John Gray Books

The Rod Stewart story of course goes well beyone 1992, when this book was published, but for those who want to see where Rod Stewart's career began and thrived throughout the 70s and 80s, this minutia filled tome with a ton of pics is perfect. Not exactly a narrative type book--it simply is a calendar of important dates in Rod's career. His Royal Grayness leaves very few stones unturned. Highly recommended.

This introductory textbook of strategic studies covers four main themes: the enduring issues of strategy, the evolution of joint warfare, twentieth-century theories, and contemporary issues of grand strategy. The book is written from the perspective of `Western security interests', but even so, studying strategy helps us to think clearly about the ways in which states and others use organised force for political ends.
The writers all refute technological determinism: new weapons - artillery in World War One, tanks in World War Two, guided missiles in the Arab-Israeli war of 1973, precision bombing and superior ground force technology in the Gulf War - were none of them unbeatable. They show that the basic principles of conducting land warfare have hardly changed in the last hundred years. Armies need to combine their arms, defend in depth, keep large reserves, use cover and concealment, and integrate movement and suppressive fire. In particular, Stephen Biddle shows that, contrary to many claims, the USAF air war in the Gulf did not destroy all the Iraqi armour. Possibly 4,100 armoured vehicles later fought the US ground forces, but they did not fight according to the basic principles, so they were beaten.
However, the editors err in dividing what they call `20th-century theories' - deterrence, arms control, terrorism and `irregular warfare' (national liberation struggles) - from the `contemporary issues' of technology, weapons of mass destruction, and humanitarian intervention. These are all still live issues. Further, the editors could have presented them in the livelier form of debates.
As with any collection of pieces by many hands, the quality is uneven, but generally the better essays are more grounded in the realities of 20th-century military history. The worse ones try to discuss, for instance, the causes of war in terms of biology or psychology. As a rule, strikingly individual expressions of one person's views, like Colin Gray's Modern Strategy, or Bernard Brodie's War and Politics, provoke more thought than compilation textbooks

I became interested in John Donne around 1998, when I heard a spoken-word recording of his poem "Corruption (A Fever)" performed by a Sheffield group called In The Nursery, on their 1995 album "Duality". A contemporary of Shakespeare, Donne's poetry (to me) is much more lyrical and empathic. I have since collected several books of his poetry and about his life. Donne is responsible for several well-known quotes such as "Death be not proud", "No man is an island", and "ask not for whom the bell tolls". He was eventually appointed by King James to serve as Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral in London, and I have read more than once that Donne is considered by many to have been the Church of England's most eloquent preacher.

The book focuses on the period of Donne's life from the time he meets his wife until the time she dies. The forward of the book states that the author is presenting a love story, but the book is so laden with facts and historical references it serves a better purpose as a history lesson. Ms. Vining has clearly done much research in preparing her story, which makes it a quite enjoyable read.

The book paints a picture of Donne as an aspiring young Oxford graduate, who is eyeing a future position in the English government, possibly as high as the "Privy Council". He eventually lands a lucrative job as secretary for a Sir Thomas Egerton, Lord Keeper of the Seal of Queen Elizabeth, an extremely influential man. However, Donne falls in love with Egerton's niece, Anne More, who is 12 years younger than he. When Anne turns 16, they become secretly married, against the wishes of Anne's father. In 1600's England, marriage of a minor, without the blessings of the parents, is a crime punishable by prison. Anne's father presses charges and Donne goes to jail, albeit for a short time. He loses his plum job (the Lord Keeper cannot afford the embarrassment of employing a criminal), and all prospects of any position in the government under Queen Elizabeth. Donne spends the next 15 years of his life trying to repair what he perceives to be "the damage" to his repuation. He makes ends meet, ghost-writing religious pamphlets and poems-for-hire (known as "epigrams") for the rich and famous; all the while kissing up to the powerful, in hopes of resurrecting his policital career. Eventually his work comes to the attention of Elizabeth's successor, King James, who offers him a position in the Church of England. Donne is portrayed as being quite reluctant to join the church (for starters, he was born and raised Catholic!), but being 43 years old, penniless, and with 7 children to feed, he acquiesces - and the rest, as they say, is history. The book ends with Anne's death in 1617, only 2 years into his famed service with the Church.

