Abuse Books

Think of all the good things you wish for your children -- health, happiness, safety and love must surely be on the list -- and then realize, if you are an alcoholic, what you may in truth pass on: fear, grief, rage, an inability to love or be loved, and the terminal disease of alcoholism itself. Mr. Erdmann explores his heritage of alcoholism, passed down from his grandfather to his father to him, and the legacy he gave his children. Burdens too big and confusing for their small trembling shoulders, fear, confusion -- so so sad, and so so common. If you are or think you are an alcoholic, do yourself and the people you love a favor and read this. And even if you don't want to quit drinking, find an AA meeting, shut your mouth and open your ears; give your children a chance, even if you never got one.

Alcoholism is not an emotional disorder per se, but it does sometimes have emotional triggers. When my dad started drinking in beer joints, he was in his thirties and had buried two wives and five children. I suffered inconsqentially as a result of his stopping at the nearest joint from our house on the way back for Saturday movies on the town, and I would have to hide in the backseat of the car. Since we had to traverse many curves for the few miles to get home, I remember praying all the way there for God to let us live.

You can tell the children whose dad drinks alcohol, because he carries a load of guilt and pain, thinking he caused the abuse he would later reap by, looking at families who walk by and look at the young ones' faces. It is devastating.

This town has a long history going back to bootlegger days before prohibition of brewing their own 'spirits' openly and for a long time on the main street of town (which they do again in this modern, accepting age), and the men are proud to be drinkers. They look down on those who are not addicted to alcohol. They are the dummies. One local writer told me recently, "You think I am just a drunk." I replied, "If I did that, why would I ask you to show me how to drink?" which he refused to do as I have liver disease. He was his usual 'confused' self and asked "Why did you choose me?" My honest answer, "I trust you because I know you won't touch me" and I thought he might feel enough responsibility to not let any of the other drunks take advantage if I started acting silly. But he told me that he can't control his own drinking, so he ended up not even offering me a drink of water. Ever! Now, I know water is not going to cause this hemangioma to burst, but it seems that something else did. Probably the pain pills I have taken for a chronic nerve pain I have had since 1994. Feeling sorry for me yet, Arthur Hardaway.

Jack Daniels' Whiskey from right here in Tennessee is internationally known and sought after; people come from all over the United States looking for Lynchburg, Tennessee, as if they were seeking the Holy Grail. I heard a bigoted preacher get all emotional about the difference in immersion vs. sprinkling. He said that sprinkling is like scattering a little dirt on top of a dead person instead of burying him in a grave. Since I am a Methodist, I told him that he 'hit below the belt.' He also proclaimed that only immersed Baptists will enter Heaven. For years, I thought it was Seventh Day Adventists who preached that. My sister Evelyn belonged to that group for awhile until they betrayed her.

Jack Erdmann has written othre books because I have reviewed one or more. He was the son of a jazz musician and an ex-chorus dancer in St. Louis. His reminiscing starts in 1934 when, as an altar boy, he drank the communion wine. Then, like this local writer, he drank because of loneliness. He even thinks his son should be allowed to buy beer when he is old enough to 'serve his country' in war but not yet old enough to vote. How dumb can you be!

Co-writer Larry Kearney, a poet who settled in San Francisco (where Jack lives), was born in Brooklyn in 1943. Both are recovering alcoholics.

An unusal accounting of a whole bunch of ingested liquor. Happily with a happy ending. Sadly, though, a between-the-lines documentary of a beat poet who coulda been a contendah. Then again, he's still here now, and b.p. can be thought of as re-manifest in such pubs as McSweeney's where Mr. Erdmann (via Mr. Kearney) might consider submitting manuscript.

Whiskey's Children is a great book, period. While it chronicled the casual horrors and quiet heartbreak of a family damaged by alcohol better than any book I've read, it also tells a universal story of human frailty and persistance. It is shocking, depressing...and funny. Read it for any reason, and then read 'A Bar on Every Corner' by the same author.

Jack Erdmann's story of his long struggle back from the strangling grip that alcoholism held on his life, as well as over members of his family for four generations, is a tour de force. This book is not just for alcoholics, or for drinkers who feel that they "don't have a problem," it is for everyone who is willing to accompany Erdmann on a harrowing journey.

