Abuse Books

Roy asked his father, Nelson, what things were like when he was growing up -- Roy had wondered why some of the people in his life were successful, while others like his uncle Alvin ended up in jail.

Nelson explained how his father, Roy's Grandpa, always said to do his best, but that his brother Alvin never listened. Nelson told how Roy's Grandpa showed Nelson the people who ruined their lives by making the wrong life decisions (with drugs and alcohol). Roy told his dad that people in his school were making fun of he and his friend Jesse because they were working hard, and Roy's Grandma explained the hardships that many famous people had (ie: Ben Franklin, George Washington Carver, Helen Keller, & Abraham Lincoln). Roy's Grandma then challenged Roy to not ever give up chasing their dreams.

MyParenTime.com highly recommends this book -- all children should be taught to never give up on their dreams, and that they can do nearly anything they set their minds to. Great history lessons are included in this book too! This story is a great reminder that we should always try and do the best that we can.

I read this book to my 8-year-old son (a true test of a children's book merit). He really felt that it was a good book; one that he would enjoy reading again and felt that his friends would enjoy, as well. As a parent, psychotherapist and children's book author, I thought the book was a great contribution to children's literature and their well-being. The book gives historial examples of people who possess the good values the book promotes. I'd highly recommend this book for elementary-schoolers.

Great tool for teachers and parents and kids to learn and grow with each new book written by the author

Reviewed by Brianne Plach (age 10) for Reader Views (1/08)

What is the importance of having a dream? Not a dream like one you have when you are sleeping. It is more like a dream of what you want to do when you get older. You could say a vision for your future. A young boy named Roy is asking his dad where he is going. His dad tells him that he is going to visit his brother Alvin who is in prison. Young Roy doesn't understand why his Uncle Alvin would be in prison while his Dad is a successful doctor. Why is it that both of the boys have such opposite lives even if they have the same parents?

In order to help young Roy to understand why Alvin's life took such a drastic turn, he tells him a story about a time when his grandparents made quite an impression on him and his friend Jesse. Roy's dad and Jesse were approached by some boys who wanted them to join a gang and "be protected." Roy's grandparents explain to him why gangs aren't a very good place to make friends. His grandparents tell him why it is important to have a dream for their success in life. Grandma tells them the stories of how some famous Americans like Ben Franklin, Abe Lincoln, Helen Keller and others have taken their lives in poverty to become successful. A visit to a hospital and meeting someone who had already goofed up his life is an eye-opening experience for the young boys except for Alvin who doesn't want to listen to their valuable advice.

Carl Sommer has written a terrific book for kids. This book will give young readers insight into how their choices in their childhood and teen years will impact their lives as adults. This is an awesome book which I think all kids should read. Even the more advanced readers could learn something about the importance of daring to dream! "Dare to Dream!" is written in a very easy-to-read and understand style which will appeal to many. Your dreams can make a difference!

"Dare to Dream" is a remarkable book about three young boys. It demonstrates to the youngest reader the long-term results of their actions as told by a man to his young son, Roy. The father explains to Roy why he visits his brother in prison, how they came to make different decisions, and the effects of those decisions. Roy's father is a doctor and his best friend is an architectural engineer. Things were not easy for them growing up. The two of them were teased for studying hard. On the other hand, Roy's uncle chose to take the path of joining a gang, becoming involved in crime and drugs. The lessons are easy for a child to understand although they may need help with the meaning or pronunciation of the words. I would not only recommend the book for children in 1-4 grades, but also those getting ready to go into school. It is a book parents will enjoy reading with their children time and time again.

I often find that when I return to this book I uncover something that I've forgotten, and this allows me to open up and become softer with my parner.

this book is still relevant.

This book speaks to the co-dependants of the world beautifully. It is an easy read and it makes sense to anyone. I would highly recommend it. Also, if you like this subject check out Pea Meadly Book Facing Co-Dependancy.

Great book. I am still reading and learning! Quick delivery and arrived in great shape!

For me this book is one of the most profound and important books I have ever read about relationships and communication. Although it is written as a book about marital relationships, it has implications for every kind of relationship, and not only intimate or dyadic ones. And, although it is written as a pop psychology book, I think it makes a real contribution to the social-scientific understanding of relationships and communication -- that is, it stands up well as a general model of communication and relationship. I think it is a great book and would be of great value not only to those trying to solve relationship problems but to those wanting to understand the ways in which self and relationship are intertwined in general. It illuminates all of the areas of one's life in which one communicates with others and, as another reader said, can be as valuable for understanding past relationships as for dealing with present ones.

There are three of you in a marriage. YOU, ME and US. All three need to be happy. This book can get you there. It saved our marriage.