It seems clear that Ms. Vining is a big fan of Donne's, and at points in the novel she apparently attempts to copy his writing style - a mechanism I found distracting. Much like the movie "Shakespeare in Love", Ms. Vining tries to lend a historical and personal context to many of Donne's poems. Sometimes this technique works, sometimes it doesn't. Finally, the love story, purported to be the subject of the book, gets lost amid the details and intrigues. For long stretches, Anne is not even mentioned; at one point, Ms. Vining even has Donne imagining an extra-marital affair with a lady patron (used as a device to explain the motivation for one of Donne's later love poems). Ms. Vining is a very talented writer, but I believe that her passion for researching and reporting the facts about Donne's life interfered with what could've been a much more powerful and emotional book.

In summary, I am surprised that this story has not been stumbled upon by a Hollywood producer. It has all the elements of a popular "period piece" -- a reckless youth, forbidden marriage, rags-to-riches, intersections with Elizabethan royalty and important historical events, and finally redemption and personal triumph.. finding yourself where you thought not to look. I would consider it a "must read" for anyone interested in the life of John Donne.... just don't expect a love story.

Admitting that he's right only 55% of time, Gray gives simple instructions on how to play the odds and win on Wall Street. The book is easy reading, defines simple concepts, and above all, give one hope that knowing the products one uses in every day life can give an edge to wise investments. Gray focuses on comparing two stocks of one sector and comparing each stock to the S&P exchange to help make his decisions.

If you're thinking of trading stocks, this book is a must buy.

This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons. It's a very fast read. His basic premise is that TACT p. 112: "Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions. If you repress them instead, you experience p. 120: "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner." This is an interesting take on projection & repression. The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:
--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing
--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.
--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability. Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this. He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced. For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation. See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose"). Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals. He assumes they have strong emotions needing expression--more extroverted than introverted--but employing his methods may expose hidden neuroses & complexes. Thus, his techniques are valuable at the Level of Abstraction he's addressing herein.

He also provides some valuable insights worth repeating:
p. 196: "Many people confuse submission with love...A sure-fire way to kill the love in a relationship is to sacrifice your wants & needs in order to be loved by someone else. When you stop caring about yourself & your needs, there are no longer 2 people in the relationship. It's hard to be interested in nobody."
p. 213: "When your heart is filled with love, life is like a big vacation" = Western Nirvana?
Of the cartoons, my favorite shows fishing for compliments from the love boat. Hilarious!
IMHO it's useful to realize that, like your thoughts, you have feelings, but you aren't your feelings.

This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons. It's a very fast read. His basic premise is that TACT ="Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions. If you repress them instead, you experience "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner." This is an interesting take on projection & repression. The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:
--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing
--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.
--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability. Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this. He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced. For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation. See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose"). Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals. He assumes they have strong emotions needing expression--more extroverted than introverted--but employing his methods may expose hidden neuroses & complexes. Thus, his techniques are valuable at the Level of Abstraction he's addressing herein.

He also provides some valuable insights worth repeating:
"Many people confuse submission with love...A sure-fire way to kill the love in a relationship is to sacrifice your wants & needs in order to be loved by someone else. When you stop caring about yourself & your needs, there are no longer 2 people in the relationship. It's hard to be interested in nobody."
"When your heart is filled with love, life is like a big vacation" = Western Nirvana?
Of the cartoons, my favorite shows fishing for compliments from the love boat. Hilarious!

IMHO it's useful to realize that, like your thoughts, you have feelings, but you aren't your feelings.

John Stark Bellamy II, Women Behaving Badly: True Tales of Cleveland's Most Ferocious Female Killers (Gray and Company, 2005)

Women Behaving Badly is Bellamy's greatest-hits album, complete with exclusive tracks recorded for this just so the fans will buy it despite having it all on the old albums. There are two new stories here, but if you've read Bellamy's other books of Cleveland (and environs) crime, you already know most of the stories here; it's worth pulling out of the library to read the new ones if you're a fan of Bellamy's storytelling style, which is on a par with today's better true crime writers, but it's not worth buying the book if you've got the others. If you don't, however, this is a pretty good introduction to Bellamy's style, and it contains a pretty varied cross section of stories, ranging from the late nineteenth century all the way up to the 1950s.