For those readers with alcoholics in the family, they--we--find ourselves nodding with recognition, and ultimately uplifted by the knowledge that there's a way up from the bottom. They will find assistance from now-sober alcoholics "with kind eyes, offering hot cups of bad coffee," in the words of Anne Lamott, a recovering alcoholic herself, who wrote the foreword.

You want an "easy, feel-good" book--well, there are plenty of THOSE. You want one that will change your life, or that of someone whom you love, or that will give breathtaking insights into the lives of the alcoholics you know, "Whiskey's Children" is the best effort I've found. There are pathos, self-degradation, guilt, self-loathing, and even a quiet humor in these pages.

If Amazon offered more than five stars, Erdmann and his co-author Larry Kearney would have earned them many times over. Not just for writing, but from their phoenix-life resurrection from the ashes of an alcoholic life.

This is a wonderful book.

I'm an addictive personality with some years of recovery under my belt. This workbook poses loving, provocative questions that have helped me grow, learn and share my experience, strength, and hope with others. Whether as self-study or in a group, it's top notch. And it works for all kinds of addictions--whether booze, cigarettes, food, work, relationships. Five of my friends have also ordered this book and each uses for her own purpose.

I'm in a 12 step group for codependents and we're using this workbook. We're on step 4 and I just finished the exercises for that step. So far, I've found this workbook to be really helpful. The questions have helped me see issues underlying my codependency.
I like the flexibility of it. You can take it as slowly or as quickly as you want and it recommends only answering the questions that apply to you. I like working with a group, but I think it would be a valuable tool to use alone if you didn't have a group.

A complementary approach to therapy which helps one put into words on paper their thoughts which seems to be a helpful outlet to understanding the Self.

The 12 Steps: A way out:A spiritual process for Healing.
I am very pleased with my purchase. All books were new from Amazon. I was very impressed with the speed in delivery and I saved on shipping. I order these same books 3 or 4 times a year.

This book, worked in a group, any group desiring to make changes in their life, will change anyone to be a better person and in believing in spiritual being. I have been in a group for 12 years using this book. I can speak very enthusiastically about this.....if a person wants to know who they really are.

I thought the book was entertaining. but that is really abouth the extent of it. He spends 95% of the book telling "war stories" about his debauchery and drug use, but really not his drug addiction. There is very little information about what his family goes through and only mentions them as characters in his exciting stories. He definitly is not a great writer but, that also confirms for me that he wrote it himself, which is a positive. He could of summed up what took him hundreds of pages in the following, I got caught up in a party scene, with an endless stream of hardcore drugs, drug dealing and women, which eventually led to numerous arrests, a baby out of wedlock and several visits to rehab and then spent ample time on how he has changed and how he did it instead of the endless detailed, blow by blow stories of how he got high on this or that. He really seems to be fresh out of that world and it is hard to get a frame of reference of how long he has been in recovery and what the steps are he took and is taking so as not to fall back into this dismal existence. I'm wondering if he really has enough time to have been authoring a book on the subject of recovery. I just dont get the vibe from him that he is neccesarily standing on firm ground as he still seems to resonate a character of self, which is the underlying character flaw of addiction behavior. Also, I am irritated at how he just jumps into a marriage with a new girl and has a new baby with her and sort of seems to just forget about the first child he has. overall an entertaining read but I would not recommend this as a tool to educators and parents to understand how a good kid goes bad. Try, "Broken" or a "Beautiful Boy" for that subject.

This excellently depicted story of Mikael's descent into the dark world of drugs is a wake up call to all of those out there who never thought that it could happen to them. He candidly shares the most tumultuos and low points in his life while giving a good lesson at the same time. This book is well written and easily reads in conversation format. Mikael has a unique writing style that processes truth behind the words and emplores you to learn from his mistakes while telling his story. Overall, a good read!

Attention parents, educators and teens -- this book is a must read for all of you. This is the one book that parents who think "Oh, not my kid... " must read, to get a real grasp at the fact that EVERY kid has the potential to spiral into drug addiction and destroying everything of value -- just like Mikael. Unfortunately, unlike Mikael, many will not be able to brake out of their prison of addiction.
I applaud Mikael Luman for sharing his story, and for founding Generation Free - advocating proactive education.

