Richard Belzer Books

If you need to laugh, and who doesn't(?) get these tapes! They are too funny to describe here - just trust me on this. You'll feel better in the morning if you take two of these before bed!

This stuff is hilarious! I don't know how they do it. John Pinette at the buffet and his hottest day of the year in the amusement and water park are some of the funniest things I've ever heard, and each tape is somehow better than the previous one, Brian Regan, Pablo Francisco, Richard Jeni - just thinking of them makes me want to listen again. I laughed so hard I cried. I needed that. Don't miss this set. Beg, borrow, (well, don't steal), but get them.

I was making an all night drive down I-40 and I was sleepy when I started. I stopped at a truckstop in Little Rock and found these, or who knows, maybe God led me to them cause they kept me wide awake all night long. You'll never buy this many of your own chuckles, peels of laughter, and gallons of giggles for this little money - EVER - again in your whole life. That makes this tape set the best deal on the net.

I'm buying a new set for myself and several sets for christmas gifts. But let me warn you, don't ever give out a tape from your own set because no one ever returns them!

An interesting analysis of the warped world we live in. If you, like many others, wonder how "the President of the United States can die of a frontal wound inflicted by a sniper shooting from behind" then look no further. Belzer, probably known better for his stand up and roles on shows such as Homicide, is one of that dying breed - an actor who doesn't sound like a total baseless ninny even when examining odd topics.
Not that he doesn't enjoy his soapbox, mind you. With 118 pages on the JFK assassination and 92 on the alien phenomenon, he has quite some room to rant with his slightly acidic tone on the sheer stupidity and gall of those in a power to distort the media and keep witnesses under their thumb. I'm not normally into this sort of thing, but the sheer amount of evidence was amazing. Marvel at the various incarnations of the Zapruder film, JFK's dissapearing (and conflicting) autopsy records, how 77 actual witnesses to Kennedy's assassination died under mysterious circumstances after testimony, Lee Harvey Oswalds aplenty (long story), that pesky magic bullet, and yes, J Edgar Hoover (featured mostly under the section "I'm Strictly a She-Male G-Man"). Stand in awe of statements given by Reagan, Truman, George Bush, and other presidents and luminaries regarding actual extraterrestrial policy.
A call to question with an open mind and interpret openly, the book is a great warning for anyone. And for those that don't, Belzer has his own warning - "Elvis just might be showing up soon at a location near you."

This is a fun read...I like him in L&O because his conspiracy buff comes out and I am too. I love mystery/murder stories and of course you sense his personality through this story. Good book.

Richard Belzer's first foray into fiction, "I Am Not a Cop," is a fine blend of Belz as a self-insert, a character in his own tale of his missing friend, Russian thugs, the rock trade, a Ukrainian boxer, martial arts, a very mysterious redhead and a personal assistant named Kalisha ("Kali") Carter - in addition to various other characters, all of whom are memorable and well-developed.

To put it bluntly, this book is one hell of a great ride and a terrific example of Belzer's adeptness with noir lit. After reading his most famous non-fiction work, "UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to be Crazy to Believe," as well as his ghost-writing of Ireland's previous Secretary of State Mo Mowlam's "Momentum"), it was always clear to me the guy knows how to spill his wit by way of the pen. I wondered what was in store for his fiction, especially since his co-author's (Michael Black's) style is very different from that of The Belz. Their styles meshed from the start, leaving me to wonder where one began and the other ended.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basic plot, it unfolds with Belz meeting a dear friend, Rudy Markovich, over dinner one night. Rudy's a troubled man, but he won't divulge to Richard exactly why. After a post-prandial brawl with some dangerous Ukrainians, Rudy bids Belz goodnight with the promise to meet him at Madison Square Garden for Alexi Zotkin's boxing match. He never shows, which starts Belz unraveling the mystery of his friend's disappearance.

Assigned a personal assistant, the intrepid Kali Carter, to `keep him out of trouble' after his street brawl made the local rag, he and Carter delve deep into a world of Russian diamond traders and political intrigue, all the while shadowed by sleaze-bag reporter Cyrus Gustafson. Balancing his acting responsibilities on "Law & Order: SVU" with his investigative skills, he's also under the near-constant scrutiny of Vernon Franker, "assistant to the assistant" on the show. The pressure continues to ratchet upward on Belz as he and Kali are drawn deeper and deeper into palpable danger. All the while, a beautiful Russian redhead interjects herself into the mix, purportedly because of her unique connection to the missing Markovich.

