Abuse Books

I would highly recommend this book to everyone that said they were sexually abused. My oldest son was in residential treatment, my husband was never home and he cheated on me. I wanted love, to feel special and to be number one in someone's life. This book is a remarkable testimony of strength and extraordinary courage. My husband also read Grace's book and could not put in down until he finished it. He was amazed and just couldn't believe that she was still standing and in one piece after it was over. It also opened his eyes to the comparisons in my life and the lives of so many others abused by Health Care Professionals. His understanding of the complexity of the sexual abuse suffered by many, including myself, was eye opening for him. A must reading for all those contemplating litagation.
Marilyn - Chicago Survivor

This review first appeared in the ipnosis journal no. 17, Spring 2005. See www.ipnosis.com.


Fish in a Barrel is a remarkable book by Grace Tower which describes in detail the true story of her exploitation at the hands of an abusive therapist. In the first half of the book, Grace describes the way the relationship between herself and therapist Rick developed. Initially, she contacted him for help with her two sons, who both had behavioural difficulties. Rick was pioneering biofeedback techniques which looked like a promising treatment for the boys. Grace was experiencing marital problems at the time, and was initially impressed by Rick's practice, and so she decided that she would have some talk therapy with him, too. Little by little, Rick inveigled his way into Grace's psyche, and into her heart, gaining more and more control and becoming more and more manipulative. The control he held over her soon became physical, and over the course of a few years a single hug had developed into a full-blown sexual relationship.

One of the unique, moving and important features of the book is that Grace eloquently describes this process as she was experiencing it at the time, rather than with any retrospective analysis or judgement. The result of this is one of the most informative and moving first hand views that I have ever witnessed of how seductive and undefendable this kind of abuse can be. It helped me to feel how easily any one of us, even those of us with knowledge and expertise in the field, could be the victim of a predatory practitioner.

The second half of the book relates events that took place after Rick suddenly and brutally terminated their relationship (both therapeutic and personal). I wonder, then, if Grace would ever have reported him had she not had a conversation with her general practitioner which went as follows:-
"I need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. My relationship ended, and he never used protection."
"When and how did it end?" Dr Paulson asked.
"Yesterday. He said our expectations weren't the same."...
"Are you going to be all right? Are you still seeing Rick Draco in therapy?"
After a lengthy pause, I replied quietly, "Not as of yesterday."
(pp 109)

Dr Paulson immediately told Grace "If you don't write a letter [to the grievance board] in the next week, then, as a doctor, I'm mandated to report it." And so Grace wrote the letter, and a very long, harrowing, painful legal process was initiated which involved both a criminal and civil case. The whole procedure lasted many years. Whilst justice was served, and Grace gained much support and validation during the time, at best her life was put on hold, and at worst one might say that her ordeal was deepened and extended over a much longer period.

For the reader, this part of Fish in a Barrel offers a lucid and fascinating insight into the kind of legal processes associated with therapist abuse in the USA. Many aspects of it made me feel uncomfortable, particularly on Grace's behalf. This insight, coupled with the often disturbing events described in the earlier chapters, makes this, in my opinion, an important book for anyone involved in therapy.

As I read it, I could not help comparing Fish in a Barrel with Mockingbird Years: A Life in and Out of Therapy by Emily Fox Gordon, which I had finally got around to reading just a few months before. The two books are quite different in that one (Mockingbird Years) is a general autobiography of someone who happened to spend a lot of time in therapy, whereas the other is a specific account of a particular relationship in the author's life. But they are similar in that they are both novel-style memoirs, rather than cerebral analyses. From that angle, whilst Mockingbird Years is arguably a technically superior piece of writing (not that I am any expert), I found Fish in a Barrel a much more engaging read. Whereas Fox Gordon's memoir impressed me and interested me, I did not feel I got to know the author or really understand what makes her tick. Grace Tower's aim, on the other hand, seems to be to tell the reader what happened, simply, clearly and succinctly, and thereby to try to reduce the risk of it happening to other people. Her style makes one feel like a friend to whom she is relating the tale whilst sharing a bottle of wine in front of a warm fireplace one winter evening.