It is hard to imagine how deep of a hole a person can dig for themselves, only to fall into the dark abyss of nowhere. Rarely do those people find their way out, but somehow Mikael did. Many others were not so fortunate.....I knew many of these same people. This book teaches a good lesson when it comes to drug use, friends and making good or bad choices. Read the good with the bad in this very honest account of a roller coaster ride from hell.......and back. Highly recommended for anyone thinking that drugs won't change their lives....

This book is a manual for those who are not addicts and hear stories of addiction and cannot understand how this could happen to a good person. Mikael tells his story in such an earnest, engaging way, you cannot help but be totally transfixed following his decent into the worst of drug addiction. His descriptions of the personalities he meets and the strange situations he experiences are TOTALLY entertaining, but his message is completely serious. Instead of sensationalizing his amazing (and it is amazing, how far he goes before he is imprisoned) story, Mikael is completely humble and at the end of each chapter shares with the reader his remorse and what he thinks could be learned from his experience. What also struck me was that throughout the entire book, despite becoming an addict, thief, dealer and manufacturer, you get a sense that Mikael never maliciously damaged anyone who hadn't already decided on their own to be involved in the scene. Perhaps that is why he has devoted himself to helping others not make the wrong decision to be involved in a life addicted to drugs. My only criticism of this book is that it needs more exposure as it truly is a treasure and has so much potential to do good for many others.

I've been through alot lately, and was looking for some comfort. This was too over the top - things can't possibly be this way. Way too corny for me. Too happy - whose happy to die and see their loved ones suffer???? The things that the angels "do" - are too far fetched. Sorry, this one went back and I don't send many back, but this was such a waste of money.

Angel On Board was a page turner of positive energy from start to finish. Even when it brought tears to my eyes, those tears were followed by a smile. Though a complete work of fiction, I still feel as if this is a MUST READ book for everyone who has or will experience loss. It lightens your heart and gives you hope. I truly believe in the author's experiences which led her in her journey to write this literary masterpiece. No one imo can write such a beautiful, emotional and heart tugging book without a divine hand of guidance. I applaud E.J. Thornton for giving readers such hope in the form of this fun read. With the world of darkness that surrounds us in these troubled times, more beauty in books such as these are desperately needed.

Most books are written from a first-person perspective. Not this book, it is written from the angel's point of view.

It's opening line alone will grab you and the rest of the book will keep you turning page after page. It is an unusual and fresh way to engage the reader. If you're looking for something original to read. This is it!

I recommend this book highly...

Of course they do! This book is one of them! Oh my gosh!!!

I loved this book. It took me to a whole new dimension of living. I could see the angels around me (not literally of course) just the presents they leave behind.

This is an inspired work of fiction! Everyone needs it! It's fun, it's tear jerking, it's thought provoking! It's AWESOME!!!

Read it - you'll be glad you did!

I read all this hype about taking the 'not' and 'no's out of this book. I was like - so what, but the way it read is hard to describe. It flowed so well and even though there was some negative things being depicted - like death, alcholism, infidelity, etc - I wasn't ever on edge.

Reading is always relaxing to me, but this book took that to a whole new level. It felt good to read. So, I've gotta give this book the thumbs up on the positive claim.

I highly recommend this book to fiction fans, angel enthusiasts and generally people who want to feel better and can easily imagine another beautiful plane of existence all around us. I sure hope I've got an angel on board!

I received my copy of this book late one day just before I was to leave the office and ended up sitting down to read the whole thing right then! It is so powerful.

If you're a therapist, I recommend this book as a tool to aid your clients. If you're a relative/friend of a survivor, this book will encourage you that recovery is possible! The American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Medical Association do not recognize "False Memory Syndrome" as a legitimate medical condition. They do, however, recognize the validity of Recovered Memory Therapy.

I'm amazed at the human brain and the defense mechanisms that kick in and take the person on auto-pilot through a traumatic situation. This book is a heart-rending collection of insightful letters from adult Zandra to her inner child. Zandra's touching letters to herself sparked repressed feelings and memories long buried. Adult Zandra was not conscious of the part of her named "stupid" until Little Zandra felt safe enough to reveal her secret. When asked why she named her "Stupid," Little Zandra replied, "She's not smart enough to stop what's happening." What Little Zandra didn't know was that "Stupid" was just as smart and creative--she dissociated herself from the pain and found her own way to escape the nightmare. It sounds like there were several inner children here??