If you need an introduction: this is a collection of short pieces from Cleveland's prodigious crime history, with this collection focusing on women-- mostly female killers, but a few victims, as well, and at least one case where we'll never know whether the woman in question was criminal or victim. Bellamy's stories cross a storytelling air with the florid diction of the yellow journalism of the time he's reporting; more than once I found myself amused by a turn of phrase or an anachronism that seemed to reflect the newspaper articles Bellamy often quotes at length. The pieces are snappy, well-balanced (in the main), and quick reads; Bellamy's a good read for those who like true crime stories, especially those from the past. Worth checking out, if that's you. ***

"Women Behaving Badly: True Tales of Cleveland's Most Ferocious Female Killers" by John Stark Bellamy II is an anthology of 16 true crime accounts involving women who committed murder in the Cleveland area from 1868 to 1965. The book is fascinating, even in the preface, where he lists a few cases he didn't include and explains why.

This is great fun, in a gruesome sort of way. The cases are not dramatized for effect; some of the writing reads like a newspaper account. In fact, he reprints excerpts of newspaper articles and editorials pro and con for many of the crimes. When possible, the author gives us enough background to let us guess at the killer's motivation, and then he summarizes the trial and the fate of the killer. The book is straightforward and easy to read, and each case is short enough that when you finish one, you want to start on the next.

The husband seems to be the victim of preference for most of the "ladies," and poison -- especially arsenic -- seems to be the weapon of choice. But some of the killings are just brutal. Velma West, for example, took a clawhammer to her husband's head and then went to a party where she played piano and "was the heart and soul of the fete." Martha Wise loved funerals so much that she created a few of her own --?providing her relatives as the bodies -- and famously claimed "The devil made me do it!" The Eva Kaber case involved arsenic as well as stabbing and "remains the only homicide in the history of the world in which a grandmother, mother and granddaughter were indicted for the same first-degree murder."
Some of the tales are still mysteries. One woman unknowingly fell in love with her half-brother -- but did he know she was his sister? And who was the Black Widow of Cleveland?

These cases seem to present proof that marriage can be hazardous to your health and to offer a cautionary message to would-be seducers. This author has also written "They Died Crawling," "The Maniac in the Bushes," "The Corpse in the Cellar," "The Killer in the Attic" and "Death Ride at Euclid Beach."

Only people of compatible personality types can have a great relationship. You won't know what personality type you are unless you invest your money in Socionics by Rod Novichkov. Communication problems start with misunderstandings and misunderstandings are from the way we process information and give out the answers. Only C1 partners (you'll know what that is if you read Socionics) have the right combination of compatibility where when you say "Honey, I want to be left alone for a few minutes because I want to think things over" means just exactly what you meant to say and nothing more and your partners understands it that way.

A catchy title coupled with some insightful thoughts about the differences between men and women has made this book a multi-million seller. Men from Mars Women are from Venus explores the differences between the needs and communication styles of men and women. The book is written primarily for both men and women over twenty five.

John Gray explains that men and women are so unlike each other that they might as well be from different worlds. For several years before this book was written many felt it was improper to discuss gender differences. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and other books like it fed this oppressed need. The high volume of sales reflects the desire that men and women want to learn more about each other.

John Gray makes some significant contact with his readers on some key issues. For example, Gray argues that men mistakenly offer solutions to problems (problem solvers) and inadvertently invalidate feelings. Women tend to offer unsolicited advice and direction.

Another important concept that Gray explores is that men aren't always willing to discuss what is bothering them (John Gray calls it going to their cave). Women want to address relationship issues immediately. Gray explains that understanding male and female differences helps a couple to accept each other and work together for a better relationship.

Although very good in some important places, it is lacking in others. The shortcomings of this book need addressing. First, Gray generalizes male and female characteristics without adequately addressing individualism. His generalizations oversimplify how men and women act and react.

Next, Gray doesn't adequately address the similarities between men and women. In some cases he goes out of his way to show how men and women are different when it can be easily argued that they are alike. For example, John Gray writes that the primary love needs of women are: caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. He says that the primary love needs of men are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Gray ignores that men need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance and women need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement.

Some people take Gray's thesis as gospel without questioning its validity. For example, a book published in 1995 book entitled: He's OK She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men and Women by Jeannette Lofas, and Joan MacMillan quotes the love needs of men and women noted in John Gray's book without further question or comments. The point Lofas and MacMillan are trying to make is to accept the differences between men and women. This is well taken, but using a quote from John Gray's book without exploring whether these needs are really gender specific makes this part of He's OK, She's OK lacking. What's unsettling, is that if two writers who have researched male female characteristics take John Gray's book without question, won't many readers?

