jenkins' book is a very well written and documented study of the various child sex abuse panics that have taken place during the past century. It demonstrates the role of the moral panic in the policy making process and shows how decisions have been made on popular opinion and misguided beliefs rather than solid facts. It is objectively written and is a very good resource for anyone interested in sex offender policy. The only down side of the book is its relatively limited information on moral panic theory as a general topic. For this, you will need to look at Goode and Ben Yehuda or Cohen.

The title quote is quoted in Chapter 13, "Full Circle."

Jenkins leads us through the history of the sex abuse "panics" from the Progressive Era to the modern day. We find that in the early 1900s research/science found there was a problem worse than imagined. How else could young children get STDs? When facts became panics, the problem was buried under political self gain and the requisite rhetoric: from the F.B.I. vying for funds and power against the newly created Federal Bureau of Narcotics, to the feminist blame of the "patriarchy," to the conservative cry of decadence. And so much more.

The real issue, as is happening today, got buried under rhetoric and unchecked extremism. Backlash was inevitable.

This book is a valuable read in general even if one is not interested in the subject. It is an excellent primer on how to read an article, or listen to a speech or a news anchor, and see though the propaganda and rhetoric.

To close with another Nietzsche quote: "A people wants to hurt with the evil that is evil today." This book explains how some can hijack a hot issue, worthy though it may be, for their own political gain. Anyone who cares about child abuse, especially knee jerk lawmakers too cowardly to speak their real minds about the shallow laws they pass, should read this book.

The author obviously knows what it means to be resilient and does a wonderful job of passing that informaton on to others. A great read, short and to the point.

Author Julie A Brands hits the nail on the head with this short, easy to read book. As a survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse, this book helped me to know that I was not alone and that the things that happened to me were not all "in my mind". An excellent tool for those who have gone through this little known form of child sexual abuse as well as for those who are trying to understand a woman who has gone though this.

I work with a number of women who were sexual abused as children. Several were sexually abused by their mothers. This book has helped my patients realize that they are not crazy or alone. It is a difficult read, but well worth it if you want to understand the complexities of the impact of abuse on a child.

This was the first book that I have ever read that helped me feel not so alone with maternal sexual abuse. It was not really "clinical" but instead was written by a woman who is a clinician but gave her personal account of what happened to her. There are precious few personal accounts written on this subject and for those of us who have been sexually abused by our mother's it's definitely one to cherish.

This is the only book written with a "gameplan" for discovery of Munchuasen by Proxy. Lasher and Sheridan have given tremendous thought and definition to the Munchuasen diagnosis. They provide a detailed plan to determine whether or not Munchausen by Proxy has taken place. It is such a difficult disorder to prove, and this outline gives medical personnel, child protective services, and the law enforcement agencies a step-by-step guide in proving/disproving MBP. I think it should be required reading for anyone in the medical field. It's amazing that approximately 45% of medical personnel have never heard of MBP. If healthcare workers are not even aware such a disorder exists, there is minimal chance a perpetrator will ever be caught. We deal with this disorder in our family, and this book has helped us know what to look for and where to begin in our quest to "save" our grandson. I highly recommend this book to all professionals who care about children.

Great book, really delves deep into the psyche of people with this disorder and how it is interlinked with borderline personality disorders and depression. This book also has a excellent diasgnostic survey for clients suspected of this disorder. Certain criteria have to be met and law enforcement notified before a diagnosis can be made, it is a very difficult disorder to diagnosis, but this book sheds some new light.

I was knowledgeable about Munchausen by proxy before I read this book, but it shed a whole new light on the subject for me. It is clearly the definitive reference in the field. It is readable and filled with summaries and charts that facilitate understanding and practical application. It is not to be missed for any professionals involved in the protection of children.

A distressing look into how far will some people go to get attention. Through detailed case studies and analysis, the authors take readers into the lives and minds of people whose obsessive craving for attention compels them to fake illness, sometimes to the point of death.

This story is great. While I will say the editing left a bit to be desired, as typos are easily found. The story it self is outstanding.

I have been a long time fan of the author and got one of the first 100 copies :) sence then I have bought a few more for family.

It may not be a english teachers dream novel. But for a teenager or even someone older. It is worth reading

I just finished reading MCAJH and have to say it is one of the most heart warming story I have read in quite some time. Mr. Bower has done a fabulous job creating characters that you can't help but to fall in love with them. I can't wait to see if there will be more works from this author in the future.

I just finished reading this book and can honestly say it is one of the most heart warming stories I have read in quite some time. Mr Bower did an excelent job in the portrayal of all characters and in writing a book you just can't put down. I'll be looking out for more of his works if there are any in the future.

An excellent read. The character are developed in such a way I feel like I know them, and I cant count the number of times I laughed out loud, nor how many times I cried. The only downside, it is very hard to put it down, plan on staying up late to finish it.

Great book for explaining alcoholism to kids. They seemed to relate to the pictures. I will read it to them on occasion.

I received this book when I was a teenager. At the time, my mother was married to a drug addict and one of the counselors at the treatment program recommended it. Also, those many years ago, it only applied to alcoholics. I found it to be a very, very helpful book. Seeing my own experiences through the eyes of much younger children really helped me to understand what I was going through and not feel alone. I am so happy to see that it has been updated to include drug addiction and mothers. I know this book will continue to make a valuable impact on the lives of many children.