I read DEAR STUPID from the point of view of a professional and as a survivor. I'm a counselor and I believe this book would be an invaluable tool to help survivors understand the healing process.
To the author: I admire your courage and ability to share your pain and healing with others. You are definitely a dragon slayer.

My wife asked me to read this book because I want to support her through her healing process. This book made me feel angry--because somebody took something away from a child that cannot be given back. As a man I want to protect and defend. I really believe this book will help so many people and touch their hearts and even help them on their way to recovery and happiness.

this book is a masterpeice for the 12-step program. Even though it is not listed as an " official" SLAA literature, it's been helping many addicts and will help many more. Strongly recommended!

Excellent book. I felt so alone and didn't know where to turn. This book helped me see that others are stuggling with the same behaviors that I am. Behaviors that may have endagered my life, but that I am at least able to stop now. Hopefully I'll live through this and become a better person. The person that I believe God wants me to be.

Key strategy- work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (projects,relationships) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than they can finish leads to a comfortable CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflicts not resolved/ PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST/ TO STOP the addictions. In childhood they (addict) needed something didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together? A since of normalcy (what they would feel in life in a committed relationship. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) THEY HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. THIER NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN AROUND THEM. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust / focus on issues. Give the outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you. They never were! You are safe with your thoughts; they are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy = shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together = common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship so you will know it will be even better in the future.

Easily, I could say that Patrick Carne's books on sexual addiction has saved my marriage and my husband's life and maybe my own as well. My first read was "Out of the Shadows" and it softened my angry heart after hearing my husbands confession of being with around 100 women over the past 5 years of our 17 year marriage and all sexual encounters were UNPROTECTED sex. I found out the hard way. How could all these powerful, crippling emotions that I was feeling be tamed?? How could I ever forgive this scrum of the earth!! READ this book and you can do the impossible!!
It answers my questions without having to continually confront my husband with the aweful thoughts of how he could be such a hypocrite all our married years!! What was he doing? Is he comparing me to his many different women when we had sex? Will he do it again? Will he always lie?? Is he really a good person deep down?? etc. All the questions have been answered and then some and I saw my own behaviors make the situation even worse without my knowing. I was a coaddict and codependent at different times. In only 4 months of my recovery and 18 months of his recovery we are happier than I ever thought possible!! This book takes you step by step as to what you can expect with building a healthy relationship with a recovering sex addict!! It is very detailed and gives advice from recovering addicts! It speaks in easy to understand language. It recognizes problems that can arise and gives you answers as to what to do if they happen to you!!
This was my fifth book on looking for answers to sexual addiction..Out of the Shadows was first, Secret Wars..second..Love, Sex and Infidelity, His Needs/Her Needs, and finally, with MUCH relief to my quest..DON'T CALL IT LOVE!! AFter reading this book I don't feel the need to read anymore on the subject of sexual addiction. I have more hope than I ever thought possible. The communication, Openess and honesty are first and foremost in reestablishing our relationship that was always crippled from the start of our marriage because he thought getting married would fix his problem!! It doesn't! It affects everyone around you and even the children!
If you are a sex addict or spouse, family member, friend, etc. of a sex addict..READ this book!! You will not be disappointed at all!! No book has done such a good job at laying it all out there and still keep it in healthy context for anyone to read! I saw my whole marriage and all the frustration of it take shape and form and how it brought out the worst in each of us..Now it is bringing out the very best in us with the 12 step program and this book!! Patience and understanding is most helpful and if you don't have it now you will get it from this book!! Good Luck to you and God Bless!!

I had already read Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes but Don't Call it Love was even more a amazing. It was painful to read trying to understand the sex addicts torment as well as the co-addicts. But on the other hand it was also refreshing to know that there is life after sex addiction and recovery is not only possible but necessary. I would recommend this book to anyone in recovery, it has helped me immensely.

I was a little hesitant in purchasing this book and I was pleasantly surprised at what a gifted writer this woman is. Can't wait to the sequel!!