This book's biggest contribution is helping many people to become aware of the differences in needs and communication techniques of themselves and others. Although there are some drawbacks, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus has some useful information for individuals who want to improve their communication and relationships with the opposite sex.

Overall, an interesting read...but caution is advised!

The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

I read this book as a proactive measure to gear up for a permanent full time commitment. I can say that most of the sample phrases inspected in this book have been hurled at me, or hurled by me at one time or another, in relationships I've had long before Mars/Venus was published. If I had known then the info provided in this book, I'd probably be married with the kids going off to college by now.

But let's look at why I think this book will work for you. It's been over fifteen years since this title came out. (I remembered people lampooning and dismissing it when it first hit the market and became a sensation) This book could be seen as part of the movement in the nineties where men became the kinder/gentler men we see all around us today. I'm aware that not everyone wants to be seen as or wants a kindler gentler man. But in the course of men becoming softer in the nineties, women made an accompanying move towards a hardened masculinity in the whole "grrrls rule, boys drool" attitude. As a result, the gender lines between respective behavior have been blurred considerably. Anyone could pick up this book today and see a little of themselves described on both planets.

There are helpful ideograms presented here (men=rubberbands, women=waves, men go into and returning from caves, women descending into and arising from their wells). It's all about cycles and rhythm, and believe it or not, men have their own too. The importance of communication and how and when to say what are tools everyone should have in steering clear of an argument, a major relationship killer. The anatomy of an argument is also analyzed in detail. The book ends with how to ask for support and a useful psychological revelation: when you feel safest and loved, painful memories from the past will surface. It shows you that you may mistakenly attribute those painful feelings to your partner when you shouldn't.

There is also an effective chapter on the subtle linguistics of asking.

There's bound to be many knee-jerk reactions from readers all around. People have continued to oppose this book based on the stereotypes it makes, not on its effectiveness. I for one, am very resistant to self-help books. I have returned advice books for refunds and even hurled some at the wall in disgust.

What's important for me is that books, like movies, music, news, and peer-pressure work collectively to shape who we are and how we behave. Since the publication of this book, its advice and examples have worked itself into the consciousness of how partners (in a certain socio-economic group) behave, express themselves, and interact with each other. I can't count how many times I've heard some of the phrases in this book uttered between friends who are in relationships. Even though many have not read the book, they are utilizing variations of its examples in their every day speech.

With divorce rates ever on the increase, I'm quite certain if you were to walk away with 10% of the information presented in this book, regardless of which gender group you culled the advice from, you would have already disproportionately increase the probability of your relationship succeeding.

This book is brilliant at best! Gray's philosophies keep you engaged while teaching you the simpler way of understanding your partner AND yourself.

I have learned much about myself as well as the Martian in my life. I didn't feel so alone since many people obviously go through the same experiences.

A compliment to any relationship in life!

Merna Throne

Pocket of Pearls: A 30-day pocket workbook to start hearing a softer voice inside of you!

This is among the best books that I have read on building loving male-female relationships. I gained valuable insights about men and women and this helped me to understand my moods and actions and those of my wife. I could clearly see myself being vividly described by the author. I can plainly make out where I need to change to become an understanding and caring husband without being as I always tended to be "Mr Fix-It" when my wife talks about problems or issues bothering her.

I now appreciate the value of cherishing my wife to motivate her. I no longer get surprised when I hear women expressing their feelings through various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations. I now know that men and women communicate differently; they love, think, feel and perceive things differently as though they are from different planets. The book provides useful and helpful problem solving techniques that have greatly helped me in my relationships with women.

I would like to thank John Gray for helping me to learn that my differences with my wife are normal and that the difficulties we have often experienced in our relationships have also been experienced by other couples and that these differences, when understood, help to cement strong and lasting relationships.

I, therefore, highly recommend this classic which highlight strategies for reducing tensions in relationships and strengthening love through recognizing differences between men and women.

I am a feminist and a John Gray fan in general but this is by far his best book and probably his real life mission. It answers for me why affirmations alone usually don't work and has given my a game plan for how to identify the kinds of love I need and their sources so I don't overburden any one source of love. I love it!

John Gray hits another relationship book out of the part with this one. It really clarifies how to enhance and improve the relationship with self.

His true understanding, while sharing a part of his life helps you really get what he is teaching. One of his best books!

Merna Throne

Pocket of Pearls: A 30-day pocket workbook to start hearing a softer voice inside of you!