Doing the Right Thing is written for children taking care of their elderly parents. The book is well written and emphasizes the need for setting limits in taking on this difficult task. Specifically, Roberta Satow speaks of reaching a balance for children who have had distant, difficult relationships with their parents in the past. She emphasizes having boundaries and taking care of one's self in order to deal with the issues that inevitably come up at this time. As a daughter taking care of my mildly demented mother, I found this book helpful in validating the positive things that can come out of this new chapter in my life. Feelings from the past can be resolved and a new, positive bond can be formed with your parent. I highly recommend this book to any child taking care of an elderly relative and for children who are experiencing guilt over the resurfacing of old feelings at a time when our parents need us most.

The introduction to this book left me breathless - the author could have been looking over my shoulder at my own interaction with my mother, and dealing with the welter of emotions that come out of that relationship. I very much appreciate the author's disclosure of her own situation - I think this gives an immediacy that the reader can relate with. Anyone in a care-giving situation with their parents' should read this book, no matter what their relationship with their parents was like. I plan to recommend it to everyone I know, because they will need this kind of information sooner or later.

After picking up this book in a library, I was surprised to learn how low it is ranked on this list. Although I do not have personal need of the book (my parents are dead), many of my contemporaries are or were caregivers. This book helped me understand them. Among my aquaintances, nearly every primary caregiver is on antidepressants. With little time for exercise or self-care they have health and weight problems. And the primary caregiver often is not the favorite child. As Pipher says, he or she may be an estranged child seeking a last chance to work out "unresolved issues," in the language of therapy.

The book's title can be misleading. Satow does not limit her topic to children who resent their parents. She provides several examples of selfless caregivers who love their parents and care for them willingly. Often they're repaying an emotional debt or following a culture they embrace.

Given the heavy subject matter, author Satow couldn't take on the usual upbeat, cheery tone of most self-help books. In fact, reading the book can be exhausting. I am reminded of Mary Pipher's book, Another Country: relentless examples of frustration with no end in sight.

Compared to Pipher, Satow comes across more as a hands-on therapist and teacher. And she's the kind of therapist who holds firm to mainstream beliefs (e.g., we never lose ties to our parents) and offers, by way of encouragement, a simple, "That's difficult."

Like Pipher, Satow's message is one of acceptance. At some point in life, there's little to anticipate. And contemporary American society lacks an infrastructure to provide support.

The book would be stronger if the author had stepped back for a broader perspective. Many caregivers sacrificed their own lives, so who will care for them as they age? How will the single or childless elderly fend for themselves?

And some relationships seem so broken or distant that one or more children could move to the opposite end of the world, guilt-free. Remember the Sopranos episode where Tony's mother dies? Carmela, Tony's wife, says, "Who are we kidding? She was awful." A funeral director told me he's experienced this reaction first-hand - more than once.

The biggest omission in Satow's book relates to money. In her last chapter, Satow makes some recommendations for caregivers. She includes a list of questions, encouraging caregivers to assess whether they're experiencing illness, taking out their frustrations on their own children or giving up a social life altogether.

But Satow totally ignores the financial effects of caregiving. When the parent dies, the child who gave up career options now has to move forward, battling age discrimination and a resume gap. Sometimes parents never get around to updating a will. Some die intestate. The inheritance gets divided evenly among three, four or five children, who rarely are motivated to reward the primary caregiver. And the primary caregiver's career can suffer or even disappear.

Still, I'd recommend this book to anyone who's caring for an elderly parent. But I suspect caregivers have little time to read. Ultimately, this book will help the rest of us try to understand a little more.

The interviews in this book were very enlightening, giving me some new insights into the situations that I, and apparently many others, are going through with aging parents. I did sympathise with many of the adults, and I guess the only shortcoming of the book was that I expected it to provide me with solutions. I realize that may be impossible to receive from a book, but I do think I gained a lot by the empathy I felt to others who deal with the same insolvable and sometimes intolerable situations. I would recommmend this book to those just beginning to feel the pull to help their parents so that some strategies may be of help in the earliest stages before patterns are set.

This is it folks! Probably one of the most important books I have ever read. It took me, as the reader, full circle from my childhood all the way through to my current relationship with my aging parents, in a matter of hours. I could not and would not put this book down. It wouldn't let me. Never have I read anything on the issue of children dealing with their aging parents that has so thoroughly covered every human emotion. It is gut-wrenching and inspiring at the same time. Kudos to Roberta Satow for having the desire and the ability to write about a topic that is so controversial and so very necessary. This book pushed all of my buttons and made me rethink every aspect of my relationship with my parents and my own children. This subject cannot be talked about or written about enough. I took on every role while engrossed in this book. I was child, sibling, parent and aging parent all at the same time. I was hit emotionally from every angle. When the book was finished I was literally angry that there weren't more pages. I can't stop thinking about or talking about this book. Now that is the sign of a great book! Please tell me there will be more where this came from!