From a man's point of view, after hearing the basic idea and theme of Leaving the Wilderness, I didn't think I would enjoy it. So, after buying it for my wife and her not reading it, I picked it up one day, much to my delight, and I could not put it down. Another reviewer said that this is a book that "every woman should read" and I TOTALLY DISAGREE. THIS IS A BOOK THAT EVERYONE SHOULD READ! Your emotions will range from happiness, sadness, anger, etc., etc. You will love this book, I PROMISE!

Author and poet, Tonya Blount unfolds the story of a young woman's journey for self-love and restoration in Leaving The Wilderness. For eleven years, Jordan Baez has endured physical, verbal and mental abuse at the hands of her malicious husband, Franklin. When a night of unbridled passion, precipitated by Franklin's drunken state, evolves into sexual assault, another member of the Baez family is conceived and Jordan's disdain for her husband begins. Torn between hatred for Franklin and love for her children, Jordan must decide if she will remain in a contemptible marriage or abandon Franklin and his callous nature for good.

Tonya Blount has illustrated an unforgettable and emotive female protagonist in Leaving The Wilderness. Ms. Blount's poetic writing style is both fluid and enchanting allowing readers to empathize with the main character. I would have liked to read more about Jordan's rediscovery of self as she mends the broken pieces of her life. Nevertheless, Ms. Blount's debut novel will speak to women in the midst of their wilderness experience and serve as a testimony to those who have been stripped of their self-worth. A must read for men and women alike.

Reviewed by Nicki Lancaster
APOOO BookClub

Author :Tonya Blount, Novel: "Leaving the Wilderness"

"Leaving the Wilderness" was ingeniously written It discloses how an abusee overcame many dire impediments and triumphantly rised above it all.
Revenge wasnt the storyline in Blounts novel. Eventhough she battled several diverse worlds: Good verses Evil; Love verses Hate; Emotions verses Spiritual.
She ensured us that her lessons were well erudite. By allowing us to walk candidily with her to that spiritual intercession . Where she discovered she found her place of counterpoise.: Her Lord and Savior!
As a reader , I'd like to applaud and thank Ms.Tonya Blount, for showing myself. That if we keep God first and believe with all our hearts.. That we too, can obviate any stumbling blocks in ones life. While holding steadfast to faith; We too can avoid our pitfalls along the way. But we must believe!
As i conclude with (Psalms 23:4..... "Yea, though i walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, Your rod and Your staff, will comfort me.)

This novel was great! It made me feel as though I am not alone. I experienced similar circumstances and I used to feel stupid and alone. But through reading this book, I found that I am not the only woman who has experienced the degrading, jealous hatred from a male counterpart. More than anything this book was not just about the abuse but how it was overcome. When you have faith and a firm belief and understanding of a higher power you will always come out on top regardless of what you are going through!! Ms. Blount I can not wait for your next novel. Jordan feels like one of my sister friends!! You go girl.

i haven't read it but want too since it has 3 of my favorite dave pelzer story's of all time in it! read it if you like dave pelzer as much as me!

in all my life,this is the most heart wrenching story i had ever read in my life.i'm a fan of biographies and i had never read a story which really touches ny heart.i'm a child of abuse however mine wasnt this bad.i'm actually greatful for what i have in my life.At least now i know i wasn't alone undergoing the pain in my past.To all parents,love your child.

I bought this book for my sister who isn't much of a reader. It's hard to find books that are interesting for teenagers. Not only will an adult like it, but it is a great distraction for the teenager stuck on Jerry Springer!

What to say. The whole story left me breathless, staring into space, uncomprehending, wishing I could turn back time and remove that little boy from his terrible fears and desperation. Yes, it is a "fantastic" book, though "fantastic" doesn't seem the right adjective as his story is so terribly sad.

What's most amazing -and uplifitng- is the third part, as the back cover of the book says "a remarkable tale of survival and the triumph of the human spirit over adversity". THAT is fantastic. I'm so glad Dave escaped his terrible fate and is now helping others. He is an inspiration to say the least.

This is not for the weak of stomach though. It is pretty graphic as it shows the types of abuse went through when he was younger, as well as how it affected him the rest of his life! There were times I needed to put the book down for a day or two to digest and fully absorb what was written, before I went to the next section. This book takes you through all the emotions. I am so glad he had the strength to write such a book as so many turn their cheeks and try to think things like this don't happen in our society. This book truly gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to do something I have always wanted to do. I signed up for a 3 day training program to be an volunteer advocate for women and children that are victims of domestic violence. No one should have to live like this, though many still do. No excuses, read this book and do something to stop domestic violence!