One of the best book on self-help I read, and one I will keep.
I recommend it to all my friends.
The exercises are easy to understand. And then, it's up to you...

I purchased this book for a very specific piece of content. The person who recommended it couldn't remember if this content was in this book or in one of Mr. Gray's audio tapes. What I wanted was not in the book and I found the book, overall, to be just another run of the mill self-help book written in a rather sappy way.

His view of God is fluffy and New Agey.His relationship books
I thought were bad enough but this book comes across as though he has some secret information about spiritual matters,,not!!
He repeats himself about getting connected with God,and to me
it sounds more like "God source" as many New Agers say,rather
than God.More like God source within you,eh,this is too much!
I agree with the other reviewer who said it's about self
promotion.Seems like that to me too.It's kind of a funny book,
ok for a good laugh I suppose but not for seriously looking
for religion or God.

This book was actually recommended to me by my doctor! And after reading the reviews I decided I dont need a book that basically focuses EVEN MORE on the man and pretty much ignores women's needs! So, no thanks...I think I will find a book that is a little less male chauvinistic and a little more pro women's needs.

In the words of my husband, "This guy [John Gray] has an agenda. You've got to feel bad for his wife."

After reading this book together, both my husband and I were very disappointed. My husband was really insulted that Gray made men out to be sex machines who require an orgasm in order to love and feel. I was upset that women were characterized as essentially sexless, needing our male counterparts to coax us into having intercourse. Even more annoying though, Gray devalues female orgasms almost completely, and at no time is it appropriate for a woman to decline sex. Of course women should make the attempt to pleasure their men (most will want to), but Gray has the idea that women should give it to their lovers anytime, anywhere. Seriously, I can picture Gray explaining that a woman in labor can just give her husband/boyfriend a quickie if he's feeling frisky and she's just not in the mood given that she's giving birth and all. On the other hand, according to Gray, it's hard for a man to say no to sex, so if he does, a woman should take care of things herself.

Gray's views on a loving sexual relationship were too one-sided and extreme for my husband and I. We really don't think Gray should be giving bedroom advice, nor does he seem qualified to be. (FYI: Google Gray's educational background. It's a joke. The school he received his PhD from no longer exists. Too bad I didn't realize this until we had already bought and read the book).

If you have been married for over ten years you may not find very many new ideas from this book. However, even one or two unique ideas can infuse your relationship with new passion. "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" is perfect for newlyweds or anyone who wants an exciting refresher course in sexuality.

John Gray takes a realistic approach to sex as opposed to a romantic fantasy. He gives lots of practical ideas to enhance the sexual experience. It is helpful to know that this book has been written for couples in a committed monogamous relationship. The ideas are guaranteed to ignite or keep passion alive in a long-term relationship.

This book addresses the emotional and physical needs of both partners. I felt like I agreed with most of the book. I did seem to question one item that stood out to me as important. John Gray explains how if a woman doesn't want sex then she should be open to a quickie. On the other side of the story, if a man doesn't want sex then it is "written in stone." A section is then dedicated to ways a woman can ignite passion by what she wears to bed. There are also some ideas on how to write erotic letters although the example is from the male perspective. A letter written by a woman would have been equally as interesting.

In the section on romance John Gray states that potted plants are not romantic. Personally I prefer them to cut flowers since they last longer. So some of the advice won't always work and you have to personalize the romantic experience. Unfortunately I must say that all the potted plants my husband received from girlfriends in the past have had an untimely end.

~The Rebecca Review

John Gray is such a delightful man, with such a correct
insight into the sexual and emotional makeups, and needs of both
husbands and wives. When you think. . . "he won't cover
that subject", the next thing you know, he is completely covering it.
After listening to this, I felt excited and energized when
I thought of how more meaningful my marriage, in or out of the bedroom might be. I will write another review after I share this with my husband.
I am getting another copy for my daughter and my son-in-law.
THANK YOU JOHN GRAY!!!

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion I purchased this audio to hear what Dr. Gray's take was on the subject of intimacy between a man and a woman. I was surprised to know that this man was previously "a man of the cloth" with an accent on "a man". I was very impress with his expertise on how to tap into each others emotions and bodies to fulfill the God given gift of sexuality. I must say that the material was sexually explicit and therefore was packaged as such. Dr. Gray spoke with much candor and experience in his field of counseling of men and women and have given me a insight on those relationships relating in marriages. I will be entering into marriage soon and will be taking this information to help me to make my marriage work.