Fans of suspense thrillers and true crime, all women everywhere from 8 to 80 will find the hair on the back of their necks standing on end reading "Don't Just Sit There." Men who read this book will get a tiny glimpse into the atrocities perpetrated on women across the country everyday. Not only is this an intense, page turning read, the message can not be over emphaszed. Easily something within the pages of this book could literally save your life, or that of someone you love. What more motivation could you need to read it?

L.A. Wilson has given the reader a front row seat into the ordeal that changed her life. Based on factual events, the book relates the horrific kidnapping, sexual assualt and her six month journey through the system. From that awful night she was abducted at knife point til the jury foreman read the verdict, she shares it all. An engrossing and unflinching story that took me on a roller coater ride of emotions. Fear, anger, determination, combined with healing, finding new love, a little humor amid the horror, and finally stepping into the dawn of a new day as a new woman.....

Wilson refused to be victimized in silence and with this powerful book, she compels others, to fight for the justice they deserve. "Don't Just Sit There" has opened my eyes and touched my soul in profound ways. I commend Ms. Wilson for her courage. The same strength and grace that sustained her through this ordeal is conveyed to the reader in her words. This is one of those very rare books that stays in your mind long after it has been returned to the shelf. Which is a testament to the power of the story, as well as, the expert way it was crafted and delivered.

Happy Reading!

*Personal Note:
Many victims of violent crime feel they have no where to turn and no one understands.If you are one of the 1000's of women whose lives have been forever altered by such senseless acts of violence please read Don't Just Sit There. It could very well be the first steps on the road to healing and regaining control of your life.

Although a heinous crime takes place in DJST, this is not the basic "true crime" novel. That makes revealing the ending acceptable in a review. This reader was truly gratified that the bad guy got nailed and sent to the slammer. The story line is quite straightforward: The female author, who worked in a Houston bar, is raped late one night upon her return home from work. She was abducted from her own parking lot and driven to a nearby remote location. That one fact may be difficult for a New Yorker to grasp since "remote locations" here are so scarce. The young lady has the extreme presence of mind to plant evidence (!) in her perpetrator's car. She did so by leaving her prints on a beer bottle and rolling up her panty hose under the passenger seat! How did she stay so calm? She then has the spunk to produce-on her own-WANTED posters of her attacker and distribute them. All the while, she holds her job and maintains as normal a personal life as possible. That is the heartening soul of the story. The bad guy easily falls into the stupid criminal department. He is caught quite quickly, more so, I'm sure, than the typical rapist. It helped that he "assisted" in his own capture and conviction. Justice in the form of a solid prison sentence follows. This reviewer would add one recommendation, especially for females but they apply to guys as well: NEVER get in a car with an abductor. Fight on the spot but resist at all costs. Scream "FIRE!" rather than "HELP" or "RAPE". That item was NOT intended to second -guess the victim. DJST is an inspiring story of determination and especially steadfastness in the very face of danger. One does not have to be female to enjoy reading it. This reviewer has the distinct opinion that were he to be in a tight spot, he'd like the calm and collected authoress with him.

I liked this book, it is a neat little story about taking matters
into your own hands and fighting back. Although it was not as
dramatic and inspiring as another book I recently read about survivors, A Reason To Live: The True Story of One Woman's Love, Courage and Determination To Survive, I do recommend it as interesting reading. It is time all of us take a stand against these sexual perverts, and this book is a good manual for that.

I really enjoyed reading this story, about the horrifying experience this woman went through with the assault against her, and the things that she did to not only catch the vicious criminal, but to prove to a jury that they had not been out on a date. These things took a lot of smarts and a lot of courage.

This book could help a lot of women in the event of an assault against them.

I thoroughly enjoyed it and recommend it to every woman out there. Some of the information contained in it might save your life. I liked it so much...I read it twice.

F.G. Schlundt

LA Wilson does a great job of telling a true and horrifying story of being raped. This woman had the sense to grab up
evidence such as nylon hose, shell casings, and items found in the car during her terrifying experience. Her intelligence by doing this helped to find the rapist. This book needs to be read by all women to understand that any guy hanging around, seen or unseen is a threat to her safety. What is even more astonishing is that after this guy violates her, he has the audacity to keep trying to make conatct with her. I am amazed at Wilson's strength and fortitude. I look forward to reading more of her writing. The story also shows how teamwork pays off, when people (not just women) look out for each other, especially when suspects are released from jail or prison.
Good job, Lisa! Go get 'em!