A rare find. While most other publications are geared to teenagers or adults living with addicted parents, this book offers younger children's perspectives. It combines young children's artwork and observations about the problems they have to cope with along with a helpful guide/workbook to help explain this disease. Reading through this with a 6 year old was an amazing experience. In the first chapter, she was able to recognize the signs and understand that others are going through the same experiences. I wish there were more books like this.

This is one of the only resources I could find to aid in my work with children of addicts. It is easy to use and gives a good structure for addressing issues of addictions from a childs point of view.

Very well written true experience by the writer. Too few books of it's kind for the person who has to live in this type of situation. She tell's it with utmost candor and clarity. I highly recommend it to anyone who either feels or knows they are living with a sex addict. She proves there is hope. Very good read!

Emma Dawson has written a groundbreaking book that shares her story of liberation from the silence and shame of being married to a sex addict. It is a powerful account of one woman's journey from the depths of silence to a celebration of a powerful voice of healing. It is an inspiration for any woman who has ever found herself in a position of isolation and low self-worth due to being a "keeper" of the secret of addiction. You will experience a sense of community as you read Emma's story and feel the relief of knowing you are not alone. Emma has learned to value her experience and found a wonderful way to share that with others!

This book is a fascinating look at life with a sex addicted spouse or significant other. After dating a sex addict for 5 years I always wondered how bad his behavior really could be and I was in denial about how bad it could be. With all the confessions the author's husband made to his wife (Emma Dawson) you really get an inside look at the kind of behavior the man is really engaging in. I was absolutely shocked by the things the husband admitted to doing. After reading this I realized everything was probably much worse than I even realized. I knew my boyfriend was seeing other women from time to time but for the first time I entertained the reality that he could be seeing more than one woman in even a days time. This book is helping me to break away from a situation I have realized is unhealthy. For any woman who is involved in any way with a man who is sexually addicted, I recommend this book and also "Love, Infidelity, and Sexual Addiction: A Codependents Perspective" by Christine A. Adams as the two books you absolutely must read.

This is a very short read, but a very honest one, about the author's own marriage. Nothing in it is what I experienced, but it helped A LOT.

I LOVE workbook pages better than traditional "self help" and her questions to work from triggered layers of pains and healings.

I knew my husband was a porn addict - he told me so when we broke up, after confessing that, yes, he made my life Hell for two years by doing all he could to make me "the problem" in the marriage whenever I asked simple things like "But can't we at least have sex on our honeymoon?" Two years of insults when I'd want physical expressions of love and then a sudden break up where he says, "I feel totally naked when we have sex and it scared me. I can't handle it." And now I'm getting divorced, with his ex-girlfriend calling to ask me if I figured it out - she did when they dated and only had sex when his computer broke. He and I had sex on vacation - but the honeymoon hotels had Internet and he brought that ever present laptop. (Lap dance gets a whole new meaning!)

Try having to explain WHAT sex addiction is to every therapist in your hick town. Try crying to the sexual trauma hotline that you are SERIOUSLY sexually traumatized - your "sexuality" is - due to a sex addict's abuse/denials.

Then do this book and realize "Oh, God. He's not just a porn addict." and you keep writing about your experiences with him and who he was sexually and you realize you've been denying his obsession with middle school girls the whole time. Maybe when he gets a vasectomy so you can't have a daughter because he knows he'll be too turned on when her 14 yr old friends come over - maybe that is a sign? Pedophila? Like the party where someone brings a 13 year old daughter and he's staring at her all night with glazed eyes and later says she was trying to seduce him?

But at this point you're like me and just so beaten down by his hatred of women; his constant, cruel deflections from any question about why the crazy sex life you shared ended the DAY you moved in; and are tired of all the therapists he sends you to because you're unhappy in a marriage where he sleeps on the couch next to his laptop - you just go "OK, you're right" to avoid him punching walls screaming "There is no sex problem!"

Ouch. This book woke me up to a lot about my life. I do not believe every other woman is co-dependent and I am not a believer in 12 step groups since no one I know ever stayed sober in one. But I was able to dig up a lot of ignored, very toxic stuff about my own sexual history - the fact I was date raped the first time I had sex and never told anyone. At the age that my ex lusts over in real life and with porn models that look very, very young. Full, creepy circle. So healing from a sex addict's denial and abuse has led to as much deeper and needed healing - date rape PTSD.

Oddly, I am not against porn, I am a third wave feminist. Most of my friends are like me - varying degrees of bisexual. We all tend to say "I like being with men in romantic partnerships, but women are sexy. Men are not good looking naked." So all my female friends, most married with kids and non-profit jobs, watch porn to see women.

But I am against addiction.

The author's life was nothing like mine. Her marriage was nothing like mine. Her husband's sex addiction was nothing like mine. And yet it all rung true in every way. Yeah, the county mental health trauma therapists don't know what sex addiction is and the local women's violence groups just hate porn and know nothing about sex addiction either. But I had this BOOK. The only book about sex addiction for partners, this tiny little yellow Godsend.

Godsend? Yes! With every other book I found for partners all being ones by those Fundy Christians - who have MAJOR sex/body/women issues as a whole religion - why the heck would I trust a Fundy Christian writer about anything involving sex or the body or women? I don't need to EVER hear the word sin - I don't believe that pathology. This is about it as far as books go for us sex/body/women loving folks - luckily, it is pretty good.

At best I hope it'll get you asking yourself the right questions.