When it seems best for Belz to hire a private investigator to assist in the search for Rudy, things go from dangerous to deadly for both Richard and Kalisha, as Belz contemplates the last time he spoke to his wife and whether or not he'll ever hear her voice again. This noir thriller has a most satisfying - and completely credible - conclusion, which will leave you nodding sagely after the fact over the clue carefully planted along the way. As I said earlier, it is certainly one hell of a great ride. It's also a quick read at 257 fast-paced pages of prose.

Those of you looking for the `real' Belz between the pages won't be disappointed. While a reviewer at Publishers Weekly felt there wasn't enough of the acerbic actor on display, I can assure you that's untrue. While Michael Black imbued the slightly more fictional Belz with exceptional martial arts skills (Black is a member of Chicago's thin blue line and a black belt in tae kwon do), there are plenty of the comic's smart-ass remarks, asides and pop culture references to make his fans very happy. For those wanting more about the tall, fashionably thin actor, there are tidbits from Belz's life and lifestyle scattered throughout, like his near-constant jones for coffee in lieu of sleep.

While there have been rumblings about a feature film and other related projects, what I'd like to have first is an audiobook narrated by Belz. (Or perhaps a lengthy podcast, given our current technology.) I think he can do even more to bring his characters to life in such a medium. Word on the street is, he's already turned his second manuscript in to Simon & Schuster, with yet a third book in the planning phase. It would be wonderful to see this become a long series of books, in collaboration with Michael Black. (Both authors are pet lovers, too. What's not to love about a guy with two dogs and a writing partner with five cats?)

As an actor, comedian, producer and writer, Richard Belzer has this entertainment thing down pat - he always leaves his audience wanting more.

I just finished reading the book about 10 minutes ago, and I thought it was very good. I must admit that it was my first mystery novel since my Encyclopedia Brown days, nevertheless I thought Richard Belzer made a terrific entrance into the world of fiction. It is a compelling mystery laced with humorous thoughts, which had me laughing to myself on almost every page. I truly hope he decides to write another book in this genre, because this one was absolutely a great read.

When comic Richard Belzer's friend, New York City assistant medical examiner Rudy Markovich disappears without a trace, the comic actor becomes concerned especially when his pal fails to meet him at MSG for the heavyweight title fight as they planned. The more he learns of the vanishing, the more worried he becomes. Unable to remain idle, Richard decides to investigate even as he keeps reminding himself that "I AM NOT A COP"; only an actor who has seen many TV corpses in NYC and Baltimore..

He understands his experience as a sleuth is based on his role as role as Detective John Munch in Law & Order, but he believes how hard is it for real life to imitate Hollywood. He affirms his belief when Belzer finds a clue that ties four deaths to his case. Meanwhile Belzer's producer worries about his actor getting hurt while on the mean streets of New York so Kalisha Carter is assigned to accompany him as he makes inquiries into the four deaths and their ties to Rudy.

The fun story line rotates action with detective musing as Beltzer investigates the disappearance starting at MSG and continuing on the mean streets of New York. Although Beltzer the literary amateur sleuth is no Munch, fans will appreciate his efforts especially his stand up comic Noir-Lit aside commentary.

Harriet Klausner

The author Richard "BELZ" Belzer portrays the infamous TV Detective John Munch on "LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT" and "HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET". In addition "Belz has made TV history by portraying Detective Munch in TEN DIFFERENT television series, including "LAW & ORDER", "THE WIRE", and "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT". What makes this book such a unique read is the melding of reality and criminal fantasy. The story is told from the point of view of real-life star Belzer. He uses his real name... his real job... his real wife and home... but involves himself in a fictional crime mystery. "Belz", as he likes to be called, has dinner with his old friend, Russian immigrant, and soon-to-be former medical examiner, Rudy Markovich. Rudy just isn't his normal self at dinner, and leaves hints as to a problem he won't fully discuss, as they make plans to meet at Madison Square Garden the following night to see Alexi Zotkin a mutual friend, who happens to be defending his Heavyweight Boxing Championship. After dinner as Belz and Rudy leave the restaurant, Rudy is attacked by two Russian/Ukrainian types, and Belz comes to his rescue, dazzling the reader with his otherworldly martial arts skills. These skills become one of a number of ongoing themes in the story, as Belz spends a lot of time at his friendly "dojo", where the proprietor's are like family, and offer sage advice as well as martial art training.