This book goes into great detail of the topic of ritual abuse. It is truly the only book needed for anyone interested in understanding the subject. The author also presents the difficult information in as gentle a way possible, pausing now and then to remind the reader to stay grounded. It is a great reference book, a very helpful tool for anyone going through recovery of ritual abuse.

This is a MUST HAVE for counselors and victims of ritual abuse. The most comprehensive book on the market. Just about every subject is addressed by Ms. Oksana. It is easy to understand, and yet an experienced therapist would learn something. It is a book that I would take out again and again to reference a specific subject.

I got this book about a year ago and I love it. It has helped me so much. It is a must for anyone who has gone through ritual abuse or knows someone who has been.

A Safe Passage to Healing is by far one of the best books written on this deeply painful and often overwhelming subject. I'd highly recommend it to survivors of ritual abuse and those who love them. This book is full of helpful chapters that will gently enlighten and provide some sense of comfort to the reader.

Chrystine Oksana has a deep sense of compassion and understanding when discussing some of the most difficult experiences ritual abuse survivors overcame. She's structured her book in easy to read short chapters providing short breaks in the author's narrative for those who may be upset by reading this material. Chrystine also gives the reader trigger warnings ahead of time when difficult subject matter is approaching.

Overall it's a very easy read and survivors and those who love them will walk away with a greater understanding of ritual abuse and a deeper sense of compassion for those who successfully endured it. This is one of the best books I've read and I'd recommend it to my survivor friends.

I have read many books for survivors of abuse, but nothing compares to this book. It's like my guide, my bible. I refer to it often, especially when I need reminders that I am not bad, that it will not always hurt so much, and I will get better. I am a SRA survivor and would recommend this book for those that have been ritually abused as well as therapists, family members and anyone wanting to learn more about ritual abuse, or help survivors as they work on their issues. It is helpful for survivors and their loved ones that are just starting to remember and face the reality of their childhood, as well as for individuals that have been in therapy awhile. For me, it reminds me of The courage to Heal book, but more specific for those who have been abused ritually, in cults, and those who developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (formally Multiple Personality Disorder) in order to cope and survive such horrendous abuse.
I will always keep this book, and refer to it as often as I need. The book offers hope to those who have been abused in any kind of ritual abuse, and for the people that care about them.

This book is very well laid out and answers many qestions based both on past experiences and present. It also provide a excellent strategy to survive in a "real " world.Great book for the person looking for insight into a "healthy relationship"

RW

When I am dealing with a married ACOA client, I follow giving as homework the basic ACOA text the author wrote with this volume to help him/her understand how their lack of intimacy skills may have thwarted their reaching the deeper level of attachment with the spouse that they desired. It has always proven helpful to my clients as they move into a healthier spousal relationship.

I love and recommend Janet's "Adult children of Alcoholics" to my counseling clients...but I must say, I love this book too! And I love the John Bradshaw's "Healing the shame that binds you" book.Healing the Shame that Binds You: Recovery Classics Edition (Recovery Classics) ...... and the "Getting Them Sober, you CAN help" book by Toby Rice Drews (this book is a real lifesaver--- my counseling clients tell me that Toby must have had a crystal ball in their living rooms! And that they read it and read it again, and sleep with it under their pillows, it helps so much.) Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)

The book I have read over and over. I slip back into my old patterns very easily and this keeps me on track.

I didn't grow up in the typical alcoholic household Janet constantly portrays in her books, so I didn't have all of the ACOA myths as expected - which she stated you may not have all of them. I did see a few lines that I connected strongly with (the actual "Myths" did not ring true, but rather her detailed description fit better). For example, not knowing how to get angry or what is appropriate enough to get angry. I see this in my relationship, and it wasn't until others who cared for me would say "Why are you putting up with that crap? I would never let that fly!" Alot of things seemed to roll of my back. It's not because I'm easy going and forgiving (well maybe!), but I didn't know when it was appropriate to be angry, or how, or what good getting angry would even do! The scenario about the security guard who turned off the lights and one person was angered and the other was not really hit home. Good starter book, you may not fit every myth, but it's an informative read nevertheless. If anything I understand my own parents even better as they are ACOC too.