Fish in a Barrel: A True Story of Sexual Abuse in Therapy by Grace Tower, Millenial Mind Publishing, Salt Lake City, 2005. ISBN 1-58982-212-9.$19.95. www.fishinabarrel.org.
Mockingbird Years: A Life in and Out of Therapy by Emily Fox Gordon, Basic Books, New York, 2000. ISBN 0-465-02728-8. $14.00.


© Yvonne Bates, 2005.

Ms. Tower opens up a new understanding to the meaning of victimization and the power a sexual offender posing as a therapist has over their clients. This book will allow other victims to better understand a very unique situation that is occurring in the helping profession, but is rarely talked about.

This courageous book is an unique aid to understanding how unsuspecting people, already distressed and hurting, are betrayed by the professional that they trust. The extreme cruelty of Ms. Tower's predatory abuser, who had no qualms about exploiting her, her children and her insurer is clearly revealed. Ms. Tower tells her story in a straight forward and compelling way, and is brutally honest about her own feelings. So professional readers and survivors alike can see how a victim of such abuse becomes trapped, viewing the professional as a powerful parent-like figure who must be obeyed.

While the circumstances of author Grace Tower's emotional and sexual abuse by a psychotherapist are unique to her, her book, "Fish in a Barrel," also gives wonderfully useful insights into the vulnerabilities, sense of isolation and abandonment, and struggle to heal that are experienced by virtually all of us who have been exploited in similar settings.

Vivid descriptions of Grace's suffering at the hands of a cruel predator, Rick, coupled with a disastrous marriage and two adopted children struggling with attachment disorder, makes this not an easy book to read. For those who have been abused, much of her painful story is likely to be triggering.

But this is also a hopeful book. Time and again, Tower demonstrates insights into her anger and fears. How much of this is attributable to hindsight and how much was in real time is unclear. What is clear is that her ability to pull aside what to most would be an impenetrable iron sheet of confusion and insanity in which she is enshrouded by those who used her to serve their own sick needs, allows her to continue to function, take action, and ultimately to heal.

"Fish in a Barrel" steps us through her subsequent treatment by Jessica, an ethical therapist. "My rage and sadness about Rick abruptly terminating my therapy," she writes, "generalized to a fear of Jessica. She could fire me, too....I couldn't afford to antagonize her too much. Perversely, I sometimes tried to anger her,...but Jessica held fast....I trusted her enough to act out my sullenness but, deep down, I didn't trust that she would stay with me for the duration." (pp 139-140)

Tower's descriptions of both criminal and civil actions against Rick are useful and encouraging. The norm is that defendant's lawyers, knowing their clients are guilty, generally draw out the processes as long as possible through every legal means. This was most certainly true in Tower's case, but at sentencing she realizes the critical lessons in her attorneys' agreement to seemingly endless postponements. "Now," she writes, "...I understood that all of the excruciatingly painful delays, throughout the entire process when I thought Rick was winning, were actually beneficial to me. Upholding Rick's rights by granting all of the defense's requests throughout and taking care to make no technical errors during the process lessened his grounds for appeal." (p. 213)

In the end, Grace Tower prevails legally and emotionally. She writes, "I have the ability now to think my way from feeling victimized to feeling strong and happy." In doing so, Grace Tower demonstrates that taking back one's personal power and life is, with work and time, attainable.

Janet W. Wohlberg, EdD, Williamstown, MA
Janet Wohlberg is a co-founder of TELL, Therapy Exploitation Link Line (www.tell@advocateweb.org), a resource and networking organization for victims/survivors of abuse by psychotherapists and other health care professionals. She is the author of nine books in the field of organizational behavior as well as more than a dozen papers on the dynamics of abuse in power-imbalanced relationships and the subsequent treatment of victims.

I received this as part of my Friends of AK Press order. It made me glad I belong.

If you ever wanted to know how a good kid can be made into a criminal, here's the blueprint. Take a good kid, throw him into an institution with criminals, physically abuse him, sexually abuse him, mentally abuse him. Repeat. Instant threat to society.

I've never been a big fan of the justice system. Those who say to get "tough" on crime never go after the right criminals. What's worse, how many of those hardened criminals could've been changed had they not been thrown into a situation such as this one?