This book has helped me to recognize bonds that I thought existed, but which really existed only in my imagination. It has also helped me to realize that I was the one who expected people to behave a certain way, based not on who they were, but on templates that I'd accepted as truth in my formative years: mothers were supposed to bake cookies and love you -- but mine didn't. Daddies were supposed to love you, and if you never saw them it was because something monumental was keeping them away -- except when they stayed away due to their own selfishness. And so on.

I could only read one chapter at a time, if that much. It caused a lot of disturbance in my heart, but ultimately it has been very helpful. It's sad to let go of those fantasies, but I wasn't able to even start healing from an abusive childhood until I could recognize the difference between what things "should have been" and what they were. It hurts, all right, but I'm better. And now I'm happier.

Be forewarned, this is a textbook, not some easy-reading self-help book. The book explains that we erect defenses in relationships because of our mother, self-hate, and fear of death. It also explains how those defenses manifest themselves and how they are damaging to meaningful living. The book also relates how duality (saying one thing when we mean another) is damaging, in both adult relationships and with our children. There is a lot of explanation and insight here, but not a lot of direction for solving the problem.

many books of this nature havebeen revelations for me. however, this is THE one! if i hadto choose for you one book thatsays it all it is this one. thisis the one that through aprocess of reading, digesting andapplication will transform you.this is truly life changing stuff!first time through my mouth wasagape most of the time. virtuallyevery line was a light bulb experience.thank you dr. firestone!!!

This excellent book has changed my life, helping me to become a happier person and putting me on the road to my first good relationship. As I was reading it, I would come to new chapters and say, "well this certainly doesn't apply to me" (e.g. "Idealization of the Family"), but I quickly learned that those chapters did indeed apply. I now refer to it as my Bible because I so often talk about it to my friends and encourage them to read it. The section on Theoretcial Issues is probably too academic for most readers, and I am skeptical about how much schizophrenics can really be helped by these techniques. But I think the general population would be greatly helped by the ideas in the book.

I previously purchased a lot of books trying to figure out my partner's behavior. Nothing ever made sense. This book finally ties together all the pieces of the puzzle. Even after 2 years of therapy, the therapist couldn't explain my partner's behavior. I gave this book to the therapist to read, and she thought it was an excellent book. With direction from this book, the therapist is finally getting to the root of the problem.

I met Michael a few years ago, and at the time he had been writing this book, and I was priveleged to have read a draft of it before its publication.

Michael is an extraordinary man and writer, and his generosity of spirit is evident in everything he does. This book is a truly worthy reflection of who he is as a human being, providing the hope and inspiration which affects the reader in such a way as he or she never feels alone. I wish him the best in the promotion of this book, as it cannot be but an earnest inspiration to all who would read it.

Warmest regards, Michael...[smile].

I was given Michael Dennis' book for Christmas by a friend who knew I was a little depressed and hoped this would make me hang on and try to get over it. It worked. It is an amazing story, and it certainly gave me hope that I could pull myself out of the bad feelings I had fallen into...especially after reading what Michael Dennis went through as a child and still lifted his head in hope and prayer. It helped to make me understand myself better and look to my strengths instead of where I was weak. I think it is a good book to help people get back on track with their lives. If Michael can do it, we all can do it. I believe it, and things ARE looking up for me. Melody Norris

You'll be thankful to Michael Dennis for sharing his beautiful and sometimes humorous poetry, as well as his life experiences, inner struggles and revelations. All in a touching, intimate way: I found his inner strength and determination to rise above his abusive childhood and challenges very amazing, and encouraging at the same time. Encouraging that we all can do. "I think I can"! Thanks be to Mr. Dennis, for giving us the wonderful gift of his thoughts in Halfway to Heaven. I look forward to more of his writings.

This is a sensitive and moving story of a man's journey to self discovery. He tells of an abusive childhood and how he finds his way out of this pit of darkness into the light with the help of his personnel Angel, the help of his friends and his deep faith that there is more for us in life than unhappiness. Mr. Dennis shows how he overcame very difficult situations by keeping focused on his hopes and dreams. He shares his travails enabling the reader to identify with the difficult situations that affect us all and how we can overcome adversity with positive persistence.

In an extraordinary way, the author has put into words how he rose above such a painful childhood and problems in his life. I can relate to some of the painful things mentioned in this book, which is reason I felt compelled to write this review on it. By Mr. Dennis sharing his life through this book, he makes it clear that we can overcome very difficult situations in our own lives with our own hopes and dreams. How wonderful that he has shared his life like this. And the poetry alone is remarkable! I feel this book is worth giving, as I have also bought one as a gift for a dear friend. I truly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it. I look forward to future writings by Mr. Dennis.