When Belz gets to work the next day it turns out that the "New York Inquirer" a local gossip rag, has his picture in the paper from the little "dust-up" he had with the thugs that attacked Rudy. The reader is then introduced to one of Belzer's main foils in the story; assistant producer, Vernon Franker. The reader is led to believe that this is not the first time Belz has brought unwanted publicity to the TV show, so Franker assigns someone to shadow Belzer in an attempt to thwart negative publicity for the show. That someone is KALISHA "Kali" CARTER... "SHE'S BEEN WORKING IN PUBLICITY AND IS NOW YOUR OFFICIAL LIAISON TO THE PRESS." She went to City College and majored in journalism. At first Kali is out of her element as Belz is intent on finding out more about the thugs that attacked his friend... and when Rudy doesn't show up at the boxing match the next night... and is missing... and then linked to four murders... Belz, despite being warned by the police department to not get involved... because... HE IS NOT A COP... he relentlessly drags Kali deeper and deeper into an unlicensed detective investigation. Kali is shocked at first when Belz illegally "tins" himself in to investigation sites, but then she finds herself playing different roles and persona's to help solve the case... and she finds she really enjoys it. They could make quite a team in any subsequent sagas. An ongoing humorous "shtick" throughout the story is how so many people recognize Belz as being a famous personality... but never the right one. After the first fight... the cab driver thought he was Steven Seagal... later another driver thought he was James Woods... another character thought he was the guy on CSI... and throughout it all, Belz throws out classic one liners such as: "HER FULL LIPS COMPRESSED INWARD. IT LOOKED LIKE SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD THE SAME PLASTIC SURGEON AS SHARON STONE"... "WEARING A PHONY BADGE CAN OPEN A LOT OF DOORS. YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE THE KIND THAT DON'T GET LOCKED BEHIND YOU"... "HIS CHEEKS ROSE UPWARD LIKE SOMEONE HAD PUPPET STRINGS ATTACHED TO THEM"... "STILL WEARING HIS ALTERNATE LOSER PLAID SPORTS COAT, THE LAPELS SO BIG A CESSNA COULD HAVE USED THEM FOR A LANDING STRIP"... "THAT GUY PUTIN, JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD'VE BEEN LIKE IF INSTEAD OF GETTING SHIPPED OFF TO ALCATRAZ, AL CAPONE HAD BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT."

This is a very imaginative scenario played out with enough humor and intrigue to keep you happily turning every page.

Read it...You will say as you read, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it...The Elvis part threw me off, but after reading that part I got it. If you are a Conspiracy Theory buff, you will enjoy reading this book.

Richard Belzer's book gives multiple theories and proof for them and does so in a highly humuorous way that appeals to any intelligent reader. Belzer's relaxed yet intellectual style of writing sets him apart from most other conspiracy writers and the quality of the writing makes this book a great and informative read.

Richard Belzer plays a cop who is into conspiracy theories (although less so in the SVU series). This book came out of his questions on the JFK assassination and UFOs. He writes the book with a lot of humor and has a lot of facts in it. The book is well researched and has an excellent bibliography at the end of it for readers to read up on the subjects. I never questioned the assassination itself until I read this book. I accepted the magic bullet theory until reading how impossible it is for one bullet to do all the damage. The eyewitness testimony from many of the people who were there contradict the Warren Report. I could go on and on about this subject. It opened my eyes to question and look for answers. I can see why there are so many conspiracy theorists out there when the government can't or won't answer any questions.
Mr. Belzer adds a lot of his dry humor in the book itself. This is a serious subject, but he injects the jokes at the right place. The UFO part is treated the same way with the humor sprinkled in. The book is a very fast read and hard to put down. Even if you don't believe in the conspiracies discussed here, this is an entertaining book.

I don't give a care about whether or not Elvis abducted JFK, this was just a fun book to read. Belzer is actually more enjoyable as an author than he is as a stand-up, which is odd considering that you're picturing his delivery the whole time you're reading it.

It's a quick read. Environmentalist might be upset that there's a lot of blank space (for your own notes I'm sure). Also, he has tangent boxes throughout even though each chapter is only about 3 pages long. Those who feel that tangent boxes are designed to make it feel like you're taking a break might instead feel like they're trying to read two books at the same time.

It's hard to believe that this book is meant to be taken seriously even though the author might be a conspiracy buff. The conspiracies range from the ridicilous to the completely absurd. Some conpiracies are even contradictory, USA faked all Moon missions or Neil Armstrong encountered a moon full of aliens and their structures. The book offers a lot of opinions and wild stories presented as fact without any proof. Belzer's fellow "conspiracy researcher" Jim Marrses theories presented in the book are the most absurd. The Moon is a spaceship built by aliens because it couldn't have formed any other way and its gravity is too weak to hold it together. Sounds really good, if you don't know what a Physics book looks like. Belzer also mentions many times that ancient texts are full of referances to aliens. The only proof being that, when you forget about the ancient culture's gods, rulers, complex mythology and take the texts and images completely out of context and forget about what real historians say, the images and text might talk about aliens. Belzer also says that aliens don't land on the White House lawn for all to see because they don't want to and sane credible people see aliens all the time but don't want to tell anyone. This kind of circular logic also proofs that pink flying elephants are real.