If you've got the stomach for it, this is mandatory reading. It's not pleasant, and it won't make you feel good about yourself, but it will shed light on a very serious problem. Kudos to AK Press for doing this, and it's one more reason that publisher should be supported.

What a candid book. I read it in one night. I volunteer in Los Angeles County Juvenile Hall. I read this aloud to the wards, 15-16 year old boys. That was last year, some are asking me when am I going to read it again. Some books about incaceration glorify the situation, but Mr. Abbott's account of an innocent childhood to a downhill spiral of abuse and survival really strikes a cord with the reader.

this is a great read. though much of it is tought to read through, the material is important and needs to be circulated!

The author of this book states that he wrote it while in solitary confinement. It's a trip into his childhood, where he came of age in California's Juvenile system. It takes place throughout his childhood years, beginning with an early stay at age 6 (along with a rape by a counselor). The rest is his teenage years spent trying to survive the brutal system of rape, violence, and sadistic counselors (also known as prison guards).

It's very chilling. I couldn't peel myself away from this book, even though it has graphic descriptions of rapes and brutal fights between gangs of boys not even old enough to shave. The fact that the author even survived that system, which incidentally took place in the 1960s, impresses me. When I was a teenager, a few friends of mine ended up in a juvenile drug rehab center at Horsham, PA, and afterwards they were extremely shaken up. It turned out later they had been raped. Not much has changed in the last 40 years.

Abbott and his companion quickly rise to the top of the ruling prison gang, which he uses to attempt several escapes. Each time, he nearly makes it. It's amazing that he goes for his parents, who are totally excluded from being able to help their boy. He forms a love relationship with his companion which he must hide in order to survive. The counselors maintain the order by daily beatdowns and shake-ups, and when it comes down to it, the boys are treated exactly like adults. The prison system makes people have to fight for their survival almost daily, or be pushed to a fate of worse than death.

It makes the reader wonder why anyone thinks that prisons can reform any person. Trapping someone in a room and punishing them for years with the most sadistic people doesn't seem like a good way to reform anyone. In the end, prison, for adults or kids, really just sweeps the problem of emotional disturbance underneath the carpet. Nowadays, a few million reside in United States prisons, the largest such population in the world (even more than China, which has 5 times the population). We're at a time when the ruling classes think it's better to completely separate millions into boxes than to even give a carrot to oppressed communities.

Dwight Abbott remains in jail today, and he says he wouldn't be there unless the Juvenile Youth Authority had twisted him as a human being to the point where the only place he could exist was in a prison. They destroyed him as a teenager at a critical point in any human being's development. Why? If you want a window into how a person can be destroyed, read this book. At the same time, if you want to see how a person can keep some amount of love and hope for a better day (away from the prison), read this book as well.

I cried, You Didn't Listen was absolutely breath taking. The whole time I wanted to stop reading the horrors, but didnt stop looking at the text the entire way through the book. It placed a new perspective on a lot of things for me and I thank Abbott for such. This is a must read for anybody looking for some perspective on juvenile punishment within the Califonia Youth Authority. It is a tough one though if you have a passion for living beings, especially children.

It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt, loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring abuse and/or violence.

What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship.

It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what frequency. The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed. There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important for gaining insight and perspective.

The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness, pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or guidance.

I would recommend this book for anyone who has been in a relationship with a controlling person. You will think you're reading about your own life.

Please refer to the 2006 expanded, second edition. Just click on either author above.

Easy read, that helps make so much sense after coming out of an abusive marriage. It helps to make sense of the situation and how one might have gotten their- without the blame.If you were ever abused, mentally, physically, emotionally, this is a book for you.

I could not put this book down, I carried it with me everywhere it helped me regain my sanity after a very abusive relationship.
A brilliant read - you will find yourself on every page. You are not alone. An important book for recovery.

I read this book new and several times since. I've given away a few copies which is why I'm here on Amazon again. I hope they don't run out.
I WROTE CONSUMERS REPORT a while back about publishing an updated edition. They didn't respond.

As the other reviewers say, this book is hands down, the best book on drug history available. Unlike other books about the history of drugs and drug policy (i.e., Musto), this book is not dry. It covers most drugs, including licit drugs (which is very important), and this man has great insight. This is the right way to write about drug policy. I have no idea why this book was never reprinted; it is truly the best drug book that exists.