This is a book everyone should read. The author gives a candid look into a heart-wrenching world of child abuse. Then, through her adult life experience and soul-searching, describes the very difficult process of struggling with forgiveness as most people have learned it should be. Should be is the qualifying term. The author's journey to the discovery of insight in healing first and what forgiveness can be, should be read by all...those effected by abuse, those who know of someone effected by abuse, and those struggling to forgive at all.

Heal & Forgive -- I devoured this book in one evening. And I commented on it in a family rift blog site on the web. I didn't have the same abuse as the author did, but most of my abuse came from my own older sister over many years - emotional (putting me down at every turn) and physical (as in hitting - using hangers, elastic belts, etc.). I don't believe my Mom was witness to any of the physical abuse but I do know that she heard much of what sister would say to me -- and did nothing. My dad worked shift work so he was not around and Mom didn't believe anything I would tell her about sister saying / doing to me.... I learned to never saying anything - became moody about the situation and was accused of having a "chip on my shoulder" - all through my childhood. No one wanted to see my older sister in any sort of a bad light (she was favored by my Dad's Mother & Sister - I was not) - so I needed to be quiet about it and I was. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is not something you recognize until you are older and gain insight. I didn't find out how dysfunctional my family was until I went through counseling myself at 48 yrs. old.

After being on the blog site and reading this book - the big *aha* moment for me (and for the author as related in the book) was when she told her therapist that she just wanted to have *her story heard* - that was the biggest thing she needed in her life.... her two brothers didn't want to hear about it and neither did her 1/2 brother (even though they too had experienced abuse also) and eventually to keep their world quiet about it they shut her out of their lives. She also realized that she, being a female, was not in favor from the get go with her own Mother. Her Mother favored her sons over her only daughter. She was blamed constantly for the abuse because she stood up to the abuser.....

Her story resonated with me.

After much research and reading - she discovered that forgiving first does not help you heal as many therapist believed years ago, but that a person needs to heal (be heard, have therapy, mature, read everything on the subject -- and I recommend Louise L. Hay's books to help you with that healing too) from the past somewhat before they can move on to the forgiveness part.

Her book was wonderful find for me and highly recommended via the people who participate in the blog I am a member of -- and the author is a member of the blog also.

For anyone who has childhood anger, emotional issues, abuse from childhood (whatever the form), problems that are connected in some way via their childhood, this book is a must to read. We all need to heal, we all want to be happy, we all need to be loved. This book can be a step in the right direction to help you on the road to healing too. Get the book and get on the road to healing.

Nancy Richards offers a fresh face to the concept of forgiveness in her book Heal and Forgive: Forgiveness in the Face of Abuse. It deserves a closer look from anyone struggling with recovery from childhood abuse.

A woman who runs a ministry for adult daughters of controlling and abusive families recommended I take a look at Richards' work when I shared with her my own journey. I ordered it last week and found it so absorbing I finished it in just over two hours.

Ms. Richards walks us through her own brutal childhood, one that we discover began at birth, and became exacerbated after her father died and her mother remarried to a man who was extremely cruel and sadistic. We learn about the literal joy he took out of beating Nancy and her brothers, how he ripped everyone apart with his words and would look for anything he could find to perpetrate the terror he inflicted. Worse yet is the ways we learn this man is able to influence Nancy and her siblings to turn on each other, and how she becomes the household scapegoat.

Eventually Nancy leaves home to marry and start a family of her own. We learn her family of origin does not improve, take responsibility or offer amends for their past behavior. Instead, her mother proceeds to divorce and remarry several abusive men in succession, and continues to promote blaming Nancy for all the "family's" problems, to the extent that she convinces everyone Nancy is crazy and to side against her.

Ms. Richards attempts this whole time to forgive her abusers. After all, aren't we all taught to leave the past behind, forgive other's wrongs, and be family no matter what? Don't they tell us that unless we do these things, we won't heal?

But in the course of her efforts she finds the opposite - she is unable to heal. To the contrary, the harder she tries, the more pain she feels, the greater her resentments, and the more abuse her family of origin is able to heap on her.

In Nancy's quest to figure out why this isn't working, she comes across an understanding therapist and several books from psychological and spiritual perspectives that turn our culture's traditional concept of forgiveness upside down. She learns that perhaps the solution for her is to NOT forgive in the way she has been led to believe, that the whole idea of making peace while overlooking the evil of abusive behaviors is in fact self-defeating and self-destructive. Nancy realized that she must think first of her own needs, to protect herself and her own family.

The end result is that Ms. Richards ends up "divorcing" her mother, which also causes an unfortunate loss of relationships with other family members, including her brothers. As of the publication she had not spoken to any of them in twelve years.

She also decides to stop working on forgiving them, and start focusing on her recovery and her daughters. It is these actions in themselves that allow healing to flow into her life, and eventually, she is able to find TRUE forgiveness.