Good fun read. Short, Probably a collectible someday, maybe. We'll keep our copy safely preserved, tucked away.

Rather a disappointment.Not especially creative. It takes too many obvious shots and does not tickle your risibilities.

Not quite juvenile enough to be really funny, nor was it sophisticated enough to rise above the obvious. I expected more for Hendra.

My Wall Street Journal Satire is never out of fashion in a democracy- in fact the more a democracy is threatened by lopsided-ness to any one view, the more reason to embrace this defensive weapon. 'My WSJ' does this pretty well.

This thing is hilarious but too short. I wish it was as big as the real WSJ so I could slip it into a stack of papers at the office and watch what happens.

I purchased this book via Bookcrow, an Amazon partner who shipped it rapidly. I received it in exactly the condition stated, which was also a plus.

My only disappointment is that it wasn't made clear Richard Belzer was the ghostwriter. Now, I have no problem with that, because I'm a big fan of his writing style, attention to detail and warmth; all of these things Mo Mowlam's story certainly required and deserved. For those looking for a clue to Belzer's involvement, you need only look at the back cover's clever nod to him.

What I had hoped for, in seeing both Belzer and Mowlam as co-authors, was some kind of backstory (even in an Introduction) giving us a brief account of how the two met, and why they decided to collaborate on this book. To those who only know Belzer for his comedy or his role as Det. John Munch on a host of TV shows, you may not be familiar with Belzer's political leanings. From a political standpoint, he is a fascinating figure in his own right, and I would have liked to have seen his take on Northern Ireland's politicians and plights in addition to Ms. Mowlam's.

Pushing my disappointment along those lines aside, I can tell you this is a wonderful book. It's well worth the read to get to know Ms. Mowlam and what her life was like during a pivotal time in history. This book would not have been nearly so incisive, so endearing, nor so detailed if it hadn't been written by these two caring intellectuals.

It leaves you feeling the absence of Ms. Mowlam, whose passing seemed far before her time.

I'm serious about that. This isn't a stand-up routine. When I was in eighth grade, I did a project on how to be a stand-up comedian, and of all of the books that I used for research, this was the one that I used the most. The others were a bit... well... boring. I thought stand-up comedy was supposed to be entertaining, and the other books weren't. I could have just read straight through this book in one sitting, but I was supposed to look through several books.

The truth is that this book is really a stand-up comedy routine on how to be a stand-up comedian. As another review mentioned, there is very little text in it, and mostly pictures, but the text was very useful for me. Some of the pictures were helpful. There are a lot of jokes in it, but that's a good thing. Another review commented on the profanity, but that's something that sells. A lot of comedians do it. It really is an informative book, and I can't believe that it's not as easy to find.

I might be the only person that was helped by it, but it might help you even more.

First of all, I had a terribly hard time locating this book... For good reason it turns out. Although published in 1988, 'How To Be a Stand Up Comic' appears to be a remainder from an earlier, long forgotten era. Shoddy production value, crappy packaging and all together amateur layouts do little to improve this book's allure - once opened it can be read in a single bowel-movement. Not to say that this book is entirely disappointing, it isn't. Richard Belzer is a master of his craft. Being a Stand Up Comic. Writing and assembling a book which captures his celebrated, irreverent wit proves daunting. Entirely devoid of substance this 208 page collection of cheap, grainy B&W photos masquerades as a `book,' containing no more than 6 pages of text. What fills up the remaining 202 pages are a serious of poor-quality black and white photographs of `The Belz' in a series of `comedic' skits. Whereas these pictures could ideally have served to coincide and reinforce the text, Belzer uses them as a way to replace his written word leaving the `reader' cheated. This is basically a scrappy attempt at a half-hearted and entirely unrealized premise. Rarely do you see a talent such as Richard Belzer's so blatantly betrayed. I anxiously await the publication of his next work `Conspiracies You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Believe' which will hopefully ameliorate my current feeling of betrayal.

I was disappointed at all the four letter words, vulgarity and the mention of one night stands while he is married. I felt it was also degrading to women. I love Richard Belzer as an actor but as a writer I was disappointed in the book. Does he want his two daughters to read his book?

While reading this book is mildly amusing, you will not learn how to construct a joke or bring out your funny side by reading it. In short you won't learn much about "how to be a stand up comedian". I was disappointed because I do think Belz is a funny guy. I just didn't think the book was very instructive.