I read this book in the early '80s. I say that it helped me survive my period of drug experimentation. Now as a father I don't endorse the use of drugs but I do recommend this book so that the reader could make an informed choice.

Even though this book is nearly 30 years old, everything it says about the drug problem is still relevant today.

This publication outlined a clear-cut set of recommendations that if adhered to, today's drug problems would have become a long forgotten memory.

This book is a must for the collection.

I went through alot of 'Drug Education'. I thought I knew something. I didn't. I learned more in one night from this book than I did in 18 years of being a youth in the Drug War. Read this cover to cover and now try to get everyone I know to read it.

I read this book several years ago because I knew the author. I thought it was a fabulous first novel. I was particularly impressed by the great spiritual tones that were very subtle and did not appear "preachy" or "hit you over the head." I do think it is must reading for young people to inspire and guide them on a successful path. I can't wait to see the book in a movie!!!!!
Pamela Payne Foster, author of "Is there a balm in Black America?"

Dr. Bailey has captivated an audience of adults and youth with "The Dream Merchant". Each page is just as exciting as the previous page. The pearls of wisdom that he has incorporated into his book have stuck with me. I even find myself using some of them when I am in discussions with youth.I have given so many away that I feel that I am the publicist! Whenever I take a nap, I just imagine myself meeting Junior and participating in the adventure! My hat is off to Erroll and the exciting future of "The Dream Merchant"! A movie would be fantastic!

I read this book over two years ago, and I still feel it is one of the best books I have ever read. If you can, give this book to a younger brother or sister and be inspired yourself. It shows how a young man who is in a troubled home, meets a figure who is between real and mythical,yet he teaches him lessons that would take him throughout life. The best part of the book for me is when Junior taught the young man about intimacy. Very enlightening.

All out, my FAVORITE book! Mr. Dream Merchant was one of those novels that you could not put down and once you did, you wanted to read it again, and I DID! It touched on being human and being spiritual, one with God, and understanding life's parellels of being accepted. This book touched me in a way that I thought could never happen. I understand how one's dreams can come to life by the words written in this novel. I would highly suggest that you get this novel TODAY and READ IT. Thank you Mr. Bailey for putting together such a WONDERFUL and SPIRITUAL book. I have highlighted certain areas in the book to remind me of WHO IS IN CONTROL!!! May God Continue to BLESS you on your Journey's END......

A wonderful, inspirational and insightful book. This is a book to sit and read as a family, especially those with males. Truly awesome in my opinion.

It WAS Real. The things you experienced with your alcoholic mother WERE real.

Other people have been through the same horror, guilt, and despair. I found this book very comforting.

I really enjoyed hearing other stories of daughters of alcoholic mothers. It aided in my therapy because it helped me remember events that I was having a hard time remembering. I found that my situation was much like others. Therefore, I didn't feel so alone. I highly recommend this book.

As an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother, I have read several ACoA books but never really found anything that spoke to me like My Mama's Waltz did. I was amazed at how many issues stem from growing up with an alcoholic mother. It was so comforting to read others' experiences and know that I'm not crazy and other women are going thru the same things. This book is a gem and I have recommended it to my three sisters and a girlfriend. So far, everyone has loved it as much as I did. If you are an adult daughter of an alcoholic mother you have to read this book!!!

I have not even finished this book yet, but already I feel like I'm healing. My mother was an alcoholic (now dry), her mother was an alcoholic, and I used to drink heavily myself. It's shedding light on some of my tendencies (trying to bend over backwards to please everyone, feeling abandoned by my mom at times, and so on). It also explains to me some of her behaviors and why she has anger lingering in her life and how it affects her still. Very insightful.

My mother was not an alcoholic, but her mother was. I helped me to understand my mother so much better and how being raised by an alcoholic effected her life. As a person in recovery 7 yrs and now a mom, this book solidified my sobriety to see what a burden an alcoholic mother can be to a child. Thank You.