I found this book to be very powerful in both the story it had to tell, and in the message it had to give. I have followed a very close path in my own life; the parallels between her family's behavior and mine were eerie. I too have had to "divorce" my family of origin and in the process lost relationships with other relatives, and even some family friends. So to read such a similar story as mine was incredibly validating.

On a spiritual level I also found Nancy's story and her sharing of some resources regarding forgiveness to be a relief. Like myself, Ms. Richards is a Christian, and she includes pieces of wisdom from others within that vein who support a different concept of forgiveness and do so from a Christian perspective. As someone who felt torn over whether my choices broke the commandment to honor my mother and father, this book served as a valuable resource to help me reconcile this area of my life.

I cannot recommend this book enough for anyone who is struggling with a family of origin that is broken due to unamended abuse. I also believe anyone who is a friend or loved one of someone recovering from childhood abuse will find this book beneficial for understanding the survivor's struggle to find healing and, yes, forgiveness.

Ms. Richards describes how physical and emotional child abuse can turn the non-abusing against the child and the children against one another. One of the ways that abusers maintain control is to divide and conquer the rest of the family. Everyone is afraid to become the abuser's next target. A scapegoat is picked and everyone uses the scapegoat to escape personal pain. Ms. Richards was that scapegoat in her family.

The abuse was particularly hard to bear because Ms. Richards biological father was a kind man who headed a loving family. After her father's untimely death, Ms. Richards found herself at the receiving end of abuse from a string of step fathers.

Even after she was grown and had escaped the den of horrors, Ms. Richards found it hard to escape the consequences of the abuse as she attempted to help her siblings.

During her recover, Ms. Richards found that much of the advice about forgiving abusers just didn't work for her. There was no relief and no reconciliation. Eventually, she "divorced" her family and put her energies into being a good Mom to her own children. When she had gained enough healing from this separation and building a healthy family life, Ms. Richards was finally able to forgive her abusers . . . and to gain relief from that forgiveness.

The lesson of this story is that those who are recovering from such horrible treatment need to listen to their hearts as they seek a happy, balanced life. Advice from others will only lead you so far on the path to recovery. Check that advice for whether it seems right before you try it. Also, don't expect that any abusing leopards are going to change their spots.

If you weren't abused, why should you read this book? I see several reasons. First is to witness and honor Ms. Richards' experiences. That's part of helping her become healthier. Second, this will help you be more vigilant in watching out for abuse among children you come into contact with. Children need caring adults to intervene on their behalf. Third, this book will help you be grateful for your blessings. You may think you've had a hard life, but maybe it wasn't so hard after all.

Heal and Forgive is the best book I've read in a very long time. As the director of Luke 17:3 Ministries for adult children of abusive, controlling or abandoning birth-families, I would be hard-pressed to come up with a more helpful book to recommend. It is unique in its perspective in that it teaches the reader that sometimes it is okay, and even necessary, NOT to forgive. It is a page turner right from the beginning, gripping you with Nancy Richards' riveting and disturbing story of her sadistic stepfather's violence and relentless abuse of herself and her brothers, and her mother's complicity in the abuse and complete refusal to protect her children in the slightest way.

Even more distressing is the author's account of her attempts to protect herself and her brothers, and to stand up and speak the truth about the abuse, which resulted in her treacherous mother convincing anyone who would listen that she was a liar and troublemaker with mental problems. There is a twisted episode in which her stepfather was finally going to move out, but her mother told the then 12-year old author to ask him to stay. He did stay, and years later the mother blamed her daughter for controlling her marriage (at age 12!) and making her husband stay when she could have been rid of him sooner.

Long after the evil stepfather was gone and the author was grown, her mother continued to expose the author's younger brothers to repeated abuse from a string of other losers she became involved with. Nancy Richards tells, in heart-wrenching detail, of her attempts to protect her younger siblings, to get anyone to listen to her or believe her, and to somehow maintain a relationship with the mother she still loved and the rest of her family.

But, in a scenario disturbingly familiar to many abuse survivors, her mother managed to convince most of the family that Richards was the problem, and to turn almost her entire family against her, including the brothers she had tried so hard and sacrificed so much to protect. The denial, betrayals, and blatant lies as the family protected the abusers and scape-goated the author will ring true with so many of us.

And then the author was left to embark on the path to forgiveness, with absolutely no remorse or repentance from those she was pressured to forgive, and not even any validation of her traumatic experiences. At each stage of the process, she faced renewed pain with every new revelation, such as the realizations that her mother was the one who betrayed her the most, and that her mother really never loved her.