Secret Keeping is a fascinating book, not only for those who may be allowing secrets to govern their lives but for those of us whose lives have been impacted by secret keepers. Think you don't know anyone who fits the profile? I encourage you to read this book and you may find you have a new understanding of the behavior of a loved one. We would all like to believe this kind of thing only affects other people, but do yourself a favor and read this book, then decide.

I have wirked with people in recovery from chemical addictions for over 20 years. During treatment they get sober and usually start to deal with their demons that got them their in the first place. but most of the people have a very hard time comming clean, i.e. telling their secrets. John's book goes right to the heart of the matter. He tells us what secrets do to us, how to deal with them and heal them. FREE AT LAST! It's helped me be more open and honest and I will use it in my school. thanks alot John!!

Secret Keeping by John Howard Prin
Do you have a secret? Of course you do we all do.

Do you have something you do that is not producing the results in your life you want it to?
Do you have something in your life that is holding you back from accomplishing what you want?
Wasting time? Cleaning up messes? Dominating your waking hours with worry and concern? Waking you up in the middle of the night forcing you to pace?

Are you living with some one like this?

This is a great book for you.
Mr. Prin with his willingness to share his own personal journey has added much, to help those who struggle.
We all have secrets with many life issues that are difficult to face and even more difficult to share.

It is and excellent book with many clear helpful suggestions. Suggestions a secret keeper can use to, help you face your own secrets--you know the ones, the ones that drag you down and pull you back.
I read this book as a secret keeper and a counselor and it was valuable, I would not hesitate to use it as a reading for clients.

Bob Melson, Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor.

Among many books dealing with addictions, "Secret Keeing" is a notch above. It provides concerte and practical advice in a very straight-forward manner. It is compassionate and yet not bashful all about confronting these all-too-common human prediciments. The messages are helpful and realistic. As a graduate school professor, I have read and written many self-help books. This one stands out in a field of its own.

I am not a secret keeper but I know people who are or have been. I found this to be such an informative book to learn where this behavior comes from and what it can lead to.

The stories of "real secret keepers" were fascinating and also sad and also encouraging!

What a great tool for someone who is a secret keeper. To read about others who have triumphed and to be given concrete instructions on what they can do to help themselves must be invaluable.

This would be a good book for a book club to discuss.

Hello avid readers of true stories. I appreciated The State Boy's Rebellion, as I too was a victim of the mental health system when I was 8 years old. I remained institutionalized for 10 years; even though authorities were informed I was not retarded. Like the kids in The State Boys Rebellion, I was deprived of my civil liberties, denied an education, and horribly abused. If you want to read a remarkable story of the human spirit to survive horrific odds, read my true story. You'll be glad you did.
Charles A. Carroll, Author, Victim/Victim's Advocate
HARD CANDY: Nobody Ever Flies Over the Cuckoo's Nest

A must read for anybody. I am currently employed at one of the said institutions in MA and heard of this book through a co-worker. I have worked here for over 20 years, long after they stopped admitting people. The residents that currently reside there get the best of care available and the staffing ratios way outnumber the amount of clients residing here. I am in no way condoning what happened to Freddie and all the other state children, I just wonder how some of the residents would have turned out if not institutionalized. My supervisor and I have roamed through the old dormitories and found a wealth of info and pictures. Some of the pics show young children about Freddies admission age that looked scared to death, it brought tears to my eyes to think of what these poor kids went through and reading Freddie's story helped me better understand just exactly why these children were admitted. When I started working here, over 1,000 residents lived here, now we have under 300 and the remaining people really do benefit from the care they receive. I just could not comprehend why some of the residents were there 20 years ago, now I know. My family has welcomed in a former resident in the shared living program and it has been benificial to both him and my family. After reading the "State Boys Rebellion", my only regret is that I never got to meet Freddie Boyce. In my eyes, he and all the other state children are true heroes for surviving the great injustice done to them. In closing, I have to truly say that I have been humbled.

Michael D'Antonio has provided us with a very interesting book that he has subtitled "The Inspiring True Story of American Eugenics and the Men Who Overcame It". There is no doubt that he cares tremendously for his subject, but this is not a comprehensive history of the Eugenics movement or even of the the State Boys Rebellion at the Fernald School for the Feebleminded.