Throughout her long and difficult journey to forgiveness and recovery, the author has many valuable insights which she lovingly shares with us. The most important insight, which is the main premise of the book, is that healing needs to come FIRST, BEFORE forgiveness. We usually feel pressured to forgive prematurely, by family and friends, therapists, and society in general. But forced forgiveness is not always possible, and is certainly not healthy.

The author teaches us that forgiveness is a process that begins with healing, and needs to include other elements as well, such as validation, anger, grief, and protection. In the process of her recovery, Nancy Richards read other author's works, which helped her to understand these truths about forgiveness, and she quotes from them in her book. When reading Heal & Forgive, one gets the sense that the author is not just writing about her own experiences, but is doing all she can to present a well-rounded and informed picture that will help other abuse victims as much as possible. She opens her heart to us, and shares her innermost thoughts and every feeling she has that might validate our own feelings and help us on our road to recovery.

The book is an easy read, and I was able to finish it in a few sittings. It was a hard book to put down, and I hated to walk away from it in the middle of the story without finding out what was going to happen next. It was a lot of food for thought. Nancy Richards does all abuse victims a favor when she teaches us that sometimes no matter what we are willing to do and how hard we are willing to try, it is just not possible to have a relationship with some people. We understand how important it is to stand up and tell the truth- to others and to ourselves.

When we realize that someone we love doesn't love us, the truth can be so hard to bear, but it is still the truth, and denying it doesn't change anything. We learn that sometimes we need to make the choice to walk away from a toxic relationship. We feel validated in learning that it is alright NOT TO FORGIVE evil people, and that releasing ourselves from the pressure to forgive gives us the freedom to heal. Only after we have healed will we be able to come to a place of genuine forgiveness.

After reading Heal & Forgive, I admire Nancy Richards for her courage and determination to heal and lead a life of peace and happiness despite her birth-family's rejection, and I am appreciative of her sincere efforts to encourage the rest of us and validate our experiences by sharing her story. Her triumph over the devastation and heartache inflicted by those she loved is an inspiration to anyone who thinks they can never get over the pain and be happy again. I urge all those who have felt the knife of a loved one's betrayal in their back, or who feel pressured to forgive before they are ready, to read this book. It is a must-read for any survivor of birth-family abuse.

I read the first 133 pages of this book in 2 evenings. It is a very easy read and I didn't see any distraction or smugness in the bouncing back and forth or discussions of Clay's early popularity. I think part of the power of the book is the fact that this person living a lie looked like a Christian superstar from the outside. It could be any person you see in church on Sunday morning.

I especially appreciated the candor and directness of the book. I would recommend it to anyone who knows someone struggling with a "secret sin", not only pornography.

Clay and Renee Crosse have co-authored this autobiographical account of the journey that they have endured through Clay's early success in the Christian music industry, his descent into pornography and the damage that ensued in his career and his marriage, and the restoration that God has brought into their lives. The most striking and helpful part of this book is its brutal honesty. The Crosses have clearly decided that they can serve others most effectively by being fully transparent about their struggles. That certainly includes Clay's struggles with the sin of lust but also includes places where Renee admitted her own spiritual weaknesses. It never seemed like they were sharing too much detail, but their candor is most helpful and all too rare in a Christian subculture that seems to prefer stories of artificial perfection.

Another strength of this book is its readability. Their writing style is very conversational, and it is an easy book to digest. It could probably be read in one or two sittings, but I enjoyed reading it over the course of a few weeks by reading one chapter each night.

There are a few weaknesses, to be sure. The readabilitay of the book is connected to its informal writing style, which also makes it feel almost amateurish at points. Some of the conclusions that they drew concerning big spiritual issues seemed overly simplistic, as if Christians need only to read the Bible and pray more, in which case God is obliged to fix all of our problems. Again, a bit of literary nuance would have clarified some of those finer points.

Also, the shared authorship of Clay and Renee, while providing us with perspectives from their two very distinctive journeys, seemed a bit jarring at times, as they bounced back and forth from one to the other. And there were times when they seemed to remain a bit smug about the early success that Clay had, making sure to point out just how wildly popular he had been. Maybe that was simply to juxtapose their current situation from where they had been, but it felt a bit pompous.

These critiques aside, I'm glad to have read this book. The Crosses have done the Christian community a favor by telling their story. Though this book has some weaknesses, it is good to hear a story of two lives, filled with severe pain and wrecked by sin, that have been restored, though not perfected. Many Christians would do well to learn from Clay and Renee.

It was like being able to talk to a friend about the situation. I really appreciated how both sides got to talk separately about their own view of this conflict. It really opened up lines of communication between my husband and me with honesty and not playing the blame-game.

This is an eye-opening book for anyone to read. It's a very descriptive walk through a lovers life torn by a sexual addiction (which is much more prevelant than it is thought of).