From a journalistic perspective, this is a tremendous piece of writing & investigation. Evaluating the events primarily through the eyes of Fred Boyce, the author skillfully weaves in the stories of fellow inmates at the Fernald school and the events leading up to the rebellion. Unfortunately, the key point that I see as the "rebellion" only gets about 4 pages of treatment, with regular references to the people involved in the riot throughout the rest of the book. Boyce's life is traced up through the time when the book was written, and is a compelling story.

From a historical standpoint, although there is no clear thesis, the book obviously was written to educate the reader about the Fernald school and a few key residents that were able to make great strides in their lives and lead a relatively "normal" life after being released from the institution. The most interesting argument the author presents is that some of the medical experiments conducted within the confines of the Fernald school were reflective of Cold War America, where government aims included furthering science in an effort to find a way to defeat the Communists.

Overall, this is a very interesting book and an easy read. The story is enthralling, and keeps the reader entertained throughout. If the reader is looking for a comprehensive story of the American Eugenic movement, this is not the book; I believe there are probably better scholarly works out there that address eugenics in America. I would recommend this as a book to start one's understanding of eugenics and how this one school in the Boston area plays into the bigger picture.

I never gave the imposing Fernald School campus much thought, even though the house I shared with my friends was literally across the street from the large brick buildings. It was not until I researched the effects of radiation on soldiers during the Cold War that I learned Fernald's dirty secrets. I immediately bought this book, and it filled me with rage and despair. D'Antonio's style is not preachy, nor does he editorialize. He allows the recollections of those who were there to speak for him. Wherever he can, he uses several sources to shade each event, from conversations with the boys, to the memories of the staff members, to the cold, un-enlightening medical records from the school. As others have said, the story ends not in misery but in triumph. It is a cautionary tale about society's complacency and willingness to let the horrors of our past remain behind the locked doors of our crumbling institutions.

The State Boys Rebellion tells the story of the Fernald State School in Massachusetts. Michael D'Antonio does a great job of telling the story through the eyes of Freddie Boyce, a child that grew up in Fernald. The story is quite chilling, specially to those of us who did not live through that time period. It is disgraceful that we, the United States actually started Eugenics, although I was taught in school that Nazi Germany was the creator. This book should remind us that as a society, we sometimes leave out the bad stuff our forefathers did, even if they meant no harm. I would highly reccomend this book to anyone, but it will touch the heart of anyone with a child who is considered "special".

Thanks Debra for a heart felt story of transformation. You are a true inspiration for all souls that have been tried by the fires of personal loss and abuse. A must reading for all child abuse victims and families.

I am also a survivor and would like to get together with you sometime. Please add me to your mailing list to receive routine updates on future writings!

Kim

I met you at the Mind, Body Expo & bought your book. (Thank you for sharing your story. It touched my heart).

Valerie

Dear Debra, I just finished your book. You are a very strong woman.

Lisa

Impressive website! Sounds like you really have everything going for you...Is this the way you imagined it? You've put a lot of hard work into this. I sometimes wonder where all of your energy comes from.

Everybody's got a million things to do and a big stack of books, but this one grabs you right away with a fantastic opening scene, and doesn't let down the rest of the ride. There are vivid portrayals of Latin America's best and worst, and the best and worst in the Americans who travel there. Great scenes in a quick read.

Alan Gottlieb's debut provocative and intense novel, Ultimate Excursions examines the anguish and guilt of Tim Lake, a Peace Corps volunteer following the [...].

After completing college, Tim joined the Peace Corps and he was assigned to the agricultural extension program in Ecuador, which was preceded by a three- month training period in Costa Rica. It was during these training sessions that Tim befriended Mark Miles and immediately became attracted to him. It was also during these sessions that Tim became part of a six- member group that formed a nucleus around which the rest of the volunteers bonded.

Tim describes Mark as a runaway train due to his frequent erratic behavior; nonetheless, it didn't take a great deal of convincing for Tim to follow Mark around no matter what would be the repercussions. During one of their jaunts the couple decided to take off to Machu Picchu, Peru for a few days where as Mark assures Tim, "it is going to be awesome and a month of wine, women, song and who knows what else." Little did Tim know that it certainly would be awesome but not in any way he could imagine.

One evening Mark and Tim are having a grand time boozing and inhaling cocaine when they heard a loud rap on the door of their "buck-a-night room." Knowing full well what the ramifications would be if they were found in possession of narcotics, Tim hurriedly throws some of the cocaine in the toilet. However, Mark decides to gulp down his portion along with some alcohol. The combination proves to be lethal and as he tries to vomit, he gags and nothing comes up. In his psychotic exploding and panic, Mark begs for Tim's assistance, however, Tim seems to be paralysed as he watches Mark's arms "flailing around, like they were spiking a series of volleyballs."

As Tim recounts: "finally I was moving. I flung myself on top of Mark, but it was like jumping on a bucking bronco...Mark had stopped moving. His face was purple and his tongue was hanging out. Only the white of his eyes showed, and there was foam all around his mouth."
Running out of the room and to a nearby restaurant, Tim seeks help shouting that his friend has killed himself and that they are Peace Corps volunteers.

After being questioned by the local law authorities, who believe that there may have been some foul play including trafficking in narcotics, Miguel Hernandez, director of the Peace Corps agricultural programs in Ecuador, comes to Tim's rescue. However, there is a price to be paid as Miguel orders Tim never to tell anyone the truth as to what exactly happened to Mark. If asked, Tim must state, as he initially informed Miguel, that Mark had been ill and this led to his death. Tim becomes quite upset as to what he has been ordered to do and his immediate response is: "Miguel, are you asking me to cover your ass with a lie?"

Nonetheless, Tim consents to go along with the lie and cover up not fully realizing that his cowardice, inaction and collusion will haunt him for the next ten years that will affect him with profound personality and psychological implications.

What makes this novel vital and alive is that Gottlieb is very passionately involved and engaged in human suffering as he depicts his protagonist working through his shocking anguish and pain. Moreover, he doesn't omit the circumstances of everyday life, vividly crafting them without concealing their reality. On another level, Gottlieb shows compassion, as readers are exposed to the just and unjust, reminding us that we should not to be too hasty in passing judgement for we never know how any of us would have reacted if placed in the same situation as Tim.

Gottlieb's haunting debut novel is an excellent beginning and inarguably thought-provoking and I do hope to read more from this very promising author.

Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor Bookpleasures

Ultimate Excursions is the ultimate Boomer adventure: a novel about an internal journey toward redemption, set against a gorgous but ravaged backdrop that the narrator's self-absorption doesn't allow him to see or truly be in.

Gottlieb knows the terrain, both interior and exterior. He apparently also knows hallucinogens, weed and scotch. The result is a tortured but still somehow fast-paced gallop toward a reckoning both dark and redemptive.

This book is not for the faint of heart. You can't really envision a womens' book group in Westchester County digging the cock-fighting scenes or the other violence that, while never gratuitous, also isn't delivered lightly.

Even though the narrator's haughty self-absorption wears on you after awhile, you can see that narrator is disgusted with it himself, and that it's the shell he's built over his life to protect himself from an awful truth. Gottlieb is very adept at both dwelling in and commenting upon the flawed and wounded character who narrates Ultimate Excursions.

The book has an unexpected but not implausible ending. It concludes a fine look at late-Boomer disillusion with selfless service, self-indulgence and selfish ambition.

And, yeah, the author is my brother. Believe me, I wanted to be spiteful and petty in this review, but damn it, the book wouldn't let me.

This is a hell of a story that I could not put down: gripping and appalling, cosmically funny and deeply painful. Gottlieb's sharp-edged observation and brilliant writing unleash a roller-coaster ride of the soul starting at the bottom in darkest night, rocketing through twists and turns, ups and downs, tropical sun, grimy alleys. It's disorienting, disturbing and spiked with unexpected laugh-aloud humor. Gottlieb is a an acute observer of human frailty and vanity. Protagonist Tim Lake, no hero, is initially a pathetic and shame-filled loser who claws his way back to survival, growth, and even nobility. A must-read!

Timothy Lake is talented and flawed, charming and self-destructive. One event in his life set the stage for his dramatic undoing, a years-long odyssey of loneliness and despair that takes him across two continents in search of reconciliation with his fears and his dark, haunting nightmares. Once you start this book, you can't put it down.