This is a really good book for those husbands who struggle with Pornography, and also for the wives to read...it gives you a Godly perspective of the realities and consequences of the destructive nature of pornography. There are too many cases where marriages are destroyed because of the evil nature of pornography, and the fact that it is so accessible on the internet...this is one of those books that gives a true account of their lives from both the perspective of the husband and the wife. Buy it, you will find it is a very good jumpstart to accountability for your husbands struggle. This is a good companion to use but please be aware that counseling is most important in helping your husband "beat the porn" rap....

I read this book after my mother died 16 years ago and I still recommend it when someone I know has lost a loved one. It really explains the grief process and lets you know that no matter how you feel and how you respond, you're not losing your mind. I found it very comforting. I also pulled it out and reread after having a miscarriage. This book is full of wisdom that will help with any loss. I highly recommend it!

Lead Me Home:: An African-American's Guide Through The Grief Journey

My husband of 46 years committed suicide 3 months ago. While reaching out to every resource available to me, I came across this book. After reading it, I went back through and highlighted it everywhere it hit the mark. It took two days. This is the most astoundingly helpful book I've seen and I've read a lot of them. I've also recommended it to my therapists as a wonderful source of wisdom, insight, and understanding for those who are dealing with all kinds of grief: death, divorce, job loss, giving birth and many other events. What a lot of helpful insights Dr. Bozarth offers! I recommend it unreservedly to all who are traveling down this road. God be with you. Elizabeth J. Riney, M.D.

At a time when I had lost 3 people that I loved very much over a period of only 6 months, I was not sure where to turn. Friends, family and co-workers said, "just take it one day at a time". Although this is a very true statement, understanding the emotions you are feeling and why can really, really help after a loss. This book doesn't just touch on death, it encompasses all losses from a job or divorce to the loss of a loved one. There are so many different things to consider and this book helps to drill down to your connect to the job or person and why the loss if effecting you in the way it is. I highly recommend this book, it does have a bit of a religious spin but not as a turn off, as a warm welcoming feeling that someone else understands.

This book has helped me so much during a very rough time in my life where I've split from my husband, lost my house that I dearly loved, and moved to a place that I hate. It helps you understand what you're going through, and it gives you things to do that can help. An amazingly good book!

I purchased this book after the sudden death of a friend. I was at a complete loss as to how to deal with it, and had never experienced this type of loss before. I was shaken.

I can't believe my good fortune to have this book. It taught me so much about the role Grief plays in our lives, as well as it's not just limited to the lose of a person or relationship. Grief can come in all forms from all things. I found it very comforting to discover this and it actually helped me to embrace grief as a natural precursor to healing.

This is definitely a great book to have around, and did give me some tremendous insights. I highly recommend this book for anyone having experience a loss or a feeling of loss that you can't seem to attach to anything. I really feel like this book was a sanity saver in a sense, as it helped me identify something I would have never recognized as 'grief-worthy.'

Mary's journey is truly extraordinary! I couldn't put the book down. She is an amazing human being to have overcome such adversity! Great read!

I loved this book. Like most of the books I love, it offers a glimpse into a reality so different from my own. BTW, I can't stand depressing books...although Mary had a tough childhood, her book never left me feeling depressed.

I let a woman at my work read it after me and she loved it too!

Could not put the book down. What a quality written autobiography that reads more like a fiction. Entertaining, motivational and educational. No "poor me" in this one - just the facts told in a straightforward manner. As a professional who has worked in the field of Behavioral and Mental Health, I can highly recommend this book to adults AND teens. After reading what Mary experienced as a child and what she overcame to become an educated, successful and caring adult you too will understand that it IS possible!

My career was as the Director of a rape treatment center and child protection team. Having read Mary's book, I assure you that it is a compelling read, hauntingly told without hysteria or histrionics. In an almost eerily pragmatic tone, Mary tells her story of a seriously deprived childhood in which she quickly adapted and accepted the status quo. It is a story with which many of us can identify because of the slow, insidious, and steady impact of growing up in families that not only cannot provide the basic necessities of life such as food and shelter, but do not provide safety, security, or emotional and psychological support. As children we are great at taking responsibility for the family. Mary's story is a plain truth story of survival and determination. I was quite moved and I've heard it all.

This insightful and touching memoir - Catcher in the Rye meets Horatio Alger - makes you wonder how a young woman exposed to such a difficult and deprived childhood can graduate from high school, not to mention earning a PhD from Harvard and becoming a leader in her profession. Even with elaborate support systems in place, most of us accomplish much less. Mary Kilgour's story is just an incredible eye-opener, told with such self-deprecating humor and honesty that you'll find yourself laughing and crying - and happy to learn that Ms Kilgour is now working to help children who are growing up facing some of the same